By Tj Condon
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Welcome to Turtle's Paradise, where Chris & Tj invite you to join them in attempting to grasp the miasma of numbers, princesses, and strange haircuts that IS Final Fantasy.
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Bonus Episode #1||Wherein Tj and Chris realize that they've lived someone's DD campaign, II tried really hard (and the cast of VIII needs to get punched), Mario ...||11/20/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. VI.5||Wherein Tj and Chris get Ultima, get Quick, get magic costs down to nearly nil, and break the endgame over their knees. Also, they tease a ...||10/23/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. VI.4||Wherein Tj and Chris put the band back together (following an epiphany at a church that may or may not involve James Brown), quality-check seafood ...||10/6/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. VI.3||Wherein Tj and Chris go digging through the trash for magical monsters to collect and trade, comport themselves with the utmost decorum, and fail at ...||9/20/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. VI.2||Wherein Tj and Chris fail Latin so hard they conjure an extradimensional evil, don't fare much better in Italian either, and Turtle's Paradise would like ...||9/13/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. VI.1||Wherein Tj and Chris beat the "You Don't Break Up The Party" concept into Square's collective noggins with a rubber panel-beating mallet, prove that Kefka is ...||9/6/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. V.5||Wherein Tj and Chris finally make this whole "meatdimension" thing make sense, Shigesato Itoi gleans yet another inspiration from Final Fantasy, and I still have ...||8/24/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. V.4||Wherein Tj and Chris are really concerned for the self-destructive behavior Lenna's exhibiting, waffle on whether or not to call them Crystals just yet, and お前はもう死んでいる This ...||8/21/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. V.3||Wherein Tj and Chris try not to get split in half by Conan the Librarian, perform the Heimlich Maneuver on a chocobo, and go on at ...||8/4/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. V.2||Wherein Tj and Chris interrupt their lives of leisure for the sake of a princess and an amnesiac, learn the value of rods (specifically, exactly ...||7/21/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. V.1||Wherein Tj and Chris explain just why they'll be wearing sombreros for this game, celebrate the introduction of Blue Mages to Final Fantasy, and prepare for ...||7/18/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. IV.5||Wherein Tj and Chris go bang zoom right to the moon, then back down again, then through a giant's digestive tract, then back to the ...||6/30/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. IV.4||Wherein Tj and Chris break a little girl's dolls AND swipe her necklace, beat an injured friend about the head with a frying pan, and ...||6/17/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. IV.3||Wherein Tj and Chris put down three out of four fiends, shed pounds quickly and easily (by ditching all the metal) and celebrate a deep ...||6/10/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. IV.2||Wherein Tj and Chris get volunteered for a trap^H^H^H^Hdelivery mission, Animal Crossing of all things gets name-checked, and a Gordon Lightfoot classic gets repurposed into ...||5/18/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. IV.1||Wherein Tj and Chris wax nostalgic (or not), Tj names 16-bit games he likes for a period of time for whatever reason, and Chris breaks ...||5/12/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. III.5||Wherein Tj and Chris are implicated in the deaths of two old people (kinda), realize just how much of this game Shigesato Itoi bit while ...||5/2/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. III.4||Wherein Tj and Chris pay off their parking tickets and get their airship unbooted, immediately total said vehicle because isn't that how it always works, ...||4/22/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. III.3||Wherein Tj and Chris get their Frog on, get clubbed in the back of the head, and get controversial about how to explain why these Final ...||4/3/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
||CleanTurtle’s Paradise Ep. III.2||Wherein Tj and Chris AAAAGH A HOLE, airships naturally attract rebellious pugilist girls, and we're circumnavigating the world on chocoboback two games before it was popular. This ...||3/24/2017||Free||View in iTunes|
Good Chemistry Between Hosts
I started with the most recent few episodes (I should probably go back and listen to the first few), but I can tell the hosts have great chemistry. They're always riffing off each other while simultaneously painting an interesting picture about the history of Final Fantasy. It makes me want to go back and try out those older games.
Ye Olden Tymes ov Are Pee Jees
Need BEER and other Alcoholic Beverages to be Enjoyed fully! Since I cannot partake of Alcohol anymore, it means these Fine Gentlemen must make up the difference and boy do they! Beer Plus Final Fantasy Equals Funny! The Daring Duo fit together like, I don't know, two peas in a pod or some other cliche. Enjoying the podcast greatly and playing along too. Wishing you all the luck in the world once you get to Final Fantasy 3! You WILL need it!
BEST. PODCAST. EVER.
Final Fantasy and beer! What can go wrong? I"m definitely not biased because I'm definitely not one of the cohorts (oh who am I kidding I totally am).