No Secrets No Lies
How Black Families Can Heal from Sexual Abuse
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5.0 • 1 Rating
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- $14.99
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- $14.99
Publisher Description
With a foreword by Joycelyn Elders, M.D., No Secrets, No Lies is a powerful and daringly honest resource guide for families seeking to understand, prevent, and overcome childhood sexual abuse and its devastating impact on adult survivors.
An estimated one in four women and one in six men is abused by age eighteen, most often by someone they know. Most of these sexual assaults are never disclosed, much less reported to the police.
No Secrets, No Lies demystifies the cultural taboos and social dynamics that keep Black families silent and enable abuse to continue for generations. Among them:
?Fear of betraying family by turning offenders in to "the system"
?Distrust of institutions and authority figures, such as police officers
?Reluctance to seek counseling or therapy
?A legacy of enslavement and stereotypes about black sexuality
Through compelling personal accounts from everyday people, Robin D. Stone, a sexual abuse survivor herself, illuminates the emotional, psychological and hidden consequences of remaining silent, and provides holistic, practical steps to move toward healing.
No Secrets, No Lies candidly speaks to: survivors, telling them they are not at fault, not alone and how they can seek help; parents, guardians and caretakers, explaining how they can keep children safe and help survivors recover; and family, friends and other loved ones, showing ways to lend support.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Expanding on an article she wrote for Essence, where she is a former executive editor, Stone advocates many standard methods for recognizing and coping with abuse. But while the rates of sexual victimization, Stone shows, are the same for blacks and whites, "Black American women were more likely to have withheld reports of attempted rape from authorities" and "were more likely to blame their living circumstances" for an attack. It is Stone's detailed discussion of the probable reasons for such disparities, and her insights into them, that make this book unique. Drawing on her own experience, she argues that the "splitting" or dissociation used by the black community during slavery in order to cope psychologically with lifetimes of abuse is the same technique many African-Americans now use to deal with everyday racism and with sexual abuse. Stereotypes of African-American hypersexuality and of African-American women's mythic "strength" add further complications, which Stone unpacks with unflinching care and with the help of stories of abuse she has collected from black women. Chapters on "Helping Boys and Men" and "Challenging Abusers" offer more techniques for conversation and confrontation, and the book ends with "Reconciliation...and Moving On" and an appendix of resources. Stone's understanding of, and empathy for, incredibly painful situations comes through on every page, and her techniques for beginning to deal with them are compassionate and straightforward.
Customer Reviews
Excellent Exploration
No Secrets, No Lies: How Black Families Can Heal From Sexual Abuse by Robin D. Stone
The author of is a survivor of sexual assault. She has been an editor for Essence magazine, The New York Times, the Boston Globe, the Detroit Free Press, and Family Circle. She also teaches journalism at New York University. This impressive writing experience is evident in her clear, concise, compassionate, and culturally enlightening work: No Secrets, No Lies. Throughout the book, Stone offers "Fast Facts" in the margin, adding relevant material to the readers' knowledge. Stone cites her sources in an extensive "notes" section. She also offers a valuable resource list and index.
Stone offers case examples in each chapter. We read about Kim, who was molested by her stepfather until she was nineteen. Kim learns that a relative had sexually abused her mother. This addresses the frightening fact that perpetration is all too often generational.
The author incorporates the limitations placed upon Black survivors. However, Stone encourages counseling: In chapter four, Stone suggests methods to finding "African-Centered Healing." cultural starting point for the study of African people." Stone then shares Rhonda Wells-Wilbon's Aya Model: Ten Steps Toward Healing" for a culturally sensitive method.
Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story