Dear God No!HD
James Anthony Bickert
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Grab some popcorn, gas up the jalopy and grab your favorite girl. Big World Pictures presents the retro Bikers vs. Bigfoot feature film Dear God No! This is a thrill ride here to save cinema by delivering all the carnival fun of a 1970’s drive-in movie. On the run from bikini-clad machine gun fire, a group of outlaw bikers attempts to seek refuge in a mountain cabin only to fall victim to a crazed scientist and his hunchback assistant performing hideous experiments more deranged than the human mind can handle. What is lurking in the woods making escape impossible? Could it be the legendary…Bigfoot?
This Ain't Dear God No XXX
As my co-star, adult film choreographer Todd Håmmerslogjämmer, prepares to film the final shot of Jimmy Bickert's adult film parody of the drive-in biker classic DEAR GOD NO, in which he tackles me from behind in a Bigfoot costume, I'm reminded of something my grandfather once told me. He said,"Boy, don't never work for a man that goes by the name of Jimmy and don't never let a man dressed as Sasquatch break you in like a baseball glove in the big leagues." Sorry peepaw, I failed you. Here's the thing, DEAR GOD NO was a fantastic film, an exploitation classic on its way to being one of the best modern drive-in films...this adult parody he's working on, on the other hand, is a travesty.
Jimmy, if you're reading this, you promised ME the role of Bigfoot almost 36 years ago during a nude game of Dungeons & Dragons and this is what I get now that you're famous! You're a crook and a dirty pimp. Not only did Bickert cheat me out of the darn best role but he's also paying me with a half-empty, warm PBR and a handy-j from "Gross Bar Patron #13." Thanks for nothing Jimmy, I could have got that beer and jerky without your help.
Seriously, buy this flick but don't give this man one single dime when THIS AIN'T DEAR GOD NO XXX comes out because it's going to be trash. All the "stunts" are done dry, no fluffers, no catering, no background checks. He's not even using real women, THEY'RE ALL CG!
Watch and learn...
Someone brought this disc along to our last church retreat, telling me that it was a lighthearted family comedy starring Greg Kinnear. We loaded it up, and only watched 10 minutes before the entire church group erupted in the kind of depraved orgy of sex and violence that could only be dreamed up by the Marquis de Sade or Kevin James (seriously, look into the behind-the-scenes stories of what went on during King Of Queens).
We've all since abandoned our religious ways, formed a biker gang, and travel the back roads of this country taking what we want from who we want. This movie has inspired us all, and instead of preaching the word of god, we now preach the word of Jett, hoping that we'll eventually have enough followers to start up a compound in Death Valley and lead our army of dune buggy warriors as we rise up against the pigs.
Excellent transfer and sound mix. Five stars!
Dear God Yes!
James Bickert has captured the spirit of true grindhouse cinema. One of the best films I've seen in 10 years! It was Exorcast's #1 film of 2012! Every genre fan needs to see this film!