Thriving at sixty Wendy B

One of the happiest moments is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change, and accept the way it is and isn’t. That’s when you will find freedom.  One story behind one of my happiest moments  







I’ve been a member of Al-Anon since 1989.  It’s a 12-step program for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.  I started Al-anon when my daughter was 8 months old.  Her dad and I split because of his drinking.  Both my parents were alcoholics.  People don’t like to talk about that sort of thing.  I think the crazy-making in families is usually caused by some form of addiction.  There usually is a lot of denial about addictions and a lot of shame and guilt associated with the person addicted and their immediate denial and the other members of the family trying to control the person who is addicted.  Those members frequently go into denial and have shame and guilt. Everything and everyone seem to be out of control which causes craziness.  In Al-Anon, I learned to stop trying to control things and let go and let God.







This story is in no way bad-mouthing my oldest daughter’s dad.  When we split, I had my own money.  I had owned a house in North Delta that I sold and bought the old Fort Hope Trading Post and renovated the upstairs and downstairs and made it an antique store below and living quarters above.  I hired contractors to help me renovate to make it livable. My daughter’s dad would come up most weekends with his then 10-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter and work with me until I got the store in shape to open.  After that, we only saw them once a month or so. 







My daughter’s father was acholic and of course, I was attracted to alcoholics because of my upbringing.  It was comfortable and familiar.  I never saw that until years later when I saw the same pattern over and over again.







Lots of value antiques were starting to go missing and I couldn’t understand that. Then one day I was down in Burnaby and my truck broke down. I called my daughter’s dad and asked if we could stay with him for a couple of days while my truck was being fixed, and he readily agreed.  When I walked into his home for the first time, I was shocked.  I saw all these antiques that had been stolen from my store.  I asked his 13-year-old daughter if she would watch her sister for 20 minutes while her dad and I talked privately in his car.  I was livid. He agreed to talk privately in the car.







When we got there, I just confronted him with the thievery.  He denied it and told me this cock and bull story about me giving these items to him.  That made me angrier.  Then there was a moment of sanity when I got clear that he believed his own bull and that was the moment I got clarity. sanity and freedom. I saw how right I was, and he was going to stick to his story.  In that moment I got the insanity of active alcoholism. Even when the acholic is sober it can be insane but when they are drinking watch out.  If I kept trying to get him to see he was wrong, that I was right, he stole it would get crazier.  I saw he was sick and if I continued this conversation, I would be as sick as he was. When I finally accepted the way it was and the way it wasn’t. I had the courage to let go and let God.  I finally had the courage to put some boundaries in.







I stopped making him wrong and I put some strict boundaries in.  I was able to say to him, I got you believe what you are saying. I don’t agree with your version and from now on when you visit your daughter you can no longer visit my shop. He sputtered a bit then let me continue.   If I see anything missing from my apt then you will have to visit our daughter outside....

Today I want to talk about fear again. I don’t think we can hear enough about interrupting our fears. The opportunity is to discover how do you take action regardless of your fear? It isn’t like fear is ever really going to disappear but we can walk alongside the fear and take action regardless of the fear.







I did a post on Facebook and one of my clients thanked me for my coaching. It was so rewarding to know that he implemented what I had suggested regardless of his fear and it really worked out for him. As a coach, there is nothing more rewarding than having your clients succeed.







One of the things I was able to acknowledge this gentleman for is that he called and took the coaching and implemented what I told him o do even though he was fearful. I also was able to acknowledge him for picking up the phone and asking for help, rather than staying stuck or paralyzed. Half the battle is picking up the five-hundred-pound phone. The next is taking the coaching and implementing it. He did both.







This gentleman has created an online workshop and teaches people how to find jobs. He has been very successful at it and this is his first online course. He just needed to have someone believe in him and encourage him to go for it. He had let his saboteur’s voice stop him and he was so close to launching. We frequently let the little saboteur’s voice stop us but he knew enough to call me and interrupt that voice. That takes courage to share vulnerably. We usually get stopped because we don’t want to look stupid or needy.







Fear false evidence appearing real







Face everything and rejoice







F everything and run







He was ready to run. He had spent a year creating this course. It cost him time and money, he is brilliant at what he does. Often we get stopped just before completion.







I got him to question his fear. I got him to look at his fear. Based on reality he saw for himself his fear was not real.







I’m a kick-ass coach. I’m straight, loving and ruthless when needed. I don’t blow smoke up you’re you know what. I don’t hold your hand. I will grab your hand and guide you to take effective actions as you need to so you can produce the results you want. Regardless of your saboteur’s voice but first you need to have the courage to call me I won’t chase you down. Then you have to have the courage to implement the coaching.







I invite you to look at where are you tolerating unworkability in your life because you are afraid to step out and risk someone’s anger, judgement, failure and so forth? Evaluate and contemplate is the fear real? Who could you talk to and examine if the fear is real or not? Are you willing to take new actions and walk alongside the fear?







failure is, when you do not produce the result you said you wanted at that moment.







Watch an infant learning to walk. They stand up and fall down repeatedly. They practice this many times until they walk. Then they have to keep practicing until they stop bumping into things. This could take doing it over and over again daily many times for a year. They don’t stop and question it, they keep going until they master it.







If you are taking on anything new, expect fear to walk alongside you. Are you willing to fail? Just go for it. You have a chance to succeed if you just swing out.







What is one new action you could take right now that could make a difference?







Is this being fearful a habitual pattern? Have you had this experience before? Is this fear familiar? How old is this fear?

I did a humorous post recently but I believe it is based on reality. I’ll let you decide, the post went like this







IT TAKES 6-8 PALLBEARERS







TO LIFT YOU UP WHEN







YOU ARE DECEASED.







IMAGINE WHAT YOU CAN







ACCOMPLISH IF YOU HAD







6-8 PEOPLE LIFTING YOU







UP WHILE YOU ARE LIVING







i INVITE YOU TO REREAD THAT! I am one of those fortunate people who have 6-8 people and more lifting me up while I’m living.







I designed a 21- day challenge being Unstoppable, to cause you to cause a team around you. We forget about the power of having a team to support you. We forget about the power of requests. I was going through some challenging times in the last year. I have lost 8 people, two of them were only 28-year-olds suicides and one 26-year-old was murdered. I was going through some difficulty with a landlord that didn’t tell us we rented a drug house. Ugh! I also lost my mother and Auntie during this time.







I needed to make requests for my community to help me. move three times. Pack me up, downsize me, put a garage sale on. Put stuff in storage, take stuff out of storage, unpack me, drive moving rental trucks.







You can imagine, at times I hardly could think clearly. I had people asking their friends to help me. I needed to make requests of others. Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait till death for support.







If it wasn’t for the team and the structures a team provided, I don’t know where I would be today. One of the structures I have is at least 6 scheduled calls weekly with other people I’m working with. I also have several committed listeners that I talk to weekly on a scheduled call. That keeps me on track and supports me to deal with what I have to deal with. The committed listeners listen to my greatness and support me in moving forward. I also am on a few teams for different projects. I had people lifting me up when I had a hard time lifting myself up.







It took requests and allowed others to contribute to me. People I never met contributed to me and continue ongoingly to contribute to me.







On our own, we can produce limited results. With a team that’s where magic and miracles can happen. With a team, we can stumble, and make mistakes and they will catch us. The feeling of being valued, and loved is heartwarming.







Where in your life would you like to accomplish a project?







Where would you like to create a team of people to support you to accomplish a project?







I need to create a team of people to help create a birthday party bash for me on July 23rd at Port Kells Park in Langely. I also need to create a team to invite people to my actual birthday Friday on July 22nd, from 4 pm. to 6 p.m. pacific for all the out-of-town people and anyone who physically can’t come to Port Kells Park in Langley B.C.







Life is so rewarding when you have people that will lift you up.















Where in your life could you benefit by creating a team? What area of life could you use as a team? What is important to you that if you created a team it would be awesome?















Go for it!  I want on my gravestone she burned out instead of rusted out!  What do you want them to say about you?Ask yourself are your actions and speaking are in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted?  Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn&#8217...

The story started in 2016 when I went to Mexico and bought a timeshare. When I was discussing this transaction with a Mexican businessman, he asked me to look at the legal papers. After checking the name of the company I bought the share from, he told me to halt the proceedings, he said the company was known to take advantage of people. The next day he and I spent half a day getting the legal papers to stop the transaction. Thank God I kept all the papers because the credit card company I used, verified everything and I was able to get my charge card reversed. What is sad is the timeshare was set up so real. We went to a beautiful hotel, off the water, toured the facility etc I’m curious how many people were taken in. Regardless I was very fortunate.







About four months ago I got called by an investigator in Mexico bringing up this case from 2016. Asking for copies of my documentation. He said they were taking it to court and trying to get monies for all the people who were ripped off. They wanted us to have justice and prayed we would start coming back to Mexico. Then I got a call and a letter from the Investigator saying that judge had awarded each person a certain amount of monies depending on how much they lost. The monies would be put into a Mexican bank. We would get individual access once we applied for a particular no that foreigners needed to take money out of Mexico. Then the bank women called to verify who I was and to explain how much monies I would get and how to access those monies. Then I started being asked to purchase a document that would allow me to take monies out of Mexico. I refused and said I would need to have a lawyer check this out. I asked a girlfriend whose mom lives in Mexico to see if they knew any reliable lawyers. She did but he only spoke Spanish. I reached out to my virtual assistant who lives in Mexico. Corina agreed to talk with the lawyer, she explained what happened and he said he would check into it with no charge and get back to us. It took several weeks but he said it was an elaborate scheme. Lucky for me I did my due diligence and reached out to my resources and made the requests for help.







Why I’m sharing this with you guys is that there are a lot of schemes out there. Smart people get taken. Watch out for your older parents and grandparents. Do your due diligence and watch out for the elderly.







Sorry, I do not know how to get you the copy of the lawyer’s name I was unable to download the picture







Go for it!  I want on my gravestone she burned out instead of rusted out!  What do you want them to say about you?Ask yourself are your actions and speaking are in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted?  Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn’t go the way you want or the way you expected and clean up your part? Are you willing to let go of Expectations of yourself and others?  What are you not being truthful about to yourself and others?Our thoughts can be like a junk drawer-we need to take inventory and get rid of what is not useful! (wendy b)I want to personally hear about your dreams and goals.  I will give you one amazing tip that will help you out.  I give a complimentary discovery session to people who let me know they left a five-star rating for this podcast and provide their user name on iTunes, google plus, blubrry the podcast providers I use.  Just hit the button subscribe to my podcast and rate it a number 5.!Write to me at wendy@wendybergen.comFace book page” Getting Unstuck with Wendy B,  like comment or share my posts or videos and you will get a complimentary package that includes a 30 min Discovery session.  During this session,

How do I discover my limits around finances? I have been in a recent inquiry discovering my blind spots and what is limiting me around finances. I always find being in an inquiry very useful. I’ve been in this inquiry for about five months. First I started the inquiry by being in a book study with the book “Financial Recovery” by Karen McCall. By doing the exercises I uncovered things that I had forgotten but my subconscious didn’t. Out of seeing that, I saw I made up money was dirty – you have to keep money as a secret. I got to see patterns that followed those conversations that shape my life. I saw, why would I hold onto money out of that discovery.







Being in that inquiry I decided to take all those things I made up into a session with a Rapid Transformational Therapist Julie Cocharane. I wanted to heal some of the childhood trauma around secrets around money that I had totally forgotten about. I was given hush money as a child to keep secrets. That session has opened up a lot of freedom for me. Then still being in the inquiry I just completed the money seminar with Landmark Worldwide, and now I’m in another book study with others reading the book you were “Born to be Rich” by Bob Proctor.







What is starting to open up for me is I have been given more opportunities in the last five months to manifest income than I have in the last ten years. I certainly believe that what you focus on can manifest be it the good or the bad.







If you focus on your problems they will manifest, If you focus on the solutions they will manifest







MY QUESTION TO YOU IS WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MANIFEST?







The game I’m playing is that by August 31st, 2022, I manifest an awesome home that has soundproofing between the walls and floors, is pet friendly, quiet inside and outside, and quiet from outside traffic. The grounds are well kept. The inside is sunny and spacious and private. I can open the windows to let a breeze inside and I only hear mother nature. I’m also manifesting taking the limits off my finances so anything is possible. That is why I’m in the financial inquiry I am in and doing the groundwork for the last five months.







I just invested in a program called Stageplot a twelve-week program that could possibly get me in front of some influential people. I have an interesting past where I have learned to be resilient repeatedly. The owner of this school has known me for a few years. She said wouldn’t it be great if we could create a TV series about your life. That intrigued me, I always admired Oprah Winfrey/ I know I make a difference in the world already but with a T.V. show you have a bigger audience. It’s all about the possibility I figure I would invest in myself and see what happens.







MY QUESTION TO YOU IS WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MANIFEST?







What are the actions you could take to manifest what you say you want?







What are your resources? When you look around who could be a resource for you?







Who could you ask to manifest with you to make your goal happen?















Go for it!  I want on my gravestone she burned out instead of rusted out!  What do you want them to say about you?Ask yourself are your actions and speaking are in alignment with what you are committed to? Look at what are the habitual patterns that have that commitment thwarted?  Are you willing to take responsibility for when it doesn’t go the way you want or the way you expected and clean up your part? Are you willing to let go of Expectations of yourself and others?  What are you not being truthful about to yourself and others?

I had a seventeen-year-old teen come to me for some coaching. He was to meet his grandmom and sibling for a birthday lunch in the next town over. The grandma and he had a disagreement about three months ago and she hadn’t talked to him since then. The sibling and he rarely talked and when they did they frequently didn’t get along well. I asked him out of curiosity, why do you want to meet for this birthday lunch with your sibling given your past experience?







His reply was, I want my sibling to experience being loved. I invited him to write it down on a piece of paper. My intention is to have my sibling experience being loved. Then put that piece of paper in his wallet. He agreed. I asked him to repeat that intention and to remember that as he had lunch with his sibling and Grandma. I then asked him what will he do if his sibling says things that usually trigger him? What if they say something you don’t like or something confronting or makes you feel uncomfortable? I said if you respond how you usually do, defending yourself, will your sibling experience your intention. that they experience being loved? His answer was no. Then I said in that case you may not have a lot to say. You may not speak a lot during this luncheon. He responded with Oh! Then I continued and said your Grandmother sometimes says derogatory things to you correct? If you respond how you would normally respond will your sibling experience your intention of being loved? He said no. I said here is another reason you may not be speaking much during this lunch. He looked at me and said yes I can see that.







I requested that while he was at the luncheon he look at his intention for his sibling before he spoke. Then ask himself if I speak this will my sibling experience being loved, and if not then not to respond. He promised he would.







I was a bit apprehensive and I had to trust that whatever happened, it might be better than how it had been the last time they got together. I prayed that creating an intention and him asking himself before speaking, will what I say cause this intention? Would this create a different outcome for him?







We can’t always control what others do. With practice, we can control how we respond. First. it has to start with us creating an intention.







About three hours later this young man came home, kissed me on the back of my head, gave me a hug and went to his room. I was so relieved. obviously, his creating an intention worked. He didn’t want to talk about it except to say he had a good time. He got a taste of how he could respond differently and he could cause a different outcome.







When you are going into any situation, particularly where there is tension, a potential for disagreements, or adversity, it’s a good thing to look at what is your intention, what is the outcome you intend to happen, and then write it down.







You are responsible for your reactions, not theirs.







It’s amazing when we go into a situation and our intention is to be peaceful, loving or joyful. We can then be responsible and ask ourselves are these actions or inaction I’m taking going to cause this intention? Every morning you can create an intention to live into. The other morning I created the intention to be focused and productive. I noticed that as I was sitting on the toilet I checked out Facebook, and twenty-five minutes went by. I realized I was not focused and productive during that time. I got distracted. Because I had made an intention I was able to see I was not being focused and productive and get right back on track. Without creating intentions we can waste the day away.







What intention are you creating today?