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Texts from Jane Eyre

And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

This book can be downloaded and read in Apple Books on your Mac or iOS device.


Hilariously imagined text conversations—the passive aggressive, the clever, and the strange—from classic and modern literary figures, from Scarlett O'Hara to Jessica Wakefield
Mallory Ortberg, the co-creator of the cult-favorite website The Toast, presents this whimsical collection of hysterical text conversations from your favorite literary characters. Everyone knows that if Scarlett O'Hara had an unlimited text-and-data plan, she'd constantly try to tempt Ashley away from Melanie with suggestive messages. If Mr. Rochester could text Jane Eyre, his ardent missives would obviously be in all-caps. And Daisy Buchanan would not only text while driving, she'd text you to pick her up after she totaled her car. Based on the popular web-feature, Texts from Jane Eyre is a witty, irreverent mashup that brings the characters from your favorite books into the twenty-first century.

From Publishers Weekly

Sep 15, 2014 – Humorist Ortberg offers a side-splitting take on famous literary characters from Gilgamesh to Hermione Granger by peeking into their imagined text messages, replete with emoticons, misspellings, and irregular punctuation. Some exchanges update well-known plot points Goneril intercepts texts from Regan on Edmund's phone and Gertrude offers to bring a tuna sandwich to Hamlet's room. Others exaggerate character traits, like Scarlett O'Hara egging on Ashley to guess what corset she's wearing, or Cathy and Heathcliff one-upping each other about the respective desperation of their love for each another. Ortberg keeps the joke fresh with jabs at various canonical authors, portraying Coleridge interrupted while composing Kubla Khan by "some asshole from Porlock" and Thoreau busily inviting friends and ordering supplies to his "self-sufficient" retreat to the woods. Ortberg gets the most mileage whenever she plays a quirky artist off a nonplussed straight man, whether it's T.S. Eliot's friend explaining "I can't leave work to buy you a peach" or William Carlos Williams's long-suffering wife reading his note that says, "i have eaten the little red wheelbarrow/ that was in the icebox." Ortberg charmingly captures, in short, palatable bytes, what is most memorable about famous books and their indelible characters.

Customer Reviews


brilliantly hilarious - a must for any english major, lover/hater of western canon, any person who enjoys laughter

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Buy one for every person you know
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Texts from Jane Eyre
View in iTunes
  • $13.99
  • Available on iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, and Mac.
  • Category: Humor
  • Published: Nov 04, 2014
  • Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.
  • Seller: Macmillan
  • Print Length: 240 Pages
  • Language: English
  • Requirements: This book can only be viewed on an iOS device with Apple Books on iOS 12 or later, iBooks 1.5 or later and iOS 4.3.3 or later, or a Mac with iBooks 1.0 or later and OS X 10.9 or later.

Customer Ratings