The Urban Erma
By Leighann Lord
To listen to an audio podcast, mouse over the title and click Play. Open iTunes to download and subscribe to podcasts.
Podcast Description
A weekly humor blog by comedian Leighann Lord, a workaholic, control freak, perfectionist who sweats the small stuff.
| Name | Description | Released | Price | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
1 |
I Need a Thundershirt | My Dog and I look alike. We’re both black with a little bit of grey. Recently describing His Lordship to someone I was stunned to realize just how similar we also are in temperament. I said, “I love him but he’s spoiled, cranky, moody, entitled … wait, what? Oh damn.” READ MOR | 5/23/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
2 |
A*****e or Asperger’s | So, I was hanging out at the bar with friends when I was approached by an audience member. He said, “You’re funny. I enjoyed your show.” “Thank you.” “So, how old are you?” No, you didn’t miss anything. And, no, I didn’t leave anything out. He asked me just like that, with all the finesse of an STD test. READ MOR | 5/16/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
3 |
But I Don’t Want to be a Stripper | I tried going shoe shopping but what I found instead were shelves full of brightly colored stilts. “Am I expected to actually walk in these?” I said aloud to no one in particular. A sales girl smiled and said, “You know, some women can’t walk in flats.” I bit my tongue just in time to stop myself from saying in a perfect imitation of my Grandmother, “Yes, Child, but those women are w***es.” READ MOR | 5/10/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
4 |
Hormones, Heartbreak & House Payments | Would you believe a 12-year-old wrote this: “By choosing to be happy we let ourselves be friendlier and more human to one another.” Deep, right? I recently had the honor of being a judge for The 2012 Good Life Award Writing Contest. It was open to students from seventh to ninth grade; 522 kids entered from 34 schools. The contest was created to honor the life of Dottie Yeck, a champion of children, who believed that one is never too young to have an impact on the world. Her Life Philosophy and premise for the contest is: Being Good + Doing Good = Having Fun + Being Happy. Clearly Dottie was not a native New Yorker. READ MOR | 5/1/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
5 |
Dressed Up Community Service | Two friends were shopping in the JCPenney women's department. Well, one woman was just browsing. The other was staging an intervention. I did not know these women personally and I never had the pleasure of ever learning their names but for the purposes of this story I could call them Lucy and Ethel, or even Laverne and Shirley. But as a casual fan of the TV show Living Single I'll call them Regine and Sinclaire. READ MOR | 4/22/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
6 |
The Geometry of Love & Comedy | At my last stand-up comedy college show a student came up afterwards and said, “Thanks for the ‘D’ student joke. I’m mentoring a high school student this weekend and you explained better than I could why he should get good grades.” My joke: “The most important thing I’ve learned watching TV crime shows is that it pays to be an ‘A’ student. If you’re an ‘A’ student and you go missing, they look for you. If you’re a ‘D’ student, you’ll be duct taped in the trunk of a car thinking, ‘Wow, I should have studied more.’” READ MOR | 4/11/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
7 |
Very Funny Bag Lady | In honor of my stand-up comedy anniversary, I'm sharing an essay I wrote last year for The Blog Out Loud Show: the live, staged reading version of The Urban Erma. So, I ran into a fellow comedian whom I love and respect a great deal. He’s one of those guys who’s the cherished combination of funny and nice. I’ve always admired his success. I’ve seen him in commercials, he’s a respected regular in the A-level comedy clubs around the city, and he had his own Comedy Central special. Since I hadn’t seen him in a while I had assumed he was doing his thing out in LA. So I was crushed when he told me he’s selling real estate now. READ MOR | 4/4/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
8 |
All Men Would Be Klingons | It is no secret that I am a Star Trek fan, with a Lieutenant Uhura costume in my closet to prove it. When I meet other fans I often ask: “What would you be if you could be any other species in the Star Trek universe?” Almost without exception the men say, “Klingon!” Well, “Ka’plah!” gentlemen. I don’t know what my fellow female Star Trek fans would be. I haven’t met any. READ MOR | 3/28/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
9 |
Capital One, Capital Zero | I was more than a little surprised when The Dunkin Donuts Guy handed me back my bank card. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's been declined." I did that slow blink of surprise that morphed into embarrassment. "What?" I said, as I looked around at the other caffeine and sugar addicts hoping no one had overheard. Unlike my credit card, with which I have a love-hate-denial-did-I-say-hate relationship, my bank card is linked to my checking account. I keep a precise mental tally of my account balance that would make Ebenezer Scrooge say, "Damn Boo!" READ MORE | 3/18/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
10 |
My Kool Aid Moment, Apple Loves You | I panicked when a dialogue box popped up on my iPhone telling me that a new iOS update was available. I'd missed this bit of information in the big announcement about the coming of iPad 3. I had the option to download and install the update or to cancel. Of course, I hit cancel and immediately sought out the advice of a more experienced iPhone user. READ MORE | 3/11/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
11 |
Drug Test Wakeup Call | When the phone rang at 9:37am I knew the caller must have the wrong number. No one ever calls me in my cabin when I'm working onboard a cruise ship. I’m the comedian. No one needs me until show time but I answered the phone anyway because that was the only way to make it stop ringing. "Hello, Leighann?" "Yes." "It's the Assistant Cruise Director."Ĥ "Hey, what's up?" "I'm sorry,” he said. “You've been randomly selected for a drug test." Silence. Read More | 3/2/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
12 |
The Flying Harpy of Love | I'm not a nice person when I fly. From curbside to baggage claim the entire travel experience has become so hostile towards passengers that it's every traveler for themselves. If you don't carve out your own slice of sanity, it will be taken away, screened, checked, charged extra for, and probably even lost without so much as an “I’m sorry.” READ MOR | 2/22/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
13 |
Why Don Cornelius Left the Building | Suicide May be Painless but Writing the Note is Excruciating - Don Cornelius, the creator and host of Soul Train, passed away recently. I say passed away because how he died depends on your point of view. To the general public he committed suicide. To the African-American community at large he did not. Acknowledging suicide challenges our misguided belief that black folks don’t get depressed, we just get angry. You put an “H” on your chest and just handle it, whatever it is. The slaves made it through without therapy right? READ MORE | 2/16/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
14 |
In Memory of Todd Lynn | Comedian Todd Lynn died last Friday from complications of diabetes and pancreatic cancer, suffering two strokes and a heart attack. -- What can I say about Todd? He was quiet, humble, kept to himself … Oh wait … Todd LYNN? Take two: Todd was smart, brash, funny, and fearless. He was opinionated and you learned what his opinions were within five minutes of meeting him. He would even tell you about yourself to your face free of charge whether you asked or not. Not a very comfortable thing that, but at least you knew where you stood with him. In an industry built on backstabbing Todd was almost refreshing. READ MOR | 2/5/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
15 |
So, About the Letterman Thing | T**t Blocked Again It’s been an eventful time for women in comedy. The New York Times broke the story that female comedians are not booked to perform on The Letterman Show in equal numbers to their male counterparts. You don’t say. Women in comedy not being treated fairly? Well gosh darn it stop the presses. This is not news to anyone with a v****a, but hats off to the New York Times for being in the vanguard of non-current events. READ MOR | 1/26/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
16 |
Living the iLife: Look, Ma, No Manual! | It’s one thing to break all bad ass and switch from a BlackBerry to an iPhone but when the deed is done the challenge becomes living with it. I'll admit there are things I miss about my BlackBerry, especially when travelling. But would I go back to it? No, and by no I mean Hells No, but it is an adjustment and sometimes I wish I had a little bit more guidance. Mac-acolytes treat iPhone ownership as an intuitive experience so in other words no manual. READ MOR | 1/17/12 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
17 |
Leighann Lord Joins Team iPhone | Dear BlackBerry, I’m Out In a stunning year-end move, comedian and tech nerd Leighann Lord has joined Team iPhone, effectively ending her more than decade-long relationship with Research in Motion’s BlackBerry. Whether it was the Pearl, the Curve or the BlackBerry Bold, all of her phones have been plagued with problems including random data deletions and frequent battery pulls. “I saw the spinning watch icon so often,” said Ms. Lord, “That I thought it was my wall paper.” READ MOR | 12/28/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
18 |
Rug Rats | If I could I would live in a sterile, hermetically-sealed bubble decked out like an IKEA flagship store display. And then there's my car. It doesn’t rise to the level of the TV show “Hoarders,” but it’s somehow become a repository for boxes, comedy merchandise and umbrellas. None of this, however, explains the rancid odor that took up residence in my car last week. It smelled like a cranky toddler shat in my glove compartment. READ MOR | 12/18/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
19 |
Christmas Shopping Again? Didn’t We Just Do This? | Christmas comes on the same day every year and yet it always seems to take me by surprise. One minute I’m at a Memorial Day picnic contentedly chomping on a burger, the next I’m sniffling through “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Where does the time go? And, as if to help us, stores are putting up Christmas decorations earlier and earlier. Soon, I expect to see a sweaty Santa in a wife-beater tee-shirt selling back to school supplies in a shameless yet ingenious display of cross-promotional advertising. READ MOR | 12/7/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
|
20 |
How I Spent Black Friday, Really | I can’t prove it, but I’d be willing to bet that the murder rate escalates around the holidays. I confess I had manslaughter on my mind when I went to Wal-mart on Black Friday. Yeah, you heard me. I went to Wal-Mart on Black Friday. All I needed was one thing: a screen protector for my iPod. What I got was my feelings hurt. READ MOR | 12/7/11 | Free | View In iTunes |
| Total: 20 Episodes |
Customer Reviews
Too funny!
You really need to listen to this podcast! I adore Leighann Lord's humor.
One funny and smart lady!
Leighann Lord cracks me up! She is thoughtful, funny, and tell-it-like-it-is real. Her podcast makes me laugh as it makes me think, but mostly it makes me laugh.
