23 episodes
Cell U.R. - A Sci-fi Musical Comedy Radiodrama audiobook of Vampires and Human Cellphones Mark Plimsoll
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4.0 • 1 Rating
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Vampires dance with Goths around campfires far from the rainy Metroplex- as the Central Computer says in Cell U.R. "Most entertainment consists of beautiful people on sexy adventures without kids, because real life is the opposite." Imagine a near future, when nanotechnology allows doctors to install speakerphones on the inside of everyone's ears, a microphone in their throat, and scanners that record through the eyes. All citizens enjoy a permanent connection to the internet.
One human cellphone loves two women; the tattoo artist, belly-dancing Gypsy fortune teller Vampire Elvirus, and a SuperUser's abandoned, beautiful, Wiccan, earth-mother, equestrian daughter named Louise.
In this multi-media comedic satire of everything you love about B Movies and black-and-white thinking, Mark Plimsoll presents adult themes with elegance and style, buried in slang or scientific jargon, in a way almost suitable for all children of most ages, even those who can vote. Cell UR allows us to exercise our intelligence and imagination with a story "low on violence and saturated fact." Sometimes songs propel the plot; Borderline, Wiccan Moon, Imagine a Future, Santa's Lapp Dance, In Trouble, Meet Yer Expectations, Kiss and Tell Eternity, Whiplash, Onda Beach, Weird Beautiful, etc.
Will Gnathal receive his new Personal Customized Transporter in time to invite Vampire Elvirus to tattoo his backside on the beach as the sun sets, to realize four of his life goals, five if she's of another race? Will the Siliconoid Aliens catch the reality show Spaceship Rambler (before Andrea loses her virginity) and exact revenge on all DNA life forms? Will Maximilliano Duroc, Global President of Metroplex, declare war in language people understand? What evil lurks in the war-torn Devastate, besides genetically modified organisms and the everyday terrors of nature at night?
Cell-UR describes the near-future Twenty-first century's human conditions in humorous metaphor, through the eyes of a 'normal' industrialized, connected, urban "metrosexual" adolescent coming-of-age as part of something bigger than himself, to learn that true evil …
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Blood Cuddling
In this Earth-shaking climax, Vampire Elvirus suggests Gnathal get an education with the song "Bong Hits for Jesus." He Who Never Forgets announces peace, while his haploid daughter Louise agrees to wed confirmed-bachelor and vampire-to-be, Gnathal. He separates himself from Christopheles Rex to become a family man with one big, 'happy ever-after' kiss of passion heated by a burning secret deep inside...
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Dis Funk Shun
The Dragoons attack, Gand nathal finds himself the central vortex of a sea of amulets in the night. The doctors aren't sure it's a baby. The Alien Spaceship enters Earth's Time-space, and Vampire Elvirus reveals her true self with timeless tales of modern, politically connected vampires that re-examine the nature of sex and masculinity in a world where technology allows human females to clone themselves to the song "Kiss and Tell Eternity."
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G******g
Gnathal, along with Vampire Elvirus and her huge dog Wolfie, must try to rescue Louise from the gangbangers, the Imp Udents. Spaceship Rambler gives its final podcast to a planet that fails to respond in kind.
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Lost In Foam and Uncoupled
The Children of the Greatful Dead of Night flood the Metroplex with purple foam to hide the invasion of yellow school buses. A plague of Dragoons darkens the skies, and invading denizens of the DevaState occupy Metroplex property. Fearful Metroplexuals, unused to disconnects from the Central Server, flee into the DevaState. The perimeter of the Metroplex explodes in programmed fury against the illusion of a siege. The Imp Udents kidnap Louise.
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Consexual Scent
They torture Gnathal with the song "Whiplash" to psychologically prepare him for Confession to the Warden in his Last Words, just before he serves his life sentence of Civil Death. Rescued by the over-heated Louise, he helps her father, a Super-user, initiate a top-secret terabyte transmission that gives the Metroplex a new Computroler. The State clears the thunderstorms so all can watch the warring spaceships orbit the earth, but a reflected nuclear blast destroys the Twin Bong Towers and the resultant electromagnetic surge renders all electric circuits, and thus all transponders, useless.
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The Pleasure Coma
After the followers of Christopheles kill the imposter, Gnathal becomes Public Enemy Number One, and the gangbanger Impudents threaten to kidnap Louise. During the song "Metroplex Anthem," Gnathal gets hit by a TASESOGSV weapon and captured. He finds himself incarcerated in the Pleasure Coma, where a computer virus infects him with the song "Cell Udot Rdot."