Expert Advice from HelpMeSara
By Sara Dimerman
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Podcast Description
Sara Dimerman is a Canadian therapist, parent educator and author of books "Am I a Normal Parent?" and "Character is the Key". In this podcast she will be answering questions that you, and many others like you, may have about a variety of topics. To submit a question please use the form at http://www.helpmesara.com/contact/.
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Resolving conflict: answers to how bullying may be handled in your child’s school | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • What restorative/restorative justice means? • How long the restorative justice model has been used and how it evolved? • Other options for dealing with bullying issues • How the restorative justice model works • Who facilitates this process in schools • The benefits of being with the right facilitator in a safe, supportive environment • The risks of being with a facilitator who is not trained/certified • How parents can familiarize themselves with the model being used in their children’s school in relation to bullying • How teachers and administrators can encourage the restorative justice model as an intervention and form of prevention | 4/29/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Parenting an autistic child – a moms journey | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • Possible causes of autism • Signs to look for in recognizing that your child may be autistic • The roller coaster of emotions when raising a special needs child • The impact that raising an autistic child has on the family • Treatment options when caring for an autistic child • How to advocate for your autistic child at school • What to consider regarding school placement – mainstream or a specially contained classroom • How treatment programs can be integrated into the school/educational system • Practical strategies that can make a difference – at home and school • Resources and supports for parents and children Related links: • An Unexpected Life: A Mother and Son’s Story of Love, Determination, Autism, and Art | 3/26/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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3 |
Secrets to raising a healthy eater | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • What a “healthy eater” means • At what age children become more discerning in regards to taste and texture of food • Whether children’s tastes and eating behaviour change as they grow • Tips for parents on guiding their children towards healthy eating habits • What and who the most important influencers on a child’s eating behaviour are • Whether its okay for children to skip meals, eat “junk” food and not eat the vegetables on their plate • Tips on how to eliminate meal time power struggles eg getting children to try new foods and refusing what has already been prepared • What a “picky eater” means and how to deal with one • Working as a family towards healthy eating behaviour | 2/10/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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4 |
Parenting a distractible, inattentive or hyperactive child | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • How to identify signs that your child may be more distractible, inattentive or hyperactive when compared to the average child his/her age. • Reasons why your child may be distractible, inattentive or hyperactive. • What steps to take in order to have your child assessed and by whom. • Why a formal assessment may be key to getting your child the help he/she needs • The tests that may be used to assess your child. • Treatment approaches to dealing with children who are distractible, inattentive or hyperactive. • How to advocate on your child’s behalf at school and outside of school • Dos and don’ts when dealing with a child who is distractible, inattentive or hyperactive. • What resources and supports are available to you and your child. | 1/8/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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5 |
The Tween & Teen years: what’s normal, what’s not | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • What changes to expect in behaviour and attitude from your 12-18 year old. • The most powerful influences on your tween/teen during this stage of life. • What you can do to keep your adolescent connected to your family. • Setting limits and what to do when your child goes against them. • What to expect and how to respond if your child is using drugs, alcohol or engaged in sexual behaviour. • How to promote healthy self esteem in your tween/teen. • How to detect the early stages of an unhealthy relationship with food or body image and what you can do about it. • How to detect self injurious behaviour such as cutting and what you can do about it. • How to detect depression or other mental health issues in your child and what to do about it. | 9/19/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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6 |
Parenting an anxious child | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • How to identify signs that your child may be more anxious than an average child his/her age • What steps to take in order to have him/her assessed and by whom • The different kinds of anxiety disorders e.g. phobia, separation anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder and what this all means • Different treatment approaches to dealing with anxiety in children • Your emotional reaction to learning that your child has an anxiety disorder • How to advocate on your child’s behalf at school and outside of school • Dos and don’ts when dealing with an anxious child • What resources and supports are available to you and your child | 8/27/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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7 |
Separation & Divorce: The ABC’s of helping your family cope with change | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • The normal range of mixed emotion you will experience after the separation. • The most common mistakes that parents unintentionally make with their children after the separation. • The most important factors to keep in mind in order for your children to be least affected by the changes to your family. • The best ways to respond to your children’s most common questions such as “will daddy ever come live with us again?” and “do you still love mommy?” • How to cope with the changes to your social life: what’s there to do when you’re feeling lonely on a Saturday night. • The domino effect: how to deal with friends and family who are feeling the impact of the changes too. • When, where and how to introduce your children to a new partner. • Resources and supports available to you. | 8/20/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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8 |
Parenting a child with learning difficulties | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • How to identify signs that your child may have a learning difficulty. • What steps to take in order to have him/her assessed and by whom. • Why a formal assessment may be key to getting your child the help he/she needs. • The standardized tests that may be used to assess your child. • Whether your child may be stigmatized as a result of being diagnosed Learning Disabled. • Your emotional reaction to learning that your child has a learning difficulty. • How to advocate on your child’s behalf at school. • What resources and supports are available to you and your child. | 7/23/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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9 |
Parenting your child to sleep | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • How to identify signs that your infant, toddler or preschooler may be manifesting more sleep related difficulties than the average child his/her age. • Reasons why your child may be having sleep problems. • Steps to take when dealing with a variety of sleep related issues such as: • a child who refuses to fall asleep on his/her own • a child who wakes at night and calls out to you • a child who is experiencing daytime sleep difficulties • a child who may be waking up earlier than the norm • a child who is experiencing sleep terrors or nightmares • The pros and cons of the family bed. • What is sleep training? • The pros and cons of sleep training. • Dos and don’ts when dealing with sleep related difficulties. • What resources and supports are available to you. | 7/17/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Parenting a child with a developmental delay | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • What is a developmental delay. • What are the warning signs of a developmental delay. • Types of developmental delays and the areas/skills the child may experience difficulties with (e.g. self-care, play, sensorimotor, fine and/or gross motor, cognitive, social skills). • Possible reasons why your child may be developmentally delayed. • How a developmental delay is identified • Why a formal assessment may be key to getting your child the help he/she needs • What are early intervention services and why is early intervention important. • The OT (Occupational Therapy) assessment(s) that may be used to assess your child. • OT (Occupational Therapy) treatment approaches to addressing the areas of difficulty in children with a developmental delay. • Your emotional reaction to learning that your child has a developmental delay. • How to advocate on your child’s behalf at school/daycare and in the community. • Dos and don’ts when dealing with a child who has a developmental delay. • What resources and supports are available to you and your child. | 6/25/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Am I a Normal Parent?: Reassurance and advice you’ve been looking for | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • What defines a normal parent • Whether or not “normal” is all that its cracked up to be • What thoughts, feelings and behaviours you share in common with others • What percentage of parents feel bad (guilty) when they’re mad and what you can do if you’re one of them • What percentage of parents tell their children “I’ll be there in a minute” but really take ten or more and whether or not this is such a bad thing • How many parents feel that they are slaves to their children and unappreciated. What you can do if you’re one of them and want to turn things around. • How many parents feel judged by others and if you’re one of them, what you can say and do when you feel this way. • What percentage of parents struggle to find time for their children, other adults and themselves and if you’re one of them, how to balance things out. • How many parents have a hard time deciding where to draw the line between being protective and over protective and if you’re one of them, how to figure it out. • How many parents threaten with punishment but then don’t follow through and how to become more consistent. • What percentage of parents give in because of peer pressure and whether this is ever okay. | 6/5/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Badly behaved kids: Who’s to blame & what you can do about it! | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • Why children misbehave. • The many influences on our children and how to combat them. • Who has the most power and influence on our children. • How individual temperament, personality and genetics play a role in “bad” behaviour and whether this can be changed. • Why children who are demanding, stubborn and strong willed may be better off in the long run than obedient, passive children. • Why using the word “bad” is no good. • How a parent’s self fulfilling prophecy can lead to positive or negative behaviour. • The difference between praise and encouragement and which works best. • How even negative role models can provide learning opportunities to develop positive behaviour. • How to build character (strong morals and values) in your children and your family. • How to cope with some of the more common behavioural concerns e.g. not getting up for school or going to bed on time, not telling the truth, homework hassles, breaking curfews. • Whether or not it’s important that both parents (together or divorced) be on the same page when parenting. | 5/28/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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13 |
Parenting a child with speech/language delays or difficulties | Over the course of this episode you will learn more about: • How to identify signs that your child may be speech/language delayed compared to the average child his/her age. • Reasons why your child may be experiencing speech/language difficulties. • What’s the difference between a speech versus a language concern. • What steps to take in order to have your child assessed and by whom • Why a formal assessment may be key to getting your child the help he/she needs • The tests that may be used to assess your child • Various types of speech/language delays or difficulties e.g. stuttering, voice disorders, receptive language delay, expressive language delay, phonological delay, articulation difficulty, motor speech disorder • Treatment approaches to dealing with speech/language delays or difficulties in children. • Your emotional reaction to learning that your child has a speech/language delay or difficulty. • How to advocate on your child’s behalf at school and outside of school • Dos and don’ts when dealing with a child who has a speech/language delay or difficulty. • What resources and supports are available to you and your child. | 5/14/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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14 |
Single mom frustrated with impolite teenaged daughter | Signed, Feeling Helpless | 4/7/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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15 |
Single mom struggles with disciplining her four year old | Hi Sara, I am a 25 year old mother of a 4 year old little girl. I am running out of ideas on how to discipline her properly and have her understand she has to listen or else there are consequences. I have tried time out in the corner and her room, taking things she enjoys away, quiet time etc. She is very bad because I let her get away with things for too long and now I feel its too late. I also have trouble with sticking to disciplinary actions that I am trying to enforce and I give in way too much! She says bad words at day care and hits and yells and also has been saying “I hate you” or “I dont love you!” to people when she doesn’t get her way. I explained, as did her daycare, that these things she says are unacceptable and hurtful to people around us. People we do in fact love and care greatly for. I just dont know what else to do. I am panicking because she is going to start pre-school next year and I want her attitude fixed, but I want to do it right. Can you give me any ideas or pointers? | 3/31/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Mom wanting her daughter’s friends to leave their cell phones and iPads at home | Recently my daughter wanted to have a sleepover with a few friends. Both of the friends she wanted to have over had iPhones, iPads and cell phones. We dont feel our daughter has any need for this as of yet. We have, in the past, found that these friends bring these devices and then text other kids instead of engaging with friends often leaving each other out. I’m not sure if its ok to ask kids to leave their cell phones and iPads at home or check them at the door. I have spoken to their parents to ask how they feel, but they dont seem to think there is any reason for concern. Please help, I need some advice. | 3/29/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Cultural clash between parents at home | Hi Sara, I am a first generation Canadian Born Chinese and my wife had immigrated to Canada and has Canadian Citizenship. We both live in Vancouver, BC and have two kids.My first child is about to start Kindergarten and my second child is still in preschool. I want my kids to speak more English at home so that they can do better in school but my wife disagrees and wants them to speak more Chinese at home.From my past experience, when I was elementary school, I had problems with English grammar. My teachers said to my parents that I should speak more English at home to improve my English skills to do well in school and since then my parents have been speaking English at home.My wife is accusing me of killing our cultural identity saying that I’m teaching our kids to forget their mother tongue. Now I’m in a flood basement scenario, help! | 11/18/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Toddler becoming unravelled after birth of her sibling | Hello Sara, I am a mother of two. My son was born a month ago and my daughter is almost 3 and half. She’s unravelled and thus so have I.I thought I prepared her but unfortunately for all of us she has a very defiant and jealous streak. I’m not sure who needs the therapy me or her. I feel like I’m failing her as a parent. Her tantrums, defiance, disrespect is making me fall to pieces. I’m shocked and angry. Everyone keeps saying it will pass and she will get used to her new brother but I can’t help but think that although the time will pass and she will adjust, something within her is drastically changing and our bond is being affected.I used to watch episodes of The Nanny and think “How could things get so bad?”. Well, in the last three weeks suddenly my reality has totally changed to one of those embarassing episodes.Please help. | 11/17/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Talking respectfully about ex spouse in front of children | Hello Sara, I was listening to CBC radio the other day and heard your discussion on divorce. I am recently separated and my ex is very angry, bitter and does not say nice things about me in front of our 10 yr old daughter. I make a conscious effort not to do this about her dad, however he did it even before we separated. My question to you is what would you recommend I do in this situation? Also what book could you recommend? I really enjoyed listening to the radio program although I did not catch it from the beginning. Thank you for your assistance. | 11/16/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Single mother introducing 5 year old to new partner | Hi Sara, I’m so glad I found your website! I had alot of unanswered questions and your article about children & a new partner gave me comfort. I need some advice on how a 5 year-old can accept someone else in place of their father. Although she isn’t attached to her father she might be jealous but then again its not the right time to introduce anything at the moment right?? I just need some brief advice, anything will do Thx for your time, appreciate it! | 11/15/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Grandmother stressed while 17 month old grand daughter sleeps over | I am a grandmother for the first time and simply adore my little granddaughter who is now 17 months. My problem is that I am very nervous when she sleeps overnight. I have tried it twice – once when she was 6 weeks and once at 5 months – and I get so nervous that I get the runs and cannot sleep at all. I worry that I will be too tired to look after her all night and all day. How can I just relax and be myself with her and not worry so much when I take her all night? I love looking after her during the day or even in the evening while her parents are out (I KNOW they are coming home eventually so I’m okay). ANY suggestions would be so helpful as my daughter-in-law has again asked me to take her overnight or for the whole weekend and I’m in panic mode!!!Lori | 6/28/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Mother of young children resentful that husbands work schedule does not allow her to work outside home | Hi Sara, please help me. I’m a mother of 2 children who are 3 and 4 years old and a stay home mom. My 4 year old goes to school from 9am to noon and my 3 year old is at home all day. I want to get a job but I have to consider my husbands work schedule – from 4pm to 2am (or even until 6am if they’re really busy). Everytime we fight this becomes the issue, following the money issue. I also have a jealousy problem and my husband did something stupid that he thought it would help me but it just made me crazy. If you could give me advice I would really appreciate it. | 6/9/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Mom of five year old concerned about change in sons behaviour when boyfriend is around | Hi Sara, I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. During the past year my five year old son and my boyfriend have been hanging out at least once a week, no sleepovers yet. My son likes my boyfriend but whenever he is around my son misbehaves – he whines, cries and just isn’t himself.My boyfriend wants us to move in with him eventually but if their relationship doesn’t improve I dont see it happening. How can I get my son to behave appropriately around my boyfriend? I think my son views him as a friend and someone to play with.Your thoughts? | 6/9/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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New mom’s maternity leave ending – apprehensive about leaving her daugher with others | Hi Sara – I would really appreciate some feedback on this topic. My maternity leave has ended, and so I started looking into home care & daycare providers. I myself had a bad experience with a babysitter when I was younger and, as my husband likes to say, I’m an “overprotective” mother.I’m having real trust issues when it comes to leaving my daughter as well as an overwhelming feeling of guilt. It seems like no one is good enough to watch her unless they’re a close relative; and even then my cell phone is always in my hands or beside me. I’m tempted to stay at home but money would be extremely tight and I’ve been considering home care but alot of people say it’s really hard work, and I should do it because I want to, not because I have to.Do you have any suggestions as to how to make up my mind and feel confident and happy with my decision in the end? | 6/4/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Extremely talkative five year old frightens off prospective friends | Hi Sara,We have a great but extremely talkative boy who will be 5 in June. He has a great vocabulary, but doesn’t possess any natural shyness. When on elevators, in the store, no other child is safe from him chattering endlessly about his toys, likes or talents. Other kids often just stare, mouth agape, not knowing how or where to begin. He scares away potential friends, which scares me. I want him to be well-liked and know how to relate to others, as he will begin primary school in the Fall. How should I address this issue without squashing his exuberance? | 6/3/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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19-year-old overweight son failing at university and not doing well emotionally | Dear Sara,My son is 19 and is overweight (275 lbs). He was consistently in the honour roll during high school and graduated as an Ontario Scholar.He received a scholarship during his first term at university in September 2009, which was also his first time living away from his family. When his grades were released we found out that he failed his 3 core courses. He told us that he was overwhelmed with his first university experience and had procrastination problems. He had also gained more weight and told us that he was always sleepy. He retook the courses but he again failed those same 3 core courses. He told us that he could not explain what happened, he knew what he needed to do but was just too lazy to do more. He also mentioned high expectations from us and we told him that we only expected him to pass this term. We told him to find a summer job and to find a way to get out of the rut he is in. We know that addressing his weight problem is the priority and are having his health assessed. We are scared to go for counselling because we don’t want our son to simply be diagnosed as depressed and then prescribed medication.We just want to help our son and stop this downward slide as early as possible. We are thinking about boot camps so that he will develop self-discipline skills. We are also thinking about enrolling him in diet clinics so that he can lose weight and not feel too sleepy. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with our problems best?Thank you in advance and more power to you. | 6/2/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Divorced mother helping daughter get to know her new partner | I have been divorced for 11 yrs from my daughters Dad. We still do a lot of holidays and birthdays together and had another child who is 3 years old.We never remarried and parted 1 year ago. I found someone who is 14 years younger and my daughter wont have anything to do with him. She doesnt know him but tells me that she doesnt feel comfortable around him. They’ve met 3 times and I have known him for about 2 years. How can I help her get to know him? She tells me if I choose him then I can only see her every other weekend!I don’t know where to start with this… | 4/12/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Concerned about daughter touching her private parts | My eight year old daughter is already paying a lot of attention to her private parts, especially with the shower head, she said it is because it tickles.Is this normal for her age? | 3/30/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Mom worried about crying children | I have a 4 1/2 yr old son and an 8 yr old daughter. Both are great kids except they cry at the drop of a hat and my husband & I are at the end of our rope! My daughter is getting better as she gets older but my son cries because his pants are too short or because he’s not as good at Super Mario Wii as his friend. I try to tell him that it doesn’t matter and he will get better with practice but he doesn’t believe me and says he’ll never be good. If he gets into a fight with his sister and we have to step in they both start to cry. When they get angry they end up crying. When they are frustrated they start to cry.The other day I was going out to the store with my daughter and my son was going to stay home with my husband. When I told my daughter to get ready I looked over and my son was sobbing. I asked him why he was crying and he said “because I’ll miss you” and he said he wanted to go with us. I said no, he had to stay home with his dad and they would probably watch TV. He’s trying to stop sobbing and wiping away his tears as he says, in this sad little voice, “but what if I start to cry?”.I mean he’s already thinking that he’s going to cry and nothing’s happened!I know we shouldn’t get mad, but we’ve just had enough! Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.Regards,Mom who’s really starting to worry | 3/29/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Running out of potty training patience | Sara, I have no idea where to turn anymore when it comes to potty training. I think we have done it all and our patience with our 3-year-old son has run out. I am expecting my second child any day now and my plan was to have my oldest son trained before the arrival of this baby. My sitter is wonderful and has had great success in the potty department with my son. I believe he has been going for her since he was around two. To make life easier for her I started buying Pull-Ups and he never seems to wet them when he is at her house. So to keep the pattern going I asked her what it is she does at her home. She simply calls him and says “Owen go potty”. He drops whatever he is doing and goes all by himself. At home we have tried to do the same but it has failed. We have tried bribes (smarties, stickers, etc…), we have taken him shopping to pick out “big boy underwear” recently but he wore them and dirtied them.It seems that if we let him run around without anything on he will go potty by himselfbut as soon as he has anything on, pull-up, diaper or underwear, he will do his potty in that. Is there anything else that we can do?I have sat with him and explained that when wearing his Thomas underwear he cannot pee or pooh on Thomas. I don’t know if he actually understands. I am almost ready to give up on potty training altogether sometimes. Any advice you can give would be helpful. We have also noticed that when his friends visit and they go potty with their parents he will go too. Having other kids around seems to make it easier for him.Kellie | 3/3/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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New mom worried about infant’s language development | I am a new mum and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last month but I am already worried about how to bring him up and knowing if he is developing normally, especially with his speech. My question is how do I know that my childs language is normal? | 2/26/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Adopting a Stepson | Hi Sara, my name is Jennifer, I might be in a hard situation and was wondering if you can give me some advice. I have a 2 and a half year old son whose biological father left me when I was 2 months pregnant. He has never called to find out how his son is, has never seen him. I have been with my fiance for over 2 years now and we have an 8 month old together. My older son has been calling my fiance his daddy, and thinks he is his dad; my fiance and I would like him to adopt him. My son doesn’t know anything about his biological father and I’m scared to tell him about him. My dad ran into my sons biological uncle recently and was told that my sons dad, after almost 3 years apart, wants to see him. I am very upset about the whole thing and am terrified for some stranger to just walk into my sons life like that. Would you know anything about what we need to do in order for my fiance to adopt my son?Please and thank you,Jen | 2/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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How should a father deal with being cut off from his kids? | Sara, I love my kids so much more than any regular father. My wife and I were the primary care givers and took good care of the kids since day one but my wife laid false criminal charges against me and has blocked all types of communication between me and my kids. I am going crazy here. We have been separated since September 3rd 2009 and I’ve only been able to see them twice since then. We have not been able to get a court date earlier than March 10th 2010 and the judge does not like to bring an emergency motion for access before a case conference. Please tell me what to do. I wake up in the middle of the night crying for my kids. My kids are my life and can not live without them. They need me more than anyone else. Please advise me. | 2/8/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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An introduction from Sara | If you’re looking for advice or direction, you’ve come to the right place.With 20 years of experience in helping families and individuals through difficult times, I’d like to give you the opportunity to ask me questions, get some advice, and benefit from my responses to others too.So send me your question by writing to me through helpmesara.com or have your voice heard by leaving a message on Skype.My account name is helpmesara.Try to keep your questions concise because you’ll be cut off after two minutes.I’ll be answering new questions every week so keep checking back. | 1/26/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
| Total: 34 Episodes |
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