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Intimacy & Desire

Awaken the Passion In Your Relationship

This book is available for download with iBooks on your Mac or iOS device, and with iTunes on your computer. Books can be read with iBooks on your Mac or iOS device.


Many couples begin marital counseling with Dr. David Schnarch with their sex lives in shambles, wondering what's wrong with them, considering divorce. One partner will complain that the other doesn't desire him, the other complains that she's married to a sex maniac. During his 30 years in practice as a marriage and family therapist, Dr. Schnarch has discovered that sexual desire problems are normal and even healthy, in committed relationships.In Intimacy and Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship, Dr. Schnarch explains why couples in long term relationships have sexual desire problems, regardless of how much they love each other or how well they communicate. Through case studies of couples he worked with, Dr. Schnarch shows why normal marital conflict can be the cause of desire problems and creates a roadmap for how couples can transform marital conflict into a stronger relationship and a font of new and powerful desire for each other. He takes it a step further, giving readers simple but effective exercises that will help them reconnect with each other.

From Publishers Weekly

Oct 12, 2009 – Readers sick of typical glossy-magazine self-help patter about reigniting romance, or the droning pomposity of most author-experts, will be pleasantly surprised with psychologist and sex therapist Schnarch (Passionate Marriage). He immediately catches readers' attention by agreeing that the common "just do it" approach to solving sexual problems is not only ineffective, but often results in one partner responding with a decisive "Don't tell me what to do!" That kind of understanding produces a number of unexpected bombshells-including "Marriage does kill desire"-which produce an uncanny effect: getting couples to stop and reconsider their emotions, quit blaming each other, and start to think (and act) differently regarding sexual situations, behaviors and attitudes. The book's flaws are more aggravating than genuinely problematic-a tendency to lean on jargon and trademark key phrases ("Four Points of Balance(tm)")-but O'Neill breaks down complex issues with loosely-drawn real life examples, illustrating the dramatic and fundamental changes that occur when couples have a greater understanding of desire, monogamy and the brain. The process is neither easy nor quick, but Schnarch's confidence is contagious.

Customer Reviews


The content of this book is like Neo waking up I'm the movie "The Matrix", it teaches you what makes you tick, it's the code that is running your sexual lack of desire, and by knowing the code you can change your relationship and life. So, do you want to swallow the pill? If you do, I think you'll be amazed at what Schnarch knows about relationships, and how easily he delivers this knowledge to you. It's the answer to awakening that which used to be there, but is now gone - and bringing you to heights never previously achieved. Highly recommended!!!j

Intimacy and desire

Seems like this should be required reading for anyone who is interested in having a committed relationship. Schnarchs premise is that ALL relationships hit roadblocks/gridlock and even teaches that we should welcome them- because it is necessary for our growth. I had a hard time getting used to his anecdotal stories at the beginning- they seemed cheesy and overly simplistic. But as the book went on, I realized how well these anecdotes illustrate the concepts he's presenting.
Inspires hope for relationships and provides concrete strategies for improvement. This book was a game changer for my thoughts and behaviors within my relationship.

Read his other books

I have read all of David Schnarch's books, even the big thick Sexual Crucible book. I think he is brilliant. But this book is my least favorite of them all. It has some new good material, but it is muddled. He spends way way way way too much time telling is theory of the history of sexual evolution instead of focusing on the here and now and what he has actually observed works. When he spends so much time explaining his theories, which have no observable proof, it makes the things he says about now seem less credible.

His theories of re-wiring your brain through sex feel more like they were written for his colleagues in sexual therapy instead of married couples. There was some good content there, but it got into the technical weeds if you are looking for practical help. It would have been better to just talk about our brains getting stuck in certain ways of feeling and reacting and how this helps break you out of your stuck place in your brain. Anyway, something far less technical and theoretical would have been more helpful for most couples.

Again, I highly recommend all his other work. But avoid this one unless you have read everything else first.

Intimacy & Desire
View in iTunes
  • $9.99
  • Available on iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, and Mac.
  • Category: Self-Improvement
  • Published: Jul 01, 2011
  • Publisher: Beaufort Books
  • Seller: Midpoint Trade Books
  • Print Length: 448 Pages
  • Language: English
  • Requirements: To view this book, you must have an iOS device with iBooks 1.3.1 or later and iOS 4.3.3 or later, or a Mac with iBooks 1.0 or later and OS X 10.9 or later.

Customer Ratings

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