The Art of Charm The Art of Charm

In today’s episode, we tackle the world of high stakes hostage negotiation in a divided world with Scott Walker. Scott is one of the world’s most experienced kidnapped-for-ransom negotiators. He served 16 years as a Scotland Yard detective specializing in covert policing, then supported organizations, governments, and private individuals in negotiating the release of hostages all over the world, and is the author of his the latest book, Order Out of Chaos: A Kidnap Negotiator's Guide to Influence and Persuasion.

You’re going to learn how to prepare for high stakes situations like a hostage negotiator. We discuss how to quickly build rapport with people that you do not share common interests with, what to listen for in negotiations to create a winning outcome, how to develop your emotional intelligence to be successful under stress, and the secrets hostage negotiators use to bring back hostages safely.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

How frequently do people get kidnapped and held for ransom?

What are the biggest challenges that hostage negotiators face?



The first 30 seconds of a hostage situation are crucial for this reason – 15:53

What secret do hostage negotiators use to rapidly build trust with anyone?

What 30 second practice do hostage negotiators use to prepare themselves for every high stakes situation?



What consequences do kidnappers actually face? – 24:25

How do you cultivate the right mindset to be a master negotiator?

What can you do to predict the biggest hurdles you’ll need to overcome in any negotiation?

What are the 3 elements to every negotiation and how can you use them in your everyday life to build strong relationships?



Most people mistakenly think this is when the negotiation ends – 39:34

How should you think about negotiations on a short- and long-term basis to make sure you don’t hurt your reputation or future potential opportunities?



Hostage negotiators have to care about the kidnappers – 48:36

How do hostage negotiators raise their self awareness before entering high stakes situations?

How do you master your emotions like a hostage negotiator by simply asking yourself specific questions?

What are the biggest takeaways from Order Out of Chaos: A Kidnap Negotiator's Guide to Influence and Persuasion?


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In today’s episode, we tackle building relationships in a divided world with Dr. Kurt Gray. Kurt is an award-winning researcher and moral psychologist with deep insights into human behavior and polarization. As a professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, he directs the Deepest Beliefs Lab and the Center for the Science of Moral Understanding. He is also the author of The Mind Club: Who Thinks, What Feels, and Why It Matters, exploring the intricacies of how we perceive and judge others in society. 

Have you ever considered how rising polarization affects our ability to forge strong, meaningful relationships? What if bridging the vast divide between differing viewpoints could be achieved by examining our moral compass and the inherent blind spots it creates? Dive into a compelling discussion with Dr. Kurt Gray, who sheds light on the subtle yet profound ways morality shapes our perceptions of others.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What are Dr. Gray's strategies for strengthening relationships across ideological divides?

How do our default settings of fear and the search for allies affect our political and social views?



This is why most people can’t engage in tough conversations – 14:09

Why is it challenging to discuss politics and morality today? 

What are the key strategies for overcoming polarization and enhancing communication in today's divided world?



The secret to bridging political polarization – 24:38

Why is validating someone's views crucial in conversations, and how can it be done without agreeing?

Why are personal stories more powerful than facts in changing perspectives?



The evolving nature of political identities – 36:17

How have our political identities evolved over time, and what does that mean for our current views?

How significant is the overlap of values shared between different political parties, and why is it often overlooked?

What misconceptions do we hold about political polarization, and how can understanding the past help us better navigate the present?



The predator vs prey narrative in politics – 47:17

How does viewing political opponents as predators or prey affect our ability to engage in meaningful conversations?

What are the 3 steps to connecting with people who you disagree with?


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In today’s episode, we tackle the Ask Approach with Jeff Wetzler. Jeff is a world expert in learning and human potential, has more than 25 years' experience in business and education as a management consultant at the world's top organizations, and is the author of his latest book, Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs In Leadership and Life. 

Have you ever pondered why analytical thinkers often find themselves at a crossroads in communication and networking? What if the key to unlocking exceptional leadership and life-changing relationships lies in the questions we ask? How can shifting our approach from problem-solving to curiosity-driven conversations revolutionize our connections? Dive deep with us as we explore the Ask Approach, a transformative framework designed to bridge the gap between analytical prowess and emotional intelligence.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

Who is Jeff Wetzler, and how can his "Ask Approach" transform your leadership skills and life?

What holds people back from sharing vital information, and how does it affect decision-making?



The secret to strengthening your curiosity muscle – 10:52

Why is curiosity essential for building stronger personal and professional relationships?

How can curiosity unlock problem-solving and collaboration in the workplace?



Make people feel safe enough to tell you anything – 17:41

What can you do if you want to make people feel safe and comfortable telling you information they normally would not?



How to start on the right foot in a new management position – 24:29

What questions can you ask to make sure your team feels safe following your leadership and comfortable enough to help you understand where the weaknesses are in the organization? 



Is it possible to ask too many questions – 34:14

What types of questions foster deeper understanding?

How can you listen more effectively?

How can reflecting and reconnecting based on conversations enhance your communication skills?


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In today’s episode, we tackle attachment with Nicholas Epley. Nick is an expert on human behavior and decision making, a professor of behavioral science and faculty director for decision research at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, the author of the highly acclaimed book Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. 

Ever wonder why some people excel in social situations while others struggle? How can understanding the biases that lead us to believe we're effective mind readers of friends and strangers alike transform our interactions? And what simple strategies can we employ to build real connections quickly? Join us as Nick Epley sheds light on these intriguing questions, offering insights from his acclaimed book "Mindwise" and revealing the secret to truly understanding what others think, believe, feel, and want.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What is the biggest problem that stops us from being able to better understand and predict what other people think?

How well do we really know what others think and feel?



Dispelling the biggest myth about our brains – 13:36

Why does the biggest myth about how we use our brains continue to persist and why is it wrong?

How does perspective drastically change one person’s understanding of a situation and what can you do to alleviate the inevitable friction that difference in perspective causes?



The biggest hurdles most people struggle with when reading minds – 18:55

What are the dangers of typing vs. talking in our ability to convey sarcasm and understand each other?

How does our prediction of future behaviors or reactions in extreme situations often mislead us?

When are stereotypes useful and when are they harmful?



Dispelling the biggest myth about political polarization – 35:47

Is the country actually becoming more polarized politically or is something else going on that makes us think we’re becoming more polarized?



The importance of direct communication most people miss – 41:59

What is the best way to make any interaction with a stranger into a positive one that can lead to friendship or romance? 



Most people won’t do this to create deeper relationships in their lives – 58:40

What do most people avoid doing even though it’s the best way to create the deep relationships they want in their lives?


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In today’s episode, we dive deep into rewriting your life story with AJ, Johnny, and Michael Herold. 

How do you rewrite your personal narrative to align with your core values and set meaningful goals for your future? Can understanding and rewriting your story spark real change in your life? This episode of The Art of Charm delves into these critical questions, offering you a unique opportunity to explore the power of storytelling in personal development.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

How do our brains use stories to predict the future, and why is this relevant to you?

How can acknowledging both positive and negative stories shape your future?



The Biggest Myth About Rewriting Your Story – 10:36

Why doesn't changing your past narrative work, and what should you do instead?

Why isn't revising your past the key to a brighter future?



The Most Important Step to Take When Rewriting Your Story – 23:24

Why is your next action step more important than your past narrative?

Values vs. Goals: How do they work together to attract success into your life?



Recognizing and Acting on Choice Points – 31:00

What are action points, and how can they be game-changers in your life?

How to deal with resistance from others as you start to change your narrative?



The Critical Role of Self-Compassion in Rewriting Your Story – 37:25

Why is self-compassion important in rewriting your story, and how can you cultivate an empowering level of self-compassion?

How can embracing your new narrative and taking action today transform your life?


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In today’s episode, we dive deep into the essence of leadership and personal transformation with a stellar lineup of guests. Brad Lomenick brings his expertise on impactful leadership and personal growth, drawing from his experience as a consultant and author of influential books including H3 Leadership: Be Humble. Stay Hungry. Always Hustle. We hear from Brett Crozier, whose distinguished career in the US Navy offers invaluable lessons on resilience and integrity. Dan Luna, with his rich background as a Navy SEAL and leadership coach, shares insights on developing leadership skills under pressure. John Mackey, the visionary behind Whole Foods Market, discusses the principles of conscious capitalism and leadership that have guided his successful career. Leadership expert Patrick Lencioni provides practical advice on building effective teams and organizations, while Jake Wood, co-founder of Team Rubicon, talks about the power of vulnerability and integrity in leadership. 

How can you bust leadership myths and embrace humility, hunger, and hustle to drive success? What are the key traits all leaders need, and how can embracing vulnerability and integrity transform your leadership style? This episode of The Art of Charm answers these questions and more, providing you with the tools and insights needed to become a stronger, more conscious leader.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 0:00

What are common misconceptions about leadership roles and titles?

Why is self-leadership crucial in today's career landscape?



Most people don’t understand this about group dynamics and leadership frames – 10:10

How does the concept of "herd mentality" apply to leadership and fitting into social environments?

Why is focusing on your team or people fundamental to leadership success?



How do you master leadership skills in your everyday life? – 19:00

Why is practice crucial in developing leadership skills?

What makes conscious leadership different from conventional leadership?



How effective leaders deal with criticism and their inner critic – 29:44

What can you do to not feel anonymous in your organization and not be that cog?

How can leaders effectively show vulnerability to their team?

What are the three things employees need to avoid feeling miserable at work?



Leading with integrity and handling no’s – 39:05

What is the importance of facing rejection and criticism for a leader?

How can leaders remain steadfast and true to their values in the face of adversity?



Traits that make leaders effective – 47:48

How do humility and vulnerability contribute to leadership effectiveness?

How should leaders approach crisis situations to maintain team confidence and trust?


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