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Brave film explorer comrades Reinisch and Carney journey to far the reaches of cinema. In each mission, they will analyze, report and criticize a film from THE CRITERION COLLECTION, hopefully maintaining their sanity in the presence of extreme motion picture brilliance...or something.
||ExplicitCRITERIONAUTS #22 - Fellini Satyricon||Joey and Brian watch ______ based on a book wh___ whole fu___ing passages are missing. What the f____.||2/16/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#21 - Valley Of The Dolls||Joey and Brian struggle to remember the cast of the prequel to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls whilst talking about the media circus surrounding both movies.||1/20/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#20 - Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls||Hey superfly babydoll. Grab your uppers downers, sisters and cousins for a rad fab party of perfect perversions and lots and lots of boobs.||1/6/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#19 - Eyes Without a Face||The film explorers dive into the inspiration for the modern classic "Face-Off". Spoiler alert, there's no golden guns.||11/16/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#18 - Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down!||Joey and Brian watch their favorite bondage themed 90's romantic comedy about stockholm syndrome yet!||9/25/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#17 - I Am Curious: Yellow||Joey and Brian get curious about Sweden and it's 60's politics...also bush. Did she touch the wiener? LETS FIND OUT.||9/8/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#16 - 8 And A Half||This episode is the final nail in the coffin on proof that we can't have nice things.||8/8/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#15 - Sweet Movie||Don't let the title of the movie fool you. It's ironic. Oh, you don't get it? That's because you don't get art. Art is only for smart people, you prude. Prude! I AM NOT A PRUDE.||7/1/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#14 - The Night Porter||In an upsetting change of pace, Joey and Brian find themselves yearning for a strong dose of body horror to energize this post-war nazi hotel dramedy. It's not actually a comedy.||6/24/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#13 - My Life As A Dog||Joey and Brian attempt to cleanse their movie watching palates with a healthy dose of schadenfreude. It doesn't work.||6/7/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||ExplicitPSA - PRIMO SHOW 4: GODZILLA!||Visit the store at explosomagico.com for 8.5 hours of Godzilla Premium Mega show! Only $4!||5/2/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#12 - In The Realm Of The Senses||Joey and Brian suffer through the most unsexy sex filled movie they've seen to date. You're going to need an new Criterion score card after this one, because all the boxes are getting checked.||4/11/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#11 - Antichrist||Joey and Brian lean into it and delve further down into the depths as they explore Lars Von Filmguy's ANTICHRIST. There's a He, a She, a dead kid, and a very heavy log.||3/30/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#10 - Scanners||The Criterionauts journey to the realm of the SCANNERS. Where buckets of plot are saved till the end, shotgun squads are decimated on the reg, and warble voiced mind talking is hard to take seriously.||2/23/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#9 - Cronos||The filmsplorers embark on a relatively tame mission after the harrow experiences of Salo. GDT's first Wampire feature still holds up despite all the toilet blood.||2/11/2016||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#8 - Salo||The Criterionauts face their most challenging challenge to date. Salo, or the 120 days of sodom, assaulted the brave explorers with such fury that the effects will be felt for years to come.||12/3/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||ExplicitPSA - PRIMO SHOW 3: STARSHIP TROOPERS!!||Our 3rd premium show is out, and it may be the best one yet. $4 for 7 and a half hours of Starship Troopers themed madness.||11/18/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#7 - Modern Times||Mission 7 takes the Criterionauts back in time to Modern Times as they experience life through the eyes of a brain damaged factory worker known only as "The Little Tramp." Oh and there's an attractice underaged homeless girl too. Modern Times!||10/29/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#6 - Eraserhead||The Criterionauts take on their first super hardcore arthouse talkie and boy howdie is it a doozy. Spoiler alert: Brian hates it.||9/16/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#5 - Equinox||Our latest mission takes us to the student film filled stopmotion world of Equinox. Follow Joey and Brian as they witness films dumbest non-heroes mercifully get wiped out by a slobbery park ranger with a dick ring.||9/15/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#4 - House: A Movie||The Criterionauts journey to the LSD-infused, blood-soaked sex dreams of House and barely make it out with their sanity intact. Those Japanese sure know how to party. It's a super good time, you guys.||9/14/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#3 - Rosemary's Baby||Criterionauts Reinisch and Carney embark on their first english language mission where they are treated with a shocking amount of nudity for a 50 year old movie.||9/4/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#2 - Blue Is The Warmest Color||Mission 2 casts our explorers into the bizzaro mysterious world of France. Where young women eat spaghetti on a daily basis, smoke, and always sleep naked. Stay tuned for fluids of all kinds, long musicless scenes, and of course... more spaghetti.||8/28/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||Explicit#1 - Seven Samurai||Criterionauts Joey Reinisch and Brian Carney suit up for their impossible mission. To boldly watch culturally significant movies and expand their tiny brains. We now join our heroes for their first mission: Seven Samurai. Do YOU like...films? Ughh||8/21/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
A black and white drama with no sound. OR IS IT?
Criterionauts gives me a good laugh. Its regular people watching the movies that you normally expect only critics to fawn over. Some movies are good, some are bad, most are kinda artsy in some way or another. But these guys give you a breakdown of these… hits?… and you can follow along too. Most of the films they choose are on Netflix or Hulu so people can easily follow along so others can see why monster houses are weird and why there is always too much spaghetti.
A couple dudes talk about movies.
They descibe the movies so well I feel like I never have to watch them! I would like a commentary episode, that would be awesome.
They suffer for our betterment.
These two sow the seeds so we may harvest the crop of knowledge. We can all become more in tune with the art of film making without having to watch such movies as "Salo"and "Sweet Movie".