I'm Perfectly Fine Without You
By Daisy Patton
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"I'm Perfectly Fine Without You" is a sound art project from 2010 to present. It is an on-going collection of the memories and experiences of children of absent fathers. For more information, please visit http://daisypatton.com.
||CleanBC||We don’t really have a great relationship…but I’m okay with that. I’m okay with that, but it’s also a little frustrating because we have had a good relationship at one point. https://archive.org/download/IPFWY_BC/BC.mp3 Adver||11/13/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanHH||It’s difficult to think, you know, how much do I owe my parents? What should I—what should I give up for them? I still haven’t resolved it…on the one hand, he gave me something in my childhood that nobody else could. But on the other, I don’t||11/13/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTA||You know, I don’t know if this is going to affect me. But surprisingly it did, you know. It just–it fit everything together that I didn’t know it needed to be fitted together. It just answered a lot of questions that I had inside of me. https://ar||11/13/2015||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanCC||You know, “why can’t you have the time for me?” and “why don’t you care enough not to be drunk around me?” Like…”do you realize how much your actions have warped my life?” Like…”just what m||3/14/2013||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanCR||I technically do have him there for me, and he was there, I guess, some of the time. But I mean…I really only remember the absence. It’s really true, like, I only remember the absence. http://archive.org/download/CRfullfile/CR.mp3||3/13/2013||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanIR||They always seem to want to redeem him, you know, try to like make him into someone I do want to get to know. But it only makes it worse, and I think they fail to realize that. http://archive.org/download/IRfullfile/IR.mp3||3/11/2013||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanNE||When anybody says like, asks me questions about my “mommy and daddy” or my “mom and dad” or “your parents,” plural, it just makes me feel funny inside just cuz it makes me feel like people are ignorant, a little bit, an||3/11/2013||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanRN||I think I wanted him cuz I was supposed to, but when I actually think of who my father is, like, I would not want him around more because we would just argue and he just annoys me. https://archive.org/download/IPFWY_RN/RN.mp3||3/10/2013||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanJM||Why are you trying to pull me away? I’m perfectly fine without you. https://archive.org/download/IPFWY_JM/JM.mp3||4/27/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanAR||What is there to say for a guy who’s never around, who you’ve talked to maybe three times, and your only memory is a horrible one from when you were a little kid? There’s not much to say. http://archive.org/download/ARfullfile/ARMaster.m||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanDI||The most heart-wrenching thing for me is that it was my father’s decision. That my mother said please don’t, I will never talk about my feelings again if you just won’t leave me. http://archive.org/download/DIfullfile/DIMaster.mp3||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanQG||There should be good memories, but there just aren’t any. Guess that’s something I’ll always have and unfortunately will never be able to get over. https://archive.org/download/IPFWY_QG/QG.mp3||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanWY||But that name is obviously not the same name of the guy that I grew up with. http://archive.org/download/WYfullfile/WYMaster.mp3||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanMS||You feel like if you have a biological parent they would want to get to know who their children are? It’s so impersonal, like even though the minimal contact that he makes is so impersonal that I wish he didn’t make it at all. http://archive.o||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanSA||I’m not ready to be okay with what happened. I’m not ready to forgive–I’m not ready to…to reward him, you know? Why should I contact you and have this relationship with you when…you didn’t? https://archive.org/dow||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanAO||I think it remains an unresolved issue and probably always will create some sort of structural weakness in me… https://archive.org/download/IPFWY_AO/AO.mp3||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanEL||From an early age, I was not able to dream in the same ways or to think about life in such a positive way as many of the kids that were just thinking about cartoons. Like very early on, I realized that my parents were not a source of protection. Very ea||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanHIL||Um, my mom’s told me that when I was little I used to ask where he was, and it broke her heart because she didn’t want to tell me or she couldn’t tell me. There was nothing that would sort of relieve that curiosity in me… https://a||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanLG||I am not your daughter. You didn’t have anything to do with raising me…You didn’t try to contact us for 14 years… https://archive.org/download/IPFWY_LG/LG.mp3||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanAH||I rather he die than I say any of the things I thought about him. Because I don’t want to–I feel like it’s too late for him anyway, you know, like there’s no reform. So I might as well let him just, like, die with the thought that||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanYO||I don’t remember having a lot of anger, but I do remember the fights. https://archive.org/download/IPFWY_YO/YO.mp3||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanRI||His absence was just as formative as his presence. And it’s just…it’s so forced. http://archive.org/download/RIfullfile/RIMaster.mp3||4/25/2012||Free||View in iTunes|
A window into family dynamics
DaisyPatton has done a great job at getting her interviewees to open up, letting her and you (the listener) into one their most private aspects of their lives: their (non)existent relationship with their absent fathers. At times heart-wrenching, and at others reassuring, these podcasts shed light onto how parents and children interact with each other, forming and dissolving bonds and relationships.
You should definitely download them and pay close attention. These will have you thinking about your own relationship with your parents, and its prominent role in shaping your identity.