The Jokes for Today
By Jonas Polsky
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| Name | Description | Released | Price | ||
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1 |
CleanThe Jokes for November 25th | Topical jokes about really bad daycare employees, payday loans, the Dead Sea, hardcore porn on CNN, and a mis-sent Thanksgiving text. | 11/26/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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2 |
CleanThe Jokes for November 23rd | Topical Jokes about: intentionally crashing a school bus, buying Viagra in bulk, the right to starve yourself, the stock market, and whether or not Jews are people. | 11/24/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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3 |
CleanThe Jokes for November 21st | Hey! It's been awhile! For the first time in two months I've gotten my act together enough to write and record the podcast. Here's to more frequent episodes. Topical Jokes about: The Pope, rain in Los Angeles, "Sponsored Content", swiping a wallet,... | 11/21/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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4 |
CleanThe Jokes for September 21st | Topical jokes about stem cell therapy, police violence, Japan, pigeons, stem cell research, droughts, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's divorce. | 9/21/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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5 |
CleanThe Jokes for August 29th | Topical jokes about Anthony Weiner's divorce, Ryan Lochte, killing your son, a world record for fist bumps, prison currency, and a dead bagpipe player. | 8/29/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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6 |
CleanThe Jokes for August 14th | Topical jokes about cockroaches, Donald Trump, and a license plate that reads 8THEIST. Note: This is a shorter episode, but I want to crank them out a lot faster. | 8/14/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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7 |
CleanThe Jokes for August 8th | Topical jokes about: A really old Twinkie, squirting breastmilk on people, President Obama's approval rating, shooting a gun as a joke, Ozzy Osbourne's sex addiction, Mac 'n Cheetos, and Blink 182 HUGE APOLOGY ALERT. Most of these jokes are pretty... | 8/8/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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8 |
CleanThe Jokes for June 19th | Topical Jokes about: The Cleveland Cavaliers, a woman being chased by a bear, free tickets from Tickemaster, a naked restaurant in Japan, Chewbacca Mom, and other stuff. Note: Sorry for the delay in recording a new episode. Thanks to the Summer... | 6/19/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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9 |
CleanThe Jokes for May 15th | Topical jokes about Donald Trump, Caitlyn Jenner, George Zimmerman's gun auction, a 100 year old running around, and the Indy 500. | 5/15/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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10 |
CleanThe Jokes for April 24th | Topical jokes about the TSA, Toys R Us, airlines, advertising on NBA jerseys, people dying, and a Tinder scholarship. | 4/24/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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11 |
CleanThe Jokes for April 4th | Topical jokes about stealing candy bars, yoga on airplanes, sewing your hand into your stomach, and a Scarlett Johansson robot. | 4/4/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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12 |
CleanThe Jokes for March 31st | Topical jokes about: Donald Trump's position on abortion, a tax on marijuana, Katt Williams getting beaten up, adult coloring books, virtual reality porn and much more. | 3/31/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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13 |
CleanThe Jokes for March 17th | Topical jokes about Jared Fogle, Indiana Jones, a woman ripping off her husband's testicles, stolen Legos and much more. | 3/17/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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14 |
CleanThe Jokes for February 21st | Topical jokes about Kanye asking for a billion dollar loan, Jeb Bush quitting the presidential race, a giant diamond, guns in the classroom, and of course Adolf Hitler's deformed penis. | 2/21/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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15 |
CleanThe Jokes for February 10th | Topical jokes about Donald Trump, Chipotle, Sears, crosses on cop cars, Subway's $5 dollar foot long, and more. Note: I recorded this in like 3 takes, which I think is the fastest ever. | 2/10/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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16 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 30th | Topical jokes about a dog running a half-marathon, a movie theater shooting, a terrorist kangaroo, a masturbating driver, a fat Barbie doll, and much more. Note: Thanks for listening, this is an extra long episode, and I hope you enjoy it. | 1/30/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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17 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 24th | Topical jokes about Donald Trump shooting people, Tinder and STDs, a Chicago city councilman who is in jail, and a woman beating her husband with nunchucks. Note: Remember when I said I was going to record episodes more frequently? OH, I MEANT THAT! | 1/24/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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18 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 21st | Topical jokes about chocolate-covered french fries, the world's oldest man dying (again!), the Oregon militia, the weather, and El Chapo. Note: Remember when I said I was going to record the show more frequently? OH, I MEANT THAT. | 1/21/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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19 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 17th | Topical jokes about mail men destroying presents (not weeks old, I swear), Chipotle closing, powerball millionaires, and a police shooting. Note: Sorry! I have been extremely lazy, I promise I'm going to post episodes more frequently. | 1/17/2016 | Free | View in iTunes |
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20 |
CleanThe Jokes for December 7th | Topical jokes about Donald Trump signing a boob, snorting coke during a traffic stop, a guy named Bud Weisser, a baby named Saint West, gun violence in America, a burglar being eaten by an alligator, and other stuff. Note: We're celebrating the... | 12/7/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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21 |
CleanThe Jokes for November 22nd | Topical jokes about Hilary Clinton, sexting secret service agents, the Syrian Army, wearing a spaghetti strainer, Charlie Sheen, and more. | 11/23/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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22 |
CleanThe Jokes for October 28th | Topical jokes about Donald Trump, Joe Biden's presidential dreams, autism diagnoses, vegetarian hot dogs, being poor in LA, and of course -- Grumpy Cat. Poll: Would you rather have longer podcasts, and fewer episodes, or more episodes, with fewer... | 10/28/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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23 |
CleanThe Jokes for October 18th | Topical jokes about female Viagra, a sexy police standoff, the US deficit, a test to find out if you're gay, ISIS signing bonuses, and more. EPISODE 50! Please leave me a review on iTunes! http://goo.gl/84SVm6 | 10/18/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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24 |
CleanThe Jokes for October 8th | Topical jokes about the Pope meeting Kim Davis, California's "right to die" law, a man fired for farting too much, Jeb Bush's "Stuff Happens" moment, and much more. Trivia: Now longer than ever, this episode is almost TWO full minutes! | 10/8/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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25 |
CleanThe Jokes for September 26th | Topical jokes about Whopper Wine, Gay pride Doritos, Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump's Bible, and much more. Note: By popular demand, the podcast will now feature a minimum of 8 jokes, instead of the previous 6. | 9/26/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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26 |
CleanThe Jokes for September 13th | Topical jokes about Hillary Clinton's emails, the minimum wage in New York, refugees in a concentration camp, Best Buys inside Macy's, having sex on an airplane, a baby drinking vodka, and other stories I'm too lazy to list. Weekend Update Edition:... | 9/13/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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27 |
CleanThe Jokes for September 6th | Topical jokes about Sarah Palin, the number of trees on Earth, a shootout in Brooklyn, a pillow fight at West Point, a Muslim flight attendant, death by selfie, and other news stories. | 9/7/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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28 |
CleanThe Jokes for September 1st | Topical jokes about a bombing in Bangkok, a woman who is allergic to wi-fi, the Ashley Madison hack, political correctness, a gang called Tango Blast, and Jerry Seinfeld's lemonade stand. Note: Sorry this episode is so late. I spent the last two weeks... | 9/1/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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29 |
CleanThe Jokes for August 18th | Topical jokes about George Zimmerman's painting, female Viagra, the Ashley Madison hack, Kim Jong Un, Jared Fogle, and a pregnant MMA fighter. Trivia: I think this is the funniest episode yet. | 8/18/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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30 |
CleanThe Jokes for August 10th | Topical jokes about Donald Trump, the GOP presidential debate, skunks in the subway, Columbia House filing for bankruptcy, and Alabama's GoFundMe page. | 8/10/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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31 |
CleanThe Jokes for August 6th | Topical jokes about North Korea's new time zone, a meth lab inside Taco Bell, Buzz Aldrin's travel expenses, a chicken with a prosthetic leg, MADD, and a prison escape on a surfboard. Hopefully this doesn't sound too bad. My throat was really bugging... | 8/6/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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32 |
CleanThe Jokes for August 2nd | Topical Jokes about Rob Schneider's baseball card being stolen, an inmate ripping out his own eyeball, bullets bouncing off of an armadillo, a 560,000 year old tooth, Subway setting a sandwich-making record, a dentist killing a lion in Zimbabwe, and... | 8/2/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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33 |
CleanThe Jokes for July 26th | Topical jokes about President Obama's birth certificate, paint that can repel urine, setting your poop on fire, Earth 2.0, Snoop Dogg being arrested, and a 560-pound-man riding across America. | 7/26/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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34 |
CleanThe Jokes for July 16th | Topical jokes about Donald Trump, Jurassic sperm, garbage cans with wi-fi, Americans who are too fat to be in the military, and 50 Cent's bankruptcy. Trivia: I am very ill, and recorded this while sweating from a fever. | 7/16/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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35 |
CleanThe Jokes for July 7th | Topical jokes about Donald Trump and Chris Christie's presidential aspirations, a girl forced to live in the woods for eating a Pop-Tart, Thin Oreos, the death of the cofounder of Burt's Bees, a pizza hut employee holding his junk, a 116 year old... | 7/7/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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36 |
CleanThe Jokes for June 22nd | Topical jokes about President Obama saying the n-word, a confederate statue being vandalized, P. Diddy assaulting a man with a kettlebell, Brian Williams, a mile-long pizza, and fake breasts filled with cocaine. Apologies for the slight static buzzing... | 6/22/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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37 |
CleanThe Jokes for June 17th | Topical jokes about free sex, Donald Trump running for president, North Korea's defectors, a woman on the ten dollar bill, iPhones that track how often you have sex, and The Gap closing stores. | 6/17/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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38 |
CleanThe Jokes for June 9th | Topical jokes about a cop pulling a gun at a pool party, fecal matter on your toothbrush, new Starbucks flavors, a Bitcoin theft, and a dishonest fortune teller. | 6/9/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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39 |
CleanThe Jokes for June 3rd | Topical jokes about outlawing mankinis, TSA agents being terrible at their jobs, Chinese smoking ban, Muslims being denied cans of soda, a male version of Hooters, and legal weed at the North Pole. Trivia: I recorded this while getting over a very bad... | 6/3/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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40 |
CleanThe Jokes for May 24th | Topical jokes about The Rock's selfie record, hiring data, graduating college at 11, President Obama's first job, and a hack at Adult FriendFinder. | 5/25/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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41 |
CleanThe Jokes for May 20th | Topical jokes about President Obama joining twitter, a BASE jumping death, using Viagra to treat malaria, raising the minimum wage in Los Angeles, currency exchange manipulation, and a 1,500 mile butterfly corridor. | 5/20/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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42 |
CleanThe Jokes for May 17th | Topical Jokes about a pig running for mayor, Southwest Airlines and suicide, a blind pole vaulter, Native Americans turning down a billion dollars, and a post office that stinks. | 5/17/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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43 |
CleanThe Jokes for May 14th | Topical jokes about Olive Garden's "breadstick sandwiches", George Zimmerman, murder by atomic wedgie, secular America, and butterflies that eat cocaine. | 5/14/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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44 |
CleanThe Jokes for May 9th | Topical jokes about The Price is Right, refugees in suitcases, taking your great-grandmother to prom, social security going bankrupt, and Pizza Hut saving a hostage. | 5/9/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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45 |
CleanThe Jokes for May 4th | Topical jokes about the second Royal Baby, catching Ebola from sex, Stephen Hawking, the Nepal Earthquake, cocaine smuggling, and a devil's haircut (in my mind). | 5/4/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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46 |
CleanThe Jokes for April 28th | Topical jokes about Lil Wayne, Richard Branson, stripper funerals, cancer, and divorcing a man because his penis is too big. | 4/28/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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47 |
CleanThe Jokes for April 20th | Topical jokes about stealing dog poop, a parrot who drinks coffee, Ebola, Walmart embezzlement, North Koreans watching "The Interview", and Ben Affleck's family owning slaves. | 4/20/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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48 |
CleanThe Jokes for April 1st | Topical jokes about McDonald's all day breakfast, Amazon Dash, California's water shortage, a stabbing over salsa, more ISIS beheadings, and a retirement home's sexy calendar. | 4/1/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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49 |
CleanThe Jokes for March 25th | Topical jokes about a fire extinguisher factory, mandatory voting, Burger King cologne, George Zimmerman, and the name of Vin Diesel's baby. | 3/25/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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50 |
CleanThe Jokes for March 20th | Topical jokes about the Freedom of Information Act, medical marijuana for pets, having a baby in the shower, Target's new minimum wage, and Liam Neeson's semi-retirement. | 3/20/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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51 |
CleanThe Jokes for March 13th | Topical jokes about marijuana smuggling, a gay Star Wars character, shooting your TV, a portable meth lab, and a penis transplant. | 3/13/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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52 |
CleanThe Jokes for March 7th | Topical jokes about Hillary Clinton's email address, a mysterious container labelled "Not Weed", sex changes in the Army, Chris Brown's baby, the Etsy IPO, and the new merger of Boko Haram and ISIS. | 3/7/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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53 |
CleanThe Jokes for February 28th | Topical jokes about edible KFC cups, setting your own house on fire, legal marijuana, Vladimir Putin's critics mysteriously dying, and a man who has sex with mailboxes. | 2/28/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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54 |
CleanThe Jokes for February 22nd | Topical jokes about Kim Kardashian, a Game of Thrones Edition of Monoply, Native Americans versus Facebook, Internet Barbie, a book donation to Princeton University, and a study about retired people. | 2/22/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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55 |
CleanThe Jokes for February 15th | Topical jokes about Justin Bieber, Bill Clinton, a 50 Shades of Grey word search, sleeping in a dumpster, Apple's $700 billion dollar valuation, and much, much more. | 2/15/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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56 |
CleanThe Jokes for February 8th | Topical jokes about The Pope using a computer, The Vatican giving away free haircuts, a dating app for stoners, an app that tests for STDs, a 14 pound baby, transgendered bathrooms, and a horse in a bathtub. | 2/8/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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57 |
CleanThe Jokes for February 4th | Topical jokes about gay marriage in Alabama, cancer in the UK, Sports Illustrated featuring a plus-sized model, Venezuela's condom shortage, a suspicious package, and a selfie that ended in tragedy. | 2/4/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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58 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 31st | Topical jokes about bacon-scented lottery tickets, traffic jams, mandatory vaccinations, legalized marijuana, McDonald's, and Suge Knight. | 1/31/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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59 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 24th | Topical jokes about DeflateGate, Cuban/US relations, bears eating chocolate, Sarah Palin, Google Fiber, and coma patients. | 1/24/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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60 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 12th | Topical jokes about smuggling iPhones, shooting your husband, the Paris liberty march, outsourcing jobs, and smoking in the office. | 1/12/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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61 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 6th | Topical jokes about a stolen Heisman, eating human hearts, Jon Jones on cocaine, Korean hackers, and baby co-defendants. | 1/7/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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62 |
CleanThe Jokes for January 2nd | Topical jokes about Harry Reid, a turn signal lever, the King of Saudi Arabia, legal marijuana, and a boy who gave up soda for a year. Trivia: I accidentally reversed the farewell on this episode, but didn't bother re-taking it, as my voice is about... | 1/3/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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63 |
CleanThe Best Jokes of 2014 | A look back at topical jokes that were written before the podcast ever started. Jokes about Ebola, Kim Jong Un, strippers, really fat people, the Rosetta comet, Detroit, and more. | 1/3/2015 | Free | View in iTunes |
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64 |
CleanThe Jokes for December 28th | Topical Jokes about Chipotle, the war in Afghanistan, male birth control, marijuana in Colorado, and Russia's economic downturn. | 12/29/2014 | Free | View in iTunes |
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65 |
CleanThe Jokes for December 24th | Topical jokes about Christmas, Matthew McConaughey, medical marijuana in Denver, "The Interview", The Pope, and pregnant rats. | 12/24/2014 | Free | View in iTunes |
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66 |
CleanThe Jokes for December 20th | Topical jokes about an all-female press conference, gun possession when you can't hold a gun, abortion in Missouri, police violence, and emailing a wrench. | 12/20/2014 | Free | View in iTunes |
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67 |
CleanThe Jokes for December 12th | Topical Jokes about the Cromnibus, the Pope, postage stamps, cured Ebola patients, and Southwest airlines. | 12/14/2014 | Free | View in iTunes |
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68 |
CleanThe Jokes for December 7th | Topical jokes about strippers working at a college, a giant baby in Colorado, the death of Ralph Baer, President Obama's sore throat, and The Pope's healthy lack of awareness. | 12/7/2014 | Free | View in iTunes |
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69 |
CleanThe Jokes for December 2nd | Topical jokes about government incompetence, Will Smith, Kim Jong Un, and Nazis losing their Social Security. | 12/3/2014 | Free | View in iTunes |
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70 |
CleanThe Jokes for November 30th | Topical jokes about Thanksgiving knife fights, subway weddings, Darren Wilson & Michael Brown, Busta Rhymes falling, and emotional support pigs. | 11/30/2014 | Free | View in iTunes |
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71 |
CleanThe Jokes for November 27th | Topical jokes about money found at Burger King, a town in Pennsylvania that smells like urine, a banana gun, farts that smell like chocolate, and Thanksgiving turkey pardons. | 11/28/2014 | Free | View in iTunes |
| 71 Items |
Customer Reviews
funny
A very short show with jokes similar to the opening monologue of late night shows. Just like with talk shows, the jokes are a bit hit or miss, but the fast delivery makes up for it.
Only joking
You want characters? Get outta here! You want sketches? Get lost! You want jokes? Come on in, the subscriptions fine.
A Fun And Funny Man
A fun daily bitesize of comedy!
