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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 167

No preamble. Podcast 167 comes exactly 21 weeks after Podcast 166, due to philosophical differences. Here we are again. Same attic, same settee, same hardware, same mugs, same lighting, less clutter, slightly different feng shui, nothing to prove, and arguably too much to talk about, and argue about. Does it work? Only you can decide.

4/11/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Bonus Pretend Podcasts Pt 6

BONUS! PRETEND PODCASTS! The Tugwell Tape Pt 6: The End Of History. Yes, having regaled you electronically with the entire 6 Music archive with the music taken out, from the end of 2006, through to the end of 2009, this is the final Collins and Herring 6 Music appearance of that period, and also historic in its own way: our first dep for Adam and Joe on Saturday morning, at which point we had no idea we'd ever be asked to do it again. So, on 8 November, 2009, we attack this hallowed slot with gusto, as it were. Audibly nervous, we. In the pic, you can probably sense those nerves. Having decided who's Adam and who's Joe, we discuss 'invasive' headphones, invent Diary Wars, the forthcoming ITV drama series Collision, ballet, Flight of the Conchords, and whether or not Andrew is using his 'audiobook voice' on the radio. What fun we all had. Another big thanks to archivist Graham Tugwell. Without him, the past couple of months would have been a wilderness with wind whistling spookily through it.

20/9/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Bonus Pretend Podcasts Pt 5

BONUS! PRETEND PODCASTS! The Tugwell Tape Pt 5: In this penultimate offering from the celestial Graham Tugwell Collins and Herring 6 Music archives, we find Andrew and Richard being invited for the first time ever to co-host someone else's show, in this case Jon Richardson's popular Sunday morning show. Their excitement is palpable. The talk moves from euphemisms to shortened names via Jon's Good Deeds feature, our version of it, cleverly called Bad Deeds, and the first ever accusation that Richard just plays with his phone when he should be working. The picture accompanying the podcast is actually accurate; it was taken via the studio webcam on the exact date of this historic recording, May 31, 2009. Apologies for the occasional technical blip. This is us, not you.

13/9/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Bonus Pretend Podcasts Pt 4

BONUS! PRETEND PODCASTS! The Tugwell Tape Pt 4: The next four vintage 'pretend podcasts' (they weren't podcasts) from Andrew Collins and Richard Herring, coincide with the filming of the latter's ITV1 comedy-drama You Can Choose Your Friends. Among those topical things discussed on consecutive Saturdays 24 Feb, 3 March, 10 March, 17 March 2007, are: the tumescent lump in David Beckham's shorts; a gigantic, 35-ft squid; a little girl making a stupid face behind Leader of the Opposition David Cameron in Israel; Beth Ditto's squirrel diet; Tony Blair on Comic Relief; Louis Walsh being kicked off The X-Factor (that dates it, right?); and Richard's nude scene in the aforementioned comedy-drama. Don't we sound young?

10/8/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Bonus Pretend Podcasts Pt 3

BONUS! PRETEND PODCASTS! The Tugwell Tape Pt 3: Bone-us! As if there aren't *enough* podcasts with Richard Herring on, here are the latest Tugwell Tapes, Pt3, ie. music-free recordings of the half-hour topical review that Richard used to do on Andrew's Saturday afternoon 6 Music show in the Olden Days of 2006-07 (and turned out to be a prototype for what became the Collings and Herrin podcast a year later). There are four here: 20 January, 27 Jan, 3 Feb, 17 Feb 2007, and what a wonderful, prelapsarian world it was, with pre-watershed chit-chat about spliff-denying Leader of the Opposition David Cameron, still-alive Jade Goody, still-insurging Iraqis, and the tantalising possibility of a Someone Likes Yogurt DVD (now *that* dates it).

1/8/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Bonus Pretend Podcasts Pt 2

BONUS! PRETEND PODCASTS! The Tugwell Tape Pt 2: three more 'pretend podcasts' from that weird yesteryear-style parallel universe when Andrew had a regular weekend radio show on 6 Music and Richard was his jolly guest, and these music-free newspaper reviews were a brief initiative. We reach the end of 2006, including a solo show by Richard on Christmas Eve, and two shows from the beginning of 2007, a brave new year - and just three months away from it all being taken away from us - 7 January and 13 January. The tone continues to be silly and cheeky and mischievous and topical and giggly; David Cameron is leader of the Opposition, Tony Blair the Prime Minister, Ruth Kelly something to do with education, a man from the band Towers Of London seems to matter, David Beckham is moving from Real Madrid to LA Galaxy, and in Andrew's shameful and self-indulgent absence on December 24, the lovely Lucy Porter plays the Richard role to Richard's Andrew. And yes, Richard does manage to get the phrase 'brackish' onto national radio during the day. (Thanks to archeologist Graham Tugwell for these finds. Incidentally, the webcam pics that accompany these bonus podcasts are not specific to the recordings, but are roughly correct in terms of era, and specific to the studio.)

6/7/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Bonus Pretend Podcasts Pt 1

BONUS PRETEND PODCASTS: THE TUGWELL TAPES Pt 1. Thanks to podcast-counting buccaneer archivist Graham Tugwell, we have unearthed the whole of the Collins and Herring Pretend Podcasts, which weren't podcasts. It's the weekly newspaper review Andrew and Richard used to do at weekends on 6 Music nearly five years ago, but with the indie music filleted out. They began in November 2006, when we were all young and excitable and suitable for family listening, and were made available to listen to for a week each. What you're hearing is the water-birth of the Collings and Herrin Podcasts (it was this item that we were attempting to reproduce when we began podcasting in March 2008). There are three here, from November 26, December 10 and December 17, 2006, and among those things discussed in a genial and silly manner are: Peter Hitchens, leader of the opposition David Cameron, the concert for Princess Diana, Guardian wallcharts, the news that Lembit Opik had started going out with a Cheeky Girl, Britney's pants and Russell Howard seeing Big Ben for the first time. Innocent times.

28/6/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 166

In Podcast 166, Richard takes sluggish to new levels and Andrew singularly fails to awaken the Kracken of his usually ebullient personality, even when he reveals that Malcolm X wrote a prototype of the famous joke, 'I'm not saying I'm Jesus, that is for other people to say,' and tries to recruit him for further singalongs, including The Dambusters Theme. Further attempts are made to enliven Richard for what must surely be our last podcast if he keeps this up, including a potentially lively discussion about politically correct censorship of dogs and centipedes, during which Richard inadvertently conceives his next two BBC pitches. (You'll have to listen to find out what they are.) Meanwhile, his actual BBC comedy drama script languishes unwritten for over an hour, with the last word written - 'help' - taking on a whole new profound significance. We can only apologise. Blame Ricky Gervais at the Seinfeld aftershow.

10/6/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 165

At last! The Podcast 165 Show! Although we threatened the end the podcast last week, we decided to keep it going for one more week, as Andrew was coming round to Richard's anyway before they went off to see Jerry Seinfeld at the O2 Arena in London and they had some time to kill. On a swelteringly hot day, in order to get through one more podcast, Andrew was forced to drink some pinot grigio blush beforehand, and a single 4% proof American beer during, while Richard didn't. The highlights are forensically well-remembered Monty Python sketches and songs, which may baffle our younger listeners, but which will transport people in their forties and fifties to a happier time for British comedy, when stand-ups didn't make 4 million a year. This podcast also stands as a tribute-cum-warning to national treasure Stewart 'Wart' Lee. If you were in Mrs Markilee's class at Cobden Junior School in Loughborough circa 1975 and recognise yourself in the photograph accompanying this podcast, do get in touch! Let's hope Seinfeld is on more disciplined comedic form. Altogether now: Immanuel Kant was a real pissant, he was very rarely etc. etc.

3/6/11

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10

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 164

It's Podcast 164, which shall be called Podcast 165, because we can't count. No, it is 164. It is. Because the last one was 163, which is the number that comes before it. The question is: will it be the LAST EVER Collings and Herrin Podcast? The two double espressos inside Richard's system certainly did their best to make it so, as did the combined force of three machines of loving grace: the Tascam DR-100 which refused to reformat itself in time for us to use it, and was still reformatting when we'd finished, and our two Macs (Richard's GarageBand broke down, and so did Andrew's, at different points, and for different reasons, except it was the same reason, which is: The Terminator is coming true). Anyway, Ryan Giggs, Imogen Thomas, Art Blakey, Barack Obama, Benedict Cumberbatch, Rufus Hound ... these are some of the people we talk about. But only one of them is a magic pixie. Find out who by listening to what may be the longest podcast we've ever done. But it may be our last. So. This podcast was not sponsored by Paddy Power.

25/5/11

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11

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 163

In podcast 163, we start free-forming and spitballing Richard's next Edinburgh show, What Is Love Anyway?, by having a shouting match about whether Prince Charles fancies Camilla Parker-Bowles, his wife, more than he fancies P***a Middleton, the sister of his daughter-in-law, and if, when asked, he says he does fancy Camilla more than P***a, he's lying or simply making a compromise based on the sum of her parts. It's going to be a hell of a show. Despite being a little frazzled between a 60-mile train journey from Northampton and a whole day's worth of DVD extras to film for Chris Evans Not That One, and a double-gig to perform at London's Leicester Square Theatre, we still manage to squeeze some slightly grumpy and prudish gold out of Russell Brand's trousers, the objective/subjective quality of Richard's 43-year-old rump and whether or not Andrew has reviewed Attack The Block. He has reviewed Attack The Block.

18/5/11

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12

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 162

Due to a superinjunction, Podcast 162 contains nothing. Except a bit about P***a Middleton's bum. And Stewart Lee's Teflon coating. And the superinjunctions. And Bin Laden's pants. And that's it. What can we do? The law is the law.

13/5/11

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13

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 161

Yes! (That's: YES!) First with all the big news stories, we devote the whole of Podcast 161 to - SPOILER ALERT! - the news that a man has been killed in another country who may or may not have been armed and may or may not have used a woman as a shield. We don't actually, but because Richard has - YES! - been booked at the very last minute to do Radio 4's The News Quiz, he is suddenly all keen to do topical material and work up some of the most obvious gags he can think of. We also cover the - YES! - continuing christian jihad against his show Christ On A Bike as it rolls, relatively unharmed, out of the pagan badlands of East Anglia and into the underpopulated wilds of Presbytarian Scotland. And by the way, they do collect the bins on a Bank Holiday. YES, they do.

5/5/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 160

Another one from the tank! In our tireless quest to keep you all topped up at all times until we are all dead, we present another pre-record, Podcast 160 - a very unhelpful score in darts - in which we answer questions posed via Twitter two weeks ago. Because we had threatened to record this one while assembling Richard's new snooker table, many of the questions were snooker related (and not all of them as hilarious as 'Pink or brown?'), but some weren't, which means we cover areas as diverse and rich as the cruelty or otherwise of zoos, the death of the printed page in our lifetimes and which is better, Big Break or Pot Black?

26/4/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 159

Another from the tank again this week, Podcast 159 was recorded two weeks ago, and is, as is now traditional, based upon your questions posed via the miracle of Twitter. Such as: what object would you rescue in a fire, what do you think of AV (yes, some of the questions were that interesting), could you beat Adam and Joe in a fight, have you broken a bone, which three comedy sketches would you take to a desert island and what would we do if we passed Steve Coogan in the corridor: nod, or stop and chat? I bet you're dying to find out what our answers were!

19/4/11

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16

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 158

Be gentle with us: this is only the second time we have recorded a podcast - Podcast 158 - using the new Toscom DR-10000000 digital recorder, whose HD sound quality was so good last time that audiophiles threw their hats in the air and jumped for joy ... before catching their hats and starting to complain and moan about the large file size. Give us a break. It was the first time we'd used the thing! And Richard is on tour! And we're both very busy! And we're recording two at a time! For you! You ungrateful bastards! Anyway, let's hope this file size is more agreeable to you, and that you don't fall asleep at the end like Richard did. We dedicated this podcast to James Bull and Jonathan Williams and we hope their second date goes well.

15/4/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 157

A new dawn for the Collings and Herrin podcast: 157 has been recorded on a Tascam DR-100 portable digital recorder, which Richard bought online in the middle of the night while on tour and which came with a free 6'x3' snooker table. Whether we should have had the new machine switched to UNI or OMNI is still a moot point, but hopefully not a mute point, eh, audiophiles? Let us know what you think of our new direction, which, this week, is mainly about catching up on the last three weeks - which is the longest we've ever been apart since March 2008, before which, of course, we were nearly always apart. So, it's Richard's conditioner nightmare, the Zion Baptist protests and Andrew's Andrew Collins Twitter name tropical storm story, perhaps his finest since Lion Man.

5/4/11

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18

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 156

From the tank where we put all our spare podcasts (it is not really a tank of any kind), we present Podcast 156, which we recorded two weeks ago and is thus built around questions posed on March 15 by people on Twitter, some of whom were so greedy and megalomaniacal they posted a number of questions. You'll have to listen to it to find out which ones inspired us, and which ones didn't, and whether being a retired headmaster is harder than being a nationally known stand-up comedian.

29/3/11

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19

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 155

Bonus! In the latest of our free, Richard-is-on-tour, back-up, pre-recorded podcasts from the past for the future, we reach 155, a non-topical game of two halves. In the first half, we have a chin-stroking, Newsnight Review-style discussion of American comedy, from Larry Sander and Zack Garofolo (as we call him, for convenience) to Fat Bastard and Kenny Powers. Then, in the second half, we take subjects from Twitter suggestions, and end up talking about cleaning anuses and watching slow motion footage of birds having practical, procreative sex. And for lovers of pens, here is a picture of all of the pens (and one IKEA pencil) from the small pocket in Andrew's man bag.

23/3/11

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20

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 154

Richard's back! For one day only! So we present a brand new, topical podcast, Number 154 (numbered after the excellent 1979 album by the post-punk group Wire, one of Richard's favourites). Rather than dwell on the horrible geological events in Japan, we turn instead to the last two weeks of Richard's tour and go through his diary looking for interesting stories to tell. While he was away, battling Christians and Psychic Sally, Andrew had the quietest birthday ever and experienced the most emotionally draining week of his professional life, while accidentally keeping up with the money bid on his much more successful colleague on Twitrelief, a charity initiative misunderstood by some idiots. Also featuring: a guest star from the world of insects: this possibly radioactive ladybird, followed by its tiny son or daughter.

15/3/11

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21

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 153

While Richard is away on tour, braving the threats and prayers of Christians who've seen his poster, we present a special, non-topical, 'pre-recorded' Podcast 153, based upon the one-word themes suggested by the nerds of Twitter two weeks ago. The words that inspired and stumped us include: revolution, fish, robots, liberation, ennui, boobs, nostalgia, schadenfreude, weddings, proxyglossaryisis, dreams, hedgehog, blue, Olympian and lactose, to varying degrees of light entertainment. We also unveil Andrew's First Theorum Of The Initial Letter B. Plus, for Fist Of Fun fans, we hold up the very book that gave Simon Quinlank his name.

9/3/11

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22

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 152

Will Andrew get through the whole of Podcast 152, recorded the night after the Oscars, without finding out who won? He is attempting, Likely Lads style, to avoid the results all day so that he can watch the ceremony on Sky+ and fast-forward through the adverts and the rubbish bits in the studio in Isleworth about the dresses. This high level intrigue very much powers the podcast, which is otherwise dominated by Richard reading out his tour dates and trying to find something interesting to say about every town he's visiting before we next get the chance to kick glasses of water over onto archived items of sentimental value in his post-apocalyptic attic. Colin Firth! Aaaaarrrrrrrghhhhhhh! // Due to Richard's Macbook - an apparent 'Pro' - the last three minutes are cut off, right in the middle of a revealing passage about the film Croupier. Sorry about that. If we can recover the extra minutes, we will put them out.

28/2/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 151

In Podcast 151, fuelled in Richard's case by a variety of different caffeine sources, we celebrate the Royal Engagement Gold Plated Photographic Coin, available for 39.99 plus 3.99 postage and packaging but only three per household, the impression of a bloated spider being pulled off currently by Colonel Gadaffi, the demise of Masterchef, the sexual allure of Russell Kane in a dress and its significance towards a utopian future in which all men and ladies have the same equipment, and we mark the sad passing of Brigadier Letherbridge Stewart off of Doctor Who (1969-1989).

23/2/11

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24

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 150

Richard's back from Maldives International with some colour in his cheeks, a whiff of seafood curry about his pores and some exciting seabird knowledge, Andrew's back from Braintree Freeport railway station with far too much information about David Cameron's Big Society and a casting-couch pass, and we're back in the attic for Podcast 150, a good-natured catch-up after two weeks' break from each other in which we discuss the malleable nature of xenophobia, the etiquette of squirting lagoon water out of your mouth while honeymoon couples are eating and the sweetness of Larry the Downing Street cat. It goes a bit weird at one point, but we rise above it, despite jetlag.

16/2/11

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25

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Bonus Podcast: Holiday Special!

Even though Richard is still in the Maldives, or an adjacent morgue, wearing a Sombrero or whatever people wear in the Maldives, here is another bonus podcast, this time with an historic and even archeological twist. Think back to the end of 2006, when podcast were still a new-fangled invention, and Andrew had his own weekend show on 6 Music, on which Richard appeared each week as a guest, for half an hour. This is the 'pretend podcast' version of one of those guest appearances, badly mixed in Richard's favour, and full of bonhomie and reverence. We hope you enjoy this memento and that it makes you feel that you have turned back time.

9/2/11

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26

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 149

Bonus! Even though Richard is drinking a pina collada in the Maldives with his imaginary girlfriend, or lying dead in the sea if his plane went down, we bring you Podcast 149, which was recorded (contrary to what we say in the intro) on October 29, 2010, in Richard's VW Golf on the Eastbound M4 from Bristol to London. We hope you enjoy it, and especially the names on the sides of lorries that Andrew feels the Rain Man-style need to read out. There's a very exciting bit where Richard has to stop to fill up the car with petrol. Another bonus podcast next week, even though Richard will still be in the Maldives, or the sea.

2/2/11

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27

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 148

Recorded in a carefully constructed television set designed to look like the post-apocalyptic attic flat of a sad, lonely old man who collects electronic equipment, Podcast 148 - the closest you'll get to our THIRD BIRTHDAY PODCAST!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!!! - is our subtle riposte to the Andy Gray/Richard Keys sexism scandal: an hour-long tribute to women linesmen everywhere, and their basic human right to have a 'vagazzle' and have Premiership footballers 'hanging out of it.' You'll have to listen to it to appreciate the full extent of our political correctness.

26/1/11

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28

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 147

Phew! Having almost broken both this podcast and the 6 Music show since last week, we finally start to mend things. Richard suggests introducing a 'safe word' to our sado-masochistic faux-marriage: GEOFF LLOYD. So, whenever Richard goes too far in his violent, psychotic bullying of what he believes to be a fictional character, Andrew can say 'GEOFF LLOYD' and Richard must stop. You can hear this in action in Podcast 147, where we discuss the morality of comedians doing adverts - again! - and the danger of sounding like you're jealous of Paddy McGuinness on Twitter when you are not. Richard also fantasises about being an undercover policeman in the 1970s. And, spoiler alert, Andrew only has to say 'GEOFF LLOYD' once.

20/1/11

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 146

In this, our 146th podcast, we emerge from an aborted first go, which descended into over-caffeinated shouting, but we kissed and made up, Andrew had a boiled egg, and we started anew. (You wouldn't have liked it.) Thus, it's conventional podcast satire ahoy, with a sideways look at Kenneth Tong, Colin Firth, Greg Davies, Edward Woollard, Simon and Kenny the guinea pigs, Sarah Palin, Steve Coogan, and the unfortunate but avoidable accident Richard had with a glass of sentimental value. It's great to be back.

12/1/11

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30

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 145

Our first podcast of 2011 finds us in a reflective but ultimately positive and upbeat mood, filled with hope and good cheer for the new year and all the challenges and opportunities for change and self-improvement and spiritual fulfillment it may bring: perhaps an unnecessary and expensive hair transplant like the already financially unstable Gordon Ramsay, or an unhealthy, slightly creepy obsession with a murder case like the tabloids, or a documentary about yourself on Channel 4 like Britain's Fattest Man, or the living nightmare of a vast, intricately staged Truman Show-style illusion in which your so-called life is populated by actors on a loop whose job it is to make every development in your existence here on earth seem like a cruel and ironic joke designed to drive you to nervous breakdown or suicide or the decision to sell your house and go and do missionary work in India or at the very least a few sad Tweets. But despite all this, we vow to carry on doing the podcast. If Richard's stupid Mac 'disk' lets us. (His disk is all part of the Truman Show, too, of course.)

5/1/11

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31

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 144

It wasn't supposed to happen, but it did, like a last little burst of Christmas fairy magic: Podcast 144, recorded on the eve of New Year's Eve 2010. It's a very special kind of Review Of The Year, in which we barely mention the year, or review it. No Chilean miners, no coalition government, no X-Factor autotuning scandal! But hey, you can have the year reviewed anywhere. And where else would you get discussion of this intellectual caliber about fat balls, Hilary Kay and The Truman Show? Happy New Year, one and all!

30/12/10

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32

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Christmas Podcast: The Perfect Twelve 2010

In a tradition that now stretches back to 2008, we join festive forces with the heavily bearded Messrs Phill Jupitus and Phil Wilding for a Festive 12: that is, an overmanned Christmas edition of their now rarer-than-a-corncrake Perfect 10. In this special, extended, laptop-recorded version of what will be an exquisitely studio-recorded and probably edited audio event, offers pretty much the same, except with about 15 minutes at either end of us getting into character in an airless booth in Central London. If you prefer a more professional podcast, download it via USP or iTunes as Phill and Phil's Festive 12. If you prefer Andre 'the Towel Thief' Vincent's stings to be heard via our headphones ie. not at all, you've come to the right outlet. There's stuff about bad behaviour and awful Christmas films and heartache and abuse, and it's the perfect way to get into the Christmas mood. Merry Christmas, one and all, from all of us.

22/12/10

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 143

In Podcast 143, or Podcast 202 according to the Tugwell Scale, or Podcast 203 depending on whether you include the most recent 6 Music podcast which actually became available while we were recording this one, we endure more Mac-based laptop misery when Richard's 'much better' MacBook packs up censoriously just before Richard describes in detail what he saw when a plumber showed him video footage of what was in his blocked toilet waste pipe. We can never recapture the magic of that section again, so we move on, with some frankly less scintillating material about cables, John Harris, the Duchess of Cornwall, Frankie Boyle, Stewart Lee, Helen and Olly off of Faber's Answer Me This podcast book and God. Once again, we decided to stop podcasting, but probably won't. May as well push on to Podcast 144 before we both keel over. Merry Christmas.

13/12/10

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34

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 142

Is it Podcast 142, or is it, according to rogue podcast counter Graham Tugwell, Podcast 200? It's Podcast 142, although it may well be our 200th podcast, if you include 6 Music podcasts and other ephemera, as Graham Tugwell has done. It's a celebration either way, as Richard regresses to smutty schoolboy state and creates yet another brilliant dystopian sci-fi movie pitch based on, shall we say, geometry and biology. The Wikileaks story might dominate were it not for more pressing matters such as the return of the Times Cryptic Crossword Book 13, the tagline for Ken Follett's latest novel, Mark Watson's Hurt Locker, and the incoming Loaded Lafta award nominations, in which this podcast is beaten to the shortlist by a number of podcasts that aren't even regular podcasts. Note: this podcast was recorded during a localised, nostalgic power cut and while you listen to it, you should imagine the battery bar of Andrew's laptop inching perilously close to the left. It's on 18 percent power as Andrew types this. Exciting!

30/11/10

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 141

In Podcast 141, we face death, in the face, and not just Bernard Matthews'. Not to mention the extortionate costs of hiring a people-carrier with a ridiculous name that most people would be too embarrassed to ask for on the phone, the intricacies of our close showbiz pal Jason Manford's career-change (actually, this bit is cut off in the middle, due to a fetish fridge magnet somebody sent us as an act of sabotage), the confusingly fragrant nature of middle class female student rioters and its impact on the Daily Mail, the counterintuitive behaviour of people who vote for people who are rubbish on TV reality and talent shows, and the coming potato famine in Ireland. Do not put a magnet near this podcast, as it might make it disappear.

26/11/10

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 140

In Podcast 140, or 192 if you're counting, probably, and somebody is, inaccurately, we celebrate the forthcoming Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton by recreating their now iconic pose in our photograph, even though there's no chance of us ever seeing our own engagement through to fruition, or appearing on I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here, unless the producers reconsider the rules of remuneration to include Richard's Kate Middleton-based caveat. With a weight off his shoulders, and elsewhere, Richard - used the supernatural powers of his Cursed Ring - attempts to claw back his comedy crown from the newly-insane Andrew - does he succeed? Or does he just muck about on the Internet while not paying attention? And could he answer questions on Celebrity Mastermind on the specialist subject of Anything Andrew Has Said On Today's Podcast? You decide.

17/11/10

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VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 139

In a burglarious return to Richard's attic after an extended period of podcasting in theatres, Masonic lodges, BBC studios and VW Golfs, Number 139 has a lot to process: the last ever ridiculously long and boring list of dedications to people who have given us 50p for sponsorship (yes - the last ever; deal with it); Richard's recent experience of having his life changed by an appearance on Celebrity Mastermind, a specialist subject about which we are sworn to secrecy and thus go on and on about for roughly 20 minutes but without SPOILERS; recent abuse on the website and Twitter; the withdrawal of Stephen Fry from public life; our radical and suitable change of sartorial style; and, of course, the amorphous geographical nature of Nadine Coyle's accent. This is the last ever podcast we will do*. Bye bye. (* Until next week)

10/11/10

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38

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 138 - Live!

God save the Queen! From the unusual, slightly spooky and arcane, Da Vinci Code-style environs of the Masonic Hall in Cardiff, we present live podcast 138, which was also filmed, by Chris Evans Not That One for future inclusion of the next CH podcast CD (which we had recorded during the day: four brand new, exclusive podcasts, plus some teen poetry). This meant two things: one, that Andrew had performed a milk-it final version of Secret Dancing as the first half and was emotionally drained by the time we sat down in our thrones to do the podcast, and two, we had the house lights up and could see the whites of the eyes of even the back row of a frankly terrified and easily offended Cardiff audience. You can see their frightened faces below. It was tremendous fun, if a little light on the news, due to neither of having much time to read any, and a certain air of tension and madness pervades. And there was a portrait of the Queen watching us throughout, from the back wall.

4/11/10

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39

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 137 - Live!

Collings and Herrin Podcast 137, belated, comes from the Bristol Old Vic Jam festival. Recorded in front of a patient and helpful audience at the Studio, not the main theatre, because we were 'in the round' we opted to move around, a quarter at a time, every 15 minute, so as to spread ourselves out over the full circle of the audience. It was a lovely audience, a real living 'hive mind' Wikipedia - whose knowledge actually stretched to a man called John explaining the answer to Andrew's cryptic cross word clue (after the podcast), and man we called London Irish explaining everything else, including rugby. We had fun with the smiling San Diego hippo, Paul the octopus, the Guardian's arcane Paul The Octopus headline, Richard's insistence on imagining Tony Blair's signature on Cherie Blair's tits, the actual derivation of 'Bristol Jam' and the unexpected arrival of an actual Bristol astronaut. It's all great fun. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

27/10/10

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40

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 136

A surprise, unbilled, bonus, you-lucky-people podcast 136, recorded once again in the soundproof booth at 6 Music, once again with the red light on the wall mysteriously coming on halfway through. It's a funny one, and not necessarily in the ha-ha sense of the word. Andrew is in a very grouchy mood, and nothing Richard can do - call him an idiot, mock him, belittle him, argue with him, berate him for liking Stewart Lee - will lift his gloomy cloud. Except for one thing, which Richard does right at the end. You'll just have to listen to the hour and ten minute that precede it, to really appreciate the shift in tone. That means stuff about Michael Gove, Raoul Moat, Jonathan Franzen, Stewart Lee, the horrible smell at Victoria Station and the strange goings-on at 6 Music, which have yet to be resolved. Oh, and Richard's got a DVD out. Go to Go Faster Stripe to get the best deal. It's got a misplaced apostrophe on the box: can you find it?

3/10/10

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41

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 135 - Live!

In Podcast 135, recorded live at London's Bloomsbury Theatre, we began the show with an almost empty front row, which, after the interval, filled out a little bit, giving us some purchase on the audience, who were remarkably sweet, only booed Andrew twice, Tweeted heckles about our physical appearance, allowed us into their worlds, made 'some noise', and only one of them seemed to be concealing a weapon in a rustly carrier bag. Subjects ranged from Nazi helmets on sale in Turkey, Jeremy Clarkson's practical pump advice, Ed Milliband's look of constant surprise, the difference between a vague thought about the M40 and a theory about the M40, a certain advert for breast augmentation that's on Smooth FM, Richard's radical job interviewing technique for youth workers and the prospect of romance in a Chilean mine. Clearly, those who made the effort and paid 15 pounds had hours of exclusive content, but this is the meat and potatoes.

27/9/10

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42

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 134

As if a week has passed, which it hasn't, since Podcast 133, here's another one, mostly devoted to Michael McInytre, but not in the way you think. In fact, in order to save up all the Opik-style funnies for Monday, when we take the podcast to the Bloomsbury Theatre in London, we make today's a serious discussion about fame, recognition and the comedy industry, at the top of which sits the blameless and actually very nice and funny Michael McIntyre. Fuelled only by half a lasagne, we also build an entente cordiale between Richard and Dom Joly, make a token joke about Vince Cable, ask whether it's in good taste for the Daily Mirror to photoshop lettuce onto Myra Hindley's face and consider the veracity of the breast-feeding/non-stoat teeth theory.

23/9/10

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43

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 133

In Collings and Herrin Podcast 133, recorded in a professional BBC studio at 6 Music, but not on it, after our Saturday morning show, is a curious affair, moving inexorably between the Pope, Kenneth Kendall, The Inbetweeners, Dolly the sheep, breast feeding, stoat teeth, Jamie Oliver's new baby, Jack Black, Richard's new look, the fact that we are both falling apart, hessian vests, the etiquette of meeting your old tuturs, the etiquette of asking a complete stranger to take your trunks off in the changing rooms and the worrying sight of a red light coming in in the studio partway through the podcast, suggesting perhaps that our words actually went out to the nation.

19/9/10

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44

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 132

Refreshed after a two-week break, we reconvene, reunite, restore, restart ... sorry, we have become obsessed with the Times cryptic crossword, and everything now feels like a clue ... back in Richard's attic for Podcast 132, an anagram of 123, and despite his decision to wear a suit for the occasion, a relaxed, chat-show vibe permeates our low-key reunion, rematch, revival, reupholstering ... sorry. There is Wayne Rooney's poor choice of prostitute to discuss, plus his poor grasp of cigarette prices; the ethics of sharing a hotel room with your advisor, or Billy Bragg; and Tony Blair's sex life, which the former prime minister and animal lover can date precisely. Most of the podcast is us trying to unravel the cryptic clues to Crossword Number 2 in The Times Crossword Book 13. Don't write in with the answers. And if the sound quality is compromised up until about minute 43, we're pretty sure Christopher Johnson was probably recording it from inside Richard's cupboard, so we'll have a replacement out within three weeks.

5/9/10

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45

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 123 (The Bootleg Version)

LOST PODCAST 123 UNLOST - WARNING AUDIOPHILES: quality is useless. For completists only. A fuzzy bootleg of the legendary lost Collings and Herrin podcast has suddenly come to light. What kind of lunatic would bootleg a podcast that was being recorded and distributed for free and then keep it to themselves for 3 weeks before sending it in? Christopher Johnson, that's who. And we are grateful to him. And only a little afraid. So now alas you will get to hear, if you listen very carefully, that we were lying to you when we said this was the best ever podcast. But there's some funny stuff in there. And some good impressions.

3/9/10

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46

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Richard's Book Reading

Edinburgh Extra! Andrew is in London, but that doesn't stop Richard pumping out another podcast. This one is a recording of him reading from and discussing his book, 'How Not To Grow Up' at Word Power bookshop, West Nicholson St, Edinburgh (it's really great there - do go if you can). There's 4 extracts from the book, plus some discussion of the themes and how it was written and then a question and answer session with the audience. Richard may have been using his phone voice in this one, because he is an author. If you like what you hear and you haven't done so already then why not buy it. Thanks to the people at Word Power for their hospitality.

24/8/10

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47

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 131 - Edinburgh 2010 #10

In the final live Collings and Herrin Podcast from the GRV in Edinburgh, we go out in a significant lack of style. We should have ended it after 130, but no, it was almost as if we were committed to do 131, and treated it as just that: an obligation, with no joy or narrative denouement whatsoever, despite a big pile of prizes for the nicest audience members, including a Millie's Cookies loyalty card, an Apostrophe (whatever that is) loyalty card, a McDonald's loyalty card and a Piemaker loyalty card. Andrew gets booed again for mentioning the name of M*ddy - par for the course, now - Richard is sexually frustrated by the lack of women in the front row and is forced instead to imagine having a strawberry tattooed in a private place and smearing it with clotted cream, and we unearth a single X-Factor fan in our audience, and four Top Gear fans, one of whom is female. It's either the best one yet, or the worst, and certainly our last for a long, long while. So tuck in.

22/8/10

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48

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 130 - Edinburgh 2010 #9

Family entertainment is the order of the day for live podcast 130, live from the GRV in Edinburgh, where David Milliband's banana is gazed upon with wonder and confusion. Richard Herrin was eclipsed by the much nicer Richard Herring, who was not only nice to the entire tattooed family in the front row, he offered his own hand in marriage to the mum, so that he could be a thoughtful stepfather to her children, and her son's girlfriend. Meanwhile, Andrew accidentally says the rudest thing, and is booed once again under false pretenses. ('Please make the pain stop.') There is a scientific biscuit survey, an impression of a giant reading a tiny newspaper, and an impromptu version of Mr and Mrs. It's almost suitable for the afternoon.

21/8/10

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49

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 129 - Edinburgh 2010 #8

A mood of niceness prevails over Podcast 129, seventh out of ten live shows at the Edinburgh Fringe, except for the bits about golden showers, which means 'playful' Richard is full of compliments to at least one couple in the front row, gives another couple a relatively light grilling - mainly because one of them is carrying a big stick - and actually admits to Andrew that his solo show is 'quite good'. We have harmless family fun with the Wankdorf stadium in Bern, Switzerland; Posh and Becks Beckham and their drive to appear more sympathetic to people who are out of work in the recession; Alex Jones' magic pants; Kings Of Leon's pigeon shit nightmare; and the increasingly fishy giant rat scam in Bradford. Also, why a man at the Daily Mail wants to kill his own pet. They hate animals, don't they?

20/8/10

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50

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 128 - Edinburgh 2010 #7

With podcast 128, recorded live at the GRV in Edinburgh in front of a mute and frightened audience, we attempt to bring the whole enterprise crashing down around our ears, in an elaborate and more esoteric version of what Aberdeen's Dave Whitney did at the Canon's Gait gig to a punter at the bar. With Richard now embittered into a perverse version of humility after being bullied by Stewart Lee in his silver jubilee year and Andrew shattered by Richard's determination to break the first rule of improv and block any pathetic attempt at half a joke, they attempt to reintroduce a little tenderness into their relationship, with some casualties, notably those in the front row. Still, look at the size of that rat in Bradford! Only three more to go. It'll be fine.

19/8/10

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51

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 127 - Edinburgh 2010 #6

We're back for the second of the two five-day batches of Collings and Herrin live podcasts from the GRV in Edinburgh, and what a return! Not only is Richard knackered after the excesses of producing As It Occurs To Me in 'Jimmy hats' and a bath salts-insensible Andrew unable to make a single joke, even one about a man who is hungry living in Hungary, but Tony Blair's blood advance proves a subject too serious to provide any humour whatsoever, and Cannon and Ball weren't even to blame for making that Daily Mail reader late for work after this lunch. Thankfully, there is live Space Dust consumption, on mic, and a superb soap opera linked to the nice couple of postgraduates on the front row, whom you can see in the second audience picture. They paid five pounds. And all your Doctor Who trivia questions are answered.

18/8/10

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52

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 126 - Edinburgh 2010 #5

In the fifth of our live Edinburgh podcasts - podcast 126 - we recreate, in full, an entire episode of the American sitcom Friends. We also solve the blue towel mystery, improve Anglo-Australian relations immeasurably, rewrite the pronunciation of some popular names, the occasional naked lady on the cover of the Sunday Times magazine, the half-inch of underskirt Andrew glimpsed when Sarah Jane Smith fell over on the Giant Robot episode of Doctor Who, David Beckham's sister's empty wheelie bin and our own version of Willy Wonka's golden ticket scheme. And Richard unveils his new variety act: failing to identify audience members by their accents. Back on Wednesday, kids.

15/8/10

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53

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 125 - Edinburgh 2010 #4

In the fourth Live Collings and Herring Podcast from the GRV at the Edinburgh Fringe, Podcast 125, we are still trying to process the loss of Podcast 123, which leapt, like Scrappy the dog, from the equivalent of a ledge in a Dracula castle in Aberdeenshire and was never seen or heard from again. Unbelievable! We also berate 'the most disgusting woman in Britain', Carla Bruni, the right wing Americans who object to someone building something two blocks from the non-existent shadow of the Twin Towers, whoever it was who stole Richard's blue towel, Ewan McGregor's character in Angels And Demons (which is a bang up to date cinema reference) and of course those who believe in love. Richard's gaping bag gets a mention, too. It's all very serious, as befits an audience keener to listen silently than, say, laugh.

14/8/10

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54

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 124 - Edinburgh 2010 #3

The lights are back on! After the mythical Podcast 123, which may never have existed in the first place, we are back at the GRV in Edinburgh and undefeated by either electricity or electrical appliances. In either the third or second live podcast of the Fringe, after a cathartic shouting match about the washing up, we find out how to smoke 'rocks' of 'crack' 'cocaine' in the Daily Mail, put the clocks forward with David Cameron, discover Iggy Pop's attitude to pants and socks, give out cuttings from newspapers as big prizes to our audience, sing Disney songs and test levels of prurience by imagining a TV fertility expert with some singlets.

13/8/10

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55

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 123 - Edinburgh 2010 #2

APOLOGY: Unless you were among the 80 or so quiet and judgmental people who attended the live recording of Podcast 123 - numerically historic - you will not be able to experience it in your ears. Because GarageBand broke. Naturally, as those who were there will confirm (it's a bit like being at the Sex Pistols gig at the Manchester Free Trade Hall), it was the best podcast ever recorded, and at no point did we dither or alienate the audience or make idiots of ourselves by talking about Wet Ones, the 7/7 atrocity, the Lockerbie bomber, pork scratchings, Dundee Paratrooper the cloned bull, the previous night's Masterchef, Big John Little John, bucket shops and the fact that one of our audience had done a wee in the aisle. It was historic. And to top it all, the power went off in the entire building five minutes before the end, plunging the show into darkness, at which point we all sang You've Got The Power. It was like the Blitz. You really should have been there. If you weren't, we offer the first 2 minutes and 46 seconds from the dressing room, and a short statement recorded back at the flat. And we will never record a podcast on Andrew's laptop ever again without having Richard's on as well.

12/8/10

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56

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 122 - Edinburgh 2010 #1

In the first of ten live podcasts recorded at the GRV at the Edinburgh Fringe (but still officially number 122), we set the scene for our tenure in the land of the incomprehensible town name: the Young Ones-style flat, Justin Moorhouse's role as the kitchen Buddha, the capacity of the tall bedrooms to accommodate a human pyramid featuring Tom Wrigglesworth and the tallest of the Penny Dreadfuls, and the intrigue of the washing up rota. Coping with the very real possibility of a beer-batter-related toxic accident, the spectre of Herring distracts himself by indulging in some PG-rated banter with our audience, some of which involves his 'disco stick'. Sponsored by Wet Ones, which are just the thing after a wet one.

11/8/10

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57

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 121

In number 121, our last podcast before Edinburgh - so a week off next week! - we catch up with the Russian parasailing donkey, come up with a porn name for Toy Story 3, create a Utopian vision of how the remake of The A-Team might unite parent and child, or parent and bag of sperm, investigate the embalming properties of Vocalzone pastilles, wonder what would happen if Russell Brand became locked to Richard's girlfriend in death and Richard got off with Katy Perry at their joint funeral, and keep Richard's exhaustion at bay by arguing about whether or not he should wait until he's Scotty's age before having a son and blasting his remains off into infinity and beyond.

28/7/10

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58

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 120

Back! Back! Back! Yes! It's the Collings and Herrin Reunion Podcast, number 120, featuring Andrew Collins and Richard Herring in the same room, sharing air and surfaces in complete viral safety. Richard feels like a new man since his purge and is sanguine and circumspect about the fact that he is not the 173rd best comedian ever to go to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival according to an Australian lager that has only just started sponsoring it. He still hates squirrels, though, and wild dogs, while Andrew thinks Quentin Letts of the Daily Mail should be drowned in a bucket. Because we have one or two names to read out, we deliberately add an extra ten minutes of goatish lunacy on the end. That's because we're nice, and we care, and you don't deserve us.

21/7/10

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59

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 119

A unique podcasting experiment! Because Andrew was too scared to go to Richard's house, which he believes to be rampant with the norovirus on every surface, they decided to record this week's podcast in quarantined conditions: Richard's in his fetid attic, Andrew's in a soundproofed room at the Radio Times office. Neither has listened to the other's half yet. In Richard's half he goes into what might be too much detail about a very dirty weekend away with his girlfriend in Suffolk. Those of a sensitive disposition will surely have stopped listening to this podcast by now, but this might test the mettle of a few of you. He may or may not be critical of his former colleague Andrew Collings' decision to record his half of the podcast in a germ free booth at the BBC. There is only one way to find out. Andrew's half is mainly about films he has seen, which Richard would normally sleep or check his iPhone during anyway, so best left in isolation. This podcast was not done using germ-free Skype, because of the way other podcasts done using Skype have sounded.

13/7/10

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60

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 118

Yes, in a partial tribute to those idiots in moustaches, we present Podcast 118, which will not help you find a phone number, but will tread a fine line between sincerity and insincerity, artifice and reality, current affairs and endless emails from needy fans, hard news and insubstantial fluff, bromance and bickering, commerce and charity ... this just in: 'Manhunt' man still at large: was once a cute baby, Ashley Cole still by the pool with two ex-public schoolgirls, parents banned from own children's sports day according to made-up lie, everyone in Britain drunk according to Justin Webb, and Paul the octopus a miracle but inappropriately named. Richard likes Andrew, and Andrew likes Richard. And they've been doing this for years, darlin', and they know what they're doing. (You'll have to listen to the bonus minutes to understand that.) Oh, and thank you very much for the partially stamped sushi card, Giles Stafford.

8/7/10

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61

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 117

In Collings and Herrin Podcast 117, recorded in the heat of the middle of the day with salty tidemarks forming everywhere - fortunately not pictured, as BT have decided to turn back time in Richard's house to the late 90s when the internet took ages for pictures to scroll into view - we dissect the comedy ambitions of Lembit Opik, the new benchmark by which all latecoming stand-up comedians with confidence but no jokes must now be judged; the motives of the Sun's front page image of a soldier who's been shot in the face in Afghanistan - see full video at thesun.co.uk!!!!! - the media's surprising fascination with an attractive female Russian spy; and the fashion impact of foot gloves. But mainly we reminisce about the good old days when pictures took ages to scroll into view on the internet and wait for a man to finish unloading 1,000,000 Christ On A Bike programmes.

2/7/10

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62

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 116

In Collings and Herrin Podcast 116, we intended to kick it old skool and talk about what was in the newspapers, but got somewhat sidetracked by some old Edinburgh Fringe brochures from 1989, 1993, 1998 and 2001, which unfortunately turned into an indulgent smoking-jacketed remembrance of comedians and Fringes past. However, there was time to go over the 11 hour and 5 minute long Most Boring Tennis Match In History, praise the bionic cat and reclaim both a line from Russell Brand's new Hollywood comedy which Richard probably wrote, and the bits that were too complimentary to broadcast on Lenny Henry's afternoon chat show. In the one-hour-six-minute-and-35-seconds version of this podcast, we accidentally end on a contentious note, so we have taken the diplomatic and ethical decision to publish this slightly longer version. Oh, and Richard takes his shirt off, mid-podcast. Like a footballer or something.

25/6/10

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63

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 115

In Collings and Herrin Podcast 115, we cast aside the news - mainly because we only have the literally worthless newspaper the London Evening Standard at our disposal - and instead discuss England's chances in the World Cup of Football, the vuvuzela backlash, the loveliness of Steve Brown Photo's cats (which we met on his boat at a three-way photo session for our upcoming Edinburgh Fringe shows, many of which you can buy tickets for in advance), the loveliness or not of SummerJunk's t-shirts [neither pictured, despite Luke sending us one each in exchange for some sponsorship action - Andrew forgot to bring his, and Richard foolishly ordered the Large, which turns out to be Medium if you are, yourself, large], and the drunkenness or not of Andrew at last week's sleepover, or sleepduring, if you were Andrew being forced to watch Richard's live DVD rough-cut.

15/6/10

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64

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 114

Psssst! Want some non-brand-name print cartridges? On Collings and Herrin Podcast 114, as well as discuss gun control, fox control, Angelina Jolie's needy emails, the new, more literal Friday The 13th franchise, Stewart Lee's bad dream, Andrew's bad dream, the eternal Pret A Manger card, sibling rivalry and Vic Reeves' iPad, we offer a whole stack of useless print cartridges in unnecessarily subtle shades of magenta and cyan for free to the first person who needs ones that are compatible with printers P7150, 8250, C6180, D7360, D6160, C5173, C5194, D7163, 3108 etc. [See: podcast for full list of compatible printers.]

8/6/10

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65

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 113

In what could be the last ever Collings and Herrin podcast, unlucky number 113, Andrew and Richard try to process certain 'issues' that threaten to bring their relationship to an untimely and fictional end. They also try some displacement activity and, avoiding the tiny elephant in the room, discuss the comedic skills of England No. 2 Franco Baldini, the evil aid workers and peace campaigners on the boat to Gaza, the cheering men of Goodge Street and the floppy nature of some of Richard's archive. They even try to patch up their relationship by reading out some old Collins and Maconie and Lee and Herring material from the 90s. Has it worked? Or is the podcast broken? Tune in to next week's to find out.

2/6/10

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66

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 112

In our 112th podcast overall, and the fifth podcast an almost-spent Richard has recorded in six days, we almost exhaustively ignore the newspapers and instead discuss the historical accuracy of Roman epics, including the new Australian Bravo miniseries Blood and Spunk, the ethical and linguistic accuracy of The Time Machine and Avatar, and the disappearance of Samantha Mumba, the main differences between having the saddle stolen off your bike and being raped; we also come up with a brilliant theme for our next commercially available CD, mourn the death of one of Slipknot, and ponder the scribbled notes in one of Richard's many unused notebooks, one of which seems to have part of someone called Tanya's credit card number on it.

26/5/10

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67

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 111

In the post-Sonys podcast, which is number 111, we try to squeeze one last extra drop of observational humour from a man who is currently doing three podcasts a week - and, after he's appeared on Five Live's 7 Day Sunday, four podcasts a week - and clearly showing the strain. Luckily, a whole assortment of people have sought Richard out to secure sponsorship, so most of the podcast is taken up with namechecking them, then some adverts, then a bit of a spat on Twitter with a man who provocatively Tweeted Richard during the podcast, then some more adverts, and finally a philosophical debate about playing God and whether we should live more like monkeys. If you find the podcast 'a bit meh' (not a word either of us would ordinarily stoop to), then let Richard know by name on Twitter via @Herring1967. Oh, and thanks for the Korean products that are featured in the photo: ha ha, one of them is nearly called SHITE.

21/5/10

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68

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 110

In this special pre-Sony Awards podcast, number 110, we actually get dressed into our monkey suits as we prepare to attend the 'radio Oscars' in London's actually-real Mayfair. Uniquely, the podcast is recorded on Andrew's laptop, without the new mic, but we're sitting in an actual BBC studio at 6 Music, which is all soundproofed and everything. Talk is mainly of Britt Ekland, sex with Neanderthals, Jeremy Paxman, Nigel Farage's trouser leg, Rome, Hitler and the Great Fire at the British Library. Wish Richard luck - by the time you hear this he will either have won or not won a Sony Award. And congratulations to Stewart Lee on his Bafta nomination, which is no way overshadows Richard's achievement.

10/5/10

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69

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 109

You decide! In what is the Collings and Herrin Election Week Podcast Debate Special, we provide balanced, fair and impartial coverage of the Gillian Duffy affair (which one of us missed because he was up the Spanish Steps in Rome), the potential outcome of a Labour or Lib Dem victory on the future of Page 3 and/or Gary Glitter, the ins and outs of Deep Throat (was it in black and white, or were we?), the Amazon Hunting and Fishing Humour chart, and the proximity of the failed car bomb in Times Square to ITV. Richard gets out of his system all the adult material he can't use on our family show on 6 Music, and Andrew tries to use up all the jokes he thought up for 7 Day Sunday but couldn't squeeze in. Buy Jim Bob's novel. And thanks for the Cava and Mini-Eggs, Rose.

3/5/10

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70

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 108

Surprise! Here is Collings and Herrin Podcast 108, without warning. We apologise, because it is one hour, 13 minutes and 50 seconds long, because we recorded it on Richard's new laptop and for some reason it didn't cut us off at the usual one hour, six minutes and 35 seconds. Like a cloud of volcano dust, we cover everything - ha ha - from the new Dunkirk and John Wayne Gacy to the Leaders' Debate and Kiefer Sutherland's big night out. As ever, Richard, while auto-asphyxiating with a spare lead, is very encouraging about Andrew's tentative steps into comedy and not at all dismissive of the Precious Little podcast.

19/4/10

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71

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 107

In our 107th podcast, we weigh up the advantages and disadvantages of NHS versus private healthcare in terms of service, waiting time, cost at point of delivery, bedside manner, general machinery you can be hooked up to and the likelihood or not of a happy finish and the application of unguent. In other words, Richard has had a life-changing brush with mortality, and Andrew hasn't. There's a bit of the election, the paedo bikini, York City's youths, and the rabbit whisperer, and a joke about Patrick Moore that may or may not make it into Andrew's work-in-progress stand-up set. We also see who is the best author out of Richard, Andrew, Stuart Maconie, Stewart Lee and Emma Kennedy. (It is not Stewart Lee.)

15/4/10

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72

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 106

Armed with a brand new, Marvin's-head-style external microphone that actually seems to work and a pot of actually quite disgusting Jelly Beans, we selflessly produce an audiophile-friendly Collings and Herrin Podcast despite having to hit the ground running and record in the brief hour-long window between Andrew coming off air at 6 Music and Richard gallivanting to the Infidel premiere. In it, we mainly discuss the fact that Andrew is better than Richard because he has been in the studio audience of a recording of Have I Got News For You, while Richard has only been on it. There is even time, after the interminable list of coffee-and-cake donors, and the necessary plugs for any other business, to cover Weekend At Bernie's II, the fact that Richard's Dad fancies Professor Brian Cox, the exact nature of the prelude to a heart attack, and the Mooncup.

8/4/10

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73

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 105

Yes, we recorded an extra Collings and Herrin Podcast last Tuesday, because we love you. And we can't remember what we talked about on it. So it will be very exciting, for both you and us. Just listen to it. It's designed to tide the nerd army over while Richard is selfishly on tour. It's non-topical, it's based upon subject ideas suggested via the magic medium of Twitter, one of which was definitely about how we'd cope in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and it's sponsored by The Smoking Rolo Sideshow, whose new album is called Rocket Silence. Oh, and a photo of a smiling dog came to our attention while recording it.

29/3/10

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74

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 104

We're back, after seven weeks of neglect, in the attic, for an old-school, EXPLICIT, rambling, music-free, plug-packed, topical Collings and Herrin podcast, in which we catch up with all those who have given us coffee-and-cake money, congratulate David and Samantha Cameron on the news of their forthcoming election victory, check out the filthy fingernails of the Antigues Roadshow expert Ben Wright (while showing off our own manicured digits) and ask the two burning questions: is it more humane to hang people than put them in prison? And can you milk a baby and make curry? Ah yes, business as usual.

23/3/10

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75

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 103

Yes. Even though Richard is away on tour, we have recorded a special, non-topical, Twitter-request podcast to tide you over, with subject matter chosen by you. It is Collings and Herrin Podcast 103, which is even more difficult than 102 - actually, very difficult, since we have no news to discuss, and are too superstitious to mention anyone living, in case they have died since we recorded it last Tuesday. It seemed safe to discuss the proposed hourly bus service from Newport to Monmouth, the famous red hypergiant star VY Canis Majoris, the 70s doo-wop band Darts, and the general election, so we did. We hope you enjoy this podcast. It may be our third worst. Or third best. It's hard, at this remove, to tell. It's certainly more controversial than anything lightweight Lenny Bruce came up with.

23/2/10

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76

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 102

Apologies for the picture, which is actually a very funny satire on the fact that Ashley Cole seems to have no pubic hair in the picture he texted to a lady. In Collings and Herrin Podcast 102, which is more difficult than Podcast 101, we ponder what to do with the 56 million Lottery jackpot neither of us has won, wonder why a Sikh would want to be in the BNP, pitch some ideas for films based on human gas including 'The Fart Whisperer' and say all the words we are not allowed to say on the BBC podcast, just to get them out of our systems. Mainly nonce.

16/2/10

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77

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 101

Ha! Fooled you! Even though we hinted that there would be no more Collings and Herrin Podcasts because we are now too famous and successful and rich and on the BBC and everything, we were lying. Here is Number 101, which is full of the usual stuff: shameless plugging (not least for the just-out Headmaster's Son double DVD from Go Faster Stripe), whimsical filth, a passing smudge of topical news-based humour and a rambling anecdote from Richard which begins, innocently enough, with some baked legumes. There will be a sanitised, faintly professional-sounding podcast from this Saturday's 6 Music show in the usual place on Monday. Most of you don't deserve us.

11/2/10

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78

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 100 - Live!

Join the fun for our 100th (no, really) podcast, live at the Leicester Square Theatre in London's glittering West End, recorded two years to the day after the very first one in Richard's living room. For the first time we present a podcast that's professionally recorded, by producer Ben of AIOTM fame. The content is traditional: a sideways look at John Terry, Pete Doherty and croissant terrorism, except with the sound of merry laughter and the sound of one vicar squirming, but ultimately forgiving Richard for what he has done.

2/2/10

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79

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 99

In our 99th podcast - no, really, it is - we try an experiment: the first ever serious Collings and Herrin Podcast. Well, not completely, but we did feel it was time to debate the big issues that divide us - mainly, butter, vaccinations and whether the Masai would enjoy life more with an iPad. We promise that next week's, Podcast 100, live from London's Leicester Square Theatre and recorded professionally, through the desk, will be all fun and laughter. Bear with us. There's some stuff about the goat born with a human face this week, too.

29/1/10

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80

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Wales 1 - Live!

Our first ever live podcast in Wales gets the special number of Wales 1, so that, in two weeks' time, the live podcast in London can be honestly numbered Podcast 100, but also because Wales is officially our favourite non-English country to do live podcasts in now, due to excellent, warm and patient reaction from Welsh folk at St David's Hall in Cardiff to our tired, rambling, but 100% sober news-based thoughts on Amy Winehouse, fast food Britain, the Kraft/Cadbury's takeover, Senator Beefcake, David Walliams and the Stereophonics. Thanks to all who came out in the rain to see us, especially the man from Swansea called Tyma (you'll find out who he is when you listen - he may or may not be real).

22/1/10

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81

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 98

So, Richard is back from Mauritius, jet-lagged, with a small put poignant avian gift for Andrew and the rich tan of a vain Giorgio Armani footballer. Having been apart for two weeks, during which Richard developed an unhealthy hatred for a nine-year-old girl in his hotel and saw four films on a plane, and Andrew worked really hard, in our 98th podcast we have plenty to catch up on, including: the snow, Peter Kay's autobiography and the Ronnie Corbett Scandal. We also find time to discuss what Beyonce will do for money, whether Wales counts as a proper country or not, the rubbish threats of Daffy from N-Dubz, the solecisms of poorly educated people and Lenny Henry's big hands.

16/1/10

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82

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 97

Even though Rich is on holiday and Andrew is at work on the radio, we present a special 97th Podcast Review Of The Decade. Using only the Guardian's Icons Of The Decade supplement as a guide, we look back over the last ten years and try to make sense of it all, by not making sense at all, which seems appropriate. There's talk of 9/11 conspiracy theories, David Beckham's vanity or lack thereof, and a bit about Tony Blairs. It's a bit like Newsnight, really. We hope to be back, in person, before the end of next week, when Richard gets back all tanned and tropical.

6/1/10

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83

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 96

In our 96th podcast, one of us has lost his voice over Christmas and is mainlining throat sweets, while the other seemingly hasn't and isn't. There is an air of post-festive indulgence about this week's look at the news, which includes the Nigerian Pants Bomber, as the papers have yet to christen him, the incredible weight loss of Hannah Waterman, the incredible age gain of Crocodile Dundee and his wife (or 'Croc-OLD-ile Dundee' as the tabloids have christened him) and the latest news from the Harry Potter franchise, which is something of a surprise, if an honest decision. Have a good New Year without us: Rich will be in Mauritius, Andrew will be earning a crust on the radio, but we have pre-recorded a review of the decade for next week, because we love you.

29/12/09

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84

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Christmas Podcast: The Perfect Twelve 2009

In a craven attempt to recapture the ghost of Christmas past, we reunite with the mighty Phill and Phil (Messrs Jupitus and Wilding) in their fancy studio to record another festive pod-off, entitled The Perfect Twelve, in which we ponder a dozen listener-supplied Christmas Questions. The professional, mixed, balanced, equalised, topped, tailed and jingle-festooned version is available from The Perfect Ten on iTunes - but if you prefer to longer, lo-fi, jingle-free, Collings and Herrin version, this is it. With extras. God bless us every one.

21/12/09

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85

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 95

Back to the attic - in a brief but festive West London snowstorm! - for our 95th podcast, with a 25-minute section on bad breath, and most of the rest taken up with dissection of what Peter Kay's acceptance speech meant at the Comedy Awards and who is the most against sweatshops and torture out of Rage Against The Machine and X Factor's Joe McElderberry. There's a bit on Twiggy's eye bags and Tiger Woods' inappropriate violence against a man who hasn't got enough blades in his razor. Unfortunately for the latest one-star ingrate on iTunes, we don't have time to inspect the fluff from our navels and sod off the radio!

16/12/09

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86

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 94 - Live!

Podcast 94 was recorded in front of a near-sellout crowd amid tinsel, prizes and Up-style balloons at the tremendous Duke Of York's Picturehouse, scene of our triumphant first full show in May, a triumph we foolishly hoped to replicate tonight. It was an odd crowd. Many seemed on the verge of hysteria. There was, shall we say, an interactive vibe in the air. Highlights include a rendition of Richard's 'racist song', composed at the age of 10 and further juvenilia, including Andrew's own primitive Profanity App, made in about 1973, and the public debut of Richard's story The Dectives. There is also a cursory look at Tiger Woods, more Go Go Hamsters and a fox going up an escalator. We hope the at-home version conveys some of the bizarre atmosphere.

9/12/09

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87

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 93

WARNING! NOT AS GOOD AS LAST WEEK'S! In our 93rd podcast, we drift back into mediocrity after last week's unexpected peak of hilarity based upon the writings of a nine-year-old boy. This week, dozy on pear cider - and in Richard's case, 'a couple' beforehand, like Christmas has come early or something - we go old school and sift through pages and pages of news, important and unimportant, like the sailors who accidentally sailed into Iran, the golfer who accidentally sailed into a cocktail waiter and the lookalike of Simon Cowell who accidentally sailed onto the front cover of the tear-powered Daily Mail.

2/12/09

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88

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 92

In a special Antiques Roadshow edition of the Collings and Herrin podcast, Richard sorts through a load of his old shit from the past, including coins, posters, Youth Hosteling badges, railcards, Post Office Savings books and - at last! something interesting! - an early book of stories, mostly about Tarzan, ghosts and specific numbers of policemen and other men being killed. There is barely time to consider the papers, but we do offer a cursory glance at the world of Jordan, the fruity Australian couple having it off in a bell tower in Sydney in the afternoon, those worms that swim up your wee into the urethra like tiny salmon leaping upstream, and the idea of sipping cava through some cured meat. We might just carry on doing this.

26/11/09

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89

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 91

In what could be our last podcast, depending on whether Richard's ravaged, overworked, overfed, overwhelmed body holds out for another week or not after what transpires to be a cumulative four solid days of podcasting (or 5,881 minutes) since February 2008, we consider the impact of Calvin Harris's 'protest' against Jed and Ward on The X Factor, discuss whether Bill Clinton or David Milliband would make a better lover, give Ben Elton the benefit of the doubt over his outrageous remarks about the Royal Family and - SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! NOT THAT RICHARD CARES! - review the new disaster movie 2012 in way too much detail, and reveal the ending of a film about the end of the world.

18/11/09

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90

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 90

In our 90th podcast, we spend the 45 million we didn't win on the Euromillions lottery, in detail, and devise a variation on the two-minute silence if Richard was in charge. We also prune Andrew's wallet, defend Gordon Brown after his bad-eyed felt tip spelling mistakes, uncover how the printing presses are powered on the Mail, Sun and Mirror, compare the romantic potential of all the I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here contestants (Lucy Benjamin: 'Slim to none'), and, oh yes, plug our various gigs, at length, one by one, and brainstorm a couple of controversial ideas for the Brighton one on 6 December at the Duke Of York's, which may have health and safety implications.

12/11/09

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91

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 89

As Richard stares unemployment in the face and Andrew realises his broken earphones have led to a fleeting feeling of punk rock cool on a train, our 89th podcast soldiers on, featuring a whole load of genuine laughter at the twin Daily Mail nostalgia attack of a) AN Wilson for the time 'a few years' ago when there was no Halloween and no 200 yard queue outside his local joke-cum-fancy-dress emporium, and b) Quentin Letts for the time, before 1970, when urchins would demand a penny for the guy; the varying levels of pictorial hypocrisy over the iconic photo of weeing student Phil Laing; and the joy, for Richard, of meeting Johnny Ball and Maggie Philbin. For the record: we do not repeat the Rebecca Adlington joke like all the newspapers who claim to be offended by it.

5/11/09

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92

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 88

As it occurs to us, in the 88th Collings and Herrin podcast, we present an exclusive tribute to Peggy Mitchell, who is to leave EastEnders after 15 years, consider Malcolm MacDonald's nightmare vision of St James' Park stadium in a commercial world, stir the latest political correctness storm in the Daily Mail's teacup, apply for a job on Wight FM, ponder the newspaper grammar of Kelvin MacKenzie's column in The Sun, review the extras that come with the new Terry Gilliam film, and give an update on the not-for-sale rhino and its matted-hair horn.

29/10/09

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93

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 87

In our 87th podcast we are part of the news but don't even know it, as helicopters buzz over Shepherd's Bush to monitor the protests against Nick Griffin on the night of his historic Question Time appearance, and we mistakenly imagine them to be piloted by Michael Legge and James Hingley, aka Bollings and Nerrin, our podcast stalkers. However, we still discuss the issues of the day: Nick Griffin, whose wife Jackie calls an 'oddball' and seems confused about how precisely the sun might rise and set inside his fat Nazi arse, the shame of the binge-drinking Cardiff girl and her skateboard knickers, Mitch Winehouse's approval of his troubled daughter's new breasts, the demanding nature of As It Occurs To Me listeners and the latest update on the Vauxhall Station rhino. There are no sketches. Thank God.

22/10/09

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94

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 86 - Live!

The 86th Collings and Herrin Podcast was recorded at the Three and Ten pub in Brighton before a packed audience of around 50 people, many of who probably wished they had sat further back. Despite the Brighton Fringe using a photo of Richard on his own to illustrate the gig, this was a two-man show, albeit only one of us actually felt inspired to mime what it must be like at an orgy. This was sparked by a story in the Sun about the MoD and a Travelodge, in which the word 'ORGIES' was helpfully picked out in caps; we also cover the Jan Moir Daily Mail gay-bashing outrage ('Are you thinking what she's thinking?' er, no), the Leona Lewis head-punching outrage (and yes, Andrew realises he said Robert Plant when he meant Jimmy Page), and the Cardiff students war memorial-weeing-on outrage. All the outrage that's fit to print. Fortunately, things pick up at the end when the mystery of the Colgate Plax mouthwash bottle is revealed.

17/10/09

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95

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 85

In our 85th podcast, we tread a fine line between undermining Richard's new, breakaway, sketch-based podcast, As It Occurs To Me, by accidentally previewing material in advance, and undermining our own podcast, by going on about As It Occurs To Me all the way through it. However, despite tiredness and the lateness of hour, it's a great week for racism-based news, and we cover all the racists: Anton de Beke, Bruce Forsyth and Jackson Jive, who won an Australian talent contest in 1989 and have come back to redress the balance of 20 years of enlightenment. There's also a tiny hedgehog, Carol Vorderman's bum and a rhino. What more do you want? Michael Legge and James Hingley?

10/10/09

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96

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 84 - Live!

In our latest live podcast, recorded in front of a broad-minded audience old enough to remember Panini sticker albums in the Lincoln Performing Arts Centre (or LPAC), in Lincoln, in Lincolnshire, we discuss the death of New Labour (now available as a wallchart courtesy of the Sun), the hairy ape lady, Richard Littlejohn and the 'Bin Police', Michael Jackson's autopsy and make the audience feel special by constantly referring to aspects of Lincoln's history and what it is the capital city of. We did a Q and A after the podcast which may be made available in the future but for now remains only in the collective memory of the yellowbellies of Lincoln.

3/10/09

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97

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 83

In a first for our podcast - if not a first for that one Robert Llewellyn does, but we're not in competition with him - we present our first ever on-the-road podcast, recorded in Richard's car on the M4, heading West to his parents' house in Cheddar. We've not established whether this is illegal or ever dangerous, but it does mean that we don't specifically refer to anything in the newspapers, as Richard is driving a car on a motorway, and Andrew can't read in a car without feeling travel sick. This is among the points of discussion, as well as 21-year-old Alesha Dixon versus 102-year-old Arlene Philips, the shocking amount of Cheddar cheese we import from other EU countries, Battlestar Galactica and the 'Suicide Bummer' (as seen in the Sun, and headlined as such). You will also hear points of interest noted along our journey, such as certain junctions, a sign saying 'LOG HOTLINE', something on fire just outside Reading, and a Herman Miller office furniture lorry.

21/9/09

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98

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 82

Our 82nd podcast comes in the form of a Dan Brown-style mystery - we call it The Da Versity Code. What governmental/church conspiracy is afoot? At around 52 minutes into the podcast, a perfectly harmless section about Britain's Got Talent-winning dance troupe Diversity visiting Gordon Brown at number 10, Downing Street causes the laptop to stop recording - thus, all trace of this two or three-minute routine is lost forever. Still, the rest of it will compensate. This podcast is not sponsored the Beatles Rock Band video game, as Richard paid the full price for his. We just happen to be playing on it before and after the recording, and in the accompanying photograph, with the combined age of 86. Elsewhere, it's the mystery rapist, the thrill of Great Yarmouth, the death of Keith Allen, Andrew's asthma, a mistaken 'nyum nyum' signal from Guardian TV writer Sarah Dempster and some plugs for the Lyric gig at Hammersmith, still some tickets left.

17/9/09

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99

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 81

In this, our 81st podcast, we attempt the impossible: to make it even better than last week's. Along the way, we discuss popular boys' names, the etiquette of going along to see Calendar Girls onstage in the West End, the etiquette of half falling asleep during a massage, the dangers of being the Radio Times Film Editor, and the likelihood of Derren Brown Mind Control picking the winning Lottery numbers without first buying all the Lottery tickets. We also manfully resist the urge to pack the podcast in early and go and play with Richard's Beatles Rock Band game, just to see if John Lennon would really like it were it explained to him on the steps of the Dakota Building in 1980. We also suggest a potentially funny scene that any future filmmaker dramatising the life of Josef Fritzl can use if they want to. Alright, Andrew does. He is a div.

9/9/09

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100

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 80

After Saturday's 'dummy' podcast (and we must have been dummies to actually release it), today's can rejoin the numbering system and call itself Colling and Herrin Podcast 80. We haven't split up, Oasis style, and we're back in West London, under the Velux window in Richard's attic, firing on a number of cylinders. Actually, it's just alright, but you will get to hear Richard having a go at many comedians and writers more famous than himself - and at one stage wishing four of them dead, Stewart Lee/Richard Hammond style! - and the unveiling of a new, defining metaphor for our comedic podcast relationship, but we won't spoil it. Among the big news stories: Kelvin McKenzie's sick bet at William Hill, the fate of the mysterious 'Chloe', the tiny roll of flab that's taking over the world, and Jamie Oliver's accidental Mexican drug rampage. We're really sorry for last week.

3/9/09

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101

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 79.5

WARNING: may cause drowsiness. In this special, uncalled-for, extra, bonus, rubbish stopgap podcast, recorded in Andrew's hotel room against our better judgement, we allow tiredness and Fringe-fatigue and sudden lack of audience energy to undermine our razor-sharp topical observations and Maurice Gran-standard one-liners. We just about manage to comment upon the bad man in California, Anne Robinson's new smile, Ronnie Biggs and the Monopoly connection, the end of the NHS "flasher" gown and Amanda Platell (not the end of, but she has a column in the Saturday Mail, which we don't usually cover). It sounds like we have jetlag. If you've never listened to our podcast, PLEASE DO NOT START HERE! If you have, and loyally sit through it, it almost picks up in the last ten minutes. Almost. We promise a return to form next week.

29/8/09

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102

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 79 - Live From Edinburgh!

In the fifth and final of our live, daily podcasts from the Underbelly in Edinburgh, we had our first almost lethally hot one, with sweat dripping down the walls of the Belly Laugh almost as if solely to prove that some cliches are true. Although it is Sunday and thus there is no news in the newpapers, we managed to extract something out of [i]News Of The World[/i]'s Kerry Katona video, the travails of Danielle Lloyd and Michael Jackson's Frankenchildren, while - as has become tradition in Edinburgh - lightly and affectionately insulting anyone in the front row. We remain filthily sponsored by Profanity App. Incidentally - this podcast is about 5 seconds shorter than normal, not because of a glitch caused by rivulets of sweat dripping into the laptop, but because, as you'll hear, Andrew was legally bound to remove a certain untrue claims that Richard kept repeating just so that Andrew would have to come back to the flat and painstakingly remove it.

23/8/09

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103

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 78 - Live From Edinburgh!

In the fourth of our live, daily podcasts from the Underbelly in Edinburgh, we reach a new level of surreal whimsy and timewasting as the enormity of the task really starts to sink in. But what a tremendous audience, especially Colin from Arbroath with all his "highers", whatever they are. We discuss, among other issues, the lack of fanfare for the countdown to the apocalypse ie. when we all have to use energy-efficient lightbulbs to appease some killjoys in Brussels (as noticed only by the Daily Mail), the fact that some animals ride on other animals' backs, and allow Richard to roadtest his Beckett-style play for the Fringe 2010 about the Mars Bar. It's possibly a modern classic, and certainly led to a truly phenomenal 'happening' outside the Tempting Tattie.

22/8/09

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104

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 77 - Live From Edinburgh!

In the third of our live, daily podcasts from the Underbelly in Edinburgh, we attempt to build bridges with our audience by testing their memory of key cultural signifiers (well, one bloke in the front row anyway, who had the memory of Mr Memory out of The 39 Steps); we also discuss the unfolding tragedy of Kerry Katona, the unfolding mystery of South African 'hermathlete' Caster Semenya, the incredible journeys of a goldfish called Pooh and a giant tortoise called Zeus, and the majesty of Peter Key. We also experience what it's like when Richard is on fire, while remaining almost-lucratively sponsored by Profanity App. This was a very strange podcast, with many unfunny longueurs, but the audience were particularly supportive and patient.

21/8/09

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105

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 76 - Live From Edinburgh!

In the second of our live, daily podcasts from the Underbelly in Edinburgh, we find out how many A-Levels our audience have got, discuss Scottish nationalism in relation to the Australian soap opera Neighbours, ponder the implications of the "hermathlete", wonder what's on this weekend in Stirlingshire, check out the Guardian's lastest wallchart, and wonder if the opera director Stewart Lee really will turn up as a special guest for Friday's podcast (clue: no he won't). We remain sponsored by Profanity App, which provides amusing insults for Richard throughout the podcast, and devoted to drumming up business for the local Tempting Tattie.

20/8/09

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106

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 75 - Live From Edinburgh!

In the first of our five live daily podcasts from the Underbelly at the Edinburgh Fringe, we test the moistness of our audience and have them eating out of our hands, discussing the 'swoop' on Kerry Katona's mansion, the 1,400 pints left behind the bar of the Glasgow Airport Holiday Inn for John Smeaton, the ethics of homeless people going on camping holidays, the accidental racism of a 12-year-old fan of the TV miniseries Roots and the endless permutations of our sponsor, the makers of the Profanity "app" for any iPhones you might, like Richard, be looking after for a young resident of Shepherd's Bush. Next podcast TOMORROW!

19/8/09

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107

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 74

Our 74th podcast is dedicated to Tina Wiseman, who sadly died last week, and was a great supporter of our work and an example to all comedy fans. We have been assured by her family and friends that she would have wanted us to stick to the usual podcast style - rude, puerile, pathetic - which we have, in her honour. It's been a big week, with lots of misinformation and hate flying around, but also lots of love and support. But we manage to talk about the weather, organic food and the human chain around the former RAF Locking. In many ways, it's our own comedy special.

30/7/09

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108

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 73

In Podcast Number 73, we pay tribute to Sandi Toksvig, Neil Buchanan and Andrea Arnold as our weekly bulletin from the frontline of current affairs and cysts reaches the same number as their fictional early-to-mid-80s house. In it, we fail to discuss Michael Jackson's fourth child or swine flu, preferring instead to talk about Mr and Mrs Herring's Golden Wedding, the Aquavision advert, the Bran Flakes advert on the inside of Andrew's gym locker door, the shadowy figure of Orange Mark, giraffes looking through the window, the delights of the Edinburgh Fringe catalogue, taking 40 minutes to put on a special swimsuit using unguent, the man-lady ratio in Nottingham, and the fate of Richard's pus-baby. Don't forget to support your local festival by visiting www.rhythmfestival.com, our worthy sponsors (who are generously giving money to our chosen charities, Scope and Thomas's Fund, for every ticket they sell because of us).

22/7/09

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109

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 72a - Sample of Andrew's Audiobook

This extra, bonus, doesn't-really-count Collings and Herrin Podcast 72a is actually an exclusive, free chapter from Andrew's new audiobook 'Where Did It All Go Right?', exclusively and supportively introduced by Richard Herring. If you like the extract, the audiobook is available to buy from Go Faster Stripe - http://www.gofasterstripe.com

20/7/09

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110

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 72

In our 72nd podcast, there is tension in the air, as Richard's cyst continues to grow like a David Cronenberg-style alien on his Bob Hoskins-style back, threatening at any moment to explode and fill the attic with foul effluent and bottled-up anger at Virgilio Anderson. Honestly, it's like an episode of Channel 4's Embarrassing Bodies, except with current affairs: this week, ageism at Radio 1, David Shayler's new life as Christ and Shane Ritchie's unlikely tale of locking his swine flu-victim son in his bedroom.

17/7/09

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111

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 71

We devote most of our 71st podcast to the story of Richard's iPhone being snatched in West London by an opportunistic tearaway and smooth criminal with brilliant cycling skills and the desire to make us ask the question: who is the real thief? (It's him.) This is clearly more important than Michael Jackson's 'macabre circus' of a funeral, the mystery of the Human Shrub and anything Andrew has done. Anyway, back to Richard's iPhone ... which came in this now-empty box, and went in a blur of colours and a photo of Richard in an uncompromising moustache which we hope at least gave the thief a fright.

8/7/09

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112

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 70

In this special Michael Jackson memorial podcast, we talk about the life of Michael Jackson, the death of Michael Jackson, the voice of Michael Jackson, the legend of Michael Jackson, the response to Michael Jackson's death, the response of Uri Geller, the response of Debbie Rowe, the response from Glastonbury, the remodelling of Andy Murray, the allure of Flamingo Land, how to keep a baby tapir cool, and why girls kissing girls will disturb EVERY parent.

1/7/09

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113

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 69

In our 69th!!!LOL podcast, we lament the locking down of not just our own Wikipedia entries, but also Duncan Norvelle's, while discussing in great detail the political leanings of new Speaker, John Bercow, assessing the form of all eleven Doctors Whos, pondering Jordan's crude tattoo removal, looking at Andrew's Glastonbury hat, recalling with great fondness and inaccuracy the 1980s public share issue campaign, and asking, yet again, WHO IS VIRGILIO ANDERSON??? And all sponsored, once again, by the Rhythm Festival in Bedford, who have helpfully kept some tickets back to be sold, unlike Glastonbury who greedily sold all theirs. Typical.

23/6/09

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114

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 68

In our 68th podcast, Andrew has come hotfoot from reviewing the newspapers on Nick Ferrari's breakfast show on London's LBC, a non-stop commercial talk station ('London's Big Conversation'), and thus has read all of the newspapers, cover to cover, that's all of them, including the 'X-rated' Daily Star. For once, it's all news, and no nonsense or housekeeping or catchphrases or plugs for things we are doing or Richard complaining about being tired: the redacted MPs' expenses, the Wheelie Bin Revolution, the difference between Alesha Dixon and Arlene Philips, Sir Fred Goodwin's chimney-sweeping pennance, the 'Tarmaccing community', Jordan's 'X-rated' romp, the allure of nappies to the urban fox, and the great fluoridation debate. The one question we don't answer is, 'Who is Virgilio Anderson?'

19/6/09

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115

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 67

In our 67th podcast, sponsored by the Rhythm Festival (Aug 21-23) - for every weekend ticket they sell, our chosen charities Scope and Thomas's Fund get a donation each - which we discuss the electoral victory of the BNP and whether it's OK to have a go at Nick Griffin because of his face, celebrate the showbiz camp of Colonel Gaddafi, ponder the advantages and disadvantages of the head massage, admire Caroline Flint's shoes, assert Duncan Norvelle's heterosexuality, debate the spyhole, and, in the newly-shorn Richard's case, aim for two new catchphrases, one of which really belongs to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

12/6/09

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116

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 66

In our 666th podcast, a 'small gift from London', we bring you breaking news of the latest Cabinet resignations which will inevitably be out of date by the time you hear them, but then again, it's not a news programme. We admire the leopard in Hertfordshire who licked the rat, indulge in pointless speculation about the sad demise of Kung Fu star David Carradine, reveal how we voted in the Euro elections in order to influence indecisive people, fail to stop swearing in order to get back on the radio after last week's brief morning in the spotlight, and Andrew is allowed to tell an entire pencil-based anecdote, for which he is entirely grateful.

5/6/09

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117

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 65a - Mitford Sisters

This extra, 10-minute podcast is Andrew's fabled Mitford Sisters routine, recorded at the Duke Of York's Picturehouse on Thursday while Richard was safely backstage. In it, Andrew discusses all six of the Mitfords - Nancy, Pamela, Diana, Unity, Jessica and Debo - and not until the end of the set does anyone actually walk out. Warning: this podcast does not really include any Richard Herring. It is a bonus. It does not replace the regular podcast. Podcast 66 will follow shortly. Do admit.

1/6/09

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118

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 65 - Live!

In this special live podcast from the Duke Of York's Picturehouse in sunny, bohemian Brighton, we play up to the paying audience of 250 people a bit, admittedly, but still manage to cover Susan Boyle the 'Hairy Angel', the resemblance of Kim Jong Il to BBC2's Stewart Lee, the allure of cottaging, the self-defeating genius of glow-in-the-dark monkeys, the perplexing but inspirational lyrics to Take That's Back For Good, the sex lives of Clare Rayner and Edwina Currie, and the return of Dane Bowers, 29.

29/5/09

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119

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 64

In our 64th podcast, sponsored by the Absolut Dublin Gay Theatre Festival, even though it's finished, we discuss the miracle, or not, of human evolution, and the fact that we are all descended from 100 people who walked off Africa 70,000 years ago, including Adam and Eve, and Noah and his wife Nelly, who themselves were descendants of a monkey/lemur called Ida, recently dug up in 1983 and now featured in a Guardian poster. We also analyse the ex-Speaker's nickname, the morality of selling your virginity to a 45-year-old Italian businessman and try not to swear or interrupt each other, in practice for being on the radio again.

20/5/09

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120

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 63

In the transparent 63rd podcast, we declare every penny of our expenses, including both fingers of a Twix, while discussing infinity, morality, hypocrisy, prejudice, sexism, racism, homophobia, the coming dandelion menace and what Jordan said to Richard when he met her on the GMTV sofa. For one week only, we include the Daily Telegraph among the newspapers we analyse - because it is at the centre of the expenses story - and find it much too big. Way too big. I mean, look at the size of it. It's ridiculous.

15/5/09

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121

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 62

In our 62nd podcast, we take just about every ideological position under the sun on such complex issues as Gurkha justice, Nazism, bra size, MPs' expenses, the British position in India, the possibly fictional 'ugly' man with pitted skin and Hugh Cornwell's hairstyle suddenly accused of having something to do with the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, Jon Gaunt's panic over a word in Bono's poem about Elvis, the wisdom or otherwise of using a cartoon of a keyboard key for the word "by" in byline credits in the Daily Mirror (a subject that only really animates one of us - guess which one?), and the magical 'optical illusion' of glass between a child and a tiger in a zoo.

8/5/09

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122

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 61

In our 61st pigcast, from the very bottom of the iTunes charts, suffering from the hangover of fame, we present a balanced view of the swine flu pandemic-in-waiting, wonder if the world population couldn't in fact do with a little 'thinning out', celebrate some newly-discovered British Library cottaging graffiti, 'Get Britain Laughing' along with The Sun, ponder the fate of Michael MacIntyre and other successful comedians who seem to be enjoying success just to make us feel unsuccessful, and enjoy some 'lunchtime fun' by reminiscing about 1970s sweets that have been ruined by killjoys and health and safety fears.

28/4/09

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123

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 60

In this spontaneous podcast, nominally number 60, Andrew Collings and Richard Herrin shamelessly celebrate reaching number 6 in the iTunes podcast charts and overtaking Stephen Fry for at least one blessed moment before - we assume - plummeting back down again when our new subscribers hear this very podcast (or Stephen Fry actually records a podcast). In it, we talk mainly about our own brief taste of success, but also a bit about Tesco's push for Lebensraum, fat people causing global warming and Susan Boyle, plus sophisticated film reviews of Fast And Furious, Star Wars with Simon Pegg and Crank: High Voltage.

21/4/09

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124

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 59

In Collings and Herrin Podcast 59, we do something romantic that we've never done before and will never do again (you'll have to listen to find out exactly what). We also correct a heinous miscarriage of justice, consider the 39 complaints logged about ITV1's pornographic Saturday teatime talent show Britain's Got Tassles, support the campaign to moan about the red elastic bands left by postmen on your path, consider the almost self-defeating generosity of the British Legion raffle, and warn Margaret off The Apprentice not to pick up the soap when Nick is around, even though only one of us still watches The Apprentice, which is a stupid programme. And only one of us is going to see Star Trek.

16/4/09

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125

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 58

In Podcast 58, we celebrate the good fortune of the man sitting next to the Guinness heiress on the plane, ask why the Great British bobby is wearing a balaclava, discuss the entire 43-year history of Star Trek, laud the courageous Sir Michael Parkinson for being in a wilderness, promote Old Jamaica Ginger Beer in the vain hope of being sponsored by them, and, as usual, act like a bit of fanny and a doormat in need of a hug, not that we would ever allow a single customer review on iTunes to get to us.

8/4/09

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126

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 57

We would like to make it clear - crisply, refreshingly clear - that Collings and Herrin Podcast 57 is not sponsored by Magners Light Irish Cider, created in the same authentic, time honoured tradition as Magners Original Cider, but with fewer calories. However, we did drink a 330ml bottle each during today's podcast, which led to a more sophisticated discussion than normal about the a united Ireland, the Israel-Palestine conflict, the intricacies of expenses claims, the changing nature of titilation, the 'phlegminess' of cider and the economic hardship of having a sitcom cancelled. Magners Light Irish Cider is actually not as phlegmy as we remember cider to be from when we used to drink it at the correct cider-drinking age ie. 17.

31/3/09

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127

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 56

In our 56th podcast, we give equal, self-defeatingly critical airtime to both Magners Cider and Oatibix in an effort to confuse our potential sponsors. We pay tribute to the Essex Princess, worry about John Terry's mum, applaud Gordon Brown for making Princess Anne Queen, mouth the word 'bollocks' to see if it's offensive, and deconstruct David Jason's accidentally racist joke.

27/3/09

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128

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 55

Hey! Collings and Herrin Podcast No. 55 is out of the traps. In it, we sensitively cover the trial of Josef Fritzl, read out some letters to the Sunday Times, squeeze one joke out of Keith Vaz, enjoy some crazy animal stories, but mainly talk about Richard's tour and the inherent tragedy therein. As an experiment, we try drinking some of the alcoholic drink Perroni while recording it. This was a huge mistake, but we enjoyed it.

18/3/09

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129

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 54

In our 54th podcast, one of us is caffeine-free, the other is virtually insensible on the stuff. Ethical and moral discussion moves almost imperceptibly from Prince Charles's detox tincture to the quality of placard at the Luton anti-war protests; from monkey vengeance to sheepdog love; from the wheelie bin police to reincarnation as a bee; from just about anything to Richard's tour dates. Andrew remains in a Zen-like stated of decaffeinated calm throughout.

11/3/09

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130

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 53

What? A new podcast already? That's real value. In our 53rd podcast, recorded a matter of days after the last one because Richard is on tour or something, powered by homemade biscotti, we find out that grapefruit juice can cause heart failure, television can give you asthma, having a job can get you stripped of your University Challenge glory, teenagers can cost nine thousand pounds, Sir Fred Goodwin was named by William Makepeace Thackeray, Tesco's offer real baskets as opposed to surreal or figurative ones, Richard's got another idea for a Slumdog Millionaire sequel, beer is a surprise sedative and teenagers' pants are designed to be seen. Can we just apologise for the burp with which this podcast begins. Rich was very tired.

3/3/09

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131

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 52

In our 52nd podcast, we manage to largely avoid talking about the tragedy-filled news by discussing the legality and morality of secretly taking photos with mobile phones up ladies' skirts, Richard's special plan for Lent, the fact that bras used to be exciting, why we should actually have some compassion for Jade Goody, and the fact that, all being well, we will be on Channel 4 News because we are the news. Interestingly, it turns out that last week's podcast might not have been recorded using the podcast studio and the nice new mic, but through the internal mic, so ha ha if you thought it sounded better. It probably didn't. And this week it's back to normal until a nerd can help us.

26/2/09

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132

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 51

In our 51st podcast, recorded for the first time ever on the professional podcast studio Richard bought and paid for while drunk before Christmas, we allow ourselves to be seduced by the professionalism of the equipment and dispense with puerile jokes and humour and just pontificate on free speech for ages. And there's a bit about the enraged, now-dead celebrity chimpanzee, and Peter Mandelson's swear at Starbucks, and Hitler's table manners, and the Church Of England school teaching ten year olds 'filth', and hate cleric Abu Qatada and the tabloids' demonisation of men with beards, and why Twitter is good/bad. You decide!

19/2/09

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133

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 50

In this, our 50th podcast, we celebrate by not using the brand new podcast studio because we can't make it work yet. But in what may be the last ever podcast made using GarageBand - and indeed the last ever podcast, if we decide to stop it - we discuss Prince Harry's racism course, bears and cubs, Husker Du, the only good news to come out of the Australian Bush Fires (which involves a bear but not a cub), the complex morality of a 13-year-old having a baby with a 15-year-old and the fact that Richard is touring The Headmaster's Son and wants people to buy tickets so much he is prepared to appear alongside racist Carol Thatcher on Channel Five. Here's to the next 50. (The next 50 plugs for Richard's tour, that is.)

13/2/09

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134

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 49

Happy birthday to us! We are one year old! That's 51 podcasts over 52 weeks (don't ask), and in our 49th (don't think too hard about it), we try a Twitter experiment, consider where snow comes from, discuss the origins of the word 'Golliwog', have a pretty serious theological debate about Jesus, discuss the game of rugby and rise above any comments made against us on iTunes, because that's the kind of seasoned professionals we are. Warning: this podcast is not as good as the scripted, edited, produced, satirical radio show On The Hour. We're sorry about that.

5/2/09

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135

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 48

In our 48th podcast, we mainly come up with a new book idea for Dave Gorman which is a surefire winner, but also find time to ponder what happens in the seconds before your death, marvel at Prince Harry's appetite and compare the original lyrics of the 1891 sea shanty What Shall We Do With A Drunken Sailor and the new politically-correct version that has probably been made up by the tabloids. Also, Richard's gearbox has broken and he's pretty circumspect about the amount it's going to cost him to get it fixed, even though he has yet to be made redundant.�

30/1/09

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136

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 47

In our 47th podcast, subtitled Hubris, we continue to ponder the fate of the Hitler moustache, give away the entire plot of Slumdog Millionaire (which is the feelgood film of the decade), continue to humiliate ourselves over Adam and Joe, and mark both the inaugurations of Barack Obama. Richard also returns to the burning issues of anarchist Christmas tree disposal and how to deal with a scary man with two black eyes - and he accidentally calls Andrew "Stew", which was bound to happen sooner or later. Meanwhile, Andrew tries to keep quiet and ponders his own intellectual insecurity.

23/1/09

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137

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 46

In our 46th podcast, we fight off the cold of Richard's house by shouting at the tops of our voices about: how good Adam and Joe are (no, really, they are very, very good, much better than us on literally every level, you should subscribe to their podcast now, if you haven't already), how the pilot of the United Airlines flight that landed in the Hudson River should be rewarded for saving the lives of 155 people, whether or not Prince Harry is an idiot, whether it's socially acceptable to grow a Hitler moustache in this day and age, and how the third runway at Heathrow will actually be good for the environment. Did we mention how good Adam and Joe are?

16/1/09

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138

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 45

In our first podcast of 2009, Richard tries out his new, chillaxed, non-hectoring, post-Caribbean persona and Andrew becomes a man of rational scientific thought and debunker of non-evidence-based myths. It takes us quite a while to get to the newspapers, but when we do, it's mainly the story about the UFO hitting the wind turbine that we cover. Don't worry, in the end, we have both returned to our usual selves. Except Andrew. It's great to be back, shouting at each other again at the tops of our lungs and not sponsored by Monarch Airlines.

9/1/09

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139

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 44

In this pre-recorded New Year's Eve Review Of The Year Looking Back On 2008 Roundup Special, Andrew belatedly gives Richard his Christmas present, which he really likes, and we discuss our most-missed dead people of the year, plus give a detailed analysis of such seismic events as the Beijing Olympics, the election of Barack Obama and when Iain Morris caught the pomegranate juice thrown by Kevin Bishop. We'll be back in 2009, when Andrew resolves to stop being the controversial one and Richard resolves to start being the controversial one.

30/12/08

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140

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Christmas Podcast: The Perfect Twelve

In this special one-off Christmas podclash, we join Phill Jupitus and Phil Wilding in their posh studio for The Perfect Twelve: four men and a hat, discussing twelve festive things, including Christmas films, Christmas foodstuffs, Christmas carols and outfits we'd like to see Christmas turkeys wearing. All powered by one warm can of Carlsberg. Note: this is the lo-fi, extra-length Collings and Herrin version, recorded on a laptop; the studio version - shorter and properly miked and equalised and everything - is available from the usual Phill and Phil outlets. Collect 'em all!

23/12/08

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141

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 43

In our 43rd podcast, the pre-Christmas special, we experiment with two pints of lager/stout and some noodles and coffee, to see what happens. Scientists can study the results, as we discuss, in a rational and non-hysterical manner, the Strictly scandal, the range of hampers available this year, the throwing of a shoe at a president, the throwing of a second shoe at the same president, still unprotected, and the continued joy of secret dancing. It's like the lethargy and indulgence of Christmas has come early! There's even the unwrapping of a present.

17/12/08

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142

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 42

In our 42nd podcast, we ignore the news for the first 27 minutes while we talk about very little, but when we do finally acknowledge the outside world and the events therein, it's Lisa Snowden's potentially dangerous jive, Terry Wogan's tumble dryer, a Hampshire lollipop man's tinsel-decorated sign, the Sun's Military awards and the decision to allow Andy McNab to appear in the judges photograph with a small blackboard over his face, and that's it. Sadly, Andrew mucked about with the computer and it ends before the traditional one hour and six minutes. You should be aware of that.

11/12/08

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143

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 41

In our 41st podcast, we discuss our new lookalike service (pictured), secret dancing, Santa Claus being 'f----ing dead', the intelligence of sperm, the stupidity of people who eat fast food, the price of a dog for Christmas, the dangers of the clipboard brigade and what to ask famous film stars if you get 20 minute with them and know nothing about films.

5/12/08

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144

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 40

In our 40th podcast, we say hello to all our female listeners, by name, individually, because we can; we also discuss foreplay in the Czech Republic; the loss of the old-fashioned, star-studded Woolworth's adverts; Frank Carson's opaque views on the Israeli occupation of Palestine; 118 118's racist joke service and the Deep House mix of Andrew talking about Lion Man. We also find out how old Fearne Cotton is.

27/11/08

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145

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 39

In our 39th podcast, we dream of the pre-prepared lunches which are ready for us to eat afterwards: for Richard, a Marks and Spencer chilli and coriander king prawns; a Marks and Spencer nutritionally balance super-whole food salad; a Marks and Spencer freshly prepared pineapple, mango, kiwi, raspberry and blueberry; and for Andrew, his own�homemade organic chilli with courgettes, artichokes, pepper, coriander and broccoli; and his own homemade organic, wheat-free plum and apple crumble. Which is best? You decide. (Or we will.)

20/11/08

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146

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 38

In our 38th podcast - 39th if you include last week's, 37a - we get back to basics and talk about what's in the newspapers, once we've established more logistical faults with Goodnight Sweetheart, tried to apologise to Jason Manford, set Charlie Boorman a new travel task, reminisced about the job offers we got at the Radio Academy, accused Michael MacIntyre of being the mastermind behind Sachsgate and made clear, once again, that Richard is doing better on telly than Andrew, despite benign positional vertigo brought on by Marks and Spencer's ready meals.

13/11/08

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147

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 37a (Radio Academy)

In this extra bonus podcast, we do a presentation to the Radio Academy at Millbank in London, which is intended as an introduction to how we started the podcast, and why we do it, week in, week out. We hope you get something out of it. It's not this week's actual podcast, merely a little extra. Listen to the professional delegates from the radio industry, sometimes laughing at our swear words, other times totally baffled by our rambling chit chat after a day of professional presentations. Thanks to Matt Deegan, for producing the session, and for putting up the pie charts.

10/11/08

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148

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 37

In our historic 37th podcast, we HAVE A LAUGH about the new world we now live in, including: Morrisons' half-price beef offer, Gary Sparrow's paucity of ambition, the chances of Ed Milliband's picture being made into a giant hat in Kenya, Lewis Hamilton's big mistake, Blake Fielder-Civil's silver tongue, Jason Manford's paucity of ambition, and a man called Barack Obama, who is the President.

6/11/08

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149

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 36

In our 36th podcast, we are the first to comment on the Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross controversy, a subject thus far pretty much ignored by the rest of the media. There's just time for us to talk about the destruction of Brecht's 'fourth wall' in relation to the James Bond adverts, the origins of the phrase 'brave new world' in Shakespeare's The Tempest and whether Mike Tindall ever thinks about the fact that his girlfriend came out of a woman who came out of The Queen. We apologise for everything.

30/10/08

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150

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 35

In the 35th Collings and Herrin Podcast, Richard turns over a new leaf and promises not to swear or be crude or call Andrew an idiot or talk about having sex with the hole in the bottom of a tortoise during an operation. Within this radical rubric, we cover the George Osbourne/Oleg Deripaska/Peter Mandelson/Nat Rothschild scandal, the historic visit by 14-year-old failed Olympic diver Tom Daley to Sea World in Florida, the thorny issue of sex education for five year olds, the cost of heating a George Foreman grill for 48 hours and the dangers of staying in a hotel designed by Hanna-Barbera.

24/10/08

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151

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 34

The 34th Collings and Herrin Podcast covers the following hot news topics: the way the credit crunch is affecting Prince William, the new indecent exposure laws soon to rock the world of indecent exposure, the cream-and-seasonal-vegetable-based divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie, the election-losing teddy bear eyes of John McCain, bum-on-bum action in the Madrid derby (whatever that is), the world of 'amateur tits' and a sneak preview of our survey results. Warning: this podcast cuts off abruptly at the end, in the middle of a very funny bit. This was the software telling us to stop. Please go to www.collingsandherrinsurvey.com to take part in our survey. Thanks.

17/10/08

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152

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 33

In our 33rd podcast, we cut a languid, mid-afternoon swathe through Alistair Darling's �500bn TV-screen bailout, the nude twit on the wall of the Japanese emperor's palace, Polly the tortoise in Bristol Zoo with the stretchy bandage, Lily Cole's alien face and translucent alien skin, Johnny Rotten's butter-based betrayal of everything we fought for, and Google's lunch policy

8/10/08

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153

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 32

In our 32nd, unedited podcast, back in the teetotal, audience-free safety of Richard's attic (except at night), we solve the credit crunch, dream of a utopian future where there is no racism, berate Sharon Stone, deify Bruce Parry, mock a three-year-old boy for having a permanent tattoo of Bart Simpson and alight, once again, upon Richard's Jigsaw fantasy.

3/10/08

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154

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 31 - Live!

In this, our second ever live podcast, recorded before a live audience in the Cross Kings pub in London's Kings Cross, at at benefit gig for No Sweat, we attempt to discuss the departure of Ruth Kelly from Manchester, the arrival of Paul McCartney in Israel and other pertinent issues of topicality, but get sidetracked by Constantine's breasts and people shouting things out, as people do in pubs. A great night was had by all, except the small children employed to make Richard's trainers. You can even hear us going on stage, and going off again at the end, like some bootleg.

26/9/08

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155

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 30

We are 30. In our thirtieth podcast, we ignore the global financial crisis and concentrate instead on Shepton Mallet, Strictly Come Dancing, the ongoing battle between swan and mink, future queen Kate Middleton's lack of rollerskating decorum, Bruce Parry, Creme Eggs, the Devil fox, and the striking differences between Starbucks and Caffe Nero. Still no sponsorship. For one week only: no Mitford Sisters.

19/9/08

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156

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 29

This week, in our post-end-of-the-world podcast, we explain what those men in Geneva were actually trying to achieve, congratulate The Media for continuing to mislead us and do no work, catch up with what happened ten months ago in Holloway Prison, promote eugenics but not the bad kind, apply for the job of caption writer on the Express and enjoy the aroma of a roll-on deodorant that may or may not contain sodium laureth sulphate. This podcast was recorded in spite of Richard having food poisoning and Andrew having to sit near him.

12/9/08

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157

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 28

Hello. In this twenty-eighth edition of The Moral Maze, we debate such burning issues Sarah Palin's surname, the likelihood of political prisoners being released due to the sight of Richard in cotton wool-filled Amnesty International pants, gang violence, gym etiquette, the sexiness of Esther Rantzen and other powerful women, and whether it's helpful to describe all paedophiles as 'monsters'. Guaranteed jingle-free. Bye.

5/9/08

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158

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 27

We return to podcasting after two weeks and one day to discuss such burning issues as whether Gary Glitter should be 'tagged', whether David Beckham was paid to kick that ball off a bus at the Olympics, just how lazy are journalists on the BBC News website and whether the Falklands need defending any more. It is indeed good to be back, good to be back. Now with added jingles!

28/8/08

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159

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 26

In this, our slightly tired twenty-sixth podcast, recorded last week in Richard's rented flat in Edinburgh, we offer up Jon Gaunt's autobiography Undaunted to the book club, pay tribute to Private Schultz, describe the previous week's Tempting Tatties performance-art 'happening' and invent a new Wikipedia game that all the family will enjoy, and does not involve vandalising it in a childish way. We are having a week off now, but plan to return the week after, refreshed.

15/8/08

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160

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 25 - Live!

In this historic podcast, recorded live in front of a committed, rain-sodden, early-morning weekday Fringe audience at the Underbelly in Edinburgh, we go through the Scottish versions of the daily newspapers, and talk - into an actual PA system, but then put through the usual in-built mic on the MacBook - about a girl who looked a bit like Maddie, Heath Ledger, the cloned puppies, Jon Gaunt's Dad's tears, the man who chopped off the other man's head on a Greyhound bus and walking alongside a pigeon.

6/8/08

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161

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 24

In this twenty-fourth podcast, Richard is in Edinburgh and Andrew is in London, but miraculously, they have made a podcast anyway. In it, rather than get worked up about topical matters, they discuss the wider issues of Giles Coren, Barabbas, Argentina Brunetti, the quite surreal nature of Un Chien Andalou and the precarious nature of the Collings and Herrin Podcast Wikipedia entry. Don't forget, if you're in Edinburgh, they're recording the next podcast in front of an audience at the Underbelly, Wed August 6, at 10.30am. It's free, but you have to reserve tickets.

1/8/08

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162

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 23

In our twenty-third podcast, in light of Radovan Karadzic's arrest for being an acupuncturist, we discuss the amazing disguise possibilities of growing a beard, Christian Bale getting bail, the key differences between a Milton Keynes NCP call centre operator and a concentration camp guard, and conduct a calm, reasoned, evidence-based debate about homeopathy. We also reveal details of the first ever live podcast with an audience in Edinburgh.

25/7/08

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163

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 22

In our 22nd podcast, we bring perhaps the most important news story of the year to wider notice, unfathomably buried at the bottom of Page 6 in this week's Sun, and ignored by all the other papers. We also start a campaign to make necrophilia illegal and review the 1983 TV drama Reilly Ace Of Spies. You don't get reviews of 1983 TV dramas on the Cobra Pubcast with Danny Wallace and Dom Joly.

17/7/08

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164

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 21

In our twenty-first podcast, two days early this week, we discuss corn-stuffed caviar, kelp-flavoured cold Kyoto beef shabu-shabu, hairy crab 'Kegani' bisque soup, salt-grilled bighand thornyhead with vinegary water pepper sauce, milk-fed lamb, G8 fantasy dessert and coffee. (Thanks to the G8 leaders with their faces in the trough for that menu.)

8/7/08

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165

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 20

In the relaunched podcast, which is very different to the others, we discuss theology, Nazism, Communism, homosexuality, transexualism, hypocrisy, the ageing process, the importance of context in the media and why Ian Blair should wear a tie, the idiot. (Alright, it's just like all the others.)

4/7/08

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166

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 19

In our nineteenth podcast, we ponder our big relaunch with a brainstorming session that unequivocally rules out the possibility of a Vernon Troyer-style sex tape scandal; we also say happy one-year anniversary to Gordon Brown, give one of the more popular political parties in Henley some marketing advice, discuss the sexism of The Sun's sports coverage and have a look in our wheelie bins for Iraqis.

27/6/08

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167

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 18

In our eighteenth podcast, we look closely at David Beckham's pants, discuss the sexism of Ascot coverage, come up with a recession-beating way of saving money on stamps in Taiwan, calculate where we both stand in the celebrity hierarchy by measuring the distance between Ant and Dec and the VIP area of a fashion show in Northampton, and roundly ignore the man who said Andrew sounds like Mr Bean, thus depriving him of the oxygen of publicity. Plus! Extra 5% News Free!

20/6/08

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168

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 17

In our seventeenth podcast, we wish Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin the very best, rail against the Stop and Search policy of the Metropolitan Police because it mainly singles out Andrew, investigate the wording of the Queen's Regulations about moustaches in the RAF, and wonder whether either Planet Of The Bulls or Planet Of the Catholics would be more entertaining that the one with Apes.

13/6/08

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169

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 16

In our sixteenth podcast, not by any stretch either of our finest work, unrehearsed, we discuss the Big Brother hopefuls whilst trying not to learn their names, the subtext of Planet Of The Apes, crybaby Jon Gaunt, Richard's advanced colour-blindness and our first ever review in a national magazine that's not as good as it used to be. And we go on about ginger beer - again!

6/6/08

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170

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 15

In our 15th nervous breakdown, we cover such burning issues as the Universal Studios Disaster, mini-socks, gym etiquette, Fern Britton's 'diet fib', Britain's Got Talent and 'a delicious explosion of unmatched responses.'

2/6/08

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171

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 14

In our fourteenth podcast, we try to put Lion Man behind us, and investigate the ins and outs of zoophilia, plus Crewe and Nantwich, the need for fathers, what to really do if you feel chest pains and the difficulty of sticking chewing gum on Blade Runner-style moving adverts.

23/5/08

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172

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 13

Will out thirteenth podcast be unlucky? Yes, if you don't want to hear Andrew talking about Lion Man, but no, if you want to hear Richard trying to talk about pandas' hands and why Cherie Blair had to 'put out' on her first date with Tony Blair in 1976. What has Andrew been controversially drinking? Two sips of caffeine or alcohol? Find out inside!

16/5/08

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173

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 12

In our twelfth podcast, we defend Ant and Dec, defend Hitler, share our memories of being in the Bullingdon club and find out what we were both doing on May 5, 1982 by using our diaries. Don't turn off when we start talking about the bouncy castle as it get unexpectedly much better after it.

10/5/08

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174

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 11

In our eleventh podcast, recorded during the knife-edge count in the London mayoral elections, we discuss both the 'bloodbath' and the 'meltdown' for Labour, while sparing a thought for fascist Italy, Miley Cyrus (who inspired our photo, which can be seen on www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts), drunk women in Northumbria and the fools who spend money asking 118 and 118 questions when we can answer them for free.

2/5/08

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175

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 10

In our tenth anniversary podcast, we wonder how sensational Alan Levy's memoir is going to get on Tuesday, what makes Austrians put people in cellars, why on earth would Trinny and Susannah go naked for publicity and what if Lembit Opik actually married both Cheeky Girls?

28/4/08

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176

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 09

In our ninth podcast, we put the world to rights, albeit mainly the world of Gordon Brown's body language to the wronged Hillary Clinton, a BEFORE and AFTER spam email that we suspect is not wholly trustworthy, and the perils of taking Oasis and Lucozade onto a plane for perfectly innocent reasons. One of us is a left wing goody two shoes, but which one?

18/4/08

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177

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 08

Even though Richard is on holiday, the podcast continues! We talk about Ed Balls and the human-cow hybrid and whether it's acceptable to talk about owls after a September 11th-style tragedy, and it's almost as if Richard is here.

11/4/08

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178

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 07

In our seventh podcast, Richard eats a gluten-free biscuit and threatens bran-related odours, and we cover everything from Robert Mugabe and Gary Rhodes to Nick Clegg and Britannia (boo hoo, she's going from our coins).

4/4/08

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179

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 06

This week, in either our second (or third) weekly podcast, we join the nation in Carla Bruni Mania, ask why the Sun won't publish the harmless slang word "nosh" and examine our own personas within the new double act. And get a free muffin.

28/3/08

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180

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 05

In our fifth podcast, a Good Friday Special, we cover everything from our arch-rivals the Nuts Podcast, the paedo who landed, the sad death of Captain Birdseye and the sad split of Kym and Jack Ryder. And wish the new Iraq a happy fifth birthday.

21/3/08

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181

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 04

Our fourth podcast covers everything from the Budget, the Cheltenham Gold Cup, old mens' noses and wheat to the McCartney divorce settlement and the big question: whether we should do our podcast every week.

14/3/08

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182

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 03

This week, in our third podcast, we are forced to discuss Prince Harry in Afghanistan as it's the only story in all the newspapers. Plus, capital punishment, Paris Hilton's kitten, Lemsip Max and the sweaty Cupid and Fate.

29/2/08

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183

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 02

This is our second podcast. It covers everything from feral thugs and Katie Price to the Beijing Olympics (well, not literally everything, obviously). Younger listeners should be aware that 40 minutes is our new watershed, after which we stop using polite euphemisms.

15/2/08

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184

VuxetCollings and Herrin - Podcast 01

In this first podcast, recorded with the in-built mic on Richard's laptop because our expensive microphones didn't work, we cover David Beckham, Britney Spears, the Woolworth's Lolita range of children's bedroom furniture, the US election and more.

1/2/08

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