How to Be Happy Podcast: Happiness for the Practical Mind
By Jared & Emily Akers
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Podcast Description
Join Jared and Emily Akers of the How to Be Happy podcast as they talk about life, love, happiness, and respect for oneself and our partners in life. They explore many topics from life, love, relationships, self-respect, travel, and keys to living a happy life; all from personal experience. Through Jared’s personal blog - How to Be Happy: Happiness for the Practical Mind - they receive questions about living a happy life from people all over the world. Through sharing their personal experience they humbly demonstrate how self-respect, authenticity, and love are vital components of living a happy life regardless of circumstances.
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HTBH 012: Happiness and Emotional Intelligence | “Emotional intelligence as the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions.” - Salovey & Mayer Emily and I just returned from a trip to Belize and shared a little bit about our great vacation; diving with sharks and eating lionfish!We start off by sharing what emotional intelligence means to us. The ability to make rational decisions and not just react based on the immediate emotion felt.We talk about how to avoid emotional blind spots by feeling the emotions completely and then being able to detach from them in a healthy manner. In the past, I had a lot of emotional blind spots; emotions I avoided because they were uncomfortable since I was emotionally immature.There’s a difference in being emotional and emotionally mature or connected.Being more emotionally intelligent makes us better communicators. We can be more empathetic.By being more emotionally connected, we can communicate more through energy and pick up on non-verbal cues; people pick-up on emotionally intelligence, both consciously and sub-consciously.It’s healthy to be emotionally connected with self; we have empathy for self and thus care more about how we’re treated, both by ourselves and others.Positive thinking only works if we put things into action, it should be power of positive doing.Laughter is powerful because it forces you to be completely in the moment.Crying is good.Emotional Intelligence is awareness and mindfulness; the ability to be a witness to your emotions sometimes referred to as cultivating the witness. We can let the conversations and emotional battles go on inside our heads without being involved. This allows us to make more rational decisions and communicate more effectively.Sometimes when we feel hurt, it helps to stop and stay “it’s not about me.” And once we say that, then it isn’t about us anymore.Topics in this episode:Ramon’s Village, San Pedro, Belize Search Inside Yourself (Amazon): The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace) by Chade-Meng Tan Tuesdays with Morrie (Amazon) Louis C.K. (warning, explicit) Field of Dreams Life As a HousePlease subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates: Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) | 4/28/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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HTBH 011: Happiness and Awareness | In order to find true inner-peace and happiness, we first need to have some awareness. This awareness is composed of two parts: 1) the awareness that something needs to change and 2) awareness of your thoughts and inner-dialog.Early in my life I achieved my childhood dream of becoming a zookeeper and had the awareness that life was going to be an endless journey of unmet desires.Being aware that there is a problem is the first step to making a change.Vipassana mediation is about being aware of what you’re thinking when you’re thinking it. It’s very powerful to become the “witness” of our thoughts, or as the saying goes, “Knowing the knower.” This allows us to detach from those thoughts, that as the witness we don’t have to be a part of the argument and be okay regardless of how the situation works out. “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” - Albert Einstein In becoming aware, it’s important to realize we may need outside help in dealing with our emotions, feelings, fears, etc.Eventually most of us (if we’re lucky) come to the realization that material or external things are not going to fulfill us completely. Emily shares about sitting in her dream home and realizing how miserable she was. But just being aware sometimes is not enough; we have to be desperate and courageous enough to make a significant change.The drama and stories we create around events in our mind are often not how they actually happened. It helps writing down our thoughts, fears, and emotions. Getting them on paper enables us to see them for what they really are; just events that happened and the universe going about its business.Emily shares what she’s been reading in the book Heaven is For Real. We discuss the concept of prayer, heaven, and how beliefs are mental and knowing is physical.Topics in this episode:Vipassana Meditation and the book Mindfulness in Plain English Heaven is For Real: A Little Boy’s Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt OutPlease subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates:Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) | 4/11/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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HTBH 010: You Are Not Your Relationships | Emily and I discuss the concept that you are not your relationships. We had a listener leave a heartfelt message on our podcast line about a recent breakup.To set this up, Dr. Dyer in his book Your Sacred Self: Making the Decision to Be Free, he discusses the idea of the ego and spirit living in the mother’s womb. How spirit knows there’s something greater out there. And that we (in physical form) come from no-where to now-here but then return to no-where. You are not your relationships. Certainly the love energy between you and all of those in your immediate circle is very significant, but it is not who you are. You are an individual soul that is connected to the whole, but you are not the relationship to that whole. Your identification with your relationship provides you with great frustration because every time there is a glitch in it, as there always will be, you find yourself feeling worthless. Remember that you are eternal, that which is changeless. You are in a great number of relationships, all of which have validity, but they come and go just like your life here in form comes from no-where and goes to now-here and then back to no-where. It is a relationship of coming and going, and thus it changes. There’s a difference in not knowing what to do, or not wanting to accept something. And accepting something does not mean we have to like it.Often we seek acceptance rather than Love, more precisely love for self.How to make a move when you don’t know what to do? Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do; which in itself is doing something.Even if we find ourselves hurt in a relationship, be grateful that we're able hurt at all.Every negative (seemingly) circumstance, relationship, or event in our lives is here to teach us a lesson. Learning and passing these tests, gives us the positive energy to transcend these difficult circumstances and come out better (more spiritually fit and emotionally mature).It’s unfair to expect your partner in life to be there for everything. Certainly they’re there to support us when it matters, but also realize they are individuals and have lives as well. It’s important to have others we can lean on for support.We’re all connected.Topics in this episode:Your Sacred Self: Making the Decision to Be Free, Wayne W. Dyer ExpectationsPlease subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates:Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) | 4/4/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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HTBH 009: How to Be Happy Aging | Aging is just a hard fact of life. Inescapable. In this episode of the How to Be Happy Podcast, Emily and I sit down to discuss our outlook on aging. We share our experience on resisting aging and how to accept it gracefully.One important aspect of finding happiness in aging is acceptance. A major part of that acceptance is finding gratitude for the person we have become. And finding a way to use our life experiences to make us better and ultimately to help others.With age, also (hopefully) we learn what’s really important in life. That life is about learning, not winning.We discuss a little bit about the physical aspects of aging. How exercising (being able to run, swim, and compete in triathlons) is my way of reminding myself that I’m not dead yet.Emily suggests that there’s no real work involved in aging… “Just keep waking up.” I have to admit when I was listening back to this episode I laughed out loud at that one.Gravity plays a large part in aging.With aging also comes the acceptance of death, and finding ways to cherish life more and realize we’re just lucky to be here.We discuss a little bit about how we micromanage each other, and having motives in getting our partner to take over and do something for us when we don’t actually want to do it.Some topics mentioned in this episode:Patricia Briggs True BloodPlease subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates:Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) | 3/24/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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008 How to Be Happy Podcast: Happiness and Change | Emily experienced a change recently at work and we sat down to discuss how to be happy in times of change. We discuss the challenges when dealing with change and how it’s up to us to make any change positive. Even when change is thrust upon us, and we seemingly have no choice, we can still embrace change and let it take us to where we’re supposed to be.Life is simply easier when we learn how to not resist change. Sometimes in life, as in swimming, you need to just take a break and float on your back. We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell Some topics mentioned in this episode:Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life. How to Be Happy Managing Expectations (episode 005) Total Immersion Swimming: Perpetual Motion Freestyle in Ten Lessons Please subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates:Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) | 3/11/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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007 How to Be Happy Podcast: Relationships, Effective Communication and Control Issues | Effective communication is vital in relationships. But how do control issues play into communication? We discuss the importance of getting to our root emotions and how they play into effective communication and control.Emily shares an experience with a friend and how her (friends) emotions were making it hard to communicate with another. Specifically, instead of trying to control the situation by giving advice, try sharing our emotions and/or fears.People change when they want to and more effective when it’s their idea. It’s better to lead by example, attraction rather than promotion.I share my confusion about artificial flavors and blowing my own mind.What is at the root of the communication problem? First just try and be honest about what you’re feeling rather than tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do.We talk a little about emotions, men versus women.Control is a façade. The only control we truly have is over ourselves. If we’re trying to control someone, are we trying to change them?We discuss the concept of projection. And seeing characteristics in someone else that we may not like; do we have those same traits in ourselves?People that annoy us can be our greatest teachers.What’s really going on? What’s at the root (emotion) that’s causing us to feel like we need to control someone or something? Is it selfishness, low self-esteem, etc?If we’re trying to control something, do we lake faith in some way? How doing the right thing and acting in a way we’re proud of (going through tough experiences) we discover we do have faith; faith that we can go through life and come out on the other side still in one piece.Be Understanding Rather than Understood from the Prayer of Saint Francis.The best way to become a better communicator is become emotionally connected with self. Being more emotionally in touch with ourselves allows us to better relate to others.To become a better communicator, spend some time alone and figure out who you are. Getting in touch with your emotions and knowing it’s OK to feel what you’re feeling.Emily shares an experience of sharing something and becoming vulnerable.What is jealousy all about? When you’re jealous you’re telling the person you don’t trust them.If we find people “just don’t get it” or “just don’t understand,” then maybe we’re not communicating in the right way.Communication has a lot to do with personal energy and non-verbal cues.Please subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates:Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) | 2/24/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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006 How to Be Happy Podcast, Is Happiness Really a Choice? | You hear a lot of people suggest that happiness is a choice. Is it really that simple? Emily and I take a closer look at this ideology and some of the obstacles that may prevent us from simply making a choice to be happy.Some topics discussed in this episode:Simply making a choice to be happy isn’t always that easy. There are many things, such as past experiences that make it difficult to believe that we can be happy. Many times we have so much crap running around in our heads (fear, guilt, remorse, etc.) that it’s not possible to just dismiss those things and be happy.I share about my journey in finding my authentic self and how that led to find what was missing; a love and emotional connectedness with self. Emily points out that being okay with self first, enables us to try new things in life knowing we’re not always going to succeed, but that’s the beauty, being able to try many things. Once we begin to be happy with self, we’re then capable to make the choice to be happy.We can start our day over at anytime. We can stop, re-center, and make a choice to have a better day regardless of how it’s going at the moment. But getting back to the concept of getting rid of the past crap in our heads, if we haven’t done that, we’re not necessarily going to believe ourselves when we say, “I’m going to be happy.”There’s always something. As we get better (finding gratitude) we begin to have problems in areas of life we never had areas in before. Be grateful for that. Having issues or things going on in our life reminds us we’re living.Emily shares a story of checking Jared out on a ladder when they first met as he fixed her attic fan. Fixing things with WD40 and a hammer.If happiness is choice, is unhappiness a choice?Making a choice to not be a victim; a victim is a spectator in their own life. We all have bad things happen to us, but it’s how we react to them. Things happen around us, not to us. We get a lot of mileage out of being a victim. Many times we’ve been playing the victim role for so long it defines who we are. We’re afraid that without that label or identity we’re not sure who we’ll be. If you’re wondering weather or not you’re playing the victim role, take a look around. Are you chasing people away?Before we’re able to make a decision, we must have awareness that that we’re doing things to ourselves. Are we aware of whom we’re surrounding ourselves with? Are they encouraging our victimization role?I can still become consumed sometimes with an overwhelming feeling of dread. I’m not sure it’s brought on by anything specific. But today I have tools to deal with it; practical actions. Emily points out that there are legitimate things to worry about. But are we doing something about it or just sitting around worrying and not getting anywhere? To get out of these funks, I use prayer, gratitude lists, and knowing that this too shall pass.If choosing to be happy is a choice, then wouldn’t choosing to be unhappy also be a choice? At some point we’re choosing to be in misery. Giving a time-line to ourselves for being unhappy or dealing with some negative emotions associated with it. The more we experience, we learn to not have such emotional highs and lows.Being aware of possible resentments when making commitments. Learning to not say yes to things which we may resent later.If we think we may have resentments later for doing something for someone else, then we’re doing it for the wrong reason. We have the right to say no. This works as we begin to rely less on external validation from others. People will be treated the way they allow themselves to be treated. We’re not responsible for the reasons people make up in their heads for why we say no.Emily shares that if she finds herself not particularly happy, she’ll do something she enjoys; like getting a Java Chip Frappachino or check out the sales rack at Macy’s. Emily is a deal shopping Ninja.You’re in charge, | 2/18/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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005 How to Be Happy Podcast, Managing Expectations | In this session of the How to Be Happy Podcast, Emily and I sit down to discuss managing expectations. Everything comes back to being happy with who you are and willing to accept life on life’s terms. "Wearing life like a loose garment.""Expectations are resentments in training.""Today’s expectations are tomorrow’s resentments." Some topics you’ll hear in this episode:Expectations are instilled in us at an early stage in life. Parents set expectations of us from the beginning (learning to walk, how to act, teachers have expectations, etc.) The term “they have so much potential” – sticks in Jared’s crawl. It suggests that love or acceptance is conditional. Setting expectations of oneself based on what we think the world wants to see. Can result in living conflicted with our inner self. It’s freeing to allow people to be who they are, accept them for who they are not who you wish they were. Putting expectations on self and others is a lot of pressure. Lowering expectations does not mean compromising our standards (moral or values) Confusing goals with expectations, it’s good to have goals and high standards, but avoid attaching our happiness to the outcome. Setting expectations limits the possibilities. We discuses Jared’s expectations of a recent vacation in Belize and how we dealt with it. Lowering or removing expectations of others opens us up to connecting on a deeper level – removes perceptions or what a certain “type” of person should be like. Having expectations of children and there are going to be disappointments. Making the shift from having expectations placed on us as children, but once we fly the coup, the responsibility is now ours. We have expectations of ourselves based on the models we’ve had in our lives; hopefully they’re healthy ones. Accepting your children for what they have to offer, instead of what you want them to be (e.g. sports as a child) Expectations can also go the other way, in that we can expect something to be worse than it really is or will be. Tolerance and crazy drivers Expectations in dating – whether our relationship was heading in the same/right direction. Communication is important. Sharing what you want with someone and then allowing them to figure out if they can give it to you.Please subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates:Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)You can call our How to Be Happy phone line and leave a question or topic you'd like us to talk about! 775-234-8373 | 2/12/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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HTBH Podcast 004 – Coping with Death | In this episode of the How to Be Happy Podcast, Emily and I discuss death. But before you make a decision on how morbid this sounds, have a listen.Some topics you’ll hear in this episode:Dealing with DeathWhat to say to others then they’ve experienced a loss. We share about our personal experiences with death of loved ones. The reality of facing our own mortality. Although tragic, death can also be beautiful Does everything happen for a reason? Is there anything on your bucket list?Being of serviceThinking about what you can bring to a situation/relationship as opposed to what’s in it for me?Groundhog Day? (yes we talk about the weather)Reminding ourselves to stay in the moment, even when looking forward to something in the future.We get back to the topic of death and about allowing people to reach out to you when you’re going through something difficult.Things mentioned in this episode:The Christmas Sweater by Glenn BeckPlease subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates:Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed)You can call our How to Be Happy phone line and leave a question or topic you'd like us to talk about! 775-234-8373 | 2/4/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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HTBH Podcast 003 – Nurturing Relationships | Welcome to the How to Be Happy Podcast Episode #3. In this session Emily and I talk about nurturing relationships.Some topics you’ll hear in this episode:Keeping the Love (relationship) AliveIn the early part of a relationship, it’s easier to be physical than emotional. Physical interaction is an easy way to say, “Hey, I’m really digging you!” As the relationship matures, you still show love in other ways Things to do For Him: Emily give’s a shout out to the “ladies at the Starbucks of Summit Fair, Lee’s Summit, MO where she was asked about loving things to do for your husbandLeaving love notes (maybe in your husbands coat pocket) Emily mentions doing things like folding a wash clothe nice or a chocolate under the pillow like you would see in a five star hotel Letting him know it’s OK to enjoy himself and relaxThings to do For Her:The obvious ones, flowers (for no reason)We talk a little bit about orchids. Each has its own love language like people sometimesFind out what they “dig” – Pay attention Just be kind Leave notesJared’s a PC, Emily is a MAC and we make it work just fine Date NightSchedule time when it’s just the two of youCommunication is always key SpontaneityBe willing to be spontaneous Although communicate, some people like to be mentally prepared, like when they have an expectation We talk a little bit about traveling and how Jared used to schedule everything. And how it’s more important now to “wear life like a loose garment” and go with the flow Decide “how big of a deal is it” if we decide to go do something else - other than what we expected We share a story about our first trip together to St. Croix. Expectations and that we can decide, are we going to be part of the problem, or the solution? And Jared get’s sprayed by ants in the JeepAlone TimeKeeping Self Image – Independence Waiting on your spouse to get read – don’t rush them Hobbies Having alone time is good – then you have something to share with each other laterFriendsCircle of Friends – How much investment do you point in a relationship that’s not positive? Hanging out with People Who Inspire You Investing in RelationshipsFamilyFamily is important but we can still surround ourselves with people that inspire us Love more by caring lessSome items reference or mentioned in this episode:“How do you get your nearest and dearest to change their behavior? Simple: Stop giving a damn what they do, says Martha Beck.” Martha Beck’s How to Love More by Caring Less in Oprah Magazine. St. Croix FlowersPlease subscribe below to the podcast to get automatic updates:Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes! Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) | 1/27/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
| Total: 10 Episodes |
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