iTunes

1

CleanMeetings of minds are effectively a tool for dulling them

Lucy Kellaway on why working alone is the best way to get things done

27.2.12

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2

CleanThe fine art of penning your own ‘brief bio’

Lucy Kellaway on her eight rules for this trickiest of literary genres

26.2.12

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3

CleanUBS’s silly menu leaves a bad taste

It is time to worry when companies write witless things and then hand them to their customers, says Lucy Kellaway

9.2.12

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4

CleanIf you have to reject me, tell me straight

No one appreciates hollow good wishes from someone who is telling them to shove off, says Lucy Kellaway

23.1.12

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5

CleanIf you want adult behaviour, treat people like babies

Lloyds bank has found a new way of saving money. It has banned all staff from travelling on the third week of every month. If this is a good idea, a similar system should be deployed for all the other ways in which We Are Not Wise with our time, says Lucy Kellaway.

16.1.12

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6

ExplicitThe 2011 guff awards

The judging is now complete and Lucy Kellaway is ready to announce the winners of her annual business jargon awards.

10.1.12

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7

CleanSocial networks upend office etiquette

What is acceptable and what is shameless? The answer is that no one has the foggiest – we are all making it up as we go along, says Lucy Kellaway

10.12.11

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8

CleanMoney’s too tight to mention if you have lots of it

It is surprisingly hard to be good at having money – harder than acquiring it in the first place. The perfect amount of money is when you hardly have to think about it at all, says Lucy Kellaway

3.12.11

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9

CleanWe all deserve to be told the terrible truth

‘Protected conversations’ between employees and bosses are a good idea but they won’t make any difference in practice, says Lucy Kellaway

30.11.11

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10

CleanA guide to life in the fast cycle lane

Thinking strategically about your life isn’t necessarily such a great idea, says Lucy Kellaway

23.11.11

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11

CleanStick to the rules and abusing your colleagues is OK

So long as top people in the City are continuing to behave in an uncivilised fashion, the world as we know it isn’t coming to an end, says Lucy Kellaway

17.11.11

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12

CleanCopying, the mother of the best inventions

No one seems interested in teaching us how to get better at mimicry, despite it being the key to success, says Lucy Kellaway

9.11.11

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13

CleanManagement guff lands in China

When the guff germ arrives big time in China, my prediction is that they will be better at dealing with it than westerners, says Lucy Kellaway.

30.10.11

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14

CleanBlackBerry blackout left me happily unlinked

Most email messages are exceedingly stupid, and none more so than the ones that arrive from LinkedIn, says Lucy Kellaway

17.10.11

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15

CleanEveryone benefits from a beast in the boardroom

All companies need someone on board who stirs things up and couldn’t care less what people think, just don’t confuse it with ego, says Lucy Kellaway.

13.10.11

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16

CleanForget doing the ‘math’ and stick to proper English

All sorts of things are just plain wrong when translated from maths to business talk, says Lucy Kellaway,

3.10.11

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17

CleanPretenders to power are the most dangerous

Power may corrupt, but absolute power corrupts much less than partial power – as too many lower down the pecking order show, says Lucy Kellaway

28.9.11

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18

CleanMy cure for an outbreak of weak excuse tendency

Sufferers from WET aren’t skiving or lying; they just have an inadequate notion of what it means to be reliable, says Lucy Kellaway.

20.9.11

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19

CleanBartz flubs her lines as she leaves the Yahoo stage

The sacking of Carol Bartz last week made theatre of the most superior kind. Watching the former chief executive of Yahoo go down spitting obscenities was exhilarating in an immediate sort of way, says Lucy Kellaway

14.9.11

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20

CleanDo teddies have a place in the boardroom?

Research from an expert in ethics at Harvard University suggests people behave better when teddy bears are in the room, says Lucy Kellaway

8.9.11

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21

CleanChief Googler’s ‘amazing’ clichés are dull and void

Larry Page’s thinking on his decision to spend $12.5bn on some mobile handsets, patents and set-top boxes is woolly at best, says Lucy Kellway.

6.9.11

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22

CleanAge-old bonds make the office tick

Is working with people of different ages really a problem?

14.8.11

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23

CleanSix little words and one very big question

What keeps you in your job? What would your six-word answer be?

7.8.11

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24

CleanAnti-PowerPoint revolutionaries unite

The ubiquitous piece of software can leave one feeling grumpy and passive and in no frame of mind for proper work, says Lucy Kellaway

1.8.11

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25

CleanUnrequited love and corporate idiocy

When the new head of Tesco in the UK said he wanted staff to love customers, I followed up by visiting my local store, says Lucy Kellaway

1.8.11

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26

CleanCheers to those with a glass half-empty

In business, optimism is good and pessimism bad. Optimists have a monopoly on success, on happiness and even on longevity. Pessimists, with their long faces and dark thoughts are pariahs, thought fit for nothing in the gung-ho corporate world except possibly careers in journalism (where bad news is good news). Otherwise, they have a choice between the couch, the closet or the comedy circuit.

6.7.11

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27

CleanYou’ve got mail but you need to get your life back

Everyone agrees that we spend too much of our lives e-mailing. Everyone agrees that the answer is to write fewer, shorter, clearer messages. Everyone has known this for years. Yet instead of getting better, the problem goes on getting worse.

6.7.11

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28

CleanA need to please can get you into trouble

Two different women, both of them up to their eyes in different sorts of trouble, last week put forward the same excuse to explain lapses in their behaviour. Each said she was suffering from a new debilitating condition – a compulsion to please people.

6.7.11

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29

CleanPath to happiness runs through the office

It is a terrific relief to find that the true path to happiness involves doing what most of us do most of the time, whether we like it or not – work

11.6.11

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30

CleanE-mail contract is not worth the kilobytes

Legal disclaimers on e-mails are not only unenforced but unenforceable – making one wonder why they are so popular

4.6.11

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31

CleanThe wonders worked by womanhood

Lagarde is right to play the female card – this is the best time there has been to be a woman with talent, charm, and an appetite for advancement, says Lucy Kellaway

28.5.11

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32

CleanDespite the offer, I won’t fill in for DSK

I don’t like the idea of deputising for someone who was sorting out the financial crisis and might have been president of France, says Lucy Kellaway.

25.5.11

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33

CleanMust I remember my kids’ ages just to log on?

In the early days of computers I never forgot my password because the top secret word I’d chosen was ‘Kellaway’, which I found could be effortlessly recalled even in the most fraught moments, says Lucy Kellaway.

11.5.11

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34

CleanThe dull names of those who rose

Research shows that with CEOs overwhelmingly having boring first names, the drearier the moniker, the greater the success – and that diversity is bunkum says Lucy Kellaway.

4.5.11

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35

CleanDrivel is in the detail with CEO pay

The reams of justification for executive remuneration are mind-numbing and likely to make one succumb through sheer weariness, says Lucy Kellaway.

29.4.11

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36

CleanYou might be a genius but I wouldn’t tell you so

Even though I prefer to have genius status granted for big things, I’m prepared to accept it for any achievement at all, even for pressing send on my computer, says Lucy Kellaway.

28.4.11

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37

CleanTablets to cure our smartphone sicknesses

Last Monday, when Kerry McCarthy MP got up to speak in the House of Commons she made history – not for the words she spoke, but for reading them off her iPad.

5.4.11

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38

CleanWriting is on the wall for ‘customer care’

A letter posted on a lavatory wall to amuse with its verbosity highlights the deficiencies of another missive by a virtuoso at apology – and guff.

1.4.11

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39

CleanChina rekindles fondness for western ways

In accepting the invitation to go on a debating tour, I had expected to return with a mind full of management ideas and a suitcase full of rip-off handbags.

22.3.11

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40

CleanBusiness leaders are worse than they think

When it comes to describing their dark sides, leaders feel bound by one rule: any weakness is perfectly admissible, so long as it is really a strength.

15.3.11

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41

CleanPen and paper: the forgotten management tool

Last week I went out for a pizza with a man I hadn’t seen for a while. The bill was low; I picked it up. Two days later, a small, cream envelope arrived on my doormat. Inside was a folded piece of paper on which he had written a short note saying how much he had enjoyed the occasion.

7.3.11

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42

CleanFemale quotas would target the wrong women

If you are listening to this during office hours on Monday, you can think of me sitting at a large table engaged in deep discussion about dividends, internal controls and appetites for risk. With me will be my fellow directors of a FTSE 100 company, 11 of us in all: nine men and two women.

2.3.11

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43

CleanAmerica’s Next Top Student

She is beautiful, rich and famous. She has two television shows, one of which is named after her. She’s got her own foundation that helps deprived girls. She’s been to bed with Barack Obama. She is taking a course at Harvard Business School on how to be an entrepreneur.

22.2.11

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44

CleanTalk like a loser and you might win

When I watched Tim Armstrong on CNN last week talking about the brilliance of his decision to buy the Huffington Post, I found I didn’t believe a word he was saying.

15.2.11

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45

CleanTwo banks, a conman and a homeless bloke

Last week, there were two stories in the papers about bankers being taken for a ride by conmen and nutters. Both tales were profoundly enjoyable: seeing investment bankers with egg on their faces is always cheering. They were also enjoyably profound, making one question what bankers get up to all day and which talents are needed to perform those tasks well.

7.2.11

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46

CleanA good employer offers more than Botox

Last week, Fortune magazine published its latest survey of the 100 best companies to work for in the US. As I have never worked at any of them I can’t offer first hand corroboration of the rankings – though in 1981 I did try to get a job at Boston Consulting Group (rated number two in the Fortune list), but was rejected after letting slip in an interview that I had no idea what a learning curve was.

1.2.11

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47

CleanPointless conditions should not apply

I was sitting on a train coming back to London after a board meeting in Cardiff. Life felt good: the meeting had ended a bit earlier than I’d feared and I was just getting stuck into a gin and tonic and a packet of Quavers when the ticket inspector came round. I handed her my ticket, which she pronounced not valid.

25.1.11

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48

CleanFinnish lesson on principles for Goldman

Lloyd Blankfein is in need of advice on the principles of business. Fortunately, I have just the man to give it to him: Hannu Penttilä, a Finnish shopkeeper who runs a chain of department stores.

18.1.11

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49

CleanMy awards for management guff

At the beginning of every year I hand out prizes to companies and individuals who have shown the greatest flair in butchering the English language or in talking through their hats during the previous 12 months.

11.1.11

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50

CleanBetter to waste time at the office

Even though it’s a weekday and during working hours, I’m in bed. The reason for such slovenliness is that I’m not feeling my best. Too unwell to feel like getting up, yet not so unwell that I can’t move my fingers over a keyboard.

5.1.11

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51

CleanTwo memos divided by understanding

This week I’ve decided to focus on two things that are always popular at this time of year. Layoffs and stand-up rows.

4.1.11

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52

CleanA glimpse of ambassadorial life

Last Monday I had a delightful lunch with the turkey ambassador. He didn’t appear to know anything much about Ankara or care whether Turkey joined the European Union, but seemed more interested in what people eat for Christmas. He was the chef, Marco Pierre White, who had just been given the title by Bernard Matthews, the biggest British turkey producer, and was therefore flying the flag of the battery bird.

8.12.10

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53

CleanBetter to save face than look in the mirror

At a party last week I met a man who told me he had just lost his job. I commiserated, but he said it was OK, he was well out of it. He explained that his boss was a fool who could not cope with having an underling who was far brighter and more charismatic than him. The man looked perfectly cheerful and reassured me that his pay-off had been large, and the move was his employer’s loss.

3.12.10

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54

CleanBreaking the glass ceiling at home

On the front of Wednesday’s Financial Times was a picture of Kate Middleton smiling adoringly at the future king of England and giving every impression of delight over her new job as the nation’s foremost corporate wife.

23.11.10

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55

CleanDon’t give hiring a moment’s notice

Wearing socks on the outside of your shoes makes you less likely to slip on icy paths. Promoting people at random makes companies more efficient. These two hypotheses were among the winners of this year’s Ig Nobel prizes – handed out by Improbable Research, an organisation set up to promote academic work that makes you laugh, then think.

17.11.10

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56

CleanBeing happy is a serious handicap

There is a teenage boy I know who worries me quite a lot. He was born to a good family with plenty of money. He is extroverted and optimistic; people appear to like him. He’s relatively easy on the eye and reasonably bright. His health is good and he can kick, hit and catch balls of various shapes and sizes. He does not smoke, or take drugs, or do any more binge drinking than the next person.

15.11.10

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57

CleanThe thief, his victim and the company laptop

The only problem with losing stuff is not that harm is done, it is that people fear that harm will be done and the loss does not look pretty in the papers, says Lucy Kellaway

31.10.10

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58

CleanGlass ceiling in management drivel is broken

It is usually men who talk more management nonsense, but Lucy Kellaway finds they are no longer the only ones capable of talking guff

24.10.10

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59

CleanListening to customers can be bad business

Management accepting humiliation in order to satisfy customers seems like a good thing but Gap’s climbdown on its new logo is feeble, says Lucy Kellaway

16.10.10

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60

CleanWe need more CEOs willing to speak out

Everyone lives in mortal dread of getting into trouble – CEOs are all shacked up together in a glass house in which no stones ever get thrown, says Lucy Kellaway

9.10.10

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61

CleanPower posing and flattery beat an MBA any day

To make it, you simply have to fake it, according to Lucy Kellaway

2.10.10

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62

CleanTime to spit out more praise for Apple

The exchange between Steve Jobs and Chelsea Isaacs prompts Lucy Kellaway to congratulate him on his clarity, tetchiness and for being completely in the right

25.9.10

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63

CleanWords to describe the glory of Apple

Like most Brits, I find success in others pretty hard to cope with. When that success is combined with good looks, I can’t tolerate it at all. Apple’s continued glory eats away at me like a maggot at my core.

21.9.10

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64

CleanWhy CEOs cry all the way to the bank

Bob Diamond is full of energy and enthusiasm. He likes taking risks. He is determined: he knows what he wants and goes for it. He is fearless, cheerfully taking on a job he has little experience of. He speaks (relatively) simply. He has been known to throw tantrums. He is greedy and always wants more. I’ve never met him, but on the strength of what I’ve been reading about him I’m absolutely confident that he’s going to make an excellent new chief at Barclays. This is because he accords perfectly with a brand new theory of leadership that is surprising, radical, yet utterly compelling. This theory says that the best CEOs are just like toddlers.

14.9.10

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65

CleanTwitter is no way to manage a smelly mess

On the bank holiday weekend, the political satirist Armando Iannucci was driving along the M40 to spend a couple of days in Snowdonia and stopped off at a Starbucks on the way. As he is a man who likes to record all his thoughts on Twitter, he dispatched this message to his 80,000 followers: “Still surprised that, despite their market dominance, Starbucks haven’t eliminated the slight smell of lavatory you get as you enter.”

7.9.10

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66

CleanPersonal life has invaded the office

Over the past decade there has been a steady onward march of objects, activities and emotions from hearth to cubicle, so there is now almost nothing left that belongs entirely at home.

31.8.10

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67

CleanAntidote to the dreariness of modern life

Last night I did what I always do when I am feeling jaded - I got out my boxed-set of Mad Men and immersed myself in the hedonistic, glamorous world of Maddison Avenue in the 1960s, when all women were a 38 triple-D cup, all men drank scotch from lunchtime till bedtime, everyone chain-smoked and fornicated whenever they got the chance.

16.8.10

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68

CleanWhy financiers are leaders in drivel

The e-mail was waiting for me on my return from holiday, just as I knew it would be. Shortly before I went away, I had written a column in which I had borrowed not merely someone else’s idea but his very words. At the time I thought I’d get away with it, but in the middle of the night had woken in a sweat. In the age of the internet, plagiarists nearly always get punished.

14.8.10

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69

CleanNice dud is key to office harmony

Last Tuesday, during the final assembly of the year at my daughter’s school, pupils said goodbye to a teacher who was being elbowed out. Miss T was famous for her feebleness at imparting knowledge; the new broom of a head had decided it would make more sense to give the job to someone who could teach instead.

13.8.10

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70

CleanIt’s time to sack job appraisals

Last week an e-mail went round the office touting for suggestions on ways to improve our performance appraisal system. My suggestion is dead easy and dirt cheap: get rid of the whole thing and replace it with nothing at all.

13.7.10

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71

CleanDon’t just dress down on Fridays

In Britain they are cutting about a million jobs. In France, they have axed the Bastille Day garden party. All governments are looking for ways big and small to cut spending. But there is a better way that no one has yet considered: cut Fridays.

6.7.10

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72

CleanIt is time for the gender gap to be kicked into touch?

The only difference between male and female managers, says Lucy, is that women are less confident and more hung up on approval.

29.6.10

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73

CleanBP has become the company we all love to hate

It's not just Americans or lefties or environmentalists who now hate BP. Everyone else seems to as well.

23.6.10

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74

CleanA self-help guide for Sir Terry Leahy

Lucy's list of key "don'ts" for a retiring chief executive

15.6.10

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75

CleanPrinciples for living we could all do without

Lucy on Bridgewater chief, Ray Dalio, and the list of his top 300 rules for life.

23.5.10

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76

CleanWhen the FSA came calling

A summons to a 90-minute interview with the financial regulator sends Lucy reeling through the five stages of grief

16.5.10

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77

CleanIt's the little things we should fret about

One of the comedies of working life is pretending to care about the big things, says Lucy Kellaway.

8.5.10

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78

CleanFabulous Fab is far scarier than you think

Is Fabrice Tourre one of the most boastful men in the world, or is the Goldman Sachs trader a man who looks dispassionately at himself and is well aware of his weaknesses?

1.5.10

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79

CleanAsh cloud helped productivity

It was miraculous what the volcano did to conferences, meetings and business trips.

24.4.10

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80

CleanThe joys of long service

Does 25 years at this paper make me a disgrace, asks Lucy Kellaway

20.4.10

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81

CleanMy first law of success: a big lucky break

Most successful people have had big lucky breaks at birth and a succession of smaller ones thereafter

27.3.10

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82

CleanGeneration game plays out on Facebook

The gap between the Facebook/non-Facebook generation is wider than the gap between my generation and our parents

20.3.10

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83

CleanYou can’t always get what you want

The current trend of using rock bands as models for business school study is deeply flawed.

14.3.10

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84

CleanWhy feedback forms leave me fed up

The wrong questions are asked at the wrong time to people who generally are in no frame of mind to answer them properly

6.3.10

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85

CleanA corporate calendar that is so last year

‘A client a day’ makes no sense at all, especially in a business where people often work with the same client for months on end, says Lucy Kellaway

27.2.10

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86

CleanWhy insensitive bosses make more sense

This is the single most sensible word I’ve seen on the flabby subject of leadership in at least a decade, says Lucy Kellaway

11.2.10

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87

CleanMy new motto: Nomina Rutrum Rutrum

Latin gives oomph, partly because it lends an air of learning but also because most people have to look it up, says Lucy Kellaway

7.2.10

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88

CleanMemory doesn’t matter when you have the net

The only essential things to remember are one’s computer login, pin number and the names of a few workmates, says Lucy Kellaway

1.2.10

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89

CleanClooney won’t do in business

I can think of three possible explanations why in mainstream corporate life in the UK and the US, the ugly mug rules, says Lucy Kellaway

23.1.10

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90

CleanMy proven formula for cheerfulness

The most depressing day of the year is upon us. But Lucy Kellaway says she has found a better way to keep up morale than the motivational gurus

17.1.10

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91

CleanWhy forecasters should stick to the weather

Cold air has been blowing out of the Arctic, and hot air has been blowing out of the mouths of business forecasters, says Lucy Kellaway

10.1.10

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92

CleanGood year for management guff

Even in bad times, some can still push the envelope and go the extra mile when it comes to talking bull, says Lucy Kellaway

2.1.10

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93

CleanTomes to make you groan

There is no shortage of bad business books, but Lucy Kellaway feels that giving them as ironic presents to bankers would be irresponsible

20.12.09

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94

CleanGive office idiocy Dada treatment

I come across a lot of angry people in the course of my work, writes Lucy Kellaway. They take exception to anodyne things written by me.

16.12.09

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95

CleanRebels who look ridiculous

A bright tie, red socks, a flash of crimson in the lining of a suit – these attempts to stand out in the office smack of desperation, says Lucy Kellaway

6.12.09

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96

CleanHow to land on your feet when speaking in public

What Lucy and J-Lo have in common; and how to avoid boring your audience when speaking in public

28.11.09

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97

CleanWhen too much information harms the office

Staff are responding to overload by not digesting anything. No one reads e-mails any more – except from the boss, writes Lucy Kellaway

22.11.09

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98

ExplicitThe return of managerial bone-headedness

The bear market in bull may be over but the bear market in courage is not. Fear and paranoia are even more a part of corporate life, argues Lucy Kellaway

14.11.09

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99

CleanFor better or for worse, but not for work

To allow husbands and wives to co-work has always been a bad idea financially, socially, practically and emotionally, says Lucy Kellaway

8.11.09

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100

CleanWhen a longer working life is good for us all

Work is a bit like taking exercise. It can be boring and stressful while you are doing it but it is preferable to not working, says Lucy Kellaway

1.11.09

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101

CleanWhy ‘chillaxing’ isn’t cool

Chilling is seen by today’s children as the natural order of things. However, taking it easy in the office is not a good idea, says Lucy Kellaway

18.10.09

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102

CleanTaboo or not taboo? Some new office guidelines

A search for the sacrosanct subjects of the workplace was almost fruitless as most of the old strictures at work are on the way out, but there are still some no-go areas, says Lucy Kellaway

11.10.09

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103

CleanThe perils of opening your medicine cabinet at work

Gordon Brown’s questioning over whether he takes pills to cope with the pressure reveals the new taboo in the workplace, says Lucy Kellaway

4.10.09

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104

CleanHow to be a top female boss

Anna Wintour's longevity in the fashion industry and hard-nosed approach provide a useful model for women executives

27.9.09

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105

CleanDrug dealers are perfect gurus in a recession

With their ruthlessness and brilliance at managing cash flow, hustlers such as the reformed 50 Cent can provide useful lessons to executives, says Lucy Kellaway

21.9.09

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106

CleanLetting the office go to the dogs

Bring your dog to work day may uncover some uncomfortable office truths, says Lucy Kellaway

13.9.09

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107

CleanWash away management’s verbal germs

In my book, cleanliness is not next to godliness. Necessary up to a point, but quite dull, and not something that deserves a place in management literature.

7.9.09

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108

CleanWomen in the boardroom

After decades of discussing women in the boardroom we should have gained enough confidence to go post-PC, argues Lucy Kellaway

5.7.09

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109

CleanTake it easy about ageing

As contemporaries seemed to have stopped playing the obsessive game of age comparison - its time to join them, says Lucy Kellaway

28.6.09

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110

CleanThe missed trick in the new pay reality

With employees paid to stay at home, the relationships between work and leisure, and money and no money are breaking down, says Lucy Kellaway

21.6.09

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111

CleanSchool exams fail the office test

They teach lessons about work that you need to unlearn pretty smartly if you want to get ahead in business, says Lucy Kellaway

15.6.09

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112

CleanKudos to bosses who use praise wisely

At a time when no one can afford to reward people with more money, to reward them with handouts of 'what a star' would seem a no-brainer, says Lucy Kellaway

23.5.09

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113

CleanUnderdog tale sheds light on pushy parenting

It does one good to fail in a small way. It means one then has to work hard to catch up, and that one may have a fresher way of doing things, says Lucy Kellaway

17.5.09

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114

CleanHow a thief gave me 10 reasons to be grateful

It was a great morale boost that this time I was victim rather than perpetrator, and people have been astoundingly sympathetic, says Lucy Kellaway

10.5.09

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115

CleanHow to take safe revenge on the boss

Lucy Kellaway says anti-boss rage is more in vogue than it has ever been in her lifetime. She watches the display with alternate surges of glee and discomfort

18.4.09

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116

CleanWhen chore-chore means war-war

The trick is not for husbands and wives to get to a 50:50 share when doing the housework. It is to stop counting and to stop minding, says Lucy Kellaway

5.4.09

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117

CleanCareer counsellors should find a new job

The whole idea of advice is hopeless: the best tests in the world would not help, as there is no formula for matching round pegs to round holes, writes Lucy Kellaway

29.3.09

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118

CleanWork is the subject songwriters are labouring to avoid

Work has been overlooked in pop lyrics: there are office novels, office sitcoms and office movies, but almost no office songs, writes Lucy Kellaway

22.3.09

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119

CleanThere is a Fred Goodwin or Dick Fuld in all of us

There are many theories about the mess we are in, but it is simply what you get when you take human beings and put them in an organisation, says Lucy Kellaway

15.3.09

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120

CleanLord Lucan and the vanished charm of desks

What has happened to the office desk over the past few hundred years tells of the fall of the craftsman and the rise of Ikea but it also says much about what has happened to the penpusher and office worker, says Lucy Kellaway.

9.3.09

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121

CleanManagement metaphors are out for the count

I have seen an article that marks the first evidence from the management guff industry that a soft approach is finally on its way out and a hard one is on its way in.

1.3.09

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122

CleanWelcome back, semicolon; cu l8r, informality

The pendulum has swung away from slouchy language towards correct usage of punctuation in emails, helped by the recession.

22.2.09

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123

CleanStay smart and pull your socks up

To survive this economic downturn we need to smarten up and buckle down. We really need to get some work under our belts.

15.2.09

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124

CleanMy new guilt as a selfish working mother

An idea about the happiness of happiness that had given me solace these last two years has been rudely overturned by the conclusions of a report, says Lucy Kellaway.

8.2.09

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125

CleanI have fallen into recession web of fear

Through blogs, websites and e-mails the economic ills of the world are fed to us on a drip all day long, multiplying troubles everywhere, says Lucy Kellaway.

31.1.09

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126

CleanNothing to fear from your inner child

I dare say the US president hoped his words would resonate beyond the toy cupboard and sweetie jar, but even so they are feeble advice, says Lucy Kellaway.

24.1.09

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127

CleanMemories of my $10m trading blunder

The first episode of a business reality television programme rammed home the message that being a trader is the worst job in the world. But it is in reality TV that Gordon Brown could really make his mark in hard times, says Lucy Kellaway.

18.1.09

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128

CleanA cool reaction to colleagues' colds

Lucy Kellaway finds she has little time for those who abandon work for their beds because of a cold, despite the chill wind of recession blowing outside

11.1.09

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129

CleanTwaddle thrives amid the turmoil

Lucy Kellaway laments that management twaddle and gobbledygook haven't faded away with the recession

4.1.09

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130

CleanExpect to get dirty when a name is mud

If your occupation involves making off with money from investors, then it is proper the name Made-off reflects that. There is a fine tradition at work here.

20.12.08

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131

CleanMoney is the new secret of a happy job

When your job is at risk and your savings are a shadow of their former selves, the search for meaning at work becomes meaningless in itself, says Lucy Kellaway

14.12.08

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132

CleanA risky hug in recessionary times

In the cause of research for a novel, Lucy Kellaway explores the world of internet adultery, and finds that, as the market for banking jobs goes cold, the market for adultery is getting hotter.

7.12.08

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133

CleanThe worst since 1929?

Newspaper articles in these tumultuous, fatal, not-seen-since-the-Great-Depression times are so tightly packed with cliche that it is hard to do anything other than join in, says Lucy Kellaway. But she says we must be careful not to overstate things.

30.10.08

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134

CleanA supercalifragilistic answer

If bankers want to understand the global financial crisis, what better way, Lucy Kellaway suggests, than to watch classic film Mary Poppins. They will find a film, she says, that manages to be 'soothing, perspicacious and upbeat all at once.' Time to listen to your inner chimney sweep.

13.10.08

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135

CleanFlatulence is no longer tolerated

As the global financial crisis deepens, Lucy Kellaway says the glory days of the management bullshit industry are well and truly over. But she admits the return of sense may not be entirely welcome.

5.10.08

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136

CleanThis novel approach to the chief's role is pure fiction

What chief executives could learn from reading novels

30.9.08

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137

CleanAdvice for ex-bankers with long positions in Mars bars

Should we be sickened at the news of formerly well-paid Lehman bankers jostling with their vending cards for the last Mars Bars? Lucy Kellaway asks just what kind of character is needed to survive the financial meltdown and to find another job.

18.9.08

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138

CleanWhy salaries are the final taboo

The global movement to end salary secrecy is flawed, says Lucy Kellaway. It is relative, not actual, pay levels that determine happiness, and sometimes it is better not to know

18.9.08

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139

CleanTeen troublemakers and business parents

If you are a business leader your children can screw up as much as they like without harming your career prospects at all, says Lucy Kellaway

10.9.08

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140

CleanThe pen is mightier...

Lucy Kellaway goes back to school with a brand new pen lid, which offers a lifetime of pleasure - putting modern gadgets to shame

3.9.08

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141

CleanThe City lawyer, the intern and the strip club

You don't need to be a lawyer to know that strip club, summer intern and clumsy pass all up to trouble, says Lucy Kellaway.

19.8.08

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142

CleanDying wish to spend more time in the office

Thinking about death generally encourages people to come up with dodgy philosophies about life, says Lucy Kellway. The best way of living is not to think of death at all

28.7.08

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143

CleanA strange kind of capitalism

Mervyn King, governor of the Bank of England, set a 'lousy' example by turning down a pay rise, says Lucy Kellaway. For a capitalist economy to work, we all need to believe that more money is a good thing.

20.7.08

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144

CleanMy guide to snoopology

Easily the most satisfying job I've done in two dozen years as a journalist was writing a series of articles describing the offices of famous chief executives. For a brief period, I was allowed to indulge my natural nosiness - and get paid for it.

14.7.08

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145

CleanBoard battles won on playing fields

Nearly half of the chief executives of Britain's biggest companies have gained awards for their prowess in the field of sport, says Lucy Kellaway.

6.7.08

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146

CleanShock of BPC: before personal computers

To mark the retirement of Bill Gates, inventor of Windows, Lucy Kellaway decides to turn off her computer and Blackberry, and write and think with a fountain pen. Can she survive?

30.6.08

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147

CleanWhen complaining to wrong person is right

One might think that the American purposeful complaint is better than pointless bellyaching, but in fact both can prove to be highly enjoyable.

22.6.08

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148

CleanA bouquet of office barbs

I have been out collecting a botanical array of dangerous workplace blooms, words that can spoil our day, our week - or our career.

17.6.08

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149

CleanLetter-writing chiefs: you're fired

I am running a competition in which a chief executive has to woo his customers with a letter. My finalists are Vikram Pandit and Johnnie Boden.

22.5.08

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150

CleanMarriage demands due diligence

Being in love is like being on drugs. Do we let people who are off their heads on cocaine make important decisions? Of course not.

17.5.08

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151

CleanAim low to find meaning at work

The only answer to the growing problem of worker unhappiness is to stop trying to find a solution and get on with what you do.

10.5.08

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152

CleanDecade's spaced-out legacy in business

Even though in offices 1968 did not happen until about 1988, the ideas of the 1960s still affect how we behave and think at work.

4.5.08

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153

CleanWe'll never know how women would run the world

In truth we don't have the foggiest idea what life would be like if women ran the show. So far we have only isolated, untypical examples.

27.4.08

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154

CleanIf there were no losers, we wouldn't have any winners

Win-win? Instead of pretending that everything is a win, the good leader needs to get better about wining and losing

20.4.08

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155

CleanGive managers the 'nanny test'

It isn't easy to keep a person happy in a job that is poorly paid and involves much wiping of bottoms. Managing a nanny is management at its most extreme.

13.4.08

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156

CleanOn my own monetary matters, nuttiness kicks in

Knowing the difference between personal fiscal prudence and being a spendthrift is one thing. But being able to keep a tight rein on your personal spending is quite another.

6.4.08

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157

CleanSeven type's of rot

'Your call is important to us'... Lucy Kellaway provides a rot analysis of business talk, looking at phrases that mean the opposite of what they pretend to mean.

31.3.08

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158

CleanTrapped workers develop a line in doodling

It is wrong to see doodling as something to do when bored. Instead, it is what we do when we are forced to listen to someone else.

16.3.08

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159

CleanPut an end to the trauma of the telephone

E-mail is much derided for interrupting our day's work, but it is as nothing when compared to the noisy, intrusive, brutal phone.

10.3.08

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160

CleanGreen holiday that makes me see red

The National Trust gave its 5,000 employees a leap day holiday - but they had to spend time making their own homes more environmentally friendly. Should companies force us to be charitable?

2.3.08

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161

CleanRekindling a 25-year bond

At the annual get-together of the alumni of JPMorgan I realised that part of my life may have been weird but it was not an irrelevance, says Lucy Kellaway

24.2.08

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162

CleanHappiness is finding your inner receptionist

When we were young we had something to prove. As we grow older, we realise that just as few doors are open to us as when we were young.

9.2.08

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163

CleanUnpolished exchanges put soul into shopping

A local shoe mender has unknowingly supplied me with all the delightful things that large service companies are striving in vain to provide.

3.2.08

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164

CleanAccenture's next champion of waffle words

An e-mail from Accenture's group chief executive is troubling because it shows top people write jargon even when they think no clients are looking.

27.1.08

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165

CleanIndulgence is no way to manage a bleating luvvie

Artists are no different to any other profession; they need to be managed too, so they can go on getting better. Lucy Kellaway delves into the business-like approach that financier Guy Hands plans to take with musicians at EMI, and asks: should you be prepared to discipline a creative at the risk of losing them?

20.1.08

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166

CleanBonuses for the incorrigibly childish

The granting of investment bank bonuses is a ruinously expensive, tiring and highly political game in which almost everyone emerges a loser. Here's how the game works.

13.1.08

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167

CleanA New Year's resolution that will last

What do workplace experts and coaches tell us about making new year resolutions? And can Lucy find one she can keep?

6.1.08

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168

CleanA year of breakthrough thinking from top twaddlists

Lucy gives out her 2007 awards for management nonsense

30.12.07

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169

CleanKeep marriage counsellors out of the office

At work I'm a pussycat, compliant and pathetically keen to please. At home I am a tyrant, brooking no opposition from anyone. So why do people think there are parralels between good marriages and good colleagues?

16.12.07

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170

CleanExpress your anger - it is all the rage

For me work is one long rage opportunity - starting with the fact that the machine that dispenses hot water for tea is on the blink.

10.12.07

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171

CleanLeaders in need of a good idea

The title 'thought leader' offends for several reasons. And when the term is used there is usually no sign of any thinking or leading going on

2.12.07

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172

CleanThe headhunters' disease

Saying anything that makes any sense at all is enough to disqualify one from joining what practitioners call the 'executive search space'

25.11.07

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173

CleanSecret science of persuasion

Has Lucy been getting it wrong for 600 columns? A US professor in psychology and marketing has explained how some campaigns can work, including plying your audience with caffeine

18.11.07

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174

CleanReasons for being miserable at work

The three things that really make most workers unhappy are actually rather basic - they are the work, the people and the general environment

11.11.07

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175

CleanThe battle is lost, going forward

Going backward: how the phrase 'going forward' has infected business conversation

5.11.07

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176

CleanReasons for effing and blinding

This column is about strong language, which explains why it contains some. Swearing can be useful in the office, but there are some rules you should follow.

21.10.07

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177

CleanStrap on the sensors and step out into the future

Imagine a brave new world where electronic tagging of employees brings the study of management out of the dark ages. Lucy Kellaway peeks into a frightening future as scientists strive to answer why some companies and managers are so good - and others so bad.

14.10.07

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178

CleanThe joy of fresh stationery, gossip and lattes with lids

A new theory of happiness says the only reliable pleasures in life are the small ones. So what small pleasures can you find in an office?

7.10.07

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179

CleanA word in your ear

Listening is really easy - any old fool can do it - so it can't therefore be a key skill for CEOs, argues Lucy Kellaway. So why do so many business leaders go on about it?

30.9.07

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180

CleanWhy lies can save your office blushes

The problem with being truthful about missing work is the reason can be embarrassing or implausible.

23.9.07

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181

CleanThe real reason why there are fewer women at the top

The glass ceiling or labyrinth fall short of explaining why women don't make it to the top. Perhaps, argues Lucy Kellaway, women should look at themselves.

9.9.07

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182

CleanTake a bracing dip in September's overflowing in-box

Long ago, before e-mail, the return from holiday was a leisurely thing

2.9.07

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183

CleanWe are not family

'We' doesn't imply teamwork or even people who like each other. It is just the mundane experience of office life

19.8.07

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184

CleanFleeting pleasures of August without the A-team

There are many reasons to be happy in the office in August - but needless e-mails from control freaks on holiday isn't one of them.

12.8.07

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185

CleanJust say No to the new managerial cult of Yes

For people in any position of authority the ability to say no is the most important skill there is.

22.7.07

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186

CleanSome uncharitable thoughts on millionaire generosity

Being generous as a millionaire doesn't make you different to the middle classes, says Lucy Kellaway. An act of true generosity is a rare event whether you are a millionaire or not.

15.7.07

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187

CleanToday's punishment is meted out with politesse

A corporate bollocking just isn't the same as it used to be: PR people have taken over and emotion has been outlawed.

8.7.07

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188

CleanI've found the worst employee handbook ever

Forty-one years ago, chairman Mao distributed 900m copies of The Little Red Book to the people of China. A couple of weeks ago, Deloitte distributed thousands of copies of The Little Blue Book of Strategy to its US employees. Apart from the difference in colour, the two books have much in common

1.7.07

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189

CleanPut real business on TV and I'll reach for the remote

Business telly, so the newspapers tell us, is 'the new rock and roll'. While it isn't exactly cool, it is increasingly popular. But is it really about business?

24.6.07

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190

CleanGoogle will make recruits less frugal with the truth

Lucy sees reasons for cheer in the new 'world without secrets'

17.6.07

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191

CleanMotivational memos must make their message clear

Lucy asks 'what is the worst motivational memo ever?'

10.6.07

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192

CleanThe real problem with multitasking is bad manners

Some sorts of multitasking in the office are clearly efficient. But using a BlackBerry in meetings is rude, as is noisy typing when on the phone.

3.6.07

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193

CleanPrivate parties and shameless schmoozing

The crossover of business and private parties creates problems for the guest. It is helpful to know which sort of do you are at, so you can behave accordingly, says Lucy Kellaway

20.5.07

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194

CleanLeisurely retirement? Think again

When it comes to retirement, are you Buffet, Gates or potato?

13.5.07

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195

CleanThe ups and downs of the daily grind

Do you work well when you are miserable? Are happy workers the most productive? This week, Lucy keeps a diary to see how her moods affect her work.

7.5.07

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196

CleanTone down the hatred and retain your dignity

This week, Lucy looks at rage, pettiness and rivalry between companies.

29.4.07

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In iTunes ansehen

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