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Fasten Your Seat Belts and Eat Your F*****g Nuts

This book is available for download with iBooks on your Mac or iOS device, and with iTunes on your computer. Books can be read with iBooks on your Mac or iOS device.


In his debut book, 'Fasten Your Seat Belts And Eat Your F*****g Nuts', Joe Thomas — aka Flight Attendant Joe — takes you on an inappropriate storytelling journey about what really happens while you sit comfortably (unless you are in a middle seat, in that case — he’s sorry) onboard a climate controlled airplane while sucking down cups of soda, snacking on unsalted peanuts, and playing dumb when you get caught smoking in the lavatory.

Have you ever wondered what happens behind the scenes at 38,000 feet? Does the thought of banging a flight attendant intrigue you? What about a pilot? Do you regularly attempt at eavesdropping on flight attendant conversations while waiting to use the lavatory on a red-eye flight?

If so, then this book was written for you.

Nobody said traveling was easy and Joe Thomas has the stories to prove it. 'Fasten Your Seat Belts And Eat Your F*****g Nuts' will make you hungry for more than just another bag of pretzels. Each page drips with gossip, drama, and his own personal confrontations with passengers and coworkers that will leave you gasping for air one minute, and then busting out laughing the next.

Joe’s honest, heartwarming, — dick-slapping-in-your-face-comedy — will have you turning pages quicker than a hooker turns tricks.

Customer Reviews

Hilarious and Totally Offensive

As a regular reader of his FlightAttendantJoe blog, I’ve been waiting for this book for like a year. I’ve already learned to order my coffee with specifics (“regular” doesn’t cut it), never to wear just socks in the laveratories, never to get a bulkhead seat and lie on the floor, and always to bring pre-wrapped treats for the flight attendants working. The latter has actually gotten me better seats, free booze, and even nookie in the back of a plane!

That being said, I’ve known that Joe must’ve been holding out on us. I was waiting for the salacious gossip, the lewd stories, and things with more insane passengers that he probably felt bad putting online. Thank god for the book. I just came out, but I got it, skipped working today, and read it cover-to-cover!

You owe me new pants where I snorted out coffee onto my lap!

Funniest book I've read...

I've been waiting for this book for what seems like forever!!! I have been following FAJoe's blog for a while and the same personality he's shows there is in his book as well! If you are looking for a good read and even better laughs read this book!!!


Joe, I just finished your book and found it HILARIOUS. Reading the last chapter next to a nosey old cat lady was both awkward and awesome at the same time. It was very well written and highly entertaining. Thank you for all the laughs.

Fasten Your Seat Belts and Eat Your F*****g Nuts
View in iTunes
  • $0.99
  • Available on iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, and Mac.
  • Category: Fiction & Literature
  • Published: Jul 11, 2016
  • Publisher: Joe Thomas
  • Seller: Smashwords
  • Print Length: 567 Pages
  • Language: English
  • Requirements: To view this book, you must have an iOS device with iBooks 1.3.1 or later and iOS 4.3.3 or later, or a Mac with iBooks 1.0 or later and OS X 10.9 or later.

Customer Ratings

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