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On My Knees

A Memoir

This book is available for download with iBooks on your Mac or iOS device, and with iTunes on your computer. Books can be read with iBooks on your Mac or iOS device.


A brash, bawdy, and downright ballsy ode to the ups and downs of life and love, On My Knees opens with Periel Aschenbrand—still reeling from a breakup with her longtime boyfriend—chain-smoking her days away on a plastic-covered couch and watching reruns of Law and Order while she squats in her dead grandmother's apartment in the East Village.

Armed with her wicked wit and a motley cast of characters that includes her hovering Jewish mother, an eccentric uncle, and her neurotic best friend/wingwoman, Aschenbrand embarks on a Dante-esque journey through the many rings of single-girl hell involving crazy one-night stands; an unhealthy attachment to a dental hygienist; a run-in with Philip Roth; and, in the end, a trip to Israel and an encounter with the man who just might be the one. Hysterical and heartfelt, On My Knees traces Periel's attempt to rebuild her life, her relationships, and her trademark confidence in a story so riotous it would make Chelsea Handler blush.

Publishers Weekly Review

Jun 24, 2013 – Aschenbrand (The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own) leads readers by a studded leash on a bumpy ride from Manhattan through Queens, Tucson, Paris, and Israel. Quotes from Twain, Euripides, and Henri Bergson do little to soften the ride, however, as frank, hypersexualized banter begins as soon as we meet her parents. From here it's not a long walk before she moves in with best friend Hanna and tries to forget her own problems by writing about Hanna's lost virginity to a man with a diaper fetish. The love of our heroine's life is a couch in a Stuyvesant Town apartment she inherits when her grandmother, "in perhaps the biggest favor she had ever done for me, dropped dead." In the nine months she illegally inhabits the apartment, she breaks up with Noam, her lover of 10 years, has an affair with Nico, her boss at an ad agency, and spends a good deal of time on the aforementioned plastic-covered couch watching Law & Order SVU. The cliches and insipidness are far too prominent, and Aschenbrand's happy ending feels too pat to be real. Sex, fashion adventure, and boredom are laced throughout, and while there are bright spots, it's mostly one shade of grey.

Customer Reviews

Humor @ it's FINEST

Absolutely loved this book had me in stitches and smiles throughout!!!!!

on my knees review

it’s good, just not my style of writing.

On My Knees
View In iTunes
  • $11.99
  • Available on iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, and Mac.
  • Category: Biographies & Memoirs
  • Published: Jun 18, 2013
  • Publisher: Harper Perennial
  • Seller: HarperCollins
  • Print Length: 208 Pages
  • Language: English
  • Requirements: To view this book, you must have an iOS device with iBooks 1.3.1 or later and iOS 4.3.3 or later, or a Mac with iBooks 1.0 or later and OS X 10.9 or later.

Customer Ratings