There are plenty of fitness apps out there motivating you to run. Welcome to the first app that demotivates you: Beat the Blerch.
The Blerch: An imaginary creature representing your darkest, most sloth-like desires to take it easy, skip your run, and eat all the cake you can get your hands on.
You: The runner. You must somehow summon the motivation to keep running to stay one step ahead of the Blerch. Avoid all the Giant Donuts, Big Slurp Fountains and Beer Krakens (yes, Beer Krakens) he throws in your way to stop you.
How to Play: Pick your runner and hit start. Tap the screen to jump over obstacles. Run and try to get as far as you can!
Based on the best selling book, The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances, by Oatmeal creator Matthew Inman. Beat the Blerch is an infinite running game like no other. Because it has cake. And periodically insults you, and the horse you rode in on.
And the wonderful demotivation continues outside the game. With original, periodically hysterical, messages from the Blerch to you. Demotivating you from working out and encouraging you to sit down, binge watch TV and eat some cake. Eat the whole goddam thing.
Do you have the fortitude to withstand the temptation, and stick to your run? Or will you be lured into a Mayonnaise Hell Pit (yes, it’s a thing).
Bug fixes and updates to support iOS 10.
Ratings and Reviews
Not actually tied to running.
Totally disappointed. Huge Inman fan, and thought this would be a fun sorta workout tracker / motivational game / reward system for actually running. Turns out its literally just a phone game. Seems kinda weak coming from the pairing of Saucony and Inman together. Why not make something that actually promotes fitness rather than just staring at a phone screen for longer?
Earn points by actually running?
When I first read the description I was hoping that this game would earn points as you actually got up and moved. Though the game is fun, it seems like it actually feeds the blerch rather than helping you beat it.
no idea why the Oatmeal put his name on this
Usually I associate the Oatmeal with quality, but this app is garbage. It looks cheap and the gameplay isn't fun or rewarding. The concept doesn't even make sense...The original idea of the "blerch" was to motivate people to go running, or exercise, or be productive in some capacity. This is a lame app...the point of which is to make you sit down and play a bad, distracting video game? What?
- Saucony, Inc.
- 735.3 MB
- Requires iOS 9.1 or later. Compatible with iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch.
- Age Rating
- You must be at least 17 years old to download this app.
- Frequent/Intense Alcohol, Tobacco, or Drug Use or References
- Frequent/Intense Profanity or Crude Humor
- © 2016 Saucony
Challenge friends and check leaderboards and achievements.
With Family Sharing set up, up to six family members can use this app.