The Adventures of Tek Danger and Larry Applebaum, (Discount) Mercenaries for Hire
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The Brothers of the Order of the Immaculate Universe need help. Their most precious relic, The Brilliance, has been stolen from them by the most dangerous and bloodthirsty gang in the Universe, the Sisters of Agrona. They quickly sought out the best mercenaries they could find to retrieve it for them. Then, they found out how much it would cost. They quickly excused themselves and sought out far less expensive mercenaries. This brought them to Tek and Larry.
Tek Danger and Larry Applebaum are, technically, mercenaries. (Although Larry would have much preferred to open up a nice ice cream stand somewhere.) They're the go-to guys for people with a problem and severe budgetary constraints. They don't have much experience and they're not that bright, but all that pales in comparison to their incredibly poor success rate. This probably accounts for their lack of clientele and severely impoverished condition.
Accompanied by the aged and naive Brother Caradoc, Tek and Larry set out to face the most dangerous gang in all of known space with one gun and not a lick of sense between them. How will they fare? Will they successfully retrieve The Brilliance? Will they even survive? Probably not. I mean, let's face it. Even if they knew what they were doing and weren't remarkably stupid, they'd most likely fail. The odds are not in their favor at all. But hey, maybe they'll surprise you. Maybe they'll dig down deep, rise to the challenge and... no. I can't even finish that sentence. They're probably going to die.