Resonance FM: Hooting Yard On The Air
By Frank Key
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Podcast Description
Baffling, erudite, funny, vertiginously bizarre, digressive, obsessive, eccentric and poignant. Hooting Yard the home of legendary pamphleteer Dobson, Blodgett Marigold Chew, home of the picnic for detectives and location of the palace of Hoon.A splendid place, much cake is eaten there.Written and presented by Frank Key.
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Hooting Yard: Obsequies For Lars Talc, Struck By Lightning Pt. II | Obsequies For Lars Talc, Struck By Lightning was published in an edition of twenty-five copies in 1994, under the Hooting Yard Press imprint and – save for a brief, rewritten, extract posted here some years ago – has never again seen the light of day. It was the last piece of prose I completed before my descent into the maelstrom, or the Wilderness Years, or whatever one wants to call that period of ruination from which I eventually emerged with the launch of the Hooting Yard website in 2003. F. Key. Obsequies For Lars Talc, Struck By Lightning Pt. II This episode was recorded on the 25th August 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 5/18/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Obsequies For Lars Talc, Struck By Lightning Pt. I | Obsequies For Lars Talc, Struck By Lightning was published in an edition of twenty-five copies in 1994, under the Hooting Yard Press imprint and – save for a brief, rewritten, extract posted here some years ago – has never again seen the light of day. It was the last piece of prose I completed before my descent into the maelstrom, or the Wilderness Years, or whatever one wants to call that period of ruination from which I eventually emerged with the launch of the Hooting Yard website in 2003. F. Key. Obsequies For Lars Talc, Struck By Lightning Pt. I This episode was recorded on the 18th August 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 5/10/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: The Little Stint | jespák malý, Zwergstrandläufer, Dværgryle, Correlimos Menudo, pikkusirri, Bécasseau minute, Veimiltíta, Gambecchio comune, nishitounen, Kleine Strandloper, Dvergsnipe, biegus malutki, Pilrito-pequeno, Combatente, pobrežník malý, Småsnäppa, Mazaricu Nanu, S?rç?vari qumluq cüllütü, Ar sourouc’han bihan, Corriol menut, Redonell, Territ menut, Pibydd bach, Pibydd lleiaf, Premavera, malgranda kalidro, Playerito menudo, Väikerisla, väikerüdi, Txirri txikia, Dvørggrælingur, Gobadáinín Beag, Looyran beg, Žalar ciganin, Apró partfutó, Chnchghuk Kttsar, Youroppa-tounen, Stynt munys, Calidris minuta, Ereunetes minutus, Erolia minuta, Mažasis b?gikas, Trul?tis, Rivarel nanin, Kulik-vorobey, Uhcacovzoš, mali prodnik, Gjelaci i vogël, blataric patuljak, Tsititsiti-nyenyane, Chokowe Mdogo, Küçük kumku?u, D? nh?, or R? nh?. The Little Stint The Care And Feeding Of Pigtapes William Tell: Third Statement Of Particulars The Cruel Sea This episode was recorded on the 11th August 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 5/3/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Marzipan Wolf | Next, acquire a large glob of marzipan. It should be at least the size, if not the shape, of an average adult wolf. If you are not sure what that is, make study of wolves, for example by combing through reference books, preferably illustrated, by watching informative documentary films at the local fleapit, or by stalking the heaths and moors at dead of night. Remember that in moonlight it can be difficult to judge distance, so get as close to any pack of heath or moorland wolves as you possibly can. Wear dark clothing and night-vision goggles, if they are available in your neck of the woods. Marzipan Wolf Athlete Wrestling With A Python Dick Van Dabbler This episode was recorded on the 4th August 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 4/27/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Urgh. | The newspaper cuttings are convincing forgeries, but forgeries nevertheless. By d**t of the pincer-like precision of my research, if I mean pincer-like, and I think I do, I can reveal exclusively that the deliberate counterfeiting of details of Urgh the howler monkey’s biography served a malign purpose, but fortunately not one with cataclysmic world-juddering implications. Indeed, if the fiendish scheme had come to fruition, it would have had an effect only within the immediate vicinity of the information centre, and the effect itself, hideously awful as it would be, would have dissipated within a day or so. It makes one wonder why some weedy-brained ne’er-do-wells will go to such lengths, it really does. But perhaps that goes some way to account for the weediness of their brains. The Missing Murdoch Dobson And The Pit Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke Ambrose And Ploppo Find The Bailing Bucket Urgh This episode was recorded on the 28th July 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 4/22/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Depressed Horse Never Knew Saucepans. | When faced with such quandaries I have stalked off into the deep dense dark woods of Woohoohoodiwoo and sought the counsel of the Woohoohoodiwoo Woman. That freakish crone is a dab hand in the arts of recovered memory syndrome, and more than once she has brought bubbling to the surface of my cranium material which might otherwise have remained forever obscure and buried. On this occasion, however, my people learned from her people that the Woohoohoodiwoo Woman had gone on her holidays, to some benighted and dilapidated seaside resort, to suck sticks of rock and commune with seagulls in bird-language from the balcony of her seashore chalet. It came as something of a surprise to me to learn that the eldritch hag took holidays, like normal people do, and as I am ill-equipped to deal with surprises of any nature, I took to my bed for forty-eight hours, tossing and turning and whimpering weakly, as illusory phantasms gambolled and frolicked across the ceiling of my boudoir Depressed Horse Never Never Knew Saucepans Further Science Book 20 (extract): World Proverbs Unhinged By Cream Crackers This episode was recorded on the 14th July 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 4/17/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: 10,000 Nails In The Coffin Of Imperialism. | I would sing to you of Tarleton, of the gleets, of the balcony, if I could. If I could sing I would. But how can I sing, mouth crammed with pebbles, penned in a pound, atop the tor? And what an irony that it was Tarleton who bustled me hence, arms flapping, half blinding me with the glint of his shiny shiny epaulettes? I would have sung of him surely, and without smirking. Cars passed below as we climbed the tor. I would have waved to them, to their drivers, for help, if I thought help would come. My mind was a chaos. The higher we climbed, the tinier the cars appeared, until they seemed like motes of dust. They put the pound at the top of the tor to discourage attempts to escape. As further discouragement, the fence was electrified. Tarleton had keys to the panel upon which a lever or knobs or whatever could be pulled or depressed or whatever to cut off the circuit, temporarily, to allow the gate to be opened. He crammed my mouth with pebbles before he pushed me into the pound. I thought of the gleets, and of Krakatoa. Further Science Book 20 Extract: Local Recipe Map Tarleton Further Science Book 20 Extract: British Psychology 10,000 Nails In The Coffin Of Imperialism Farmers In The Coalition Further Science Book 20 Extract: Dog Psychology Further Science Book 20 Extract: World Monkeys Stubbings This episode was recorded on the 7th July 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 4/12/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: The Lobster’s Tune (Conclusion). | When first this desire consumed me, I did not bother myself with such niceties. I might be at an elegant and sophisticated cocktail party, and I would take someone aside, steer them to a corner where we would not be overheard, and say: “Can I have your head? I want to take it across the sea, and drop it like an apple of discord.” There would then follow a discussion in the course of which the familiar objections, of criminal intent and physical harm, would be raised. I blustered my way through these by wearing a fixed grin and waving my arms a lot, but the difficulties would not go away. The Lobster’s Tune (Conclusion) Hudson’s Head Hudson’s Head Revisited Bonkers Alibis Variation On A Theme Of Gerard Manley Hopkins Do The Dabble This episode was recorded on the 30th June 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 4/7/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Bashed On The Bonce With A Sap By A Copper | Like Spandau Ballet, I bought a ticket to the world. I wish I had paid more attention at the counter, however, because there was a misprint – I hesitate to say whether it was accidental or deliberate – and what I had actually bought was a ticket to the wold. Now, I am as much an aficionado of ranges of hills consisting of open country overlying a base of limestone or chalk as the next man, but my ticket did not specify which wold I could gain admittance to. I assumed it would be a wold within the Lincolnshire Wolds or the Yorkshire Wolds or the Cotswolds, but could narrow it down no further. I suppose I could have gone back to the kiosk where I bought the ticket, but frankly the person behind the counter frightened the wits out of me. Without going into details, just imagine a combination of Rolf Harris, Douglas Bader, and Beelzebub, and you will have some idea why I hadn’t stopped shuddering for a week. Bashed On The Bonce With A Sap By A Copper Eelworm In Phlox, Etc A Ticket A Note On Bags The Boot Is On The Other Foot The Lobsters Tune This episode was recorded on the 23rd June 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 4/2/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: My Inner Glove Compartment. | I thought I was getting on quite well, and was certainly showing no signs of delirium or derangement or discontent. Then I happened to mention the business to a colleague, who suggested that it was perhaps the contents of the inner glove compartment, the stuff I had crammed into it, with which I needed to get in touch. This was a revelation which necessitated a further round of metal tapping machine messages. From the responses I received I was able to draw up a lengthy list of items. Granted, this was a list of the things my car-owning acquaintances kept in their actual glove compartments, rather than the contents of my own inner one, but it gave me something to work with. And work I did, my mental cogs whirring away, greased and thrumming. Two Monks Took The Blood of a Duck (revisited). Skew, Wiff Bird Binder My Inner Glove Compartment Am I So Poised? Troilus and Cressida Quotation This episode was recorded on the 16th June 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 3/27/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: (Two Broken) | There was no sign of the twinkly-eyed ancient, but I saw the quantity surveyor, heading home from work. I accosted him, and told him I had got my lost rag back. I thought he would be pleased, but his eyes filled with tears, and he said: “What does it profit a man, that he regains his rag but knows not the measure of the quantities he has surveyed?” And he swept past me, hugging his briefcase to his chest, and trudged away into the salt and sand-strewn streets as night came crashing down. (Two Broken) I Lost My Rag The Forty Thieves Two Monks Took The Blood Of A Duck This episode was recorded on the 9th June 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 3/22/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Hop With Tongs | No longer at a loose end, I tracked down, within my quarters, a pot and some soil. The soil was dry, so I added, from a spigot, a spot of water to endamp it, and I placed the pot of soil on a shelf. Then I pressed the bud into it, to reverse iceberg depth. That is, one-eighth of the bud was submerged in the soil while seven-eighths remained visible. Now I would wait for it to grow. Reasoning that it might be intimidated by the glint in my eye if I peered at it for hours upon end, I took off my jacket and hung it upon its hallway hook and went upstairs to bed, where I soon enough fell into a deep sleep, troubled only by a couple of occasions, in the depth of night, when I woke suddenly, barking and howling. Hop With Tongs The King’s Speech The Worm In The Bud The Worm In The Bud: Notes For Your Reading Group Those Reading Groups Useless Phrases. This episode was recorded on the 2nd June 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 3/12/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Sensible Quiz Time | I am fairly sure that Dobson was at one time a member of his local Moorhen Appreciation Society. The out of print pamphleteer joined it for reasons we can only guess at, for as we know the space in the human brain devoted to ornithological matters was in Dobson’s case either utterly vacant or so clogged up the synapses misfired. He was forced to resign his membership when it became clear that he could not tell the difference between a moorhen and a heron, and embroiled the Society in legal entanglements in the bird courts. His pamphlet Well, They Both Have Beaks And Feathers, For Christ’s Sake! (out of print) recounts the whole sorry saga, though it is quite an exasperating read for those of us who are more engaged with the avian world than Dobson was. Quiz Time At The Dabbler Service Pack 6 The Moorhen Appreciation Society Pang Hill Plop Pit The Glass Man Git On A Bough This episode was recorded on the 19th May 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 3/7/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Anniversary | I was almost blind with tears, but that did not stop me thrusting the point of my poniard through the giant’s gigantic heart. Its foul impure giant’s blood gushed, splattering me from head to toe. It crashed to earth, writhed, and perished. I was in no fit state to sort out my business at the viaduct. Sheathing my bloody poniard, I wended my way home, past the spinney and the duckpond. When I had hosed the giant’s blood off my coat and my cardigan and my shirt and my scarf and my trousers and my underpants and my socks and my shoes and my Homburg, I sat in the bath for an hour. Then I took five fresh leeches out of the leecharium and affixed them one by one to my torso. The first four I named Fee and Fi and Fo and Fum. The fifth, I decided, would remain nameless, like the nameless horror in the eerie barn at Scroonhoonpooge Farmyard. Thus I paid tribute to my lost leeches, my lost blood. Anniversary Fee Fi Fo Fum Q & A: Lothar Preen P.S. P.P.S. Swamp Demons This episode was recorded on the 21st April 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 3/2/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Notes and Queries. | News just in that weedy versifier Dennis Beerpint has been appointed Poet In Residence at Beppo Lamont’s Travelling Big Top Circus. Chief among his duties is to write a life in verse of the circus strongman, Lars Tax, also known as The Mighty Lars. So strong is Mr Tax that he has been known to hoist o’er his head a container lorry cram-packed with smithys’ anvils while pulling a concert hall across a field with his teeth. For the duration of his residency, our fey poet has been billeted in Lars Tax’s caravan, a flimsy construction of balsa wood and straw regularly subject to ruinous damage when the strongman engages in such mundane activities as yawning or combing his hair. By more or less imprisoning him with his subject, it is hoped that Beerpint will dash off a vivid “Life” fairly quickly, after which he can concentrate on other Big Top topics, including clowns and bears and trapeze artists and lions. Notes and Queries Libyan Proverbs The Pillow Pamphlets Lars Tax, The Circus Strongman Ornithological Dabbling This episode was recorded on the 7th April 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 2/24/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Rock ‘n’ Pop News. | It is not known how much money Dobson received for his poptart puffery. The records show that, although the swans-and-pebbles-related fine was paid in full, his gas supply was cut off on St Creak’s Day of that year, and not reinstated until the first day of Vice President Nixon’s visit to Venezuela, as recounted in Six Crises (1962). Rock n’ Pop News Things Beginning With B Extract From The Encyclopaedia of Eggs The Funnel, Volumes One & Two About The Funnel Dogs & Frogs & Toad-Like Creatures In Heaven This episode was recorded on the 31th March 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 2/18/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: An Evening of Lugubrious Music and LopSided Prose. | Extended version of “An Evening of Lugubrious Music and Lopsided Prose” Recorded at Woolfson & Tay Bookshop 18/11/11. | 12/22/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Deckhand With Mop | But what of Chamfer Ticktape himself? How did he paint, in swathes of brightly-coloured emulsion, the hideous countenance of the deckhand, without himself succumbing to gibbering, and to insanity? For years, the noted Royal Academician has refused to speak of his painting, referring all enquiries to his PR toady, a master of obfuscatory fol-de-rol. At various times, this slippery fellow has hinted either that the artist was blindfolded as he painted, or that his brain was protected by a mysterious carapace, or that he prepared a “painting-by-numbers” grid and directed the execution from behind a screen, his assistants then being carted off one by one to the very same grim bleak windswept granite asylum, perched on the hillside, where they are kept in a separate wing, also locked, in which they gibber insanely while sucking on wafers. Not one of these tales is likely to be true. Some say the deckhand is a self-portrait of the painter, but how could that be? Chamfer Ticktape is a man-about-town, sweeping in and out of fashionable restaurants and nightspots, in cape and muffler, pursued by paparazzi, and he does not leave in his wake a trail of the gibbering and insane. Tales of Ugo (Pt. 1) Fruiterer’s Gleam Victims of Spontaneous Human Combustion In Nineteenth-Century Literature: A Complete List. Deckhand With Mop Tales of Ugo (Pt. 2) This episode was recorded on the 17th March 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 11/15/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: A Dislike of Inappropriate Buttons | On Easter Sundays and other Christian festivals the pointyhead detectives experimented with divan-arrangements somewhere between orderly and chaotic. They had never been able to settle upon an optimum disposition, for they were only too aware that some crimes were best solved with the divans lined up in a row, or in a stellar pattern, while other crimes were cracked when the divans were arranged haphazardly. The one thing they all agreed upon was the effectiveness of their cerebral approach, as pointyhead detectives, reclining upon divans, smoking their pipes, looking to the untrained eye as if they were half-asleep and lost in lassitude. A Dislike of Inappropriate Buttons Bloaters And Mayonnaise Adventures of the Pointyhead Detectives Ingrate Ghoul, Scattered Sprig Mayonnaise and Bleach Bemufflement of Clangings This episode was recorded on the 10th March 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 10/31/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: The Tiny-Headed Boy. | As dawn breaks, up the slope of the hill toils the village wolfman, with his bucket of slaughtered squirrels and hamsters and mice, food for the wolf. He empties the bucket at the foot of the old rugged cross and while the wolf gobbles down its breakfast, he strides in his wolfman’s boots to the rill, and dips the bucket in, collecting water for the wolf. When the wolf has eaten its fill and slurped up all the water it wants from the bucket, back down the hill goes the wolfman, having first given a few tugs to the tether, to test its strength. The Tiny-Headed Boy Origin of the Potato Disorder Origin of the Potato Disorder Revisited The Duggleby Splash Big Ears Addresses The Parley-In-Exile The Old Rugged Cross The Ruffian Biffo, His Book Things To Do With Vipers This episode was recorded on the 24th February 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 10/25/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: The Maintenance of Reservoirs. | The field in which the howler monkeys were recorded is, of course, a very different field from the squelchy, squelchy mud-strewn one in which the jamboree takes place when the Community Pole-Vaulting Collective and the Avant-Colliery Marching Band have crossed the bridge and successfully negotiated their way past the heavily-armed sentries. Drawn exclusively from the ranks of the most sociopathic cadets, the sentries have their own insignia and their own music, buzzed directly into their ears by transmitters which pick up signals from the netherworld. The Maintenance of Reservoirs Horn Of Plenty Jamboree Inquiry Into The Death of Virginia Woolf The Polyglots This episode was recorded on the 17th February 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 10/17/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Galvanic Batteries, Heads of Swans | If the bandage is white, as is common, and the swan is white, as is common, the casual observer may not even notice that the embedding has taken place. That may or may not be important, depending upon the legal regulations obtaining in the jurisdiction. Some authorities take a dim view of the embedding of galvanic batteries in the graceful heads of swans, though for the life of me I cannot think why that might be so. In any case, it is better to check the legal position beforehand. The Clue Is In The Dabbler Galvanic Batteries, Heads of Swans Problems With The Wiring Aesop’s Foibles The Sumptuous Repast of Benj. H. Nute & Co. Inklings of Nute Bombastus and The Montebanks This episode was recorded on the 3rd February 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 10/12/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Goblin Colour Codes | We learn, for example, about the lives of the threesome before their retirement. There is Bim, at the random grim forge, fettling for a great grey drayhorse his bright and battering sandal! And there is Bam, also at a random grim forge, also fettling. And Nat, too, at the next forge along the lane, and he too fettling, as the sun beats down on a rustic scene redolent of Lark Rise To Candleford. Pebblehead gives us so much detail about random grim forges and the fettling of bright and battering sandals for great grey drayhorses that the reader could, with confidence, given an anvil and a few tools, set up their own smithy’s. Goblin Colour Codes Retired Blacksmiths! Aguirre, The Wrath of Candleford 128 Pamphlets (Out of Print) Otter Sanctuary Sandwich Paste O Baleful Pig This episode was recorded on the 20th January 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 8/30/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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Hooting Yard: Monkey-Annoyance Expert | I banged my head on the baptismal font, but that was only the beginning of my troubles. The font was hewn from adamantine rock, and the water it contained, though of necessity holy water, was icy. When the priest slopped it on to my bashed head, I screamed at such a pitch that a stained glass window depicting the martyrdom of St Bibblybibdib (spikes, tongs, fire) was shattered. A falling shard sliced the priest’s jugular, and he collapsed, but not before dropping me into the font. While I splashed about, bawling and freezing, minuscule organisms with which the water was riddled swam into my ears, and burrowed tiny tunnels into my brain, wherein they laid their eggs. Dabbler Christmas Compendium Old Key’s Almanacke Corrections and Clarifications Bewlay The Landgrave Monkey-Annoyance Expert Little Dagobert This episode was recorded on the 13th January 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase. | 8/11/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
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25 |
Hooting Yard: Headline News. | The Non-fictional St. Poppo (lance not pictured) “After the death of Mrs Hawker, he fell into a condition of piteous depression, and began to eat opium. He moped about the cliffs, or in his study, and lost interest in every thing… “He took it into his head that he could eat nothing but clotted cream. He therefore made his meals, breakfast, dinner, and tea, of this. He became consequently exceedingly bilious, and his depression grew the greater.” Headline News Hat Advisor A Remarkable Amount Of Mud In A Bog With Baring-Gould How To Excommunicate Vermin Have You Seen This Man? A Widower’s Diet The Little Shop Of Roger Giles Hooting Yard Christmas Gift Guide This episode was recorded on the 6th December 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase | 8/2/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
| Total: 25 Episodes |
Customer Reviews
Excellent
Fantastically bizarre and wonderfully absurd. The first thing that runs through your head is that you aren't sure what you've found, but that it was definitely missing in your life.
My Favorite Podcast
Frank Key is the unappreciated genius of contemporary prose.
Absurdist and antirationalist, the world that Key has envisioned is an masterpiece of aesthetic creation. I eagerly await each and every offering in this podcast feed, hungering for more glimpses into Mr. Key's imagination.
Great stories, grating incidentals
I enjoy the eridite and unusual stories that Mr. Frank Key reads. Amusing, witty and thoughtful. I would have listened to each and every episode but for one thing: the incidental music. Opening the show & between each story is a series of grating dischordanant tones that cause me to yank off my headphones with painful expediancy. To refer to this as "music" would be an overcompliment of galactic proportions. I would far prefer a moment of silence to this exercise in walll-climbing noise.
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