'90s Club Hits

Stop freaking out. You're not stuck in a time warp where slap bracelets and Saved by the Bell are still cool. We have, however, hired a DJ who's convinced the '90s never ended, so don't be surprised when he channels the speed-freak Swedish pop of "Beautiful Life," the androgynous catwalk choruses of "Supermodel (You Better Work)," the bleacher-blasting techno of "3 A.M. Eternal," the hip-hop/superclub-cribbing "Groove Is in the Heart," and yet another Madonna makeover that somehow makes sense ("Ray of Light").

Go grab another drink. The set's just started and about to segue into some Next Steps.

Aside from some slight cool-down cuts like "Vogue," "That's the Way Love Goes," and "Sadeness (Pt. 1)," those beats and bass lines just won't stop banging away at your face and feet, will they? That's because they refuse to watch a dance floor go numb. After all, what point is there in going out if you aren't succumbing to keep-their-heads-ringing singles like "Da Funk," "Move (You Make Me Feel So Good)," and "Waiting for Tonight"?

Ready for our DJ to hit his peaks and a couple final valleys now? It's time for some Deep Cuts then . . .

Are you down with "O.P.P."? Of course you are. And who can blame you, what with that song's perfect blend of barrel roll breaks, icy piano keys, and ear-nibbling vocals? No need to worry about getting your groove back after hearing the remaining 24 songs, either, as they keep things bumping and jumping from Björk to Sounds of Blackness to Stereo MC's. A nap's definitely going to be in order once this night's over.

While we certainly appreciate the alt-rock invasion that Nirvana and other slacker icons brought to the '90s, nothing gets our blood pumping quite like the club hits of the Clinton years. That means everything from simple pop songs with a rhythm that won't stop 'til you get enough ("Ray of Light," "Another Night," "Rhythm Is a Dancer") to dance-floor-bound detours for such renowned rock and pop artists as U2, Tori Amos, Annie Lennox, and Aretha Franklin. Enjoy, but please save yourself the embarrassment of resorting to the Robot.