Total Workout: Get To The Gym!

So. We have a doughnut, a sofa, and a cool pair of pants you'd like to fit into before you hit 90. The doughnut is yummy, the sofa so soft, yet you are nowhere near achieving pantsitude. Indeed, you are identifying far too closely with the sideshow attraction in Randy Newman's "Davy the Fat Boy." And, frankly, it's got you down. This is precisely when you know it's time — time to fire up the Eminem, "Lose Yourself" in the Total Workout lifestyle, and, as Funkadelic so freakily put it, to "Get Off Your A*s and Jam." So, "Let's Get It Started," to the tune of a Black Eyed Peas "Spike Mix," and then keep it going straight into Next Steps.

When Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys sing about the biscuit-chewin' hay-muncher of "Roly Poly," it may be all in good fun, but if you're not laughing (or if the sinister sounds of Metallica's "The Day That Never Comes" describes your standing date with the gym), then listen up. As Trick Daddy so succinctly puts it on a rowdy "Let's Go," if you want it you can get it, and when you're ready to get serious about your workout, there's nothing like the liberating rock crunch of Soundgarden's "Rusty Cage" to help you break free from inertia and run for your goals. You're doing great, so don't stop now — hit Deep Cuts for one more rep.

"You Get What You Give," sing the New Radicals on their pop-rock truth-teller, and that goes double for your Total Workout. Maybe you're starting from behind the fitness eight ball, but, hey, you're starting and that's what's really important. So, turn a liability into an asset when you "Shake That Fat" to Jo Jo Gunne's boogie-rock mover, and before you know it, you won't have so much jiggle to wiggle. "Tuck In U Belly" to Esco & Left Side's Dancehall pulse, and pat yourself on the back as you reduce your bounce to the ounce. Soon enough, when SkinnySongs' "Thin!" pops up in your ear buds, you'll know they're talking about you.

No one ever said it was gonna be easy, but there's too much at stake — your outlook, your health, your ever-expanding waistline — to back down now. You've given all the excuses in the world for not hitting your routine, to the point where even you are sick of hearing them, so let's listen up to the wise words of Elvis Presley — let's have "A Little Less Conversation," and let's Get to the Gym! This is the playlist you turn to for that extra bit of inspiration, from Kyuss's stoner-rock reminder of what happens when you surrender to couch-bound munchies, "Jumbo Blimp Jumbo," to the retro dance groove of Skeewiff's "Husky," to the funk-rock liftoff of Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Higher Ground," and the nothing-but-positive motivational message of Daft Punk's self-explanatory "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger." You can do it. We can help.