A Handbook for Aspiring Savages
Benjamin Chadwick & Joshua Kemble
This book can be downloaded and read in iBooks on your Mac or iOS device.
Sick of our flaccid twenty-first century, with its flavored coffees, electric cars, and spoiled lap dogs? Wishing you could get what you want, when you want it? Perhaps you dream of trading in that restrictive tie for a liberating loin cloth? The solution is simple: Just ask yourself, What Would a Barbarian Do? (WWBD?). With this primitive procedure, great men have altered the course of history (and hilarious B movies) for thousands of years.
Return to the simplicity of yore with this back-to-basics primer on bloody revenge, furry pants, and true caveman cuisine. Let renowned scholar Dr. Byron Clavicle and real-life barbarian Grüte Skullbasher tell you how to crush your enemies, settle rent disputes with the barbarian counting system (one, two…many!), find a proper name and title that will put you at the top of the Manly Scale of Name Masculinity, and snare a chain-mail-bikini-wearing Amazon! With just a few thousand calories a day and a commitment to pillaging and plundering, you too can put yourself on the path to an authentic barbarian lifestyle!