This Week with Larry Miller
By ACE Broadcasting
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Podcast Description
Comedian Larry Miller tells stories from his own life, in the tradition of great American radio raconteurs like Jean Shepherd and Garrison Keilor. Miller's genteel tales are witty without being stuffy and uplifting without being naive. Join the party! It's time well spent! Larry is known for his roles in Waiting For Guffman, Best in Show and 10 Things I Hate About You, as well as his standup comedy.
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1 |
The Five Levels of Drinking Redux Redux | A rare outtake from the TWWLM archives is unearthed and aired for your enjoyment and Colonel Jeff's shame. Then, an encore presentation of a redux! A redux squared? Larry performs one of his signature comedy routines, "The Five Levels of Drinking." This is the first time Larry has ever done this bit NOT in front of a live audience! He then urges caution on the rules for a proposed Larry Miller drinking game. By the way... Later, Larry placates the stateside listeners who feel like they are not getting as much attention as overseas listeners in "exotic" locations. Also hear about normal people, lunatics and actors and how to tell the difference. (Spoiler alert -- normal people and actors don't carry parrots around.) In Larry Miller Drinking Society news, Larry thanks the listeners for abundant suggestions for Latin mottos. Membership cards are in the works! Thanks for your patience. Learn about the joys of swag. Larry gets free booze from the Carolla studio and a free bathrobe from Arsenio Hall and loves them both. | 23 5 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanLarry Update & A Run-In With Keith Richards Redux | Larry gets murdered (on screen) and meets a rock icon all in one episode! Hear Larry describe running into Keith Richards in an airport, after eyeballing his wife. Is Keith Richards the coolest guy ever? Possibly, but you'll have to listen to find out for sure. Then Larry talks about his role in the new Bobcat Goldthwait movie and goes into great detail regarding the craft of being killed onscreen. Wait, are you supposed to say "spolier alert" BEFORE or AFTER you say stuff like that? We'll look into that. At any rate, Larry talks about some of his favorite movie deaths and why he thinks they are so great, mentioning Ghost, Hunt for Red October and what's that James Bond film? Oh, OCTOPUSSY! Are you a (ahem) "friend of the show?" Or do you know Joe? Well, come right in, pal. Meet this week's fictional guests (none of whom actually appear in the studio) Senator Claghorn, Duncan "Sticks" Wimpress and, of course, OCTOPUSSY! | 16 5 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanLarry Update & Eating Charlie Sheen For Lunch | If Larry was a hot dog, what would he be? You've heard Larry obsess over pies, booze, soap and pretzels. Could hot dogs be far behind? No. Larry talks about eating a hot dog named after Charlie Sheen. He compares and contrasts his hot dog stand dining experience with that of a big-ticket steak joint in Beverly Hills. You may be surprised which one he thought was "time well spent." (Unless you are a regular listener, in which case, the answer will be quite obvious.) Hear our man Larry go bananas over a Green Lantern pin sent in by a listener. Listen as Larry defends and slightly admires Charlie Sheen, talks about meeting Peter Billingsley, gets nostalgic for Chicago dogs and reads hand-written letters from members of the Larry Miller Drinking Society. Quote of the week: "If that doesn't sound pretty good, I believe you're listening to the wrong show." | 9 5 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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4 |
Larry Update and Keep Pulling That Ripcord Redux | A Larry update from producer Colonel Jeff -- Larry is doing really, really well, but is going to need more time to recuperate before he gets back into the studio. Thanks for all of your kind comments, support and patience! Rest assured, he IS on the mend! -- Larry takes a break from his full-time job of turing off lights in his house to sit down for this week's podcast. We hear about how Larry's alleged coffee pot of death that tries to kill him in the middle of the night. Then Larry talks about almost rear-ending a cop car while trying to read its bumper sticker. Later, a baffling trip to buy a new razor leaves Larry waxing nostalgic for his long, lost safety razor and someone in the studio inadvertently does an impression of Dr. Strangelove. Quote of the week: "To this day, I can't eat plums." | 2 5 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanLarry Update and Does Level Six Exist? | Another encore presentation as we wait for Larry to heal up! Feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.com. Larry muses hypothetical about the possible existence of a level of drinking above level five! Does it have something to do with fractals or worm holes? Or just a hole in your head? String theorists, take a powder, chumps! We also get a brief history of boy tenors and other vaudeville schtick, a safety razor update and of course, the joke of the week. Stay tuned past the end of the show for a little bonus and visit our show's Facebook page to see a picture of what made Larry react like that -- www.facebook.com/LarryMillerPodcast | 25 4 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry Update II (Electric Boogaloo) And Leslie Nielsen, Fart Virtuoso | An update on Larry's recouperation and an encore presentation of one of our most beloved episodes! Feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.com. Leslie Nielsen performs a trouser cough symphony for Larry's parents backstage at Letterman. Also, Larry preaches sympathy for a knife salesman who has lost his focus. Spoiler alert -- it's not pretty. Then Larry admits to stepping out on his steady supermarket. And not just to broaden his kids' horizons. All stories guaranteed to be true. This episode is sponsored in part by Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. No, Rowfs. Quote of the week: "If I don't know where things are, I'd be a terrible idiot." | 17 4 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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7 |
A Larry Update & The Clumsy Coffee Cavalcade Redux | A Larry update -- as some of you have already heard our man Larry, stacker of soap, our fearless (and hairless) leader, defender of Pluto and the great updater took a spill last week. He conked the old noggin pretty good and wound up in the hospital. We're giving you a Larry Update at the top of this show. Also, feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.com We're presenting an (ahem) encore presentation of one of Colonel Jeff Fox's personal favorite episodes, the Clumsy Coffee Cavalcade. Larry spills an impossible number of cups of coffee in an absurdly short period of time. And then almost spills some more. Then he talks about letting his kids grow up and why it's not just OK, it's the right thing to do. And we have yet another... HAMPER UPDATE! Yes, the hamper update was off last week, so hop off your pins and needles and get updated. You won't believe this one! Or you might. Quote of the week: "Don't tip like a gangster." | 10 4 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanHow To Juggle Hot Wings | Larry Miller -- tool maker, stacker of wheat -- opens with a tribute to actor Warren Stevens, then segues into memories of Ricardo Montalban and The Naked Gun. Then he talks about how he's not a hero with hot food, yet he does manage to rescue some hot wings from peril. Is this episode better than pork? You make the call! Quote of the week: "I'm usually unabashed." | 3 4 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanLitterbug Larry, Scourge of Springfield | Pardon our internet hiccups, Larry does a remote show from the luxury of room 824 of the Sheraton Monarch hotel in Springfield, MA. This week, Larry's beloved macintosh apples get him the hairy eyeball from onlookers who think he's littering when he's actually recycling, or composting, or sharing the core with squirrels. Listen, don't YOU judge, too! Quote of the week: "We're gonna get cabinets made of meat." | 27 3 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Nude Not Descending A Staircase | Powered by pickles (delicious McClure's pickles to be exact) Larry launches another poetry-packed, joke-jammed podcast. This week, we hear about what Larry finds so disappointing about "Nude Descending A Staircase." Then he tells us how many times his car keys can be lost in 20 square feet of space, in the span of an hour. (Spolier alert: Marcel Duchamp is blamed for both.) Set your phasers on "mirthful" and tune in to this week's This Week With Larry Miller! Quote of the week: "It's not quite like leafing through a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue." | 21 3 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanLarry Gets a Smell Tattoo | Larry lifts a line from Leno to explain getting sprayed by a cologne skunk at Macy's -- a smell tattoo. Neither silkwood showers not Irish Spring can liberate Larry from this odious odiferousness. We also hear about Larry watching "Wrath of Khan" with his family and we have a new segment -- the poetry corner! Beatniks and highbrows, rejoice! Plus, Uncle Arnie, from the "Does He Drink Coffee" story sits in the control room during the record! Quote of the week: "I have gone through an Indiana Jones warehouse full of Old Spice." | 14 3 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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The Geopolitics of Socks | Larry needs a U.N. resolution just to keep his feet warm. Yes, Larry gets into a mental logjam trying to buy some socks. Then he wonders what something is worth if you get it at a discount. Give Larry some credit. No, literally, give him some credit. The battle of the safety razor blade continues. Then Larry pines for macintosh apples (the fruit, not the computer) and waxes nostalgic about Venus Paradise (the coloring set, not the strip joint near the airport). Later, we hear about Washington coming BACK across the Delaware, the little-known (by us) history of the Amazons, why the founding fathers were so high and how much Larry missed Mars. Hint -- completely. And remember, don't trust anyone who watches an odometer. Quote of the week: "They were giving credit cards to terrorists, but I couldn't get one." | 7 3 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry's Little White Lie | Larry genuinely loves to be wrong. But this week, he loves to be right! That's the truth. Not a little white lie. That comes later, if we can figure out what a white lie exactly is. Three new updates this week! Now with semi-relevant sound effects! Larry goes overboard with the "Burial At Sea Update." Then we get a charge out of the "Dead Battery Update." Finally, he puts the "mental" in "Environmental Update." Curly lightbulbs, watch your back. Quote of the week: "Prisoners get better toilet paper than that." | 28 2 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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3 Kinds of People That Walk in LA | Three kinds of people walk in LA. And courtesy of a dead car battery, Larry becomes one of them and fails to conquer time. Then Larry tells of his longing for McClure's pickles and of hinge abuses around his house during possibly his most rambunctious hamper update ever. A John Carradine AND a David Carradine reference in one episode? Plus Larry gets the website address right for 3 weeks in a row? Plus, this is our longest episode ever by 46 whole seconds! You're welcome! (This IS a half-hour show, you know.) Pinch yourself. You may be dreaming. Quote of the week: "It's just as good as the pickle story." | 22 2 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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They Make 'Em Tough In Texas | Larry hopes you screwed up Valentine's Day. Hear why he thinks it's a good idea to flub this holiday or at least phone it in. See you at the all-night jewelry store! On what seems to be a related matter but is not, Larry once again professes his love of being wrong. Then we hear about a drinker he met on a plane that put him to shame. This, plus a joke, two updates and about 14 topics we never got to on this week's This Week With Larry Miller! Quote of the week: "Get a load of you. Get a load of you." | 15 2 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Two Wrongs Possibly Make A Right | Sanctimonious loudmouths and hamper slackers alike receive Larry's high dudgeon this week. Yes, we get another acrimonious (but not sanctimonious) Hamper Update and a bonus joke of the week -- all at no extra charge! Will Larry read the stage direction in the Shari's Berries ad copy again? Will he slice his face to ribbons again? Smart money is on "Oh, mmmmmaybe." How is safety razor shaving related to the movie Network? How is the Hamper Update related the movie Patton? Tune in to our longest and therefore bestest episode ever where the answer to all of these mysteries will be revealed. All questions will be answered. All fears will be allayed. Over and out from stately Miller manor. Quote of the week: "With what, a bowie knife?" | 7 2 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry Double Downs on Borscht | This episode contains more borscht references than you can shake a soup spoon at. Hear beefy hunk Larry Miller explain the subtle comedic difference between "Ah" and "A-ha." We get a fistful of updates, including the most acrimonious hamper update to date. Then Larry tells a story about battling with other comics with food in a diner back in the day. This episode is over. Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier! Quote of the week: "I am 'In-The-Groove Jackson' now." | 1 2 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Put That Shirt on A Fat Dummy | Larry is smitten with Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Scarlett Johansson. Will his love be requited, even though the top of his head is missing? Larry talks about how hard modeling is. Don't hate him because he's beautiful. Then we hear about a woman who wouldn't believe that Larry was Larry and why you shouldn't bother starting a diet until after the Super Bowl. And we have a new update, the update update. Is this the update to end all updates? Or is it no update at all? (A gong rings in the distance.) That's it? You're done reading the episode description? Doesn't surprise me. You've done nothing but complain since you got here. Quote of the week: "This way, no one knows you're bald." | 25 1 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Martini 101 With Larry Miller | Larry does an unplanned 20 minute tutorial on making martinis, then apologizes for his previous apologies. This is the first time a drink recipe has included the expressions, "Show it who's boss," "Big triple to the power alley" and "Beat it around the fleet." As always, all stories are guaranteed true and stirred, not shaken. Quote of the week: "Fellas, you look lonely. Would you like to meet someone who's just like you?" | 18 1 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Super-Daddy Martinis and Superhero Underwear | Hear how to maximize the laughs you can get from an $8 pair of underwear. Plus, we have a lotta errata. Larry offers a REALLY good apology to Ray's Really Good Beef Jerky. Larry also talks about the joy he gets from being wrong and apologizing. Plus, the joke of the week, a fecta update, plus the story of a boy and his gun. Awwwww. Quote of the week: "Quick like the bunny. Not slow like the bear." | 11 1 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry's Really Good Episode | Larry talks about spending an involuntary vacation in the snow. Plus, we hear about his search for really good beef jerky, really good pistachios and really good martini olives. Then Larry welcomes the new year, but not for too long. That's enough. And Larry teases us with the possible existence of an eightfecta, possibly to be known colloquially as the octafecta? We also have a long overdue and very serious hamper update. And a joke of the week? And a safety razor update? That's our update update. Quote of the week: "What are you gonna do on the 4th? Read the Declaration of Independence?" | 4 1 12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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A Yearly Annual Holiday Tradition Begins | Larry starts a new holiday tradition with the retelling of his favorite holiday-related story, colloquially known as "Does He Drink Coffee?" Like a visit from an old friend, it's great to hear this story re-told. Plus, we have a visit from our old friends The Joke of the Week (not-so-naughty) and the Safety Razor Update (absolutely nice). From Larry Miller, Colonel Jeff Fox and Dr. Chris Laxamana, we thank you for being here with us. It means the world to us. Let's all take the yoke off, if only for a few days. We'll see you in the new year. Quote of the week: "What about the flap steak?" | 26 12 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Does Level Six Exist? | Larry muses hypothetical about the possible existence of a level of drinking above level five! Does it have something to do with fractals or worm holes? Or just a hole in your head? String theorists, take a powder, chumps! We also get a brief history of boy tenors and other vaudeville schtick, a safety razor update and of course, the joke of the week. Stay tuned past the 42:00 minute mark for a little bonus and visit our show's Facebook page to see a picture of what made Larry react like that -- www.facebook.com/LarryMillerPodcast | 21 12 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Musso and Frank and Sween | Larry tells tales from the start of the Million Martini March and shares signs of the end of the world. We hear about Larry and the crew's trip our for hot shaves, martinis, chicken and waffles. Then he talks about a commercial he saw while watching the Jets game that upset him to the very core of his soul. By the end of this episode, you'll realize the huge difference between "and...?" and "and by..." Also, Larry waxes nostalgic for the likes of Anita Ekberg and Anne Jeffreys. Then we hear about what you DON'T want to hear at a silent auction. That's right, honey. You're a winner. Quote of the week: "That's the and. AND I'm calling security." This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store. | 14 12 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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The Million Martini March | Larry tells how to hide 20 bottles of Jameson's behind a quart of milk and a sheepish grin. Then we hear about how in marriage math, one hour can equal TWO POINT EIGHT HOURS! Also, in this incredibly historic episode, we launch the Larry Miller Drinking Society Museum of Glad Tidings and the Larry Miller Drinking Society's Million Martini March! Some day, you'll tell your Grandkids where you were when you heard about this. We also get a visit from the joke of the week! Quote of the week: "There are weddings in Dublin that don't have that much Jameson's." This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store. | 7 12 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Live Larry and Prosper | Larry Miller talks about the death and burial of a loyal shirt and the socks that loved it. And admits to being a trekkie. Yes, Larry powers through a cold to deliver another slam-bang-pow (cough) show. After weeks of preaching the wonders of the spit-bucket, Larry talks about the one time he kept eating food on a set. Yes, on this episode, we hear about Larry eating turkey with William Shatner for seven hours. And so much more. Until next week, live Larry and prosper. Quote of the week: "I will admit the hula-dancing, green-skinned woman is still in my mind." | 30 11 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry Miller Visits The Book Suppository | Larry talks about his trip to Dallas, continuing his tradition of plugging shows once they are already past. Then Larry visits "Camp Shakeitoff," a lovely place where we won't be talking about feelings and there will be no therapists on speed dial. Also, we hear about possums and their habit of playing, well, you know, possum. Plus, two new segments! And of course, that means two new wacky sound effects. As always, all stories are guaranteed true, Pluto is a planet and don't rat to Larry's wife, you. Quote of the week: "Thank God it was a paperback." This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store. | 23 11 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Keep Pulling That Ripcord | Larry takes a break from his full-time job of turing off lights in his house to sit down for this week's podcast. We hear about how Larry's alleged coffee pot of death that tries to kill him in the middle of the night. Then Larry talks about almost rear-ending a cop car while trying to read its bumper sticker. Later, a baffling trip to buy a new razor leaves Larry waxing nostalgic for his long, lost safety razor and someone in the studio inadvertently does an impression of Dr. Strangelove. This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store. Quote of the week: "To this day, I can't eat plums." | 16 11 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry Breaks A Leg (Figuratively) | Spit buckets and broken legs are afoot in this week's episode as Larry talks about some of his favorite show business superstitions and traditions. Who has better taste in Clairol Girls, Larry or his son? YOU make the call! The good news is that Dr. Laxamana has returned to work, more gruntled than ever! Remember, all stories guaranteed true and Homer is Homer! And this week's guest star is Larry Miller. This show is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store. Quote of the week: "It was the Earl of Oxford who worked in the box factory." | 9 11 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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The Game's Over and You've Won | Larry takes apart his trademark sign off -- just a little bit. After getting grouchy with his family on the way to Fab Dogs, he winds up laughing his way into Ralphs. Or should we say, "Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs." Larry then tells a very funny joke. Plus we get a hamper update, a fivefecta update AND a leg lamp all in one episode! Don't bother pinching yourself. You're not dreaming. Also on this week's This Week, our engineeer, Dr. Chris Laxamana, LMDS is MIA and presumed snoggered. All stories guaranteed true or double your money back! Quote of the week: "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him." | 2 11 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry's Wardrobe Provided By Campbell's Soup | Larry takes Jerry Seinfeld and George Wallace to help him pick out a a brand new 1989 Mercury Colony Park wagon back in, well, 1989 obviously. Porsche? Nah. Camaro? Feh. The Colony Park winds up being his chick magnet! Also, Larry talks about his wardrobe, including his 30-year-old pants and why there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Don't judge, you! And find out the the best place for clam chowder. Is it Boston? Is it San Francisco? Is it in your shirt pocket? And Larry returns from the road to find his house in an odd state. Yes, of course he finds it in the state of California, smart guy. But he more specifically finds it in a state of disarray! This tale is replete with intrigue! Sabotage! Hampers! Newspapers! Has Larry laughed in the face of the soap gods once again by pushing the bounds of how many bars of soap can be melded together? Or has he learned his lesson and stuck with four bars? Act surprised when you hear the answer, OK? Will the show lose its edge if it starts making a million dollars? We say no, but we sure would like the chance to find out. Remember, you can't say hiLARIous Without Larry and you don't have to be a Rockefeller to help a fella. Quote of the week: "Talk about old fashioned. She's just a lunatic." | 26 10 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Absinthe Makes The Heart Go Wander | "The theme of this show is all about throwing things up," says Larry. Well, yes and no. On a completely unrelated note, the Upland chapter of the LMDS checks in, sharing an absinthe-based drink recipe. We ruminate, confab and otherwise mull over what exactly absinthe is and ain't. Also in this episode, Larry is a world-class "opener and closer of things" and isn't shy about admitting it. He once again expresses disgust and general loathing for the metric system. Who's with us? Burma? Liberia? Anyone else? You'll all come crawling back someday! And just when you thought there would be no more hamper updates, intrigue and suspense ensue! What's the future of Larry's fourfecta? Will it break? Will it go to five? Will it go on tour? Tune in to find out! Quote of the week: "Once you start talking like Foghorn Leghorn, you really can't stop." (Selected by a quorum of LMDS Members.) | 19 10 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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You Can Never Fall Off The Floor | You can fall off a barstool, but you can never fall off the floor. Or so says Larry in this episode. Larry talks about bending an elbow with some fans in Tallahassee. Also, in lieu of a secret handshake for Larry Miller Drinking Society members, we come up with a verbal code. We'd tell you about it here, but it's verbal! You'll just have to listen to this episode. Then Larry talks about being persistently lunkheaded or lunkheadedly persistent with a big-time talent agent in New York City in the 1980s. There are updates aplenty this week, include a hamper update, a fourfecta update (formerly the bifecta update) and an all new update that is ever so exciting. And remember, Larry's a nice boy with a clean hankie. Quote of the week: "He was already listing to port." | 12 10 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry vs. The Gigantic Slug | The hamper update to end all hamper updates. We know we've said it before, but this time, we mean it. Yes, the hamper update takes an unexpected turn that was completely expected. By the time it's over, Larry is as close to being the Dad from A Christmas Story as he could possibly be. Larry saves his wife from a bloodthirsty, gigantic slug. And does soap-bar melding float your boat? Then get ready for the RETURN OF THE FIVEFECTA, or "How Larry Got His Soap Mojo Back." But wait, there's more! We award honorary doctorates and Colonel ranks to the first 500,000 listeners who download this episode! Yes, listen to this week's This Week With Larry Miller and you'll be walking in tall cotton. Possibly in a raccoon coat. That's Dr. Colonel Larry Miller to you, sir. Quote of the week: "Daddy has protected the house once again from all varmints & creatures." | 5 10 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry is a Rake & Boulevardier! | Our rakish raconteur talks about why a poor man's tow shot is better than a regular tow shot. Plus, hear about the horror of new hand towels! And could this latest hamper update be the last hamper update ever? Is Larry taking matters into his own hands? Is he putting this controversy to rest once and for all? Why, it's inconthievable! Quote of the week: "I hope Drano hires a million people a day." | 28 9 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry Has Stockholm Syndrome? | Larry gets lost in a convention of Elvis impersonators at an Indian casino and, not surprisingly, has the time of life. Is Larry losing the battle of the wills? Find out in this week's HAMPER UPDATE! And what do goofy guards in South Africa have to do with Sonny Burgess and the Legendary Pacers? Listen in and find out! Nominum quid geminus!? Quote of the week: "She knew I was, what's the word...lying." | 21 9 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Live From Larry's House! | Larry goes into the lioness' den and does a hamper update from his own home! Yes, Larry risks life and limb by doing a hamper update right under his wife's nose. How could that be a problem? Yes, Larry's about to head out for a bunch of dates on the road, so we thought we would rehearse some remote records before he steps out into the world, so this show is brought to you live by remote from less than 10 miles from the ACE Broadcasting studio. Isn't the future amazing, folks? Quote of the week: "You're too suspicious." | 14 9 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry's Clumsy Coffee Cavalcade | Larry spills an impossible number of cups of coffee in an absurdly short period of time. And then almost spills some more. Then he talks about letting his kids grow up and why it's not just OK, it's the right thing to do. And we have yet another... HAMPER UPDATE! Yes, the hamper update was off last week, so hop off your pins and needles and get updated. You won't believe this one! Or you might. From Larry, Jeff and Chris and everyone at ACE Broadcasting on the occasion of the show's one-year anniversary, we'd like to say thanks for tuning your podtrola in to our humble little show. We genuinely could not have done it with out you. It wouldn't have been much fun, anyway. Quote of the week: "Don't tip like a gangster." | 7 9 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Drunken Ballpark Fistfights | The sound of fist on face makes Larry wax nostalgic for lazy summer days at the ballpark. Or to put it another way, "Hey, Fatso!" And then wax nostalgic for this (ahem) encore presentation of one of our favorite episodes from the very early days of TWLLM. The heady days when we didn't have our "sea legs" yet, didn't have good mics and Larry didn't know how to pronounce Chris' last name. How far we've come! Larry can now recite his own website on command! Yes, public outcry for a rebroadcast of this episode was too huge to ignore any longer! On a completely unrelated matter, we are all on vacation. But stay tuned, as next week will be our one year anniversary here at TWWLM! We couldn't have done it without YOU! | 31 8 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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The TSA Took My Toothpaste Away | The TSA nabs a full tube of Larry's toothpaste and then gets grabby with him. But Larry is compliant, if not soft and pliant. Also in this episode, Larry continues his love affair with newspapers and the ink-stained wretches that write them. And speaking of news, a chapter of the Larry Miller Drinking Society makes the paper, and not even in the local crime blotter, if you can believe that! Then we hear about tough German helmets, worn by tough guys on not-so-tough bikes. Also, Larry talks about how sometimes he like memories better than he likes photos. And here's an update on the hamper update... this episode does contain another hamper update! And so ends the second TWWLM with a punk song rock-inspired show title. Which is probably two more than anyone ever expected. Quote of the week: "She has not found one that satisfies whatever the conditions are." | 24 8 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Blame It On George Wallace | Comedian George Wallace talks Larry into bribing an airline clerk, with disastrously hilarious results. Or hilariously disastrous results. It wasn't pretty. Let's just say that. Then hear about a pint-sized Larry (and cronies) trying to perform outpatient surgery on a friend with a pen knife. And we hear about Larry's continuing love affair with wrestling and office supplies. Also, Larry makes a few Freudian slips. You know what a Freudian slip is, right? It's when you say one thing when you mean your mother. Quote of the week: "What's the word? Beer!" | 17 8 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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The Tao of Larry | Is this episode your path to total spiritual enlightenment? Legally, we can't say yes, so, let's just say more than likely. Consider the following zen koans presented in this week's episode. Is a yogurt maker still a yogurt maker if it has never been used to make yogurt? And what is the sound of two pears not ripening? Yes, grasshopper, only when the boozehound is ready will the bartender appear. And remember, nobody likes a narc. What happens on the podcast stays on the podcast. Don't rat Larry out to his wife! So, they don't have a hamper yet. Big deal! And ick-snay on the eye-ay ows-bray! Not to mention the ani-may edi-pay! But enough of that alarkey-may. Also learn why people enjoy eating lunch so much and how to not make your own carbonated water. | 10 8 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry Finds a Nude Beach | Larry stumbles across a nude beach and makes a spectacle. No, not a pair of glasses so he could see better, he makes a spectacle with his reaction. The great hunter returns from Vancouver with tales of long walks, comedic cheese-takes (not to be confused with comedic cheesesteaks) and eating lunch next to a toxic waste cleanup site. Larry also espouses the philosophy of finding "another tiny drop," and no, Mr. Funny Person, he's not talking about booze. Well, not this time, anyway. In addition, we hear about the deceptively wisdom of Honus Wagner, Casey Stengal and Mickey Mantle. We also find out that we don't know what tilapia is. And more importantly, we find out that we don't care. So, go polish up your fancy two-tone spectator shoes and take a stroll until you're walking like John Wayne. The quote of the week: "By missile it was two hours." Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 USA | 2 8 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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We're Driving to Moose Jaw! | A special international episode of TWWLM! Yes, Larry gets called away on short notice to work on a movie in Canada, but we still figure out a way to bring you this week's This Week. We link up to Larry through the Sensaround Satellite system to the Level Five North studios in Flin Flon, Manitoba. Okay, Larry called in with Skype from his hotel room in Vancouver. Sure, it's not as impressive, but it's still better than a rerun. Join us as we hear about Larry's biennial hummus digestion dilemma. And who says America doesn't export anything anymore? And what is the metric equivalent of a volleyball-sized glop of hummus? Larry talks about getting great pour of Guinness with some new Canadian pals and a less-successful attempt at finding some waffles in the wee hours of the morning. We also hear about Larry's excessive sweating and stammering when dealing with customs agents. Then we find out why Larry spent two hours in the shower. Also, Larry races against carmageddon to come home and visit his family in Los Angeles. And don't take this personally, but YOU'RE not the Duke of Cambridge. The quote of the week: "Chicken fried something." Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 USA! | 26 7 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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This Episode is Gluten Free! | Larry goes to the emergency room with his son after he gets beaned playing baseball. Larry tells us how to enjoy spending time in a hospital and how to hail the world's biggest cab. Not in the same night, though. Then we hear about Larry trying to act like a hot shot while at the hardware store. Other important topics covered include Larry's love of blue Bic pens and yellow legal pads, his battles over the air conditioner in his house. Listen to this show and you'll be happy. And we'll be happy. And the lights will be happy, because they're on. And you'll wake up in manure bark. All stories on This Week With Larry Miller are certified 100% true and MSG free! The quote of the week: "We love the show. Does Larry like our olives?" Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 20 7 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry On Playboy and In Penthouse | The finer points of Playboy playmates are discussed on this week's show. And you've heard of "flop sweats?" Well, Larry talks about coming down with a case of "porn sweats" while trying to buy Penthouse and Playboy magazines. Larry admits to not knowing anything about cars or electronics. (Please feign surprise.) And he once again does the dance of the slowly sinking mic stand. The quote of the week: "I thought I was losing my mind." Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 USA | 13 7 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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One Million Downloads Can't Be Wrong | Larry eats hot Cambodian food with a tunnel rat from Drake's Drum. And so goes the world's most enigmatic episode description. Eh, shift happens. Yes, hear about Larry dining with one of his drinking pals, whose food was so spicy, Larry couldn't even stand to SMELL it! Also, baseball players are funnier than you think. Especially when they're pretending someone stinks. And so goes the world's least amusing rhyme. But hear about Cleveland's Josh Tomlin getting upstaged by a teammate on TV. Then Larry talks about the wonders of nature. You know, the rainbows, the hummingbirds, the copperhead snakes that drop on you from trees, the river-borne parasites that'll make you think twice about getting your swim trunks wet. Finally Larry declares which airport is the greatest in the US. Will it be O'Hare? Newark? Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International? Is the suspense killing you? With boredom? Tune in and find out. We also announce that we have reached one million downloads! Thanks, everyone! The quote of the week is silence. Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 6 7 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Leslie Nielsen, Fart Virtuoso | Leslie Nielsen performs a trouser cough symphony for Larry's parents backstage at Letterman. Also, Larry preaches sympathy for a knife salesman who has lost his focus. Spoiler alert -- it's not pretty. Then Larry admits to stepping out on his steady supermarket. And not just to broaden his kids' horizons. All stories guaranteed to be true. This episode is sponsored in part by Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. No, Rowfs. Quote of the week: "If I don't know where things are, I'd be a terrible idiot." Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 28 6 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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I Think Your Pants Are On Fire | Don't lie to Larry Miller. He doesn't like it. Whether you're a politician, painter, shoe salesman, flooring installer or closet salesperson, please just knock it off already. On this show, Larry talks about the long list of liars he's encountered over the years and how creeped out he is by the ease with which they spin their prevarications. Larry once again attests that he and other show business types are not the real maniacs of our society. Although he does admit to being a lunatic -- for propriety! Do you think miracles don't happen in our modern age? Well, listen in and hear how St. Ernestine (the patron saint of misdialed calls) gives Larry a chance to pull the fat out of the fire. After all, good babysitters are hard to find. Quote of the week: "I'm sorry, but I think YOU'RE A LIAR!" Vocabulary builder: Prevarication -- noun -- an untrue statement, which is most commonly used when you've already said "lie" 20 times in an episode description. Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 22 6 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Larry Miller: Truck Drivin' S.O.B. | Larry grinds the granny gear as a chain smokin', C.B. jokin' truck driving S.O.B. (With all due respect to Deadbolt.) Yes, hear about how a teenaged Larry bluffed his way into a job behind the wheel of a commercial truck. The battle of the battered hamper continues in the Miller household. Larry and his wife both respond by throwing their clothes in a pile on the floor for three weeks. Larry again talks about his reluctance to chuck worn out clothes. Then we hear about a listener who is mourning the loss of his beloved soap bar collection, which was not-so-inadvertently thrown out by his wife. What's the difference between the number 6 and the number 9? (If you said 3, you may be right and also possibly a smart aleck.) And we also learn that it's very, very difficult to park an aircraft carrier in Afghanistan. And learn the difference between white meat and the other white meat. And by... Quote of the week: "I'm white meat." Get your very own Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 15 6 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanDine and Dash With Larry Miller | Larry speaks out against the dine and ditch. You know, the chew and screw? The eat and fleet? The mash and dash? The ol' grub and snub? (Is anyone still reading?) You get the point. And why does Larry always get blamed for things? Whatever the reason is, it must be in his chromosomes, because now his kids are getting blamed for things as well. Then we get to hear about the day Larry learned he could chug beer and him getting knocked out by a left hook. Are these two stories related? The smart money is on "yes." Later, Larry sarcastically lobbies for giving Guinness to children. And finally comes the tale of the enemies Larry is inadvertently making on Facebook. Is another left hook coming his way? Again, the smart money is on "yes." Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us, The Count of Monte Sarcasm has left the building. Quote of the week: "Watch out for lefty." | 8 6 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanBelly Dancing & Bourbon Apologies | Larry's dad tries to eyeball belly dancers and winds up getting a sensory overload, but not one of the ocular variety. And Larry gets blamed for his letting his kids golf indoors. Why? That's how Sammy Snead got his first hole in the one. Or hole in the wall, anyway. And we have another installment of our increasingly frequent segment "Errata." Larry corrects his previous statement about what does and does not constitute bourbon whiskey and has a snort of same as a way of starting the healing process. "Let's never fight again." Speaking of booze, Larry expounds on why he doesn't care for champagne and points out the irony behind french milled soap. This week's TWWLM vocabulary builders: Mashville - noun - Half-baked startup business whose inception was fueled by booze. See also "starting a band." Mirthquake - noun - Laughing so hard in bed that your wife runs and huddles in a doorway. Ocular - noun - A word relating to the eye, which is also used to convey that you went to college. See also "expound." Quote of the week: "You two pixies, out da door or tru da windah." | 1 6 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanOne No Good, Five OK | Larry in Tijuana with Jerry Seinfeld and Yakov Smirnoff? Write your own punch line here. Hear about their trip south of the border to buy fireworks and the photo souvenir they (sort of) have to remember the trip by. In this show, we meander from McCourt vs. McCourt to Kenesaw Mountain Landis vs. Kennesaw Mountain to Larry vs. Pliny the Elder. Then Larry talks about some of the greatest books ever written and how he never got around to reading them. Larry and his wife battle over the location of his lucky writing chair. Confusion about The Barefoot Contessa ensues. Then Larry catches his wife in a mistake. Will he be able to keep his powder dry and save it for a useful occasion? We also hear about some recipes that were dreamt up around the shop by "The Professor" Sandy Ganz. Larry disdain for the mint julep continues. Repeat after me, "Dos Tecates y limon." This episode is brought to you by the fine folks at Cromagnon Flour. "If you can find a better flour, start making biscuits, caveman!" Quote of the week: "I'm just not going to get to Pliny the Elder." | 25 5 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanYou Could've Had Lunch With Taboo! | Larry gets grief for passing up lunch with one of the Black Eyed Peas to have lunch with his wife. The catch? His wife was the one giving him grief. Our host likes to go with the long odds and he once again rolls the dice that there will be any decent food at the ACE studios -- and once again loses. He succumbs one more time to passably edible items at the shop, eating ramen noodles for the first time EVER. A million grams of salt later, he moves on to pie. (Please be polite and feign surprise.) Then Larry talks about his very, very few run-ins with pot. One time led to him eating an entire stick of butter or possibly an entire onion. Or was it both? Tune in and find out! Learn what a mint julep is and why ruining perfectly good bourbon has to be a part of it. We also get a brief primer on the champagne to whiskey conversion rate. Please do not panic. The RMS Lusitania has been sunk. Calmly barricade yourself in the root cellar with a diseased box of crackers and leave your thoughts outside. Quote of the week: "I think they spell cracker with a silent P." | 18 5 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanA Run-In With Keith Richards | Larry gets murdered (on screen) and meets a rock icon all in one episode! Hear Larry describe running into Keith Richards in an airport, after eyeballing his wife. Is Keith Richards the coolest guy ever? Possibly, but you'll have to listen to find out for sure. Then Larry talks about his role in the new Bobcat Goldthwait movie and goes into great detail regarding the craft of being killed onscreen. Wait, are you supposed to say "spolier alert" BEFORE or AFTER you say stuff like that? We'll look into that. At any rate, Larry talks about some of his favorite movie deaths and why he thinks they are so great, mentioning Ghost, Hunt for Red October and what's that James Bond film? Oh, OCTOPUSSY! Are you a (ahem) "friend of the show?" Or do you know Joe? Well, come right in, pal. Meet this week's fictional guests (none of whom actually appear in the studio) Senator Claghorn, Duncan "Sticks" Wimpress and, of course, OCTOPUSSY! Quote of the week: "Boy, now I'm, like, REALLY dead!" | 11 5 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanThree Lessons In Marriage From Larry | Always answer quickly when it's right. Never answer quickly when it's wrong. Always be willing to fold a winning hand. These 3 lessons are Larry's gift to you! (Details and amusing anecdotes follow, of course.) We hear about how Larry and his sister used to cook breakfast for their mom on Mother's Day. And speaking of Mother's Day, visit berries.com to buy gifts for the important moms in your life. Click on the microphone in the upper right and enter the code Larry Miller to get special discounts for TWWLM listeners! Larry briefly touches on the capture of you-know-who and what it takes to get a drunk teenager to shinny up a lamppost. Then he talks about his visit to the USS Constitution, commenting on the holes in the side of the ship and the uncomplicated, but necessary function they perform. Also, we hear about the "Larry Miller Level Five Ale" that producer Jeff Fox brewed in Larry's honor. Also, as of the recording time of this episode, we're finally caught up on filling Larry Miller Drinking Society card requests! Thanks to everyone for their patience. And thanks for listening to the show, because you... make me feel like dancing. And Larry loves teflon pans. Yeah, you read it right. Quotes of the week: "Let's just call it three and get this done." Erratum notice -- The Flyers series is against the Bruins, not the Sabres. | 4 5 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanBooze Yoga For Beginners | Hear about Larry's dad making verbal and physical contortions in order to pooch a little extra scotch each night. OK, more like pooch a lotta extra scotch each night. Larry also talks about his childhood job -- pouring his dad's beer -- and how he managed to make his dad "dad mad." Then we hear about the genesis AND conspiracy of Mother's Day. Larry beefs at great length about the preferential treatment that moms get. But he IS NOT YELLING at you. And why is having three names good for a woman, but bad for a man? Larry will explain this mysterious mystery. Also, our host laments the resurgence of Old Spice and tells us how jewelry stores would be set up if HE ran the world. Also, Larry expresses his zero tolerance policy for the concept of zero tolerance policies and obtuse drug education. I'm not yelling at you. Listen, just catch the ball and do better in school. We're doing it for the children. Quotes of the week: "I'm going right to the ammo store." | 27 4 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanOn Disco, Dickens and Dick York | Studio 54 and Larry Miller are practically synonymous. Or, wait, what's the other one? Oh, yes, antonymous. That's the one. Nevertheless, Larry not only spent time at Studio 54, but he worked there. This week, he regales us with tales from the "Disco Larry" era. Hear stories about Halloween at Studio 54. Halloween in April? Are we six months late, or six months early? You be the judge. Then we get a description of an incredibly and admittedly uncool young Larry trying to be hep in New York City in the disco era. Larry gets down. He boogie oogie oogies. Eventually, he can't boogie no more. Get a load of our new segment, "Erratum," where we correct misstatements of fact from previous episodes. Hilarity ensues. During said segment, we clear Dick York's good name -- almost thoroughly. Then Larry talks about how annoying it is when reporters and anchors try to pronounce names with proper foreign dialects. Plus, he tells about begrudgingly taking several gigs as an insult comic and trying to do schtick in front of a man and woman, who were, shall we say, otherwise preoccupied with matters of nature. Quote of the week: "Nothing, nothing, nothing, Indianapolis. Then nothing, nothing, nothing, Baltimore. Then nothing, nothing, nothing, Memphis." | 20 4 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanLarry Meets Frank Sinatra | Frank Sinatra zings Larry with an amazing one-liner in this special VEGAS special! NOT live from the Riviera hotel! Does the show travel to Vegas? No, but Larry just got back from there, so stories about Sin City abound. Included are Larry's time spent opening for Frank Sinatra and basking in the glow of Jilly Rizzo and other characters from the Sinatra crowd. Plus, Larry talks about the changes he's seen in Vegas over the years. Also hear about Larry's fascination with Vegas, which seems to have started with the old-school ways of the Merv Griffin show. Learn what a "weekend in Palm Springs" look is and why you don't want it. Larry gets his shaving cream confiscated by the TSA, but has his dignity and his Old Spice spared. Ultimately, our host's honesty wins out over his disdain for wasting aftershave and the world is a better place for it. Then we hear about the blue Brooks Brothers blazer that he wore on TV so many times that even his own mother got sick of looking at it. And where is our engineer Chris this week? Is he in class? Is he drunk? Is he drunk in class? Is he drunk with no class? At any rate, for this week's episode, the role of Katie Levine will be played by Ed Asner. Quote of the week: "Call me cuddles." | 13 4 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Cracking Spines and Cracking Up | More tales of uncontrollable laughter. This time, Larry's chiropractor gets fits of giggles while discussing deadly diseases. Then Larry talks about some REALLY unwelcome laughs that came while he was performing onstage. He tells about turning to fellow actor Len Cariou for help and gets nothing. Also, Larry strikes an uneasy truce with other parents to not share pictures of their children. Then Larry peruses a drinking resume from a listener and admits that Facebook is killing him. Nominum quid geminus? Fireboard battery star! It's a new episode of This Week With Larry Miller! Quote of the week: "I see nine pictures of very heavy naked women. It's from one of those magazines called very heavy naked women." | 6 4 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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CleanLarry's Biggest Laugh Ever | Hear the tale of the biggest, longest and deepest laugh Larry's ever had in his life. And it was when he was a kid, so he's had a long time to top it. Larry's good at drinking and good at packing, but not at packing while drunk. Then we hear about Larry's weekend in Tampa and the good times he had hanging out with his friend, having giant, comedy-sized drinks. Larry talks about other indulgences, both minor and major and muses on why they should not be regretted. Our host once again confirms that he is, in fact, a "big boy" and nobody disagrees. Larry also espouses the benefits of the less complicated things in life and almost sort of gets to reading some listener mail. Quote of the week: "Why do I recognize my limit 20 minutes after I passed it?" | 30 3 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Broken Toilets, Broken Hearts | Is it dangerous to refill water bottles? It is when you're doing it in lieu of tending to an emergency in your loo. The classics all start with a story about an overflowing toilet -- The Great Gatsby, Catcher in The Rye, Beowulf, the Fabio autobiography. And now this episode of This Week With Larry Miller. Find out which soldiers Larry sacrificed to stop the advancing tide in his bathroom and the reasoning behind his choice. What's so great about this episode? Well, Larry's mic stand starts to collapse in the middle of recording and we don't stop the show or edit it out. Then we hear about what would cause a viking to say, "Now THAT'S disgusting!" (Again with the vikings.) Inspired by letters from listeners, Larry muses on his own duality and the duality of life itself. We also revisit and expand on the "time well spent" theme. Larry then talks about the inherent stupidity behind evil and how he never watches morning television shows. Find out what tedious obstacles international listeners are overcoming to get their Larry Miller Drinking Society membership cards. Then hear about a listener's TWELVEFECTA! It's truly a beautiful sight to behold. At once captivating and terrifying, kind of like Miss America with a machine gun -- except made of soap. Quote of the week: "We all know something about toilets. You know something about toilets. I know something about toilets. Who doesn't know about toilets?" | 23 3 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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No, They Were Very Cold | Larry reconsiders his position on Indian casinos after tossing back a few drinks with the chief of a tribe. What do the Crimean War, Pinewood Studios and Larry have in common? If you guessed, "beer," then reward yourself with, well, a beer. And hear about the fine line between being hypocritical and inconsistent. In this episode, daylight savings time is passionately defended by Larry. But if you've forgotten how to program your microwave clock, you've come to the wrong place. We get to more of your hand-written letters and for fear of being deemed inconsistent, we fail to get to most of the topics we have planned for the show. So, take a listen to this week's episode -- and then you meet women. This episode description was dictated, but not written. Quote of the week: "Heritage and breeding." This week's episode is sponsored by gamefly.com. It's like Netflix, but for video games! Over 7,000 video game titles are available for all consoles including PS3, XBOX360 and Wii. Games delivered right to your door, including new releases. Free shipping both ways! Sign up at http://www.gamefly.com/larrymiller to get a special free 15-day trial for Larry Miller listeners. No due dates or late fees, cancel anytime! | 16 3 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Eating Charlie Sheen For Lunch | If Larry was a hot dog, what would he be? You've heard Larry obsess over pies, booze, soap and pretzels. Could hot dogs be far behind? No. Larry talks about eating a hot dog named after Charlie Sheen. He compares and contrasts his hot dog stand dining experience with that of a big-ticket steak joint in Beverly Hills. You may be surprised which one he thought was "time well spent." (Unless you are a regular listener, in which case, the answer will be quite obvious.) Hear our man Larry go bananas over a Green Lantern pin sent in by a listener. Listen as Larry defends and slightly admires Charlie Sheen, talks about meeting Peter Billingsley, gets nostalgic for Chicago dogs and reads hand-written letters from members of the Larry Miller Drinking Society. Quote of the week: "If that doesn't sound pretty good, I believe you're listening to the wrong show." This week's episode is sponsored by gamefly.com. It's like Netflix, but for video games! Over 7,000 video game titles are available for all consoles including PS3, XBOX360 and Wii. Games delivered right to your door, including new releases. Free shipping both ways! Sign up at http://www.gamefly.com/larrymiller to get a special free 15-day trial for Larry Miller listeners. No due dates or late fees, cancel anytime! | 9 3 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Peeing Next to Milton Berle | Larry talks about spending time with Milton Berle and Red Buttons. Are you a friend of Larry M? Well, slap on some Lilac Vegetal and send in five proofs of purchase to receive this week's episode. Remember, no topic is too small. Our host is amazed by the U.S. postal service, and rightfully so. Then he proudly announces he is out of his soap-melding slump! He is off his sudsy schneid! Like a phoenix rising from its ashes, Larry's verve for smooshing bars of soap together has been revived! Do you have to drink to be a member of the Larry Miller Drinking Society? Does Larry like slimy pets? And if not, why not? These, and other "important" "topics" will be "discussed" on this week's This Week With Larry Miller. Quote of the week: "These were things from a medicine show in 1903." This week's episode is sponsored by gamefly.com. It's like Netflix, but for video games! Over 7,000 video game titles are available for all consoles including PS3, XBOX360 and Wii. Games delivered right to your door, including new releases. Free shipping both ways! Sign up at http://www.gamefly.com/larrymiller to get a special free 15-day trial for Larry Miller listeners. No due dates or late fees, cancel anytime! | 2 3 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Canned Sausages 1, Larry Miller 0 | A desperately-hungry Larry eats a can of chicken vienna sausages from the Ace Broadcasting kitchen that may have been intended for ornamental purposes only. The experience affected Larry on a profound emotional level. Was it positive or negative? Listen and find out! (It's more entertaining than just inferring the answer from this description or the episode title.) Larry's love affair with his own theme song continues. The show gets its first sponsor. No, it's not the canned sausage company and no, it's not the twelve step kind of sponsor either, smart guy. We receive another update via telegram from the Royal Larry Miller Drinking Society in England. Larry also discusses trying to keep up with Brits when drinking. Larry talks about his time spent at Drake's Drum bar in New York City. He then tells about the benefits of drinking in hotel bars with the guy who actually OWNS the hotel. And Larry finally answers the question, "Can you reach level five at home?" Also, whether or not you should even try. Quote of the week: "Say, listen." "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah!" Vocabulary builder: "Biscuit-arsed" -- An expression of Scottish origin meaning extremely intoxicated or a state of extreme confusion. This week's episode is sponsored by gamefly.com. It's like Netflix, but for video games! Over 7,000 video game titles are available for all consoles including PS3, XBOX360 and Wii. Games delivered right to your door, including new releases. Free shipping both ways! Sign up at http://www.gamefly.com/larrymiller to get a special free 15-day trial for Larry Miller listeners. No due dates or late fees, cancel anytime! | 23 2 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Has Old Spice Called? | Larry talks about working on Christopher Guest movies like A Mighty Wind, Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman and For Your Consideration. Hear about his acting pals such as Jane Lynch, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy and others. Find out how Waiting for Guffman can help you find the man of your dreams and why a bald guy ponytail stopped Larry from walking to set. Then we hear how much Larry likes having emails highlighted for him and why there's a good chance that he will take his clothes off at any second. Speaking of clothes, if you've been thinking about renting out your underwear, Larry sagaciously cautions against doing so. Then our host once again expresses his love of Old Spice and deems Atlanta the drinkingest city in the nation. Dial in to find out if Larry has lost his zest for melding bars of soap. Can he safeguard his fondness for fivefectas? Will his spirit rise like a dove? Or will it cool and harden like lava? Get all of this and POSSIBLY last week's leftover Valentine's Day stories in the latest installment of This Week With Larry Miller. Alright, everybody -- back to one! Quote of the week: "There's no him. It's you with an accent!" Vocabulary builder of the week: Sui generis -- a Latin expression meaning constituting a class alone or of its own kind or unique in its characteristics. This week's episode is sponsored by gamefly.com. It's like Netflix, but for video games! Over 7,000 video game titles are available for all consoles including PS3, XBOX360 and Wii. Games delivered right to your door, including new releases. Free shipping both ways! Sign up at http://www.gamefly.com/larrymiller to get a special free 15-day trial for Larry Miller listeners. No due dates or late fees, cancel anytime! | 16 2 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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The Greatest Story Never Told | Larry once again never gets around to telling his Valentine's Day stories -- or half of the things he planned on talking about on this episode. Hear the latest update on the status of the Larry Miller Drinking Society membership cards! Then Larry explains what exactly a self-addressed stamped envelope is and muses on the proper way to pronounce the word "envelope," without giving a definitive answer. Have you ever wished you could recite the Green Lantern oath with a celebrity? Well, charge up your ring, top off your rocks glass and get ready to recite along with Larry. What does Larry love more than a marching band? Possibly a dotted line. Larry talks extensively about the absurd amount of over-thinking that he put into a box of pretzels given to him by a fan at his show in Washington, DC. He explains that liquor is a gateway drug. It leads to pretzels. We also hear about Larry ordering a HUGE glass of scotch, which someone else enjoyed very much. Quote of the week: "I continue to be a nearly perfect lunkhead." http://www.acelarrymiller.com Get your autographed Larry Miller Drinking Society card by sending a stamped self-addressed envelope to: Larry Miller Drinking Society c/o ACE Broadcasting 10061 Riverside Dr. #276 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 USA For international boozehounds, please send in a self-addressed envelope plus an International Reply Coupon. IRCs can be purchased at your local post office. A digital version of the card will be available for download shortly. | 9 2 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Two Is Too Many, Three Is Not Enough | Larry expresses admiration and support for Kim Kardashian. God bless her, she's a healthy kid. It feels like the very first time -- Larry's ever recorded a show or driven in LA as our host forgets to put on his headphones again and gets lost on a road he's been down 23,000 times. Larry reads an email STOP. Thinks it's a telegram STOP. Larry talks about how impressed he is by British accents and waxes nostalgic for his time working at Pinewood Studios in England. We find out that knees are, in fact, up at the Lamb and Flag pub. And Larry compares and contrast English, French, Irish and American bar names. Then he talks about station wagon essentials -- luggage rack, wood paneling and martinis. Will Larry's diet stick? Will Larry show his naked butt on camera again? We also hear about Larry's Dad pulling an "overtell" on him, a not-too-purty piggyback fivefecta that Larry thinks looks like a breast (possibly) and that a good head of hair is wasted on a dictator. Quote of the week: "Edmund Charles Faversham did get rather pickled on the ale." | 2 2 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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How To Never Lose A Football Bet | Larry has never lost a football bet because he has only ever made one. He won the bet and then was scared straight by the bookie. He also tells about meeting pro wrestler Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart and disavowing him when "Mrs. Anvil" shoots him a hairy eyeball. Don't be surprised when you surmise that this episode has more talk about pies. Larry declares pie as "the greatest thing in the world." We hear the story of a joke gone wrong at House of Pies and an hilarious shaggy dog joke, also about pie. Finally! We announce how to get your Larry Miller Drinking Society membership card! Are there rude cities or just rude people? Was there anything beside pie served at the Ace Broadcasting new year's party? Will Larry recover from the loss of the Jets? Will he recover from seeing the video of Mark Sanchez wiping a booger on Mark Brunell? Will he ever understand a spread or a hedge fund? Is the "boo" ready to make a comeback? These, and many other questions. will not necessarily be addressed on this episode of This Week With Larry Miller. Quote of the episode: "I don't want anyone to come to my house. I barely want me to come to my house." | 26 1 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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71 |
Larry Hits Level Five! | Larry has an all-night bender and lives to tell the tale. Hear about his meeting with the business end of "God's flashlight." He talks about how he can't make a martini at home and reveals his recipe for the "jalapeno martini." And find out why Larry did NOT participate in strip bingo. The answer will not surprise you at all. Also in this episode, Larry talks about his Grandma, who never let her family buy her an air conditioner and why his Grandma always read the last ten pages of a book first. We once again discuss the finer points of melding soap bars. Can it be done in a microwave? Is that wrong? Larry says yes, and no, respectively. Larry's open to admitting he's wrong, but takes a stance against soap on a rope. Pictured at top: Larry with the actual show notes from this episode, which is to say, a blank page. The squiggle at the top of the page was where Jeff scribbled to see if Larry's pen was working. This is a true story. Fiction is never this boring. Quote of the week: "I'm not in a John Ford movie, here. This isn't Wagons West." | 19 1 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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72 |
The Wreck of the Edmund Fivefecta | Larry turns thief and proudly admits to it. Hear the dramatic drama behind the fate of the world-famous five-bar parlay, aka the fivefecta. In this episode, Larry makes a funny sound effect. We give you an update on the progress of the Larry Miller Drinking Society membership cards. Larry talks about new ways to meld bars of soap, plus the proper snacks to buy for a football game. Speaking of sports, Larry also talks about a lesser-known sport, shower hockey. Quote of the week: "There's nothing wrong with my feet. There's no toe that goes east. I have no bunions." | 11 1 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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73 |
Everyone Will Know How To Juggle | Larry's new year's resolution is to teach you the difference between a tuba and a sousaphone. (Setting achievable goals is a key to a successful life.) Gather up your foul weather gear in your best rucksack. Larry talks about the seemingly endless sheets of rain that is soaking the Southern California area. It's OK, we really need it. Hear "Our Man Miller's" imitation of his own ringtone, which is, of course, even funnier than the orignal ringtone. Then he talks about working with Bobbie Phillips on the movie Carnival of Souls. Find out the REAL reason that Larry's glad he's not a stunningly beautiful woman. Then enjoy a quick stop on Rabbit Island, as Larry discusses recipes sent in by readers. Can Larry segue from Armistice Day into how much he hates the circus? You better believe it, Otto Von Barnum. Happy new year from Larry and everyone on the show! (Please don't stop talking to us for saying that.) | 4 1 11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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74 |
Undressing in Public For Fun and Profit | Larry does not laugh at the theme song for the first time! Is the love affair over? Is the thrill gone? Or is the real reason something stupid? Larry once again analyzes the phenomenon of traffic for no reason. He then makes a rhyme, just to pass the time. He gives an indepth description of the kind of chow found around the studio, which he calls "Carolla food." Hear Larry's impression of comedian Larry Beezer's impression of legendary Phillies announcer Byrum Saam. Listen to Larry's tale about casually undressing in public. Then Larry waxes nostalgic for the late, great John Ritter as well as his legendary Uncle Arnie. Plus, a five-bar parlay update. Visit the show's website for pictures and video! And last, but not least, the answer to "Name Larry's Ringtone" is revealed. Quote of the week: "I may look like a loan officer, but I'm a dead head. I always have been." | 28 12 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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75 |
Larry's First Joke | Larry's first joke bombs in a way that defies the very laws of math, physics, space and time. Hear about Larry using the LMDS motto for the first time. He also takes a bold stance AGAINST flying planes by committee. And learn what a "dental chart club" is. How much can you pay for a mediocre breakfast in a New York City hotel? You could buy a month's worth of Dunkin' Donuts for that money, that's all we're saying. Larry talks about to having nothing but respect for France and nothing but love for Old Spice. And speaking of toiletries, we get an update on the five bar soap parlay. Quote of the week: "It doesn't burn unless you take too long to blow it out. How true that is, for life in general." Vocabulary builder word of the week: "dudgeon" -- noun -- a feeling of intense indignation (now used only in the phrase 'in high dudgeon') | 21 12 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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76 |
Does He Drink Coffee? | An update on the five soap bar parlay, AKA the fivefecta -- the feat that has everyone from international diplomats to toothbrush re-bristlers on pins and needles awaiting news. The bold stroke of derring-do that makes Ernest Shackleton look like a wino taking a nap in a hammock. Speaking of Ernest Shackleton, Larry firmly cops to not caring for boats, while stopping just short of saying exactly why. Hear Larry defend Barry Bonds then compare him to Babe Ruth. And he ain't talking about home runs. Learn which Greek mythological figure Larry currently resembles. And no, smart guy, it's not Dionysus. This week's show has most baffling show title to date, you say? It, like Larry himself, will make sense when you get to the end. Quote of the week: "We did it! You go clean!" Vocabulary builder word of the week: "Fugue state." | 14 12 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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77 |
I Love A Buffet And Other Life Lessons | Buffet, as a concept, is the one thing that ties all Americans together, so says Larry. Also hear how Larry taught his son a valuable life lesson with his favorite instructional tool -- a pie. (Who are we kidding? Larry's favorite everything is a pie.) Larry talks about the lengths he'd go to in order to save his wife's life and why that answer isn't good enough for her. Get introduced to the latest food measuring increment. Not the cup, not the liter, but the bucket. Find out why Larry's great great Grandmother stopped speaking to his great great Grandfather -- for 62 years. Larry admits to being lured into purchasing a cheap pair of sneakers and somehow relates it to Guys and Dolls. And Larry finally decides which Latin expression we will use on the Larry Miller Drinking Society coat of arms! | 7 12 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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78 |
Larry's Five Soap Bar Parlay | Hear the most erudite vomiting analogy ever. And learn the tale behind the enigmatic expression "Chicken Larry." On this week's show, Larry unabashedly professes his love for being in a marching band,. He also discusses more about being "Dad cheap." Find out what personal hygiene item in Larry's home most resembles an Aztec pyramid. Fortune cookies stink. This bat's getting rusty. Are you a cardinal? Even if you're not, you will learn that in Larry's world, "power booting" has nothing to do with restarting a computer. Larry admits he doesn't mind cleaning up baby vomit, but he's not so enamored by the barf of people in the studio. Make sure not to miss this episode. It's a real horn-honker. Quote of the week: "I defy you to find a better Chicken Larry." This episode's invented word: fivefecta | 30 11 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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79 |
The Greatest Story Larry's Ever Heard | Hear Larry's Uncle Harry's bizarre, face to face confrontation with a Japanese soldier at the close of World War II. Then Larry tells how his Aunt had her eyesight miraculously restored at the age of 72. Quote of the week: "It feels like someone just hit me with a rhino dart." | 22 11 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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80 |
The Five Levels of Drinking Redux | Larry performs one of his signature comedy routines, "The Five Levels of Drinking." This is the first time Larry has ever done this bit NOT in front of a live audience! | 16 11 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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81 |
Larry Miller and Other Lunatics of the World | Politicians are the serious maniacs in our society, so says Larry. He then gives advice on how a gillionaire can easily win an election. He also talks about when his parents asked him what he wanted to do with his life. Amazingly, nobody fainted, dropped dead, took a swing at him or did a spit-take when he said he wanted to be a comedian. | 9 11 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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82 |
Love Me Like A Viking | Larry admits becoming a starstruck boob in front of Val Kilmer and Dennis Farina. He expresses his love of "phony leather" but wonders if vegetables are people, too. | 1 11 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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83 |
Larry Miller's Drive By Eggings | Larry's crackpot theories include why we should start making '57 Chevys again, why a dog can make your wife happy and the miraculous effects of going to bed sober. Tales of massive candy binges and drive by eggings make Larry nostalgic for his childhood and make him wonder when he stopped liking Halloween. Larry also reads off some international fan mail. We finally hear from our listener in Guam and hilarity ensues. | 26 10 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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84 |
Dawg Bites Drunk Mann | My kingdom for a half gallon of whiskey. Larry talks about the family dog and recalls stories from his school days -- most of which involve petty vandalism, drinking on rooftops and dropping heavy objects off rooftops. | 19 10 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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85 |
Mom, Meet Hooker. Hooker, Mom. | Grab a pail of ale and hear how Larry got fired from his bartending job just because he gave away 2,700 bottles of beer and couldn't make drinks. And it's 4am. There is beer, a hooker and your friend's mom catching 40 winks. Which of these three things does not belong? Tune in and discover the incredibly obvious answer. | 12 10 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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86 |
The Larry Miller Drinking Society | Larry calls out to listeners around the world to join in a bent elbow salute and enroll the Larry Miller Drinking Society. | 5 10 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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87 |
Tales of Too Much Booze and The Mile High Club | Rejected by the mile high club, Larry soldiers on to tell tales of too much booze and not enough sleep. | 28 9 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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88 |
Dart Fights, Sousa Marches and Guns | Airline food is great! Find out why dart fights are fun and why Bill Gates will never stop washing his hands if he listens to this episode. | 21 9 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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89 |
Weepy Memories of Drunken Ballpark Fistfights | Hey, fatso! Drunken baseball fights, the sound of fists hitting flesh and the sound of beer cans hitting golf carts make Larry nostalgic for the simpler days of yesteryear. | 14 9 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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90 |
CleanWhy We Can't Relax and the "Walk Slow" Philosophy | The "walk slow" philophy explained, plus the finer points of street sweeping, drinking on the job and cleaning public bathrooms. | 7 9 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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91 |
CleanLarry Miller On Why Men Cheat | Larry Miller on adultery: why he hasn't done it yet, but thinks about it every second of the day. | 3 9 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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92 |
This week with Larry Miller - PROMO | This week with Larry Miller - PROMO | 1 9 10 | Free | View In iTunes |
| Total: 92 Episodes |
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