The Eight Reasons for Divorce

Several years ago, after completing a divorce case and having handed my client her final papers, I felt that I should give her a bit of advice. She was quite young.

First I told her to keep the final papers in a safe place and that she may need them in the event of a future marriage. Inasmuch as my client was a mother of four very young children and the divorce had been somewhat bitter for her, I added the advice that even though she had divorced her husband, the children had not been divorced from their father and still needed him.

I further recommended that she put aside her anger towards her unfaithful husband when it came to the interest of the children. She thanked me and added: “You’ve handled so many divorces, you must know so much about marriage.”

I had no idea then that this would turn into a book.

Later at my office, I reflected on her comment. It was absolutely illogical and untrue. I knew a great deal about divorces but absolutely nothing about marriage. In fact, after handling more than one thousand domestic relations files as an attorney, and after having taken the college courses and seminars on domestic relations problems and even after having counseled hundreds of couples before and after divorce, it was obvious to me that I had no substantive understanding of marriage. In fact, it became patently clear that all my work as an attorney and the work of thousands of other attorneys in the United States are only the mechanics of the destruction of marriage; and that the entire legal profession has not addressed itself to an in-depth treatment of marriage; what it is; and what causes it to fail.

Having established my ignorance of the subject, I attempted to evaluate the current literature and case treatments on the subject. I looked through psychiatric journals, psychological writings, and marriage counseling treatises.

My startling conclusion? It appears that no one in a professional capacity understands anything about marriage and especially the court system. Furthermore there is absolutely no literature that one can find that will define what one’s problems are, or, what one can do to correct defects that are existing in one’s marriage.

The answers that one can find are pitiful. Gross guessing by bearded professors. Speculations by supposed noted psychologists and psychiatrists. Pontifications by totally ignorant counselors. One can do as well by watching daytime television, which is where I suspect these professionals get their information.

Therefore, in this book, I have attempted to treat the subject of marriage and devise a workable explanation of its decay or its success based on the conclusions reached in my handling of over one thousand domestic relations files.

It is my hope that the findings of my research will help to save your marriage -- or prevent you from entering into a bad one.