Unapologetically Sensitive Patricia Young

Being “Too Much” is a Narrative that needs to be Re-examined
 
Summary
 
Patricia discusses the wound of too much and how it can impact relationships. Too much is about BOTH people and the capacity of the other person. This is a narrative that needs to be reexamined, and the context of both people needs to be addressed. She explores the intersection of neurodivergence, trauma, and socialization. Patricia also explores the concept of rules, and how through an autistic lens, this can create some challenges.
 
HIGHLIGHTS
 
Takeaways
The wound of feeling like you're too much can stem from trauma and socialization of neurotypical norms.
Understanding and respecting one's own capacity and the capacity of others is crucial in communication.
Navigating relationships as a neurodivergent individual requires open and honest conversations.
Embracing sensitivity and accepting oneself is essential for personal well-being.
Chapters (please adjust for the addition of the introduction)
Points made in this episode:
Exploring the concept of the "wound of too much" in relationships and self-perception. Addressing the impact of past traumas and relationship experiences on feeling "too much." Discussing the importance of understanding and respecting personal and others' capacities. Emphasizing the need for setting healthy boundaries to overcome the "wound of too much." Highlighting the dynamics of communication and capacity in relationships. Encouraging empathy and consideration for others' limits in interactions. Recognizing the interconnectedness of personal wounds of "too much" and "not enough." Offering strategies for balancing enthusiasm and respecting others' capacities. Challenging the narrative that focuses solely on one person being "too much." Advocating for a shift towards understanding and honoring both individuals' capacities. Discussing the challenges faced in relationships between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals. Providing insights on communication, boundaries, and self-awareness in relationships. Emphasizing the importance of mutual understanding and communication in addressing capacity issues. Exploring the nuances of being perceived as "too much" and the impact on self-esteem. Encouraging self-acceptance, setting boundaries, and fostering healthy connections. 00:00 Introduction and Setting the Topic
01:36 The Wound of Too Much
06:21 PDA Profile and Autonomy
07:52 Socialization and Autistic Females
10:16 Stimming and Accommodations
11:34 Navigating Communication and Social Cues
13:17 The Fear of Being Too Much
14:07 The Influence of Others' Opinions
18:22 Shifting the Narrative: Capacity of Both Parties
20:11 Navigating Relationships with Limited Insight
21:10 Personal Examples and Communication
23:35 Finding Balance in Showing Interest
24:05 Conclusion and Encouragement
PODCAST HOST
Patricia was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller.  Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion.  She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges.  Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you
LINKS
 
Neurodivergent Online Course-- https://unapologetic

Learning to Trust Yourself and Finding Peace in Your Own Rhythm
 
Patricia discusses her experience when her husband is away. She shares her journey of managing attachment wounds, and the challenges of household responsibilities. Patricia also explores the impact of autistic burnout and ADHD on her ability to stay on top of things. She emphasizes the importance of honoring autonomy and considering others while maintaining a sense of self. Patricia concludes by encouraging listeners to trust themselves and find comfort in their own needs and wiring.
 
HIGHLIGHTS
Takeaways
 
Learning to trust yourself and find peace in your own rhythm.
Managing attachment wounds and fear of being alone.
Balancing household responsibilities and find ways to stay on top of things.
Honoring autonomy and consider others while maintaining a sense of self.
 
Additional takeaways:
Recognize the evolution of coping strategies over the years. Understand the impact of attachment wounds on relationships. Explore ways to manage feelings of fear and insecurity. Discover the importance of staying connected during separations. Learn how to anchor oneself to a support system. Reflect on the challenges of maintaining responsibilities solo. Identify the role of communication in long-distance relationships. Explore personal growth through periods of solitude. Acknowledge the significance of self-care during partner's absence. Reflect on the journey of building trust and resilience. Consider the balance between independence and interdependence. Explore strategies for regulating emotions during separations. Understand the dynamics of individual growth within a relationship. Reflect on personal boundaries and self-compassion. Discover the power of vulnerability in relationships. Chapters (please adjust for the addition of the introduction)
 
00:00 Introduction and Background
00:56 Attachment Wounds and Fear of Being Alone
03:04 Trusting the Process
04:24 Autistic Burnout and ADHD
05:19 Autonomy and Consideration of Others
06:47 Guilt and Honoring Autonomy
07:36 Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
09:13 Taking Care of Pets
11:08 Autonomy and Space in Relationships
13:03 Trusting Yourself and Letting Go of Tension
16:29 Transitioning and Adjusting
22:30 Processing and Communication
24:43 Non-Traditional Relationships and Balance
26:09 Trusting Yourself and Finding Peace
28:47 Honoring Your Needs and Wired
PODCAST HOST
Patricia was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller.  Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion.  She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges.  Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you
LINKS
 
Neurodivergent Online Course-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/neurodivergent-online-courses/
 
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Unmasking & Authentic Communication: Navigating Differences in Relationships
 
Patricia and Jen discuss the challenges of unmasking and being authentic in relationships including the role of PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy). They explore the narratives we have about ourselves and how they can impact our interactions with others. They also delve into the differences in communication styles and perspectives, and the importance of embracing who we are. The conversation highlights the need to navigate personal dynamics and self-reflection in order to foster understanding and growth.
 
CO-HOST
Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC
 
HIGHLIGHTS
Takeaways
 
·         Unmasking involves recognizing and embracing our authentic selves, even if it brings up discomfort or challenges in relationships.
·         Differences in communication styles and perspectives can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, but it's important to approach these differences with curiosity and compassion.
·         Challenging the narratives we have about ourselves and others can help us break free from limiting beliefs and foster healthier relationships.
·         Navigating personal dynamics requires open communication, self-reflection, and a willingness to honor our own needs while respecting the autonomy of others.

More about unmasking
Unmasking involves revealing one's authentic self and needs in relationships. It can bring up feelings of selfishness or discomfort when prioritizing personal authenticity. The author discusses the challenge of balancing personal needs with making others feel comfortable. Self-awareness plays a role in navigating the discomfort that may arise from unmasking. The author highlights the importance of authenticity in fostering genuine connections in relationships. Embracing one's true self involves acknowledging and communicating personal preferences and boundaries.  
Chapters (please adjust time for the addition of the introduction)
 
00:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage
08:03 Unmasking and Authenticity
12:05 Differences in Perspectives and Communication Styles
26:13 Struggles with Identity and Unmasking
30:05 Levels of Experience and Narrative
35:26 Navigating Personal Dynamics and Self-Reflection
36:06 Closing Remarks
PODCAST HOST
Patricia was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller.  Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion.  She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges.  Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you
 
CO-HOST BIO
Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC has been a psychotherapist for 20 years. She specializes in helping Highly Sensitive People thrive in love, work, and parenting Highly Sensitive Children. Jen is passionate about using mindfulness and compassion-based approaches to ameliorate human suffering.
 
LINKS
 
Jen’s Links
 
Email: Jen@heartfulnessconsulting.com
 
Jen’s website: https://heartfulnessconsulting.com/
 
Patricia’s Links
 
Neurodivergent Online Course-- https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/neurodivergent-online-courses/
 
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Exploring Neurodivergence in Relationships: Understanding Unique Perspectives
In this conversation, Patricia and Jen discuss their struggles with linear content and their values of focusing on relational topics. They explore the challenges of staying true to their authentic selves while creating content. The conversation also delves into the dynamics of their relationship and the growth they have experienced in building trust and security, and things they sometimes find difficult to discuss.
 
CO-HOST
Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC
 
HIGHLIGHTS
 
Takeaways
 
Staying true to your authentic self is important when creating content.
Building trust and security in relationships takes time and vulnerability.
The value of a podcast is not solely determined by download numbers.
Interdependence allows for mutual support and growth in relationships.
 
Understanding the importance of emotional vulnerability. Exploring newfound perspectives and insights. Recognizing and embracing feelings of exposure. Reflecting on personal trauma and its impact on self-awareness. Acknowledging the significance of maintaining authenticity in self-expression. Navigating the balance between showcasing autism identity and personal growth. Exploring the process of redefining podcast branding and content focus. Embracing the journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Recognizing the value of open-hearted communication. Reflecting on personal growth and aspirations for authenticity in content creation. Discussing the impact of external validation on podcast metrics and audience engagement. Emphasizing the importance of sharing valuable content. Reflecting on personal struggles with content creation and self-expression. Recognizing the significance of relational content in podcast episodes. Embracing the challenges and rewards of discussing personal relationships openly. Exploring the impact of neurodivergence on relational dynamics and communication. Navigating shifts in podcast content focus and listener engagement. Reflecting on the journey of self-acceptance and authenticity. Embracing the diversity of perspectives and experiences in relationships. Chapters (please adjust for the addition of the introduction)
 
00:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage
02:44 Struggles with Linear Content and Personal Experience
08:04 Shifting Focus to Relational Content
13:26 Building Trust and Security in the Relationship
21:18 Navigating Attachment Insecurities
25:24 Interdependence and Holding Space for Each Other
28:08 Communication and Vulnerability in the Relationship
31:20 Planning Visits and Considering Context
34:08 Conclusion and Gratitude
PODCAST HOST
Patricia was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller.  Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion.  She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges.  Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you
 
CO-HOST BIO
Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC has been a psychotherapist for 20 years. She specializes in helping Highly Sensitive People thrive in love, work, and parenting Highly Sensitive Children. Jen is passionate about using mindfulness and compa

Red & Green Flags in Relationships
 
Patricia discusses red flags and ideal qualities in relationships. She emphasizes the importance of honoring rhythms and self-care, as well as effective communication and conflict resolution. Patricia also addresses gaslighting, setting boundaries, and the significance of trust, honesty, and similar values in a relationship. She explores the impact of political differences and attachment wounds on a partnership. The episode concludes with a reminder to embrace sensitivity and prioritize self-care.
 
HIGHLIGHTS
 
Takeaways
 
Honor your rhythms and practice self-care in relationships.
Pay attention to red flags such as controlling behavior, lack of respect, and constant fighting.
Look for qualities like kindness, respect, trust, and effective communication in a partner.
Set boundaries and be aware of gaslighting in relationships.
Consider the impact of political differences and attachment wounds on a partnership.
Spend quality time together and ensure compatibility with each other's friends.
 
Red Flags:
Lack of respect and kindness towards service providers Moving too quickly in the relationship without respecting boundaries Negative and derogatory descriptions of past relationships and partners Jealousy and controlling behavior Attempting to change or control the other person’s appearance and behavior Putting the other person down, even in a teasing manner Inability to provide comfort and support during difficult times Not being responsive or available when the other person asks for support or help Constantly pushing boundaries without respecting the other person’s limits Constant fighting or high emotional conflicts Lack of active listening and attunement to the other person’s needs Disrespect towards others and themselves Lack of emotional awareness and intelligence Poor communication skills and inability or unwillingness to engage in difficult conversations  Green Flags
Good communication skills (or willing to improve them) Mutual trust and respect. Supporting each other’s goals even if it brings up feelings for you You can have fun together. Demonstrating empathy and tenderness during difficult times Being willing to pitch in and help when it is needed without needing to be asked (or having a willing spirit). You can be independent and enjoy your own friends and interests. There is interdependence: you need each other and can depend on the other person. You make decisions together and consider both people and how they will be affected. Conflict isn’t seen as threatening or dangerous. You value rupture and repair and know it’s part of any healthy relationship. You both can compromise and consider the other person’s needs/feelings without sacrificing or giving in You can count on the other person to show up or do what they say will do. There is a sense of equality and both people matter. There is reciprocity (financial, emotional, respect, compromise). The other person “gets” you, or tries to understand when they don’t. Having similar values and goals, despite political differences. Ability to work through differences and agree to disagree. Being reliable and having a group-minded approach. Showing kindness, generosity, and emotional attunement. Respecting boundaries and moving at a comfortable pace in the relationship. Treating service industry workers with respect and kindness. Providing comfort, support, and responsiveness during challenging times. Demonstrating high emotional awareness, intelligence, and effective communication. Chapters (please allow for addition of introduction)
00:00 Introduction and Update
01:03 The Importance of Honoring Rhythms and Self-Care
04:00 Qualities to Look for in a Relationship
06:05 Communication and Conflict Resolution
09:33 Gaslighting and Boundaries
13:38 Equality, Support, and Independen

Navigating Miscommunication and Misunderstanding
 
Jen helps me process through a communication blip I had with my son. My husband & I have very different styles when talking to our boys, & I felt inadequate, and I sometimes struggle to attune. We talk about context when communicating, projection, who is a safe person to get angry at, & I talk about my own reactivity and confusion at my reaction. Jen reminds me that my family sticks with hard conversations. We also talk about having neuro-normative standards, & how that constantly leads to disappointment.
 
CO-HOST
Jen Perry, MSEd, MA, LPC
 
HIGHLIGHTS
Summary
 
In this conversation, Patricia and Jen discuss their experiences with burnout and the importance of leaning into rest. They explore the challenges of pushing boundaries, asking for what you want, and allowing others to say no. They also discuss the impact of neuro-normative standards and the power of dropping expectations and starting from zero. The conversation delves into the dynamics of communication within families and the difficulties of attuning to different perspectives. They emphasize the importance of staying connected and working through bumps in relationships, while also acknowledging the need for space and the reality of being imperfect humans. The conversation concludes with a reminder to have grace and humility in relationships and to express love and appreciation for one another.
 
Takeaways
 
Leaning into rest and embracing the new norm during burnout can be a powerful tool for recovery.
Recognizing and respecting boundaries, both for oneself and others, is essential for maintaining healthy relationships.
Challenging neuro-normative standards and embracing individual differences can lead to greater understanding and acceptance.
Taking space and allowing for imperfection in relationships can foster growth, connection, and grace.
 
Additional points discussed:
Challenges in attuning to one's child compared to a spouse. Contextual factors influencing communication breakdowns. Impact of burnout on family dynamics. Struggles of young adults balancing independence and parental support. Importance of preparation in family communication. Patterns of miscommunication and receptivity. Emotional release and support in times of conflict. Feeling disempowered in communication dynamics. Need for open dialogue and understanding in relationships. Misinterpretation of messages leading to conflict. Defensive reactions in communication breakdowns. Family dynamics during conflict resolution. Neurodivergence and emotional dysregulation. Rupture and repair work in relationships. Acceptance of human imperfections in communication. Parenting challenges and self-awareness. Generational differences in perspectives on communication. Emotional availability and its impact on relationships. Perfectionism and its hindrance to authentic communication. Importance of self-care and emotional readiness in conflict resolution.  
Chapters (please adjust time for addition of introduction)
 
00:00 Introduction and Checking In
00:48 Coming Out of Burnout and Leaning Into Rest
02:06 Pushing Boundaries and Asking for What You Want
03:27 Navigating Setbacks and Embracing Patience
04:02 Valuing Autonomy and Allowing Others to Say No
05:22 Challenging Neuro-Normative Standards
06:05 Dropping Expectations and Starting from Zero
07:19 Powering Down and Restoring the Brain
08:26 Communication Challenges with Children
09:17 Recognizing Different Perspectives and Values
11:21 Navigating Family Dynamics and Emotional Activation
14:10 Miscommunication and Misunderstandings
15:41 The Impact of Words and Different Perspectives
18:08 Feeling Inadequate and Wounded
19:20 Staying Connected and Working Through Bumps
22:24 Empathic Communication and Paving the Way
25:01 Taking Space and Being Imperfect Humans
26:27 Staying in Rel