J'APE: Just Another Publicity Excuse - How to Publish Your (Kindle) Book for Shameless Self-Promotion and Profit

The Problem With Self Publishing on Amazon is You Need to Know the Secret

And that secret is: "You Need to Be A Celebrity To Succeed At Anything".

Learn the 3 Parts to Real eBook Publishing

1. How to write a book - real quick, shallow, ghost-written.
2. How to publish your book - hire someone to do it for cheap, like putting their name on the cover.
3. How to sell a book online - using your devoted, Kool-Aid-drinking fan-base to suck-up and give you fake 5-star reviews without having read the book.

[Disclaimer: Obviously, this is a work of satire and has nothing to do with the real world. And any resemblance to any currently successful bestseller is just a happy coincidence. Had this been a real book, you would have been instructed where to tune in your local area to hear this author's latest interview.]

My best advice? Go hire yourself out as a farm hand in Saskatchewan. At least the food is better and it's honest work.