95% (An Uncensored Biography for Men That Never Grew Up‪)‬

An adult humoured story based 95% (hence the title) on real events around three characters and how they cruelly, or hilariously depending upon your point of view, interact throughout school and later work, ending with disastrous consequences. Additionally, it is a fascinating and honest insight into the reality of growing up in a northern working class town in the 1970’s and early 80’s.



“Humorous cruelty, criminality and vulgarity, 95% or simply reality?”


Born to a dysfunctional mother, Joey is a dirty, smelly, slow learning underprivileged 4 year old, picked on cruelly by the other kids at school for these very reasons. The main two protagonists, Casino and Yogi, spend the next 17 years devising ways of humiliating him for their and others entertainment. From forcing Joey to eat dog shit sandwiches, to later conning him into admitting his masturbation habits, as they grow older, their scheming becomes more creative, more sadistic and more humorous. It’s what boys do!


Stealing money from a teacher’s purse, legging off school and shoplifting. Under questioning the answer is always the same, “It was Joey that did it sir!” During adolescence, with hormones running wild, they experiment with alcohol, girls and thieving but never miss a chance to involve Joey, obviously to his detriment. If there is ever an opportunity to make him do something stupid that will make them laugh, he has to do it, regardless of how many times he gets into trouble with the police or is admitted to A&E.After getting Joey expelled from the 6th form for breaking into a hotel room and stealing jewellery, Casino and Yogi forget about him for a couple of years as they fill their time with nightclubbing, hunting loose women and generally living for the day. When Yogi completes a short stint in prison for assault, a chance encounter with an old friend throws the three back together as they participate in that lucrative, often immoral 80’s occupation of selling double-glazing. Still with their anything-for-a-laugh attitude, they have a detrimental effect on everyone around them, not least Joey.