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DAPS 076 How Do You Define Success in Your Marriage?

As many of you know, our MMFA Live Event was just a couple weeks ago. It was a great night. We love meeting new couples who are passionate about marriage and won’t settle for mediocre. As one couple left, they looked at me and said, “You know, we never realized until tonight that we need a vision for our marriage, not just a vision for our individual lives. That would take us in different directions.” How perceptive! I know married people who live a lifetime and never figure that one out. So today on The David and Paula Show we talked about how you define success in your marriage. What are the sign posts along the way that help you know that not only are you pointed in the right direction, but you’re making progress? I read the preface of the upcoming biography of Steve Jobs where the author was reminiscing about the process of writing Mr. Jobs’ history. He was amazed at how much access, almost unlimited, he was given to Steve Jobs. At the end of the process, when he posed the question, “Why have you been so available and forthcoming for this book, when in the past it has been very hard to get to you?” To which Jobs said, “I want my children to know me, and why I wasn’t there for them.” This happens every day, where we fail to define success so that we can work and come home and feel like we can have it all: a great career, a great family, and an amazing marriage. All of these things are within your grasp. But you’re going to have to sit down and define what they look like.

10/20/11

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2

DAPS 075 Three Reasons Why Your Marriage is Mediocre

Paula and I and a few close friends were able to stand around with Dave and Sharon Ramsey at Financial Peace Plaza when the news came in that his newest book, “Entreleadership” was number one on the New York Times Bestseller list. We were able to lift a glass of champagne and toast not only the business success of this great book, but the blessings of God on our life. As I looked around that circle of four couples, I found out we had one thing in common. We all have great, amazing marriages. Not perfect, mind you. Not ones that don’t need constant work. Not ones that drive us almost crazy some days, but truly amazing marriages. And I thought, “What is it that we’ve done right that has brought us to this place? And what is it that other people have done so wrong that makes marriage a living hell?” We discussed today on The David and Paula Show, the three things that seem to seep into a marriage to make it destined to be mediocre. You know what mediocre is. It’s not bad enough to get a divorce, not good enough to really get excited; just kind of a tolerable level of discomfort. It’s not what I hoped it would be, but it’s not as bad as some other people I know. As long as we can get a long and get by, we’re ok. The truth of the matter is, marriage was never meant to be mediocre. It was not meant to be miserable. It doesn’t have to be something you endure. It doesn’t have to be a disappointment. You can have a great marriage, but you’ve got to know why you don’t. And then you’ve got to get off your butt and do something about it. Paula and I are truly excited about tomorrow night here in Nashville where we have our Making Marriage Fun Again -Live Event. We’re going to have a great crowd of couples who won’t settle for mediocre, miserable, and average. As we’ve said so many times, no one marries a boring person, not having fun. But most couples statistically prove that’s where we go. That doesn’t have to be you. And it’s not too late to come and participate with others as we take our marriages to the next level tomorrow night.

9/29/11

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3

DAPS 074 How to Deal With Anger Before it Destroys Your Marriage

When a man and a woman live together over time, the give and take of daily life can cause a strain on the relationship. Oftentimes things are swept under the rug and not dealt with. They don’t have to be big things. Sometimes just small slights can turn into big hurts. And when we harbor these feelings of being violated or mistreated over time, anger grows. So that when something big happens – loss of a job, sickness, financial distress – the anger comes out. And usually it’s an anger that has been there for a long time. It scares me sometimes when I hear a couple say, “Oh, we never fight. We never have a disagreement.” My experience tells me that what they are really saying is, “We don’t acknowledge our disagreements. We don’t deal with them and come to an agreement. We don’t negotiate win-win decisions. We just sweep them under the rug and hope they’ll go away.” So today on The David and Paula Show, we deal with the anger that builds up over time, and also the anger that can happen through an affair, or some huge betrayal.

9/22/11

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4

DAPS 073 Why Loving Each Other is Not Enough to Save Your Marriage

One of the myths that we perpetuate in marriage is that all you need is love. Isn’t that what The Beatles say? Doesn’t take money, doesn’t take things, doesn’t take riches. All you need is love. Even The Eagles have joined in with their song, “Love Will Keep Us Alive.” While this is a nice notion, it really is a fairy tale. Every day, all across America, good men and good women who love each other file for divorce. So it’s not just enough to love each other. The question is, what else is there? What else do you need to be married over a lifetime? We talked about the basics of a great marriage today, on The David and Paula Show.

9/15/11

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5

DAPS 072 The Top 5 Things Men Do to Destroy Their Marriages

Being married is the most important, rewarding, and fulfilling thing any man or woman can do. And when marriage works, it is the best of all human experiences and rewards. But when it doesn’t, the price is so high, that we in America must decide to turn things around. One of the places to start is with men. So today on The David and Paula Show, we discuss the top five dumbest things that men do to destroy their marriages over time. We’ll talk about things like how men handle money, their agendas, and their outside relationships; about the very best way to talk to your wife to make sure that she’ll never talk to you again. We’ll talk about where some of the destructive patterns come from and why it’s critical that men step up and take their place in the marriage as the leader. We’ll also talk about what that leadership looks like, and why any good, loving woman welcomes the leadership that her husband can provide.

9/8/11

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6

071 When Does a Sexual Fantasy Become Cheating in Marriage?

Today on the David and Paula Show we will be dealing with a listener’s question about some questionable sexual activity her husband is involved in. In dealing with this subject, the question arises, “Does a man or woman have to physically commit adultery to be cheating in marriage?” Are things like flirting, suggestive emails, having lunches and dinners with the opposite sex, fantasizing, pornography, cross-dressing – where do you draw the line between faithfulness and infidelity? We’ll talk about these things today, on the David and Paula Show.

9/1/11

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7

DAPS 070 Help! The Kids are in College and I’m Left Here With Whatsizname!

It’s that time of year. School has fired back up, and kids are going away from home for the first time to enter their Freshman year in college. It’s an exciting time; a time of achievement. But it also sometimes comes with a time of bewilderment and fear brought on by the changes that kids leaving home necessitate. On the David and Paula Show this week, we talk about the empty nest and what happens if you find yourself alone in a home with someone you hardly know because all you’ve been doing for the past 15-20 years is pass each other on the way to some important meeting. How do you fall in love again with this person that you’re now left to spend all this time with? It’s at this moment that many people decide to give up. I’ve even heard men say, “I’m staying in the marriage until the children go to college and then I’m out.” How short-sighted this is. For it’s when your children are away for the first time that they need the stability of their home the most, and you need each other the most. You just don’t know it yet. We talked about practical ways you can rekindle that fire and rediscover each other, maybe for the first time in a long time.

8/18/11

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8

DAPS 069 How to Figure Out Your Family Finances

Dave Ramsey says the number one cause of divorce in America is money fights. That at least ought to let us know that getting the money thing figured out is critical for long-term health of your marriage and family. I’m shocked at how many times people who are dating and on their way to marriage fail to talk about money. Somehow they think that their finances will just take care of themselves simply because they are in love. And therein lies the key problem to people starting out in marriage. They think that all they need is love. While I am a romantic myself and I do believe that the Beatles are onto something, you need more than love. You need to know how to do certain things. You have to have skills, knowledge, information. You have to have agreement, especially when it comes to the issue of money. Did you know that when you get married, so does you money? It’s no longer your money, his money, her money; it all of a sudden becomes our money. Did you also know that your debt becomes our debt? Yes. This is becoming more and more critical as couples find they’ve fallen in love with people who have 50 , 60 , 70, even upwards of 100 thousand dollars worth of unsecured debt and no plan to pay it off. Ouch. So we need a lot of help here. Today we talk about practical things every couple should know about how to figure out the family finances and put their financial future on a solid foundation.

8/11/11

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9

DAPS 068 The Biggest Lie We Believe About Divorce

Why is it that, in spite of the statistic, we continue to believe that divorce is a solution to a bad marriage? Most people who go through divorce find it such a painful experience, that they have to start telling themselves lies that they otherwise wouldn’t believe. On The David and Paula Show today, we discuss one of the biggest lies we believe about divorce. And that is, that the children are doing just fine. Oftentimes in a divorce, we’re so wrapped up in the pain, the anger, and the frustration that we feel for the one that we promised to love forever, that we just can’t entertain the idea that children pay the highest price in a divorce. Think about it. After divorce your children are going to live between two people, and eventually two families, and eventually two extended families. They are going to grow up being traded back and forth, fought over, used as leverage and a bargaining chip. We deal with the question today of a father who asked, “What do I do now that my children are going to be living part time with their mother who is involved in a lifestyle that I believe is not only unhealthy, but toxic toward my children?” How do you control what your children hear and see when they are with your ex and their buddies, spouse, children, or extended family? This is a very complicated situation, but not impossible. It’s a place where so many people find themselves. Today we give you practical help on how to handle it and navigate this troubled water with grace, class, and eventual long-term health.

8/4/11

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10

DAPS 067 How to Wade Through the Worst to Get to the Better

Picture this. Two people dressed in their finest, standing alone at an altar before a gathering of their family and friends. They make promises like, “I take you for better or for worse.” But do they really know what they are saying? Thousands of couples get married each year thinking that all they need is their love for each other. They think that somehow loving each other makes them immune to the other harsh realities of life in the real world. But soon enough, they get introduced to schedules, budgets, misunderstanding, and outside influences. And all of a sudden they wake up in a marriage that is more “worse” than “better.” And what do most people do? They either hunker down and endure it, settling for mediocrity. Or they just get out, thinking they’ve made a big mistake, only to go looking again for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect that will guarantee that the “better and worse” thing will only be for the “better.” Too many couples quit too soon. Paula and I have heard it said over and over again, “I wish I’d worked harder on my marriage.” Today we’ll give you practical tips on how to wade through the quitting moments to get to the moments that your relationship can not only be loving, but can be lifting and blessing to your family and to the world around you. Do you know the stages of forming intimacy in your life? You’ll learn them today on the David and Paula Show.

7/28/11

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11

DAPS 066 How Do You Help Your Alcoholic Spouse Change?

Marriage is hard enough without adding to it the serious problem of addiction. Of the most devastating addictions to relationships is the addiction to alcohol. Lies are told, promises are broken, and abusive patterns run deep into the history of marriage relationships that make them very difficult to navigate and to redeem. On today’s show, David and Paula talk about questions like: how to know if your spouse is an alcoholic, how to help them change, how to set them up for winning rather than failure, can an alcoholic ever drink again? and how do you draw the line across which you cannot go? Every marriage can be redeemed if you don’t lose hope. But along with hope you need the understanding of what the addiction is, how to respond to it, and how to help your spouse gain victory over it so that your marriage can grow. All addictions are addictions ultimately of a breakdown of relationships. Addictions come from toxic relationships filled with pain, shame, and guilt buried over a long period of time. It’s not just a chemical issue that we’re dealing with, but a relational one. And that’s where the hard work must ultimately be done.

7/21/11

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12

DAPS 065 Where Do We Turn When Our Marriage is in Trouble?

Why is it that we think asking for help is an admission of failure? Why did we ever think that marriage was going to be easy, and that we’re going to have to go it alone? Too many really good people lose their marriages over time because they fail to ask for help. And in many cases, couples fail to go for help because they just don’t know where to turn. If we go to our in-laws, they tend to divide sides. If we go to our friends, they’re often in more trouble than we are. And God forbid that we ever go to our church and admit to our friends there, that we’re living less than a perfect life. No one is going to grow a great relationship of any kind over time, alone. We all need help. The question is, where do you turn? We answer these questions today and point you toward resources that you need to take advantage of. Also today, David and Paula will announce the new live event being held in Nashville September 30th.

7/14/11

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13

DAPS 064 Help! I Didn’t Know About the In-Laws!

Being married is hard enough without adding the stress of family issues. Oftentimes couples give little to no thought about the families they are marrying into. Are they healthy? Will they be accepting? What will they expect? How much time will we spend with them? Will we go there for holidays or will they come here? On The David and Paula Show today, we discuss how to accept your in-laws, how to navigate the expectations they may have, and how to understand how your marriage and family fit into the larger families that you both married into. In-law stress is one of the top four stresses that can add extra conflict and misunderstanding to a good relationship. Marriage is challenging enough when you’re navigating a relationship between two very good, but very flawed individuals. It gets downright complex when you add the expectations of families of origin that may indeed come from very different places, very different faiths, and very different expectations.

7/7/11

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14

DAPS 063 How to Build a Winning Family Legacy

So much emphasis is placed on not getting divorced, or just surviving or tolerating a miserable marriage, we fail to realize what is gained when our marriages succeed. A great marriage not only provides a productive life for a husband and wife, and a great place to raise super-confident kids. But it also allows ordinary people to leave a legacy that can extend way beyond their natural lives. Just as sure as divorce, abandonment, and all the other toxic dysfunctions of family life can haunt a man or woman for the rest of their lives, so too, can a good example of a great dad and a great mother who have not only loved each other but built a great life and provided a great legacy for their children, their children’s children and so on. David and Paula discuss how over time, two ordinary people can come together in the convenant of marriage, love each other well, have great kids, love them well, and parent them to grow up to perpetuate the winning attitude and lifestyle of their parents. This has a ripple-effect that can go on for hundreds of years. Learn the concept today on The David and Paula Show.

6/30/11

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15

DAPS 062 Betrayal: How do you forgive the unpardonable sin?

Marriage isn’t easy, nor should it be. When two good and yet messy people pledge a lifetime of loyal love to each other, come what may, they know that this high, noble, and lofty ideal is going to be tested over and over. And it is, in ways that you can’t even begin to understand when you stand at the alter. Just the transitions alone that a married couple goes through requires a level of character, maturity, and commitment that takes time to achieve. Think of it. Money pressure, time pressures with work, questions about children (do we have them, do we have them now, how many do we have?), dealings with in-laws, friends, sicknesses, loss of job, loss of income, and I could go on and on. But all of those issues pale in comparison, let me say it again, pale in comparison to the tragedy , to the trouble, and to the hell that gets created in a marriage when one partner cheats. When I say cheat, I am talking about adultery, the ultimate betrayal. On The David and Paula Show today, we talk about why it’s so devastating, why it’s happening so often to good people, and how you can overcome it and repair your relationship. Or is it even possible? All of this today, on The David and Paula Show.

6/23/11

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16

DAPS 061 Should You Lower Your Standards?

Trying to find the right person to commit yourself to for the rest of your life is a daunting task, to say the least. Sometimes it’s downright discouraging when you look around and see so many people compromised by so many bad decisions. We’ve talked with hundreds of people who bemoan the fact that it’s hard to find a good quality man or woman these days. It seems as though everyone you find has a hidden agenda, or is trying to cover up a painful past by presenting a false image of themselves. On the show today, David and Paula talk about why it’s important to know what your standards are and to not compromise them, as well as knowing what are unrealistic expectations that no one can meet. You’ll never find Mr. or Mrs Perfect. And even if you did, you wouldn’t want to marry them, because you’d mess it up. There is hope for those who are looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now. There are good, quality people out there looking to marry and be committed to a lifelong relationship that’s not only fruitful, but faithful. And you can be that person, and find that person if you know how.

6/16/11

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17

DAPS 060 What a Man Finds Attractive in a Woman

Last week on The David and Paula Show, we talked about what a woman finds attractive in a man. This week, we thought we’d turn the tables and do the same thing, only from a man’s perspective. You might be surprised that what beer commercials and magazine ads try to sell, which is the pretty girl on the hood or the brainless bimbo in the bar, does not fit the true profile of what real men in the real world are looking for. On the show today, David and Paula dispel several of the popular myths and give you solid advice for what most good men want in a good woman.

6/9/11

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18

DAPS 059 What a Woman Finds Attractive in a Man

On The David and Paula Show today, David interviews Paula and asks her about the age-old mystery that men have been trying to figure out since before time. What does a woman truly want in a man? How can a man make himself attractive to a woman? Not just to get her to say “yes” to the first date, or to walk down the aisle, but to live together for a lifetime in a growing relationship called marriage. There’s a lot of misinformation out there about what women want in their men. Today we get down to the nitty-gritty of practical advice for men who are looking to win the heart of a good woman.

6/2/11

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19

DAPS 058 Help! I Married an Over-Reactor!

It doesn’t take long to understand that we are profoundly emotional people. Yes, we’re intellectual, we’re willful, but we’re also very emotional. Even those who brag about how level-headed they are can at times get hot, mad, upset, and yup, over react and over blow. So on today’s episode David and Paula will talk about how you deal with a chronic, constant over reactor. What are the ways in which you can help him or her understand what they’re doing and break the cycle and the pattern of what can become very toxic behavior? It seems that in every marriage and every family there are some over reactors. They need to be balance by those who have learned the skill of responding in any given situation versus automatically reacting. The difference between those two things can be the difference between a happy marriage and a happy family, and ultimate demise in a divorce court.

5/26/11

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20

DAPS 057 Five Sure Signs You Guys Are Not on the Same Page

As Paula and I have researched and studied, read books, listened to tapes, and attended conferences, we’ve heard quite a few different takes on why a marriage fails. Some say it’s finances, others say it’s conflict, others say it’s different backgrounds. But in all of this, we’ve seen these as just a symptom of a deeper problem. Here’s what we know for sure. If you and your spouse get and stay on the same page at all times, your marriage is rock solid. Not only will you not get a divorce, but you’re going to grow this relationship into a high-octane, high-results journey together, doing and achieving great things. The challenge for most married people is simply this; we date and do enough spade-work to get married, and we arrive the day of our marriage with enough information to get us to the altar, but not enough information to get us to the finish line. So today we talk about the five signs that you and your spouse are not on the same page. The problem with these signs is that they are subtle. They don’t seem like big breaches or cracks in the foundation. But over time, they get deeper and wider. And repairing them becomes far more difficult than if we did the spade work to stay on the same page as we go through the transitions in marriage. Sit down with your husband or wife and listen to this episode and just check yourselves to see. Are there cracks beginning to show up in the foundation of your relationship? Admitting them doesn’t make you a bad person. Recognizing them and doing something about them makes you not only smart and wise, but ultimately successful.

5/19/11

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21

DAPS 056 We’ve Been Married 20 Years, Are We Safe?

The announcement that shocked the world came this past week when Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver announced, after 25 years of what seemed like marital bliss and partnership, they are separating. The question is, why are so many long-term marriages failing? Why are people like Arnold and Maria who have 4 children and a quarter of a century invested in each other choosing to walk away and go their separate ways? We’ve often believed if you can make it through the first year, first 3 years, 5 years, even 10 years of marriage that you’ve got it made. And the truth of the matter is, no matter how long you’ve been married, whether it’s been 15, 20, 25, 30, even 40 years there is no guarantee that your marriage is going to be healthy and safe from affairs, divorce, or just mere drifting apart, without continuously working on your relationship. Today David and Paula discuss what it takes to maintain a long-term marriage, and continue to be healthy and vibrant, and growing. Can you be married to the same person for 25, 30 or more years and still be excited, still be passionate, still be full of joy, energy, and dreaming for the future? Or is there something about marriage that just guarantees after about the first 10 or 15 years all the emotion, passion, and wonder has rubbed off, and now you just endure each other until you die?

5/12/11

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22

DAPS 055 David and Paula’s Review of the Royal Wedding

It was reported there were upwards of three billion people watching the Royal Wedding last week. As William and Katherine stood before the world, exchanged vows, and pledged their lifelong love, the world watched and noticed every detail from the dress, to the kiss, to the vows themselves. Why is it that an endeavor that has a 50/50 chance of survival is still so loved and dreamed about in our culture? Why is marriage so alluring and yet the promise of success so hard to grasp? Why is it that we still dream of the fairy-tale princess finding her prince and living happily ever after? Today David and Paula discuss the aspects of the wedding: the ceremony, the vows, even discussing down to the point of what does it mean to pledge your troth. Insight into the Royal Wedding just might help you gain insight into the expectations you have for your own wedding, and why your vows set the table for the kind of marriage you’re experiencing today.

5/5/11

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23

DAPS 054 Using the Bible to Beat Your Spouse Into Submission

Today on the David and Paula Show, we deal with a listener’s question that has to do with the concept of submission taught in the Scriptures. Is it really true that if a husband loves his wife like Christ loves the Church, that he would always be giving, never expecting anything in return? Is it also true that a wife’s submission to a husband means that she is subservient to him in all things, obeying him and simply doing whatever he chooses? Or is there something bigger, more important, more generous and more gracious going on here? It’s very dangerous to use the Scripture and the teachings you hear about it in order to put your spouse at a disadvantage. Marriage is two loving people committing to each other their lifelong love under Christ. And it means submission is a two-way street, and the power to negotiate win-win-or-no-deal-always is an essential skill. We’ll talk about these and more on today’s episode of The David and Paula Show.

4/28/11

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DAPS 053 My Marriage is Over: When Can I Start Dating Again?

Paula and David answer a question this week from Melissa, who is in the middle of a painful divorce. Well, the truth is, is there any other kind? And the answer is, absolutely not. It makes me laugh sometimes when I hear people who are going through divorce saying, “Oh this is an amicable divorce. We’re going to be friends.” Or, “We’re better friends now that we’re divorced than we were when we were married.” If any of those things are true, something really weird is going on. One of the greatest pains that a man or a woman goes through in divorce is a sense of abandonment and rejection. What gets said in the heat of the moment when two people are going through divorce, is so scandalously painful that it ought to be outlawed. How in the world can two people who stood at an altar and pledged their never-dying love to one another turn all their creative energy to destroying each other emotionally? Usually divorce is a long season of denial: denial of affection, denial of emotion. Anytime during the process that someone pays you some attention, you automatically gravitate toward them. We call this, getting married on the rebound. We’ll talk today about how long you should wait after divorce to even start dating. Is there a waiting period before you even consider getting married again? The odds are you will, but will you repeat the same old mistakes of the past? There are lessons to be learned, and pitfalls to be avoided. Can a second marriage work? Absolutely. But you have to be smart, and learn from the first failure of marriage.

4/21/11

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DAPS 041 How to Let Go of What’s Holding You Back

One of the things we tend to overlook when we get married and attempt to be married is the emotional health and welfare of our mate. Today we discuss emotional issues: hurts, pain from the past; unfinished business in marriage and family that can keep you stuck. What are the things we avoid talking about that turn toxic? Like it or not, emotions are real. And when they are damaged, that damage and pain is just as real as a cut on the arm or a bruise on the head. These need to be tended, healed and dealt with. Then we can move on.

1/27/11

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DAPS 040 The 5 Kinds of Weird You Want to Be

Everywhere you look, it seems people are hurting far more than they are willing to admit. Marriages that have lasted 25, 30, even 45 years are breaking up. People are losing their homes, their fortunes, their life’s savings over unresolved conflict, pain, and divorce. It seems as though the new normal these days is to live a life of quiet mediocrity, accepting average and bland as all that we can expect in life. David and Paula are calling for a new kind of weird. So on today’s show we discuss the five kinds of weird that you want to be in your marriage. It’s the whole idea of taking the focus off pain and problem-avoidance and putting your focus on building a marriage relationship and seeing just how good it can be and how much you can accomplish together. Life abhors a vacuum and it seeks to fill it with something. It can either be negative or positive. To be positive, you need tools, skills, and experience. Today could be the start of something great for you, your marriage, your family, and your future.

1/20/11

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27

DAPS 039 Should We Work Together as a Couple?

On The David and Paula Show today, we discuss working together as a couple in business: the pros and cons. We talk about why you would want to work together. There are a lot of benefits. We talk about what are the advantages, the disadvantages and we deal with questions like: “Who is the boss in the working relationship?” “Are we co-leaders or are we partners?” David and Paula talk about the reference in the Old Testament that a cord of three strands is not easily broken. And then we talk about core leadership. One of the great, untapped benefits of being married is not only building a life together, but building a business together. Ten years ago this would have been difficult. But today, not only is it possible, it can be incredibly profitable.

1/13/11

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DAPS 038 Money Fights Are Tearing Us Apart

The four major stressing points in marriage are in-laws, religion, children, and the biggie – money. David and Paula address the whole issue of how money works, and oftentimes how it fails to work in a marriage that is not on the same page. We deal with questions today like where did you get your money philosophy that you brought into the marriage? What are the basic understandings and goals that you have that surround money, things, debt, and the future? Do you understand the six things you must know about money in order to win at life and at marriage with money? How do you deal with dating someone who is bringing a crushing load of debt into the marriage? Should you marry a person who has big debt, low income, and no plan for the future? All this is discussed today on The David and Paula Show.

1/6/11

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DAPS 037 How to Welcome In-Laws Into Your Family

There are four great pressure-points in all marriages. They are: religion, money, kids, and family; most particularly extended family. Just this past week, Paula and I welcomed a new son-in-law into our family. That’s number two. So now not only do we have the Foster family, we have the McDuffie family and the LaSuer family all blended in to our little group. For us, two sons-in-law have brought two great families; families with whom we share faith, a love of family, integrity, and basic compatibility. For those of you who are dating or wanting to get married in the future, you need to consider that when you marry her or him, you’re not only marrying them, you’re marrying at least in some extended way, the rest of their family. On the David and Paula Show today we talked about things you should take into consideration, things like where you’ll live, whose faith will you practice, what church you will attend, how it’s going to be as you celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and holidays in the future. This is important stuff and you need to find agreement and alignment long before you walk down the aisle. A growing family is supposed to be a good thing, a blessed thing. And it can be if you walk in with your eyes wide open and understand that compatibility extends beyond the person in front of you.

12/23/10

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DAPS 036 How to Deal With the Stresses and Strains of Seasonal Overload

Today on the David and Paula Show we talked about how to deal with the stresses and strains that come with the changes in life. We talked about what part of stress is normal, what part of stress is not normal, what creates stress, and is all stress bad? We talked about the difference between planning, pacing, and simply allowing things to happen. We asked these questions: Is the stress you’re feeling a result of the pace at which you are living? Is it a result of misalignment? Is it a result of unmet expectations, uncontrolled circumstances, or unresolved anger? Stress in marriage is not a new thing and it’s not a bad thing. Actually, it’s an amoral thing. It’s why it happens and how you manage it. Remember, the only stress-free being in the world is dead. Stress is a part of human life and moving forward. When you add another person to the equation, the stress level goes up. When you add children it goes up exponentially. When you add extended family and seasonal expectations, it rises off the charts. So listen today, and get good advice from two mavericks on marriage and how to deal with stress.

12/16/10

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DAPS 035 Why Telling Stories is Essential to Your Future Happiness

Today we talked about the importance of telling your story to your family: things like how you met, why you got married, what are the obstacles that you’ve overcome, the challenges that you’ve faced, the ways in which God has shown up in your life. As your family grows, your children get married, and they have children of their own they all need to hear the stories of adventure; not only of your marriage, but of your parents’, their families, where you’ve come from, what you stood for, how you got to where you are. A sense of place, destiny, adventure, and legacy can be passed on in an afternoon around a table. We often forget it’s not what we buy our children and our families over time, it’s the lives that we live and the legacy we pass on. You may be related by blood, but your closeness and connection is going to be determined by the shared experiences. And the stories that you tell inspire your family to greatness. To pass on your faith and the values you believe in, you must share them as an adventure, not preach them as a sermon or dictate them as principles to be obeyed. Your family needs to be inspired. And it’s your life and your stories that might seem mundane and unimportant to you, that are the very fuel and foundation to that inspiration.

12/9/10

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DAPS 034 How to Turn Your Differences Into Daily Strengths

In this episode of the David and Paula Show we talked about embracing your differences. We all understand that to be married, you have to have agreements; agreements in beliefs and behavior, things like character, values, and faith. All of these things must find alignment in your relationship. But we all know there are other kinds of differences that maybe shouldn’t be tampered with; maybe matured, bloomed, polished, but acknowledged and honored in one another.For example, personality differences are hot-wired into us by our Creator. Those should be acknowledged and embraced. Other differences extend to the rhythms of our life; our energy patterns, our moods, how we handle stress and other emotional issues. These are differences we need to learn how to turn into strengths rather than to allow them to grow and mushroom and come between us, and in some cases literally tear a good, loving couple apart.

12/2/10

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DAPS 033 The 1 thing that will kill your marriage faster than adultery

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you guys are having a great day with family and friends. This is a great day to begin to really own up to the truth. And that is that the holidays can make the breakage and disrepair of relationships even more difficult to navigate. That’s why today we talked about the number one cancer in relationships; a cancer even greater than adultery, and that is an attitude or spirit of entitlement. Taking each other for granted, discounting our relationships. ignoring one another, letting unresolved anger and conflict continue to push us apart is something that we must deal with now. Instead of seeing how much pain we can tolerate, how about focusing on how much joy, enthusiasm, and excitement we can generate in our relationships during this season? We give you some practical insights on how to attack the spirit of entitlement and turn it into a spirit of humility, reconciliation and honor.

11/25/10

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DAPS 032 You might be taking each other for granted if . . .

Recapping our most recent LIVE EVENT in Nashville. Talking about the signs show you might be taking each other for granted. Like: You seldom hear a heartfelt “thank you” You stop showing respect You do not spend time together connecting Quit trying to impress each other You assume your mate knows how you feel. This and how to make your marriage fun on this our 32nd episode

11/18/10

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DAPS 031 5 signs your marriage is in trouble

Today on episode 31 of The David and Paula Show we discuss the 5 most common signs we see in marriages that are headed for BIG TIME trouble. The sad thing is that most of the signs of disease in marriage don’t come with flashing lights and sirens that warn you of the impending train wreck up ahead. In the average American marriage, husbands and wives hurry off living separate lives together only to wake up one day and not only do they not recognize the person on the other side of the pillow, we don’t even like them very much. So today we discussed the 5 signs you need to be looking out for that signal trouble up ahead.

11/11/10

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DAPS 030 The top 5 weird religious beliefs about marriage

Too many people use religion to justify, weird, destructive beliefs that make marriage harder than it needs to be. Here are the top 5 false ideas about God and faith that we discuss on today’s DAPS: Submission means that men rule over women. Leadership means lordship. A woman has little or no say in the big decisions. The mans goes out in the real world as the bread winner, the woman stays home and takes care of the house and raises the kids. Since Eve ate the apple, the woman is the real bad guy in the fall. Man is therefore more spiritual than the woman. Men are stronger therefore superior to women. What do you think? Have you faced these weird beliefs? Do you know others that David and Paula Missed? Also, it is not too late to get in on the next week’s (November 12) MMFA LIVE EVENT.

11/4/10

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DAPS 029 What men wish women knew about men

Today, we give women insight into the heart and soul of men. We talk about the 4 things women should know; things like a man tends to hide his hurts, a man will cry with everything but his tears, a man will apologize with everything but his words, and a man needs a lift, not a lecture. In this episode, we talk about the issues of respect and honor, and how important they are to the soul of a man. Nag a man ands drive him away. Honor a man with your words, draw him near. We also deal with the 4 needs of a man: companionship, admiration, refuge, and respect. We also deal with the 4 steps of relational sabotage and how some people seem to just repeat the same old mistakes. It is important that we understand how to relate to each other. Men and women are different – very different. And the difference is what brings us together. If we know how to honor that difference and meet the emotional and relational needs of each other to build each other, to lift each other up, then the future is indeed bright. Without it we will continue to live in broken, bruised, and bitter disappointment.

10/28/10

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DAPS 028 What women wish men knew about women

You would think that a man relating to a woman would be as easy as introducing oneself and carrying on a conversation. The truth is, men and women are the same in many ways. That is, we want to be loved and cared for. But there are also many subtle differences you need to be aware of. Today, David and Paula talk about the two most important things that husbands need to be able to give their wives. They are not hard or difficult, and they certainly are not expensive. They are intangible things that don’t carry a price tag, except the cost of a broken, dried-up relationship as a result of neglecting these two important features of a woman’s need for attention and affirmation.

10/21/10

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DAPS 027 Is there life after divorce?

On this episode of The David and Paula Show, we deal with life after divorce and how you pick up the pieces. Statistics show you are far more likely to get married the second time than you are the first time. The dream of an amazing marriage dies hard with us in America, and it should. There is no reason why you can’t take what you’ve learned, what you’ve gone through, and apply it to your next relationship. To make sure that the second time around is your best time around, listen to some of the practical ideas and applications that David and Paula discuss on today’s show. If you know someone who’s gone through divorce, send them the link to this show; let them go to iTunes, search David and Paula Show, and subscribe so they can get each weekly show delivered directly to their iPhone, iPod, or mp3 device.

10/14/10

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DAPS 026 Having a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank! PART 2

We contnue the conversation this week on how to plan and have a beautiful wedding without going in to debt or spending too much money. During the first part of the show. David & Paula discuss the implications of the declining marriage rates in America. Why co-habitation is doomed to fail and why the pain of these fear-based relationships can last a lifetime. Second part of the show about the details of wedding planning that often fall through the cracks!

10/7/10

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DAPS 025 How to have a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank!

With the average wedding in America costing between $37,000 and $45,000, how do put on a great wedding without going into debt or cleaning out your parents bank account? Today on the show, David and Paula talk about: The most important decision you make about the wedding? What are the components of the wedding you need to budget for? Do you need a wedding planner? How much should you spend on a dress? Can Uncle Harry take the pictures so we can save money? Do we have to have a sit down dinner for the reception? Practical advice from 2 mavericks on marriage on a mission to help you plan and execute a wedding you can be proud of without spending the rest of your life paying for!

9/30/10

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DAPS 024 How do you deal with constant conflict in marriage?

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE for two wounded individuals to live together without conflict! Whether we have conflict is not the question; its what we do when conflict gets out of hand? How do you negotiate peace in your marriage? How do you fight fair? The truth of the matter is, you’ll wind up fighting with each other, against each other, or for each other. It’s not the fact of conflict that’s the problem for most people, it’s avoiding the conflict that’s keeping your marriage in turmoil.

9/23/10

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43

DAPS 023 How do you change a badly behaving spouse?

You do not have to resign yourself to a miserable marriage where your spouse is behaving in a way that damages you and diminishes your future together. Learning what you can’t change set you free to focus on what you can change. How do you live in a loving relationship where your no power? What is stronger in relationship than power? How do you live in a loving relationship where you have no power? What is stronger in relationship than power? Answers to these and other question check out this week’s episode! You do not have to resign yourself to a miserable marriage where your spouse is behaving in a way that damages you and diminishes your future together. Learning what you can’t change set you free to focus on what you can change.

9/16/10

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DAPS 022 Do I have to talk to my wife about things I’m not interested in?

If you stop talking and communicating you will lose your marriage. On today’s show, David and Paula talk about the importance of communication in marriage. How do you break the silence and start a meaningful conversation. How can marriages survive when the average married couple spends only 4 minutes a day talking to each other?

9/9/10

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DAPS 021 David and Paula’s rules for dating

Dating seems to be that time of uneasiness that neither male nor female seem to know exactly the right protocol. Questions like, “How long should you date before you become engaged? How long should you be engaged before you actually get married? What’s the type of person you should never date? And, should I date someone more than once that I can’t see yourself marrying?” All of these will be dealt with today on The David and Paula Show.

9/2/10

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DAPS 020 How do blended families deal with the craziness and make it work?

There is a way to navigate the dangerous waters that come with a second or third marriage, with children that are not yours. And your in-laws need to lighten up and respect the choices you’ve made!

8/26/10

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DAPS 019 How do you let your kids go (to college) without losing them?

My daughter is pulling away from me as she goes off to college, what can I do? This is the time of year, when thousands of high school graduates leave for college. The day we’ve bee looking and longing for has finally arrived, but how is a parent to handle the separation anxiety that comes from this epic moment? David and Paula give an answer on today’s show!

8/19/10

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DAPS 018 4 Myths That Make Marriage Miserable

David and Paula Foster helping good people grow great marriages Just because it sounds believable, doesn’t mean it is true. David and Paula expose the common misunderstandings that surround marriage, such as, “I’m looking for someone who will “complete me.”

8/12/10

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DAPS 017 Help, We hardly talk anymore