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This Is Your Captain Speaking

A Novel

This book is available for download with iBooks on your Mac or iOS device, and with iTunes on your computer. Books can be read with iBooks on your Mac or iOS device.



When flight AW2921 crashes into the Hudson River and all 162 passengers survive, it’s a Monday morning miracle. What the rapturous public doesn’t know: the whole thing was staged as a last-ditch attempt at resurrecting the Air Wanderlust stock price.

Captain Hank Swagger piloted the miracle plane into the river. Disgraced TV news anchor Lucy Springer was “luckily” the only reporter on board, and the first to capture the story. Con man Normal Fulk recently faked his own death to escape the consequences of his barely legal career as a celebrity semen trafficker. Toting his last big score—the “John Lennon”—Normal has to leave it behind on the sinking plane or risk being identified and arrested.

In the aftermath of the crash and the chaotic week that follows, Lucy, Normal, and Captain Swagger are all about to discover what it means to be at the center of a miracle that is anything but.

From Publishers Weekly

Apr 09, 2012 – Methven s buoyant debut fictionalizes Captain Sully Sullenberger s emergency water landing, the renowned Miracle on the Hudson, and asks what, if anything, it has to do with celebrity ejaculate, specifically John Lennon s. Fugitive semen trafficker Normal Fulk has smuggled a vial aboard the Air Wanderlust flight that Capt. Hank Swagger water-lands off Manhattan s Pier 66, bringing Fulk back into the viewfinder of Rory Genius-Temple, a violent thug and producer of the reality show Semen Pirates. While Swagger s heroics may reverse the airline s financial nosedive, his evacuation ass-slapping draws the suspicions of another passenger, Celebrity Twitter Beat anchor and Sandra Bullock look-alike Lucy Springer. Noting that the rescue is too orderly, the boats too swift, and the passengers too good-looking, Springer smells a hoax. As Fulk, Swagger, and Springer execute and sometimes botch their missions, a man called Blackie Spin sits in the shadows, pulling the strings. Fans of McSweeney s Internet Tendency will relish this frequent contributor s snappy farce about publicity, celebrity culture, and a ne er-do-well s attempt to save some crippled orphans by way of one Beatle s frozen swimmers.

Customer Reviews


A fun, light, entertaining read.

This Is Your Captain Speaking
View in iTunes
  • $5.99
  • Available on iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, and Mac.
  • Category: Literary
  • Published: Jun 05, 2012
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster
  • Seller: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc.
  • Print Length: 336 Pages
  • Language: English
  • Requirements: To view this book, you must have an iOS device with iBooks 1.3.1 or later and iOS 4.3.3 or later, or a Mac with iBooks 1.0 or later and OS X 10.9 or later.

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