Onetinleg MP3 Downloads
By Rob Hunter
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Podcast Description
Forays into the Fantastic: Sci-Fi and Fantasy, Slipstream and Magical Realism. Previously published stories as read by the author. You are invited to browse the complete compendium of lovers, losers, and part-time demons. I'm glad to have you as a listener. Enjoy.
| Name | Description | Released | Price | ||
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1 |
ExplicitSaint Velcro™ and the Swan | It had been, by the saint’s count, a thousand years or more since the last tour passed through—Attila and his Hunnic Horde, their hardy ponies pulling an endless cavalcade of Airstream trailers that stretched to the sunrise. "I’m a martyr," said the saint. "Martyrs don’t shoot back." | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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2 |
ExplicitGrasshopper Dreams | In death as in life Pansy Graham was preceded by the clinging aura Dicey Pease identified as the yellow bar soap provided by the Daughters of Milo. As the neighborhood women―wives, mothers―undid the corpse’s nightshirt, the smell issued forth: an aroma of heathery dawns on a highland moor with industrial bass notes of citronella and carbolic acid. | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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3 |
ExplicitThe Walking Lesson | Sleepless, Simon stared through the dark at the ceiling he knew was there. He used his cane to reach the stairs, then his walker to reach the car. It was ten degrees below zero, but the car started on the first crank. | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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4 |
ExplicitBlue (as in an Early Frost) | The closed library smells of cluster flies, old books, hardly strange in a library, and an indefinable something―funerary linen from some millennial boneyard, perhaps. Elizabeth Profitt Pease strains to open the window. Shut. Tight. "What have I done for myself lately?" Libby Pease asks no one in particular. "Not much," she answers, "have I?" Libby regards the pottery jar that contains her father's ashes. | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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5 |
ExplicitThe Queen's Head Part 1 | The heart-breaking beauty— the original of the flesh and blood face with the moondrop eyes— resided, a carved and painted sandstone effigy, in the Bureau of Antiquities, the face of an ancient queen. The Sender of Dreams had sent him either a true dream or a false dream. It was for him to find out which. | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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6 |
ExplicitThe Queen's Head Part 2 | On Chalifoux the consolations of religion offered no hope of an afterlife below the rank of Adjutant, Hdqtrs Attached. Tech Spec 5 and up might hope, but the paperwork required to hold a place in line for Paradise was considerable and most gave up on it. Poachers, mopers, gawkers, evaders of the excise―the common lot, enlisted personnel included―were encouraged to take their pleasure in the here and now. | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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7 |
ExplicitThe Queen's Head Part 3 | There had been a summons to the carpeted office at the end of the file-drome. Miss Queazing flashed him a melting smile, exposing a dazzling six-inch length of polished incisor. One of her fangs had been drilled and inlaid with an intaglio Tree-of-Life design. It sparkled with diamond chips. | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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8 |
ExplicitThe Queen's Head Part 4 | A Queen Empress is dependent on handouts from a thousand squabbling feudal overlords. The feudal lords are at the mercy of their clan chiefs. The chiefs can't make a move without approval by their clans, and the clans their septs. In late feudal times, a new ruler appeared— the Tetrarch, thus named because he holds administrative authority at the pleasure of the Four Houses: The lords, the chiefs, the clans, and the septs. The Queen, in theory, stands above the Tetrarch, while in practice she is ceremonially seated—higher by an inch or so, and slightly to the rear. | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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9 |
ExplicitThe Queen's Head Part 5 | What are we doing here in this place dedicated to capturing the gasses and fluids of expired citizens, determining what and who caused the cessation of a productive, taxpaying unit? Does a corpse really care if it was happy before it came here? Alas, the song is gone and we are celebrating the phonograph. | 11/7/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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10 |
ExplicitTwo of Swords | Capt. Futvoye Halfnight, D.D.S, popped his dropped eye into its socket. "Ahh." What he saw ahead was not reassuring. "Ohh..." A great gnarly man was leaning against a tree and staring at him. He was naked but for the skin of a tiger which he wore nonchalantly over one shoulder. "You pilgrims should carry rearview mirrors. You leave an inventory of lost lesions and dropped appendages all over the landscape," said the man. | 11/6/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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11 |
ExplicitMark Twain in Milan Part 1 | Suspended in mid-ceiling, yellow work lights cast fitful shadows every hundred feet; a half foot of water in a concrete channelway reflected oily rainbow ripples. There was a distant vibration of machinery. If I had gone to Hell at least they kept up with the electric bill. | 10/22/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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12 |
ExplicitMark Twain in Milan Part 2 | A woman popped out of thin air beside me. She was swinging a serious looking cavalry saber. She gave me the once-over and attacked. I ducked. Her pale gray eyes grew huge. "Oh, terribly sorry, old chap. I thought you were someone else," she said. "Are you still alive?" I said yes. "I say, good fun, what?" she remarked. A bullet zinged past and we dived under the desk. | 10/22/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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13 |
ExplicitMark Twain in Milan Part 3 | "So we have been called here by a power greater than ourselves?" asked Sam Clemens. "Most likely The New York City Transit Authority," I said. Another invisible express rumbled by on the Lexington Avenue line. The noise mounted to a crescendo. | 10/22/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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14 |
ExplicitThe Death of James A. Garfield | Calumet City, Illinois is the fallen sister of Hammond, Indiana. That the Calumet River had once caught fire was legend among the guys at the Antlers bar. The two towns straddled the state line. Calumet City was blue neon beer joints with electric country bands; all the bars had strippers. This particular bar was called the Calypso. The same woman as last time twitched above the bar, partaking of a private epiphany two feet from the end of her nose. | 7/11/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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15 |
ExplicitThe Prophet Harry | Appearances count for a lot in rural Maine; every soul is a member of some church, high, low, Pentecostal or other. Check one please. It was not thought overly strange when Harry Profitt Pease took to wearing an aluminum foil hat to confuse space aliens, nor when he was observed in conversation with the black and white spotted pig that followed him around. He had been, after all, the star center on that state championship team. | 5/13/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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16 |
ExplicitThe Runaway Bungalow Part 4 | Oswaldo O'Rourke y Nuñez prowled the night by the light of a moon three quarters full. He dressed in black. Many wore black— priests, hippies, country and western singers, but the blackening of the face was surely a mark of perpetration. Ozzie crouched to pray behind the big green dumpster in back of the Pick 'N' Pay— a futile prayer to a bogus saint, San Expedito. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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17 |
ExplicitSong of the Rice Barge Coolie Part 2 | On the countertop the lone ant groomed its antennae. "You are going to kill your husband. He is wearing out, then?" The ant was dusted white from its struggle through the arsenic buffet Ginny had just laid out. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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18 |
ExplicitCherokee Purple Part 2 | If you read pulp fiction from the wire racks at the bus depot as avidly as I do—full color covers, tumbled towers, heroes like Doc Smith and Conan the Barbarian—you would realize clairvoyance, if not the bona fide article as defined by Modern Science, had better be taken into consideration. As things will do in a dream, a shovel appeared in my hand. I started digging a foxhole. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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19 |
ExplicitThe Francher Part 2 | In fairness to the former owner of Claude's prize scalp, a wayward Detroiter lost in the woods, he had never heard of Claude Ellis; he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and had been dead anyway, along with a whole lot of others. The Over-Homers most likely caught them sniffing around and shot first. The Canadians were OK, not like the government men: rendezvous, free food, free w***es and no trouble. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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20 |
ExplicitThe Runaway Bungalow Part 3 | "This is plastique," Patricio explained, as though lecturing a museum tour. "In it is a radio detonator controlled by my associate in our airplane. If your associates inside..." he tapped the Mercedes, "...have any transmitting equipment with them, I should caution them against using it. This is a finicky device." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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21 |
ExplicitThe Missingest Man in America | "I am Joseph Force Crater; I am a judge of the New York State Supreme Court. I am not the Adversary. Your chastity is safe with me; I am a Democrat." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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22 |
ExplicitCherokee Purple Part 1 | Thelma Wagstaff blew herself away as she sat on her high red upholstered stool supervising the cash box at the White Street Billiards and Snooker. Thelma hit the floor like she had fallen out of an airplane, no parachute, and her pistol went bouncing toward Ed Seitz and me. Ed and I were absorbed in the cushion shot he was negotiating. We did not look up; there was a fiver riding on Ed's shot. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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23 |
ExplicitTomcat | His great green eyes invited her to share a secret knowledge, intimating she was trusted, but not yet ready for a full revelation. Her species would have to mature. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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24 |
ExplicitA Special Providence | "I thought there was a special providence that looked out after these things," said Gerry. A ten-dollar jackpot dropped into the takeout drawer. "There is," said a voice. "And don't whack the machine, the lottery corporation doesn't favor muscleheads abusing church property." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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25 |
ExplicitMagnetic Betty | Magnetic Betty explained the problem. "And so you see, things fly through the air and stick to me when I walk by. None of my friends' mothers will let them play with me." "A tricky business," replied Dolby Jenks, World's Champion Detective. "Not my field, I'm afraid, Betty. I would suggest that you find different friends with different mothers." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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26 |
ExplicitE Pluribus Human | "YO, BABE!" a man's voice blared at Grenadine McKenzie, "SURPRISE, YOU'RE PREGNANT." The face digitized, fell apart, then reassembled itself. A line of empty pixels ran across a tanned chin. One eye twitched. "Gotta go. Kissy-kissy." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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27 |
ExplicitThe Last Teddy Bear | "Where is the bear when the bear is not where the bear should be?" asked Frankie Jelinek's husband with sweet reasonableness. "Ever think about that?" "No," said Frankie, "I don't. Wherever teddy bears go. Maybe a picnic." Steve gave his wife a sleepy kiss and rolled over. Supernatural phenomena were not in the baby care books. Yet... | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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28 |
ExplicitBoys Night Out | Hillary pushed the platter of cookies across the center line back to Sally’s side. “We went the Lysistrata route―Aristophanes? Withholding sex, that got their attention. First we tried threats and confrontations about those things they will keep on dragging home to bury in the yard―the boys can’t recall anything of their midnight rambles or so they say. Dear, please don’t let your mouth hang open like that.” | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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29 |
ExplicitThe Moose in the Noosphere | The man, an Algonquian, met the moose head on on a springy forest trail. The moose had come that day to drop his antlers and wanted to be alone. It had been an open winter, roots and lichens dying off for lack of snow cover. With bad foraging the moose was tired and irritable. The moose had dropped antlers before and anticipated the loss with regret. His antlers amplified the fall of snow, the separation of a dry leaf from its stem, the impact of a pine needle on the padded forest floor. To go antlerless was to imitate the solitude of starvation and withdraw into himself as into a heavy, windless snowfall. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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30 |
ExplicitThe Diplodocus Effect | Teaberry Balcom held the marble between a thumb and forefinger. He squeezed and the marble dripped like an overripe grape. There was a roll of distant thunder and an aurora borealis blazed in the cloudless midday sky. "Oops, too tight," he said. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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31 |
ExplicitThe Tirewoman Gabriel | Twice a year and regular as clockwork, when Barbara's School of the Dance trots in the latest corps of majorettes and ballerinas, the classic backdrop―Mediterranean hillsides with Raphaelite shepherds and shepherdesses discreetly about their distant businesses―was always requested. In addition to shepherdesses on their backs in the grass under fluffy clouds, there is a backdrop of a convent garden at dusk. Giant bumblebees prowl thick wisteria, vines knot to frame a lovers' bower. Before the foreground, hogging the floor, lies a toppled faun, his lips curled in a sneer of passion. I could not bear to throw the stuff out. Some day someone would want to be immortalized with a leering, panting satyr. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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32 |
ExplicitThe Red Sneaker Zones | Libby Pease accepts having her own personal shaman as an article of faith, which faith she could not tell. The dead Indian smells rank, but not unpleasantly so: fresh earth clinging to over-wintering vegetables, plug-cut tobacco and molasses. He wears a loincloth and is well muscled, albeit stringy. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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33 |
ExplicitThe Ninepatch Variation | Libby Pease remembers her girlhood as a litany of lost callers. Now a visitor: William Powell has misplaced Myrna Loy. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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34 |
ExplicitFacelift | Lord Zorgon of Alymeade sighed, a great exhalation redolent of smoldering carpets. "Where was I? Facelifts, yes. Women, whatever their ages, never wish for sensible things like orthotics or a tonsillectomy." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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35 |
ExplicitThe Beewolf Part 3 | "Ahh..." From the bottom of the bag Titania came up with a very old-fashioned and lethal-looking large-caliber pistol. "Hit the floor, I'm going to make some noise." She thumbed the hammer back and closed her eyes. "This is only slick if it works, otherwise it's monumentally stupid." The commission cop let fly a thundering volley from her huge, and by now unauthorized, gun. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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36 |
ExplicitThe Year They Invented Frozen Lemonade Part 2 | Linda's mother is secretly tickled at the patronymic of Linda's intended. "Winkelman? His name is Winkelman? That's the same name as ours. It sounds like incest. The neighbors will think your father was screwing some babe in Yonkers." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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37 |
ExplicitDead Man in the Yard | There was a dead man in the yard this morning. I checked in my wallet for my latest picture of the front yard. I have a collection of yard pictures that goes back for years but I usually carry only one photo at a time. No, he was a new arrival. I called Sheila. Sheila is my ex-wife. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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38 |
ExplicitKlein, the Clone | Twins play which kid's got the papers. Originally published as The Flags of All Nations Hors D'eouvre Toothpick Caper. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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39 |
ExplicitA Pass on the Tabouli | Errol Flynn, aged 120, has been kept alive with hormones and organ transplants until 2025 for the last, final, remake of Kipling's Kim. It will be a musical. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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40 |
ExplicitAn Unwarmed Fish | It was always Thursday in the Ferguson and McLaughlin Family Bar, Tables for Ladies, all Thursday, all the time. But this Thursday a different barmaid. "Hi, I'm Bambi. The Divine Artemis couldn't make it. The demiurges are chucking quoits today." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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41 |
ExplicitThe Perfect Homburg | Duckpin bowling in Taunton, Massachusetts. A duel over a magic hat sacred to Artemis, sister of Apollo. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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42 |
ExplicitI Want to Share Your Wheat | Prosper Epilegomenes is a mouse demon in service to Sminthian Apollo. He blows up a car dealership and kills a troublesome neighbor. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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43 |
ExplicitMcMuckle Makes a Minyan | The ineffable, unnamable God of Hosts stood with a burly, bearded personage who held a bar towel draped over one arm, a symbol of his trade. The golem toyed nervously with an ear. "My people should quake at My unutterable Name, not fall on their tukhes," God sighed. The ear came off. "Bim... this is not about you. Try to stay on topic." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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44 |
ExplicitDaphne Longhandle's Last Flight | "See that, Franklin?" said Eleanor Roosevelt. "That's O'Brien." Franklin observed a line of stars on the eastern horizon. There were four. "Oops, sorry." Eleanor nodded at her new constellation, O'Brien, and the fourth star blinked out. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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45 |
ExplicitScope Virgin | The woman at the far end of the kaleidoscope had not been there last week, of this Simon was sure. She was naked or near enough, thinly dressed in a diaphanous veil. "Holy s**t!" Simon Alexander breathed on the lens and gave it a wipe with his sleeve. "I see that I have your attention..." said the woman, "...finally." | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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46 |
ExplicitSong of the Rice Barge Coolie Part 1 | "My sister, is she dead? Go and give her a poke, would you?" The great white presence that was the Lady Mother of the Long Walkers indicated the row of captive queens on their dais beneath her, deferentially lower. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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47 |
ExplicitChimaera Constant | "Sweet Jesus!" Elizabeth Profitt Pease has— for just a moment, a split second— the queer idea that there is an eyeball in her teacup. "Uh... hello, eye." The eye does not speak. She takes a swallow of Dr. Pomeroy's straight from the bottle and shakes her head to clear it. She squints; the eye in her teacup squints back— the eye is hazel and clear. It is her mother's eye. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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48 |
ExplicitPlatterland | It was a real nice laying-out, tasteful. Well, maybe not so much tasteful particularly, but neat. They'd got Ed's left arm attached to his head and not his shoulder. And they had the remaining right arm attached on the left side. To look like them, I supposed. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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49 |
ExplicitThe Francher Part 1 | An odor of mint attracted the francher to an unpromising patch of brown scrub. It spread its fetlocks, a legacy of embedded Przewalski horse genes, and arched its neck down to feed. It munched contentedly for some minutes then collapsed. The francher's nostrils flared as it gulped at the thin unsatisfying air. Wide speckled eyes bulged; oval pupils stared. Under the brilliant glare of the high, dry sun its knee joints cracked, emitting soft popping sounds. An Andean vulture circled closer. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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50 |
ExplicitThe Beewolf Part 2 | There was a thump, more felt than heard. The sunflowers bobbed on their stalks and kilometers distant concentric rings of geothermal steam billowed as a cargo hoist sprang from its catapult and flew glittering toward the horizon. Heads turned to the spacedrome. This was the daily big event on Chalifoux. As the winged container skimmed a ridge of hills its motors cut in. Spiraling magentas and greens surrounded it with a scrambling palette. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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51 |
ExplicitThe Beewolf Part 1 | A tall insect with feathery antennae and a nervous tic paused before the mirror of a machine plastered with multicolored blurbs announcing it as a dispenser of a popular brand of chewing gum. The walking nightmare spoke to his human companion. "Harry, you wait with the bags, there's a good fellow." Evenly modulated tones carried the force of a command. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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52 |
ExplicitThe Runaway Bungalow Part 2 | San Expedito was fussing with his military kilt. "This better not be birdlime, Barney. Or so help me..." Oswaldo pretended to read, pointedly ignoring his patron saint. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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53 |
ExplicitThe Runaway Bungalow Part 1 | The p***s with the butterfly tattoo arrived in the mail that afternoon. A plain cardboard box, book rate. Inside a bubble-wrap cocoon was the plastic bottle, Sue Bee Honey. The norteamericano supermarkets displayed these in tidy rows near the peanut butter. The butterfly's wings hung limp in a golden haze of honey as though it had only just left its chrysalis and paused in the sun to dry. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
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54 |
ExplicitThe Year They Invented Frozen Lemonade Part 1 | "I am midtown. Manhattan?" Linda Winkelman speaks her question out loud in the middle of the rush hour push; no one notices. She can not recall who she is or why she is here. "I remember lemonade," says Linda. Buildings disappeared, people disappeared. Now it is her turn. Linda Winkelman was born the year they invented frozen lemonade. | 4/10/10 | Free | View In iTunes |
| Total: 54 Episodes |
