Grief Out Loud The Dougy Center

Maybe you're familiar with the phrase, "You can't go around grief, you have to go through it." Or, "You have to feel your feelings." If you're like a lot of people, you might cringe and also wonder, "What does that actually mean?" Grief isn't linear, and it's not something to get through - and yet, a lot of people appreciate having some sense of what to expect and what to do with it all. That's where Claire Bidwell Smith's new book, Conscious Grieving, comes in. Offered as a framework, not a formula, Claire suggests four ways to orient towards grief: entering, engaging, surrendering, and transforming. Claire comes to this work with her lived experience of losing both of her parents to cancer by the time she was twenty-five. She's a licensed therapist, international speaker, and the author of five books. 
We discuss:
What Claire's parents would think of her work How she stays connected to them The rise of anxiety in grief The pressure to "move on" from grief How those who are grieving carry the burden of educating others What Claire does to manage health anxiety The four orientations of Conscious Grieving How important community can be when it comes to grief Where Claire currently is with her grief Both sides of the compassion coin Listen to our previous conversation with Claire, Ep. 109 - Grief & Anxiety. 

In 2015, Diane Kalu was living in Nigeria with her husband and their three young children. One day, about eight weeks after the birth of their third child, Diane’s husband went to work and never returned. A few days later she got the news that he dad died. She was suddenly a widow, responsible for raising three children under the age of five, in a country with several widowhood customs and traditions that are harmful to women. Thankfully, Diane had her mother to help her survive those early days of widowhood. Then, about five years after her husband's death, Diane's mother also died. Through both of these losses, Diane discovered a lot about herself, including a passion for helping others. That led her to start the WiCare Lekota Foundation, an organization dedicated to supporting widows in Nigeria through social, emotional, financial, and educational support programs. 
We discuss:
Grieving for her mother Telling her children their grandmother died How her mother supported her after her husband died Grief brain fog and how Diane recovered her memory with singing & sticky notes Widowhood customs & traditions that are harmful for women The ways Diane broke with community expectations for widows Pity vs. compassion The mindset that helped Diane survive What Diane's husband would think of who she is now Starting the WiCare Lekota Foundation to support other widows WiCare on Facebook

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Whenever Annette & Mel connect, there's always a third person in the mix. That third person is Amy, their friend and chosen family member who died in 2012 of pulmonary fibrosis. While they each had a unique friendship with her, both connections were formative and deep. When Amy died, Annette and Mel's friendship grew stronger, because of their shared grief. 
This episode is part of a series focused on grieving the death of a friend. As much as we decry there being a hierarchy of grief, most people still assume the death of a family member is harder than the death of a friend. In reality though, the death of a friend or chosen family member can be absolutely devastating, in ways that catch us, and others, off guard.  
We discuss:
Amy's magnetic personality - and what she meant to each of them What they both learned from being friends with her The different friendships Mel & Annette had with Amy, while still being part of the same circle How Annette & Mel got closer through Amy's illness and death Witnessing Amy's rapid deterioration How she tried to have end of life conversations with both of them When they each realized that Amy was going to die What grief has been like for both of them Annette being diagnosed with the same illness that Amy had The "Amy objects" they keep close Navigating new relationships with people who never met Amy Learn more about Annette Leonard and listen to her podcast, Chronic Wellness. 

What if there was a place you could go in your grief and be both perfect and broken? That's the kind of place Laura Green dreamed up with her friend and co-founder, Sascha Demerjian. Together they created The Grief House, a community space for people to explore grief through movement, conversation, creativity, and care. Since she was very young, Laura can remember being afraid of death. Afraid of losing everyone and everything she cared about, especially her mother. Three years after starting The Grief House, Laura had to face that biggest fear when her mother, Grace, died in the summer of 2023.  
We discuss:
Laura's current grief expression - clay Why she feels so lucky to be her mother's daughter The fear of death she's had as long as she can remember How her mother's death story has influenced Laura's grief story Why it was so important for Laura to spend time with her mother's body The physicality of death and grief The Grief House's origin story What Laura and her co-founder are dreaming up next for The Grief House Listen to Laura and co-founder Sascha on their podcast, Portals.
Follow The Grief House on IG. 

In an instant, Leslie went from sharing every aspect of life with her husband Ryan to feeling like half a person. Leslie, Ryan, their two young children, and their extended family were on vacation in California when Ryan told Leslie that something didn't feel right. He was rushed to the hospital where he died of a stroke and an aneurysym, leaving Leslie to figure out how to live their life without him. The people Leslie most wanted to talk to in her grief were other widows. This inspired her to start Vids for Wids - a project to capture the stories of widows in the hopes of helping others feel less alone. 
We discuss:
How Leslie and Ryan met as co-workers 
The day Ryan died while they were on vacation 
Suddenly feeling like half a person without Ryan 
Telling her very young children about his death 
The early days and weeks of widowhood 
How her kids’ grief is changing over time 
The power of talking to other widows 
What Leslie learned about grief from Ryan 
Dating and becoming a remarried widow 
Leslie’s Vids for Wids project to support other widows 

What happens when you put your grief on hold? In the summer of 2016, Channing Frye was riding high. After over a decade in the NBA, his team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, had won the Championship. Then, in the fall, he hit one of the lowest lows. His mother Karen died of cancer. Just a month later his father, Thomas, also died. Channing put his grief on hold to deal with the logistics of planning two funerals, supporting his family, and going back to work as a professional athlete. Eventually, with the help of his wife, his friends, and a therapist, Channing started to talk about and explore grief in ways that worked better for him. Doing this allowed him to get more present in his life and explore new passions like podcasting and starting a wine label, Chosen Family Wines. 
We discuss:
Channing’s parents and how they supported him in his basketball career  What it was like when his parents died Being with his mom as she was dying  Putting his grief on hold to take care of business How his grief intensified after his dad’s death  Going back to the NBA soon after his parents’ deaths  The role alcohol played in his early grief  How he got into therapy and started working with his grief  Reclaiming significant days like birthdays, Father’s Day, and other holidays  How he stays grounded & connected to his parents   The connection between grief and the name of his wine label, Chosen Family   Follow Channing on IG
Listen to his podcast, Road Trippin'