Wisdom, Leadership & Success Pete Bowen

What are the three best values for success and happiness?



It’s simple.



Just live three values: Seek Wisdom, Practice Love and Get Results until they become habits, part of your very being, so you naturally develop the high trust, high performance relationships that bring success and happiness.



That’s it. Covenant Leadership. It will give you the best chance for success and happiness in all areas of your life.



How does it work?



Success



At work, the more your clients-customers trust you, the more business they give you.  The more your employees trust you, the more commitment, productivity, and performance you get. Combine more business with higher performance, and you have a big advantage in the marketplace.



In non-profits or public service, higher performance means better services at a lower cost. In the military, it means winning more battles with fewer casualties.



At home, higher trust and performance means better relationships with your spouse and kids. Raise your kids with Covenant Leadership, and you give them the best chance for happiness and success in their lives.



Happiness



The Harvard Study on Adult Development confirms what you already know, that happiness in life comes from good relationships. People in strong relationships are not only happier, but also healthier and live longer.



The Key to Success and Happiness



The key to happiness and success is high trust, high performance relationships. How do you develop the best relationships?



The more people trust your wisdom, the more they know that you love them, and the more they know that you get results, the higher trust and higher performance your relationships will be.



Seek Wisdom, Practice Love, and Get Results.



Why three values and not four or more? Because most people can’t remember or do more than three things.



Wisdom



Wisdom is the knowledge that comes with experience.



When you learn how to drive, you are told that pressing the brake pedal will make your car will slow down and stop. But that knowledge about the brake pedal does not make you good at using the brake.



To get good at braking, you have to practice using the brake 10,000 times in different kinds of traffic and weather conditions. The more you practice, the more it becomes a habit, part of who you are—your character. The more it becomes a habit, the more situational awareness, vision, and wisdom you develop about using the brake.



Knowledge about something is nice, but wisdom that comes from experience is much more important.



Who do you trust more, the pilot who knows about flying or the pilot who has completed 500 flights? Do you trust and hire the doctor who knows about surgery or the doctor who has completed 100 successful surgeries?



Wisdom is the knowledge you get when you practice something until it becomes a habit and part of your character.



The more people trust your wisdom, the stronger and higher performance your relationships will be. Seek Wisdom.



Love



Some people think relationships are based in power. Others think relationships are transactional.



The best, highest performance relationships, however, are based in love—agape love.



Agape love is the deepest kind of love—when you are willing to sacrifice yourself for another. The total love of a parent for a child. The willingness of soldiers to die for each other on the battlefield.



Agape love is the self-sacrificing love that inspires the deepest commitment and strongest relationships possible.

https://youtu.be/hZaWFsV32HI







A lot of people get anxious because they don't know how to start a conversation with someone new.



With Covenant Leadership, if you can remember just 3 things, you can master a simple approach to starting great conversations and relationships with anyone you meet. Whether it is at work, in the community, or even with a romantic interest.



Whether you are comfortable starting conversations with strangers or someone who gets anxious talking to someone new, this simple covenant leadership approach can help. It will get you comfortable meeting someone new. It will get your conversation rolling. It will help you build high trust relationships. And it works in any situation



Whether you are at work, in the community, or even meeting a romantic interest, all you have to do is remember 3 questions.



Before we get to the questions, it is important to set up the conversation correctly.





* Turn your body to face the person you are talking to

* Actively listen to them and remember what they say

* Make them feel like they are the only person in the room





Three Key Questions to Start a Conversation



Now to the three questions.



The first question is: What is your story?



It is an open question that allows them to respond however they feel most comfortable. It tells you who they are and where they come from. It gives you a starting point to ask other questions. If they talk about family or friends—especially kids—make a special note of that.



The second question is: What is important to you at work?



You might not ask that question in such a direct way. You might ask “What are you focused on at work?” or “What are the biggest challenges you face?”



The point is that if you can help someone solve a problem, achieve a goal, or address an issue at work, you will build trust in your relationship.



The third question is, “What is your passion?” What do they do for fun?



It is a great question because you get insight into the person and what they love to do, and most people enjoy talking about their passion.



You also get to learn about something new, which broadens your knowledge. I've learned a lot about puzzles, salmon fishing, hunting, surfing, international dart competitions, auto restoration, and desert car racing. It becomes a great starting point for future conversations. “So, how is the salmon fishing going?” And it gets them comfortable talking to you. It shows them that you care.



The last thing—and it is important—make sure you care enough to write it all down in your contact database. You might not see that person for a year or two—or even four years—but if you remember key things about them, it will show them that you really care.



That’s it.



It is pretty simple. Start by focusing on them.





* Turn your body to face them

* Actively listen to and remember what they say

* Make them feel like they are the only person in the room





Then ask to find out about the three things:





* What is your story?

* What is important at work?

* What is your passion?





Why does this approach work so well?



Part of it is that it is simple, works in any situation, and is easy to remember and master.



The biggest reason it works well is that you are practicing love for another.



Remember, Covenant Leadership is grounded in the fundamental truth that happiness and success come from good relationships.



The more people trust your wisdom, know that you love them, and know that you get results, the higher trust and higher performance your relationships will become.

There's something you can start doing right now that will profoundly change your life and the lives of those you love.



It will give you the best chance for happiness and success in life, and it will change the world while you're doing it.



It doesn't cost a nickel. It doesn't require any special gear or a membership.



What can you do that will profoundly change your life?



Seek Every Opportunity to Practice Love



It is simple. Starting right now, go through your day looking for every opportunity to practice love so that it becomes a habit. Part of your character. Part of your very being.



It will make you a better person, a better spouse and parent at home, and a more successful leader at work. It will give you the best chance for happiness and success in life. And you'll change the world while doing it.



If you think that talking about love is too soft or sensitive or touchy feely, then catch up. It is a skill set just like any other. It is measurable, and it is the thing that can have the single biggest impact on every area of your life, especially your work success.



When we think about practicing love, we tend to think it is beneficial because it makes other people feel good. It sets a good example. And gee, if everybody practiced love, wouldn't the world be a better place?



All these are focused on the benefits practicing love brings to other people. When we do something nice for somebody else, we tend to think about it in terms of the impact on them and whether they are grateful for our kindness or not.



Practice Love Because It Makes You Better



All of these are good reasons for practicing love, but there is a better, deeper, more powerful reason to practice love.



Practicing love profoundly changes you, no matter how the other person reacts. When you practice love over and over, it eventually becomes a habit, part of your character, part of your very being. That changes you.



That becomes the foundation for all your relationships in life: the high trust, high performance relationships you want at work and at home; the relationships that bring happiness and success; and the relationships that change the world. And most important, it becomes the foundation for the relationship that you have with yourself.



The key is to go through your day consciously looking for every opportunity you can find to practice love.



Sometimes we talk about doing random acts of kindness and we see news reports about the impact that can have on people's lives.



But think about the tremendous impact you could have on yourself and everyone around you if you started every day consciously looking for every opportunity to practice love for other people.



Go Through Your Day Collecting Wins



It doesn't cost you nickel. It doesn't require any workout gear. You can start doing it right now.



Every time you practice love for another—that is a win. Focus your day on collecting wins.



Look for opportunities to practice love until the search becomes a habit that you carry throughout your day.



What are some ways you can practice love at home with the spouse and kids? You can start by waking up with a great attitude. Find a morning task that your spouse normally does—maybe it's making lunch for the kids—and do it for them. Write your spouse an unexpected love note.



When you are headed to work, you can be courteous driver. Let people in your lane. Don't drive aggressively. Give up the closest parking space or a seat on the train. Hold the door open for people.



One of the most powerful ways to practice love is to actively listen to the people you are talking to. Make them the center of your universe. Offer to help people with things. Give somebody a compliment.

How can you achieve happiness and success in life?



Some people say happiness is all about how much money you have. Other people say happiness is about your social status or education level.



The best science tells us something very different.



In an earlier blog, we talked about the meaning of life and your purpose in life, which is happiness, fulfillment. In this blog, we’re going to talk about how you can achieve happiness and success in life, and change the world while doing it.



We will keep it simple. Here is an overview:



Overview



Happiness in life comes from good relationships. There are three things you can start doing today to build the good, strong relationships that bring happiness. Seek wisdom, practice love, and get results.



Good, high trust, high performance relationships also give you the best chance for success in life—whether that is leadership success at work, leading your family at home, or success as a good citizen in the community.



Finally, when you are a good person with strong relationships, you have the best chance to help make our world a better place.



We call this overall approach to life Covenant Leadership.



Happiness Comes from Good Relationships



So, where can we find happiness in life?



The science is very clear. For more than 80 years, Harvard has been conducting the Study on Adult Development, and it tells us that happiness doesn't come from money or social status or your education level.



Happiness comes from good relationships. That's it.



Good relationships don’t just bring happiness in life, they also help you live years longer and feel healthier too.



The director who led the Harvard study for 30 years said, “Happiness in life comes from good relationships. Full stop.”



We should not be surprised by the results of the Harvard study. We are made for relationship. Relationship is hard-wired into our DNA. Relationship is fundamental to our biology.



If you give an infant all the food and water she needs, but you don't give the infant love and physical affection, 4 out of 10 will die. Half of the survivors will have severe psychological challenges.



What is the worst way to bully someone? It's not to yell at them or physically abuse them. The worst way to bully somebody is to shun them. To deny them relationship.



What is the worst place in prison? Solitary confinement. It deprives the prisoner of relationship. Over time, the lack of relationship can drive prisoners in solitary crazy.



Think about your loved ones. How good does it make you feel when you spend time with them? How bad do you feel when you break up?



When we face the end of life, no one says that they wish they had spent more time at work. Everyone wishes they had made more time for loved ones.



Happiness in life comes from good relationships. We are neurologically hard-wired for relationship. It is fundamental. It is built into our DNA.



Three Things Build Good Relationships



There are three things that build strong relationships. We call them the Covenant Virtues.



The more people trust your wisdom, the more they know that you love them, and the more they know that you get results, the stronger your relationships.



So, there are three things you can do, starting today, to build the strong relationships that will bring you happiness and success. Seek wisdom, practice love, and get results.



Three Areas of Relationships



If you are going to get good at those Covenant Virtues, you need places to practice them. There are three areas of relationship that you can do that.

What is the Meaning of Life?



What's the meaning of life? What's your purpose in life?



Some people say there is no meaning to life. Other people say that the meaning of life is whatever you want it to be.



But I think there's a much better answer.



Welcome to Real Talk About Life where we use Covenant Leadership to develop the relationships that bring happiness and success in life, and change the world.



What is Happiness?



What's the meaning of life? What's your purpose in life? The answer is simple: Happiness. Fulfillment. It's that deep sense of contentment or satisfaction you get when you accomplish something big.



Maybe you set a weight loss goal and, after a lot of dieting and a lot of hard work in the gym, you achieved it and you feel good about yourself. That's fulfillment.



Maybe you're going to run a marathon or a 10K and you spend a lot of miles on the road getting ready for it. When you finish that 10K or that marathon, you're totally exhausted. You're totally spent, but you look back on it and you feel good about it. You feel good about yourself—that's fulfillment.



Maybe you're on a sports team that wins a championship, or you are part of a work team that accomplishes a big project. You bond together with your teammates to achieve that and you feel good about it. It's a big achievement. You feel happy. Fulfilled.



Happiness is About Relationships



Most of the time we think of fulfillment or happiness in terms of achievements, something we've accomplished. At a deeper level, happiness is really about relationships.



Think about that. Some of the most fulfilling, happiest times we have, are when we are simply spending time with others—a friend, a child, a spouse, someone we love. It is not that you are doing anything particular. It's just spending time with them.



If fulfillment and happiness have to do with relationships, then what about achieving individual goals like running a marathon or losing weight or quitting smoking? What do those have to do with the relationship?



The answer is that it did involve relationship. You did it in relationship with yourself.



You had to motivate yourself, lead yourself through a difficult challenge, to the achievement. The more difficult the challenge, the happier and more fulfilled you feel. Happiness always involves relationship.



Happiness in Life



Those are all descriptions of happiness and fulfillment in specific situations. What about life?



Happiness in life is when you look back over your whole life and you feel satisfied. Content that you did a good job. You lived a good life.



Happiness is that deep sense of fulfillment of satisfaction that you get when you achieve something big or spend time with another. Happiness often includes achievements. It always involves relationship, happiness in life.



Happiness in life is when you look back over your whole life and you feel content, satisfied, that you did a good job. That you lived a good life.



Want to learn more about how to achieve happiness and success in life, and change our world while doing it? Check out our website for more on Covenant Leadership.

From our earlier episodes, we know that happiness in life comes from good, high-trust, covenant relationships.



To develop good relationships, practice the three Covenant Virtues: Seek wisdom, practice love, and get results. The more people trust your wisdom, that you love them and that you can get results, the better your relationships and the stronger your leadership.



The more you practice these virtues, the more they will become habits and part of your character. You won’t just develop relationships that bring happiness, you’ll also become a good leader at work, in your family and in life.



There are three areas of relationship where you can practice the Covenant Virtues. They are your relationship with yourself, your relationship with family and friends, and the relationships you have at work and in the community.



In this episode, we’ll take a look at your relationship with yourself. It’s incredibly important because it is the starting point for all your other relationships.

Your Relationship with Yourself.

One of the things that differentiates human beings from other creatures is that humans are self-conscious. We think about ourselves. We talk to ourselves. We might be happy or unhappy with ourselves. We are in relationship with ourselves.



The relationship you have with yourself is critical because it is the foundation for all your other relationships in life. The stronger your relationship with yourself, the stronger your other relationships can be.



Like other relationships, your relationship with yourself is all about trust. To trust yourself, you must trust your wisdom and knowledge about yourself. You must love and appreciate yourself. You must have self-confidence and the ability to lead yourself.



Let’s take a look at your relationship with yourself in terms of the Covenant Virtues. Building the best relationship possible with yourself means reflecting on questions like those below.

Seek Wisdom

Wisdom is the combination of knowledge and character. Do you know yourself? Do you trust your own character?



* How is Your Self-Knowledge?



* How well do you know yourself?

* What kind of thinker are you?

* Are you more analytic or intuitive?

* What kinds of information do you need to make decisions?

* How well do you perform under pressure?

* What makes you happy?

* What makes you cranky?

* Do you have healthy emotional responses? Do your emotions overwhelm you? Do you suppress your emotions?





* How is Your Character?



* What are your good habits and character strengths?

* What are your bad habits and character challenges?

* How well does your perception of yourself match what wise family and friends think about you?







Practice Love

You can’t fully love other people unless you first love yourself.



* How Do You Feel About Yourself?



* How do you feel about your:



* Mental strength?

* Physical fitness?

* Appearance?

* Ability to make friends and have relationships?





* What are you proud of about yourself?

* What are you happy about yourself?

* What makes you feel sad, disappointed, or embarrassed about yourself?





* Do You Love Yourself?



* What qualities make you the unique, one-of-a-kind person that you are?

* Have you accepted the things about yourself that you cannot change?

* Are you proud of what you’ve accomplished and who you are?







Get Results

To get results, you must have strong self-confidence and self-leadership. Can you lead yourself through difficult situations and get res...