12 episodes
Undercover Trucker: How I Saved America by Truckin' Towels for the Taliban Bill Schmalfeldt on Podiobooks.com
-
- Arts
For his second Podiobook, Bill Schmalfeldt goes from the sublime to the ridiculous. His follow-up to the non-fiction "No Doorway Wide Enough" is this fanciful, hilarious narrative, voiced by disgraced, former alcoholic truck driver Billy Big Rig (who can never reveal his real name because everyone wants to kill him) who -- if he is to be believed -- infiltrated a terror cell, went to Afghanistan, and single-handedly saved America from another terror attack in the days after 9/11. Along the way, he shares his philosophy about life, love, truckstop meals and waitresses, men's room protocol, how he killed the REAL Saddam Hussein, and his many, many marriages. This will probably be the most politically-incorrect book you will read or hear all year. Definitely not for the kiddies, mostly for language, violence, and brief nudity. If you download this book and are offended, it's YOUR fault, not the author's! You've been warned. But if you like a bawdy, action-packed story, told by a character who is one part Stephen Colbert, one part Archie Bunker, one part Forrest Gump, one part John Wayne and 100 percent AMERICAN MAN, then you'll LOVE "Undercover Trucker: How I Saved America by Truckin' Towels for the Taliban." In a manly way, I mean. Billy doesn't swing that way. That sh*t just ain't right!
WARNING TO THE SATIRE IMPAIRED: You will need ALL your satire glands in order to enjoy this.
-
UndercoverTrucker 12
In Episode #12, the final episode, Billy Big Rig has been captured by Coalition Forces, who mistake him for an American Taliban. After months and months in captivity, he is finally freed by a most unlikely source.
WARNING! His experiences in Afghanistan and Guantanamo Bay have done nothing to soften Billy's attitudes or overall demeanor. If you are easily offended and you download this anyway, it's your fault. Not Billy's!
UNDERCOVER TRUCKER: HOW I SAVED AMERICA BY TRUCKIN' TOWELS FOR THE TALIBAN IS AVAILABLE THROUGH MY WEBSITE, as well as at...
Lulu.com paperback — $25
Amazon paperback — $25
Amazon KINDLE — $5
Lulu PDF Download — $5
Smashwords eBook Downloads — $5 -
UndercoverTrucker 11
In Episode #11, Billy Big Rig finally has to deal with the ardorous advances of Qaboos. America invades Afghanistan, so Billy and Rafa have to accompany the Taliban to Tora Bora. Rafa gets her ultimate revenge, Billy gets HIS ultimate revenge, then something bad happens!
WARNING! Billy has something of a potty mouth with neanderthal attitudes about politics and cultural diversity. If you are without an appreciation for satirical humor, go pet a kitty and knit a doily. If you download this and are offended, it's your fault. Not Billy's! -
UndercoverTrucker 10
In Episode #10, Billy Big Rig gains even MORE respect for his Israeli assigned operative. And he reveals the truth about what REALLY happened to Saddam Hussein -- and how the government has been lying to us for years!
WARNING! Billy's language and political views would make Rush Limbaugh blush -- if Rush were, in fact, capable of shame. If you are without a satire bone, leave this one alone. If you download this and are offended, it's your fault -- not Billy's! -
UndercoverTrucker 09
In Episode #9, Billy Big Rig starts his new job with the Taliban -- taking dirty laundry to a laundry in Kabul. His operative, one of the Taliban leader's wives, has been assigned to go with him since she speaks some English. In fact, Rafa is an Israeli agent who speaks better English than Billy does. It's Billy's job to find out what he can find out, convey the info to Rafa, who gets the info to HER operative in Kabul during the laundry delivery. Billy gains a new respect for her, and they are together when they learn the horrible truth of what Al Qaeda had planned for September 11.
WARNING: Billy's views on important things might be considered less than enlightened. And that's being kind. So, if you have no concept of satire or sense of humor, you might consider moving on to the next book. If you download this and are offended, it's your fault, not Billy's. -
UndercoverTrucker 08
In Episode #8, Billy Big Rig meets his covert, undercover operative in Afghanistan. He goes through the ritual procedures to become an actual Muslim. And he gets to meet the head of the Taliban.
WARNING: Billy has been called "uncouth," and that is by people who LIKE him. If you have no sense of humor, no sense of satire, then you probably don't want to listen to this. If you download this and are offended, that's YOUR fault, not Billy's! -
UndercoverTrucker 07
In Episode #7, Billy Big Rig and the Islamic Extremists travel to Afghanistan, and Billy shares the details of his brief time in the Navy. This will be an important part of the story -- later.
WARNING: Billy is a rough and salty individual. He uses language (except for the "F" Bomb) that some might find offensive and his views about politics are hardly the most enlightened. If you've had your satire glands removed, and you download and listen to this and are offended, it's YOUR fault, not Billy's.