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Don't buy this app

By Back Bay Bytes LLC

This app is only available on the App Store for iOS devices.

Description

HELLO! I am going to tell you all you need to know about this app.

There's a part of it that is a lot like the game "breakout" except that it has a picture of Ryan Gosling in it that you can hit with a flying baby!!! It has trivia where you can win tube socks or the continent of Europe, there is a part with a platypus and noses, and Reykjavik is featured, and also there's a donkey and Bob Ross and ancient Egyptian sculpture that will teach you a useful phrase in Dutch, and you can also read the third chapter of Beowulf but with more references to well-known screen star Abe Vigoda. Also you get a pug or a pony or a falcon or a banana when you tap pretty much anywhere! And a ninja will teach you some French!

The whole app is freeeeeeeee!!!! So you don't HAVE to buy it! You can just get it!!! If someone tells you you have to buy it they are a big liar!! But if you want ponies on your main screen, you'll have to buy those. So unless you want ponies, you should probably save your money for a pair of tube socks, or maybe a candied yam? Although on the other hand, this app features the Magical Unicorn Bonus™ and is even better with ponies, and there aren't any tube socks or candied yams or regular yams or other apps that have the Magical Unicorn Bonus™ so if you like the app AND want ponies in it, it's kind of a hard decision!! You should probably ask your mom or a favorite pet fish or the Vice President or my mom or a taco. Or flip a coin! But be careful not to hit your eyeball!! With the coin! Actually coins are pretty dangerous so just get rid of your coins.

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WARNING: This app contains a hamburger singing "La Spagnola". If you can't handle that, you should stop reading this description immediately.

ANOTHER WARNING: It's really quite mean to call people names. So please tell Albert you're sorry!

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YOU SHOULD KNOW that the app preview features the photograph "Mists and Magic" by Priyambada Nath. And now you do know that! And some music called "Borneo" by Keshko. In addition, and completely coincidentally, the screen shots include the photograph "Silky Sifaka" by Jeff Gibbs, and "Farmland of the A165" by J. Thomas. You should tell all your friends because you are a very thoughtful person!!!

What's New in Version 179.6.242848

The app is now free! However... Ponies will cost you (unless you already bought the paid version of the app). Also, added a new part that's sort of like "Breakout" but with a baby that you bounce off a hotdog, because who doesn't want to bounce a baby off a hotdog?

Oh, and added a few additional bits of weirdness here and there.

Screenshots

iPhone Screenshot 1
iPhone Screenshot 2
iPhone Screenshot 3
iPhone Screenshot 4
iPad Screenshot 1
iPad Screenshot 2
iPad Screenshot 3
iPad Screenshot 4

Customer Reviews

App changed my life!!!

Words cannot express how this app changed my life! Before, I was living under a tarp in a fish market talking to disembodied cod heads (as you do), however after downloading this app I began to feel comfortable around disembodied Atlantic salmon heads and began talking to them instead! Incredible! After saving up to buy ponies through my street act of interpretive dancing with various deceased fish I found myself sharing a stall with a rather attractive young female donkey who recently became my wife and we are expecting our first foal this fall! I am currently saving up to buy more ponies and I can only imagine how this will improve my life! Thank you kind sir!

What was that I just stepped in?!?

When I'm feeling blue, with nothing else to do,
I pick up my phone,
I toss the dog a bone,
And look at the taco I blew!

There are no words

It got mad at me when I chose a sandwich instead of a shark like I was supposed to. smh

Don't buy this app
View in iTunes
This app is designed for both iPhone and iPad
  • Free
  • Category: Games
  • Updated:
  • Version: 179.6.242848
  • Size: 101 MB
  • Language: English
  • Seller:
Rated 12+ for the following:
  • Infrequent/Mild Cartoon or Fantasy Violence
  • Infrequent/Mild Profanity or Crude Humor
  • Infrequent/Mild Alcohol, Tobacco, or Drug Use or References
  • Infrequent/Mild Mature/Suggestive Themes

Compatibility: Requires iOS 8.0 or later. Compatible with iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch.

Customer Ratings

Current Version:
All Versions:

Top In-App Purchases

  1. SUPER PONIES!!!$4.99
  2. PONIES!!!!!$0.99