#4, Holding On
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Flawed Reality: a situation that is imperfect, altering ones perception of what is actually happening
My reality was flawed from the beginning. I saw things one way, the way I wanted to see them, but they were never as I envisioned. I was blinded by so much that fantasy and reality started to blur together.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted an entire part of my life waiting on Becca. Other times I feel like it was all worth it. That, in the end, the way things worked out was the universe’s way of allowing me to find the path which would lead me to where I would end up, to who I would end up with.
Who would have guessed my life would come full circle? I sure as hell wouldn’t have. Even when I look back now, I still have no idea how I got so damn lucky. I was such as ass back in the day. I was selfish. I didn’t care if I hurt other people as long as I got what I wanted. Then, when I didn’t get what I wanted, I got angry. I suppressed my anger, got drunk and liked to fight.
Like I said, I was an ass. A Grade-A jerk. I deserved to be alone. I deserved to be miserable. I caused misery. Not because I wanted others to be miserable like I was but because it was all I knew. I was desperate for what I couldn’t have, for who I couldn’t be with.