Doing Death Amanda Blainey

“It's enough to actually just feel for another human being”
Host Amanda Blainey talks to thought leader BJ Miller, who is a longtime hospice and palliative medicine physician and educator who is dedicated to moving healthcare towards a more human-centered approach. His 2015 Ted talk "What Really Matters at the End of Life" has been watched over 14 million times. BJ has given numerous interviews including Oprah Winfrey, The New York Times, and GOOP. He co-founded Mettle Health which aims to provide holistic consultations to patients or caregivers navigating the practical emotional and existential issues that can come with serious illness and disability.
We talk about;
The complexity of being human
Navigating relationships
Compassion
Being not doing
The Illusion of normal
Openings that can happen in dying
Allowing space for our pain and feelings
Feeling grief rather than controlling it
How deathcare can be inclusive?
Letting go and hanging onto relationships
The use of Psychedelics
Finding our bliss

Podcast references
Mettle Health https://www.mettlehealth.com/
Papyrus https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
Ted talk what really matters at the end https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apbSsILLh28
Tyler Perry Oscars
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9LT0j2uSUI

“The Grief You Feel Equals the Love, you Felt"
Greg Wise
Actor Greg Wise has appeared in British Television, theatre, and feature films. He portrayed the character, John Willoughby, in the Oscar-winning film 'Sense and Sensibility'. Greg's sister Clare died in September 2016 from cancer, she started a blog post to update family and friends, which Greg took over writing when Clare became too ill. Two years after she died the blog was turned into their book titled 'Not That Kind of Love’. We met before lockdown to talk about Clare’s death, their relationship, navigating cancer, and post-traumatic growth. This is a useful conversation for anyone caring for someone dying and gives insight into grief and love through Greg's own personal and moving experience.

We talk about

Grief is essential to our healing process

Being in denial about death

The shame that comes with dying.

Being a carer

Doing death properly

The signs of death

Giving permission to die

Dying her way

Choosing when to die

Support

The chaos of death

Compassion fatigue

Post-traumatic growth

What is Love?

Being here now

What he has learned

The Clarity of grief

Podcast references

Books

Not That Kind of Love – Greg & Clare Wise

Being Mortal – Atul Gawande

With The End in Mind - Kathryn Mannix

Links

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/

“The legacy of love is the thing you pass on, and that baton to your children of confidence, love, and happiness, I hope is the most significant legacy”
Charles Gladstone

Entrepreneur Charlie Gladstone has the most infectious positivity and zest for life. Being the great-great-grandson of the UK's Prime Minister Sir William Ewart Gladstone, Charlie comes from an incredible family legacy. He is a business owner, farmer, father and is one of the co-founders of The Good Life Experience, founder of Glen Dye Cabins and Cottages, Pedlars shops, and the ‘Some Good Ideas’ online community dedicated to encouraging British craft and manufacture. He also hosts the ‘Mavericks’ Podcast’ and is the author of several books, his latest 'Do Team' will be published in 2021. We meet to talk about legacy, death, and his interest in making a good life and embedding some of that huge spirit within his family and generations to come.

We talk about
The legacy of love
Acts of kindness
Living a privileged life
Running a family business
The death of his father
Death in the family
Growing up and the power of being outside
Working hard
Happiness is here and now
The seasons of life
Imposter syndrome

Podcast references
The Good Life Experience
Glen Dye Cottages and Cabins
Film – It’s a wonderful life
The Adam Buxton podcast

Links
https://www.glendyecabinsandcottages.com/
https://www.somegoodideas.co.uk/
https://sheltercymru.org.uk/

"It's very shocking when you do lose the person with whom you were expecting to spend the rest of your life, it takes the future with them".
Rev Richard Coles

Reverend Richard Coles has led a colourful and vibrant life, forming the band 'The communards’ with singer Jimmy Somerville in the mid-'80s. He’s the only reverend in the UK and probably the world to have a number 1 hit. After some drug-fuelled years and witnessing the death of many of his friends from AIDS Richard had an awakening which led him to become a reverend for a parish in rural Northamptonshire. Richard’s civil partner David died in December 2019 at the age of 42. A year on Richard talks candidly about his extraordinary life, the madness of grief, and how he is doing now.

We discuss:
The madness and commonality of grief
Being a radical reverend
Princess Diana and the enormity of that grief
The language of death
Real connection rather than social media
The solace of lockdown
Death at Christmas
Letting go of someone’s possessions after their death

Podcast references
Books – The Madness of Grief by Richard Coles & Grief Works by Julia Samuel
Bronski Beat – Smalltown Boy

Funeral song – Liber Tango by Astor Piazzolla
Widowed and Young charity

Links
https://www.richardcoles.com/
https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/

This episode contains explicit language and a brief conversation about Richard‘s attempt to take his own life as a teenager.

"I think it's going back to impermanence, understanding that one day you are not going to be here. How can you change what you are going to do today, that's going to impact you?”
Jools Barsky

How do you create something that fundamentally changes the way we talk about death, dying, and living? Death Café is a place where people can get together to eat cake, have tea, and discuss death. After becoming inspired by the Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, who created Café Mortels, Jon Underwood founded Death Café in 2011 with a view to increase our awareness of death to make the most of our finite lives. From it’s humble beginning there are now 11,577 death cafes in 74 countries. Jon died suddenly in 2017 at the age of 44. Host Amanda Blainey talks to Jon’s sister Jools Barsky and his Mum Susan Barsky Reid about creating a global movement and Jon’s death.

We talk about
Living with being present and impermanence
The magic of death café and why its effect is so powerful
What happened at the first Death Café.
The Dalai Lama envisaging his death and dying every day
Buddhist practice
How Jool's cat's death prepared them for using Buddhist rituals after Jon died
Grieving for Jon and his funeral
Preparing for death as we do with birth
The future of Death Cafe

Podcast references
Jamyang Buddhist centre
Menopause & cancer cafe
Death over dinner
Songs:
The Martian - Sex in Zero Gravity,
Sugar Ray - Someday

Links
https://www.patreon.com/deathcafe
https://deathcafe.com/
https://jamyang.co.uk/
http://artofdyingmagazine.com/

“it's so important to recognise when you have a responsibility to a child or your nephew or whoever it is, that actually as individuals we can contribute to that culture change, we can contribute to making this world a better place to live in and the day to day experiences of everyone"
Jack Norman

Suicide is one of the biggest killers in men under 45, this can be caused by many factors including mental health issues, cultural expectations of masculinity, and childhood experiences like grief or abuse. Amanda Blainey talks to Jack Norman who has been working in change management for 5 years and who in 2015 co-founded Milk for Tea a social enterprise that has developed mental health and masculinity programmes with many clients such as We Work, Rolls Royce, and Bacardi.
We talk about
What does modern masculinity look like?
The shame and stigma around suicide
Community and connection
Being your truest self
Being okay with vulnerability
Resting and finding space for ourselves
Changing the culture
How children deal with death and trauma
Holding ourselves and each other accountable
The pressures of modern life
Creating community at work
Surviving versus Thriving

Podcast references
Heads together Prince William and Prince Harry
ITV
Calm
Book – Creative Confidence by Tom & David Kelley
The Irishman on Netflix
Couch to 5K

Links
@jackdpnorman
mind.org.uk